OceanGirl Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Since I started online dating and meeting all these different men, I have learned what I like and don't like. I am surprising myself with what I discovered. I used to pick profiles of clean cut, seemingly normal men that gave a vibe of stability and like they would make good boyfriends and husbands. The type that doesn't party, barely drinks, doesn't do drugs, is responsible and organized, hates violence in movies, loves kids and animals etc. But time and time again, I found myself actually being quite bored with these men. I would sit through a date where guy would talk about how he planted a tomato over the weekend. Sure, it is nice but OMG is it boring. The problem is edgy also comes at a price. Edgy men tend to party and do drugs. I would like a man that smokes pot occasionally but not all the time and doesn't do any harder drugs. I would like a man that likes to party and drink, but not to the point where he is throwing up and has massive hangovers at least once a week. I would like a man who won't lecture me on downloading movies online but will have morals and ethics when it comes to more important things. I would like a man who will enjoy darker, more violent movies without having any violent tendencies himself. It's really hard to find the balance. People are usually one or the other. I can definetly put each guy I dated into one of the two extreme categories. If I had to choose between the two, it is more fun for me to be with an edgy man even if he parties/drinks/does drugs a lot. But logically, I know this is not good for me and that those men can not really give me a stable LTR that I crave. Or can they? I am conflicted with what I enjoy and what I know is good. Like eating vegetables or eating chocolate. What should I be looking for?
dreamingoftigers Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 You should be looking to find out why the risk is attractive to you, you know that party-boy isn't going to be long-term fun and that planting a tomato plant together is just that little something that you bond over and then that would be fun, and healthy. Look for healthy then create the fun. Because if you look for fun, it is damned hard to create the healthy part of a relationship.
Els Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 It's disturbing how you think people either plant tomatoes in their free time, or party/drink/do drugs. Really.
tigressA Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Look for healthy then create the fun. Because if you look for fun, it is damned hard to create the healthy part of a relationship. THIS is perfect advice. Genius, really.
Cracker Jack Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If those are the only guys you're running into (Nice guy who hates violence in movies and talks about planting tomatoes, or edgy guy who does drugs or gets drink and throws up like crazy) online, then perhaps online dating just isn't for you.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 It's disturbing how you think people either plant tomatoes in their free time, or party/drink/do drugs. Really. I guess the really fun guy would do some drugs and then try to plant tomatoes.
Taramere Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I guess the really fun guy would do some drugs and then try to plant tomatoes. Or she could find a really dull guy who grows and harvests his own cannabis plants, and talks at length about the processes involved.
Surrealist Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 The reference to planting tomatoes may have been cryptic language for planting marijuana.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 You would like me then. *looks for smiley for semi-wicked*
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