Iselia Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Haven't been on this site for a few months. I figured that continuing to look at this site (mainly second chances) was giving me false hope that my ex would return to me. I've been broken up with my ex for 7 months. We've had 3 months NC. I haven't heard anything from her and vice versa. I'm still depressed over our breakup. I still feel like we were pretty compatiable overall. I feel like since she left for college she is acting out of character with the drinking, drugs, and partying. She never expressed any desire to do this while together with me. She claimed that she is too adventurous and too immature for me. At times I did think she was immature, but sometimes I liked her immaturity because it balances my Type A at times. My ex also says that when she was with me she felt much more responsible. This is apparently with her "crazy" new lifestyle now. I assume my ex is still ga-ga over that other woman (my ex friend). This pisses me off and I honestly thought she was just a rebound. It seems my ex is obsessed with the new woman. As far as I know they are not together, but they very well could be by this point. I feel like since we spent 4 years together I deserve better than this. I shared my life, fears, and bed with her... And she gets rid of me when someone/something "better" comes along. My depression has been getting worse and worse. I really, really miss my ex. I'm beginning to have suicidial thoughts. I cry everyday. I feel like I'm in intense pain. It seems therapy is the only option to get better; but, I can't afford college and therapy at the same time. I keep wondering when I'm finally going to get over this.
Author Iselia Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 Also, 3 months into NC seems silly to me now. Especially since I want her back. Thing is, I can't control how she reacts and feels about me. I've been debating sending her a message like so: "Hey J. How are you? Haven’t talked to you in a while. How’s college? Hope you’re taking good care of yourself. -M" I just really miss her and want to know how she is doing. The last contact we had in August ended with me getting somewhat angry at her (she made a comment online about "missing her and wanting to see her again." I thought she was talking about me, so I called the ex. But she wasn't about me. She was talking about the other woman. I ended up saying "this is worthless", as in, my efforts to get her back.). I'm sure she sensed the anger in that phone call. Maybe I'm delusional in my thinking that she hasn't contacted me partially because I was angry. And because I told her I don't want a friendship (I really don't). I still want her back. =/ I keep thinking maybe I should go LC. Guys, slap some sense into me.
Author Iselia Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 It's been 8.5 months post breakup with 4.5 months NC. I don't cry everyday now (cried everyday for the first 6 months); not even weekly anymore. I still feel a certain edge of sadness in my system and I feel like I should cry, but I'm not able to cry. I'm not sure if I've just become numb or if I'm really just beginning to get over all this crap. I try to keep in mind things I don't like about my ex. My list so far contain: Immaturity (did the most childish things I swear)Selfish (could give a damn about my feelings)Spoiled (rich grandparents, raised as an only child)Partier (into drugs and drinking now)Irresponsible (said she wants someone "risky and dangerous")Refused to eat anything that had mushrooms/mustard/vinegar/capers in it (I missed those things!)Didn't really enjoy/like sex (Her self-esteem issues played into this)Strung me along in the end (said we MIGHT get back together to only change her mind a few weeks later and then mention on a website how much she "misses and wants to hug her". She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about the other woman.) I'm hoping to finally leave the ex in the past and open myself to new love in the (probably not near) future. The only issue is being 100% sure I'm over the ex and that I am able to trust a new partner. As you could guess, this whole breakup has devestated my ability to trust anyone.
Fern Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 You sound like you're doing a lot better. I hope you continue to improve at this rate, you'll be over her in no time. :-D
Author Iselia Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 I feel like she maybe have been covering up a lot of her personality during our relationship. I look back to who she was when we were friends and she was a lot more immature and irresponsible then. When we got together that seemed to stop. When we broke up, it seems she is right back to being that way. Is it possible she was "hiding" her true self from me for 4 years? I feel so confused right now... I cried today. First time in so long. My ex emotionally cheated on me and I called her out on it several times. Not once did she admit it. F*CK you too ex. I DESERVE honesty. That's the least I deserve after 4 years. What kind of sh*tty, scumbag doesn't f*cking tell you everything that's going on after 4 years of "loving" me?! Coward. F*cking coward. It really tears me up that I could love someone so much and built such a bond with someone to think they weren't themselves the entire time. Was it all a lie? Am I suffering from a lack of closure?
0hpenelope Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I feel like she maybe have been covering up a lot of her personality during our relationship. I look back to who she was when we were friends and she was a lot more immature and irresponsible then. When we got together that seemed to stop. When we broke up, it seems she is right back to being that way. Is it possible she was "hiding" her true self from me for 4 years? I feel so confused right now... I cried today. First time in so long. My ex emotionally cheated on me and I called her out on it several times. Not once did she admit it. F*CK you too ex. I DESERVE honesty. That's the least I deserve after 4 years. What kind of sh*tty, scumbag doesn't f*cking tell you everything that's going on after 4 years of "loving" me?! Coward. F*cking coward. It really tears me up that I could love someone so much and built such a bond with someone to think they weren't themselves the entire time. Was it all a lie? Am I suffering from a lack of closure? Let it out, Iselia. Closure will come eventually. I have no idea how much want is involved in the healing process, but I'm just forcing myself to move forward as much as possible. I really, really want to be over him. The times where I feel like hanging out in the pit, I don't want to and get myself out of there in a way that isn't harmful to myself and to others. I'm so sorry you're still in that much pain. It's a difficult place to be in.
BlindRage Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Let me tell you something about women who dump people. They are heartless. Simple as that, they played you the whole time, if they went with others while being with you (even if its emotionally) its playing. Do you really think they would had stuck around much longer? Of course she misses that girl, hell, I bet she misses more girls than just her. Once a player always a player. These women are worthless trash. Your ex sounds like my ex. A cold hearted b!tch. She told me I was a nobody to her about 3 days ago. honestly, I don't think I can trust women now. Seriously in this day and age it seems like the norm is to cheat whether its emotional or physical. Well keep your head up. Let her have fun while it last because mark my words "everything that has a beginning has an end" your ex.. and her new 'relationship' are no exception. Pssh my ex and her new relationship are no exception either. I hope she finds someone that wants/works for something out of life other than partying because that..... won't last forever. Well, just know people are in the same boat as you. We call have that one that broke our hearts but we only learn from experience. What we learn? You learn strength and to make better choices of what you want in someone.
Author Iselia Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Last night my ex texted me. First contact we have ever had in 7 months. She wanted to know how I am and if contact is OK since it has almost been a year since we broke up. I ignored and deleted the text. The last contact I had with my ex, I made it very clear I never wanted to be friends with her. This hasn't changed. I see now that my ex is indeed a very selfish child. I doubt she considered my feelings before sending that text. The text sent me for a loop for a few hours. I'm still feeling a bit sick about it; but nothing too bad. My friends confirmed that my ex is indeed in a relationship with the person she emotionally cheated on me with. I guess they deserve each other; huh?
0hpenelope Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Last night my ex texted me. First contact we have ever had in 7 months. She wanted to know how I am and if contact is OK since it has almost been a year since we broke up. I ignored and deleted the text. The last contact I had with my ex, I made it very clear I never wanted to be friends with her. This hasn't changed. I see now that my ex is indeed a very selfish child. I doubt she considered my feelings before sending that text. The text sent me for a loop for a few hours. I'm still feeling a bit sick about it; but nothing too bad. My friends confirmed that my ex is indeed in a relationship with the person she emotionally cheated on me with. I guess they deserve each other; huh? Yeah, good luck to them indeed.
Author Iselia Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 You know if someone is willing to foster emotionally cheating... And if the ex was emotionally investing herself into someone new way before we broke up... It just says some things about their characters and they really deserve each other. They both seem like unhealthy people and I just don't want anything to do with that crap.
Author Iselia Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 April 11th (Monday) was the 1 year mark. I've been thinking about my ex on and off ever since she texted me. I'm still angry, hurt, and sad about our breakup. Hurt over the lies she told me. The emotional cheating STILL hurts so, so much. I think I'm over her, just not the hurt she caused me. I really feel like sending her an e-mail tonight. I'll post it here. A friend of mine says I should just do it and get closure. Just rip her a new one and be done with it. Although I'd probably revise it, the e-mail would be something like this: "I need to send this letter for myself. I keep thinking about that text you sent me over Spring Break. I’m still hurt. I’m still angry. I’m still sad. The best thing you can do is leave me alone. I told you I didn’t want to be friends; I meant it. 100%. Please, take this at face value. I feel like you’re so selfish for not leaving me alone. Did you even consider how contact would make me feel when I know you’re with S? After lying to me about the emotional cheating? I’m done with the game playing. I’m done. You should be too. Get it out of your head that any friendship can come between us; it can’t. There’s a reason you’re blocked on everything possible. There’s a reason why I haven’t talked to you. There are several reasons why I don’t want to be friends, J. But, really, you deserve nothing but to be happy in life. But I sure as hell ain’t gonna be a part of it. -M" I know I shouldn't send anything, but dang is the desire strong tonight. Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get over this pain? I'd think a year would be enough time to get over it. Something is still holding me back... And I think it's the lies and emotional cheating (and how she NEVER owned up to it!)
Author Iselia Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 Actually, I think I'd make that e-mail just say: "I think it's really best that we do not remain friends and separate from one other's lives. -M" Why oh why did I have to get the idea that I should send her an e-mail? NC, NC, NC.... Gotta keep it!
Recommended Posts