Intricity Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 (edited) The reason I ask is because I've been hanging out with someone recently whom I'm really interested in. She's a friend of a friend and we've only spent time together in a group. We've been communicating a lot thru text messages, so I was just wondering, is it ok to ask her out via text message, or would that be considered weak on my part and poor dating etiquette? Is calling someone to set up a date always the best way to go? Edited November 14, 2010 by Intricity
sagetalk Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 The reason I ask is because I've been hanging out with someone recently whom I'm really interested in. She's a friend of a friend and we've only spent time together in a group. We've been communicating a lot thru text messages, so I was just wondering, is it ok to ask her out via text message, or would that be considered weak on my part and poor dating etiquette? Is calling someone to set up a date always the best way to go? Call her, do not text it.
sanskrit Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Once you are involved in an exclusive relationship, sure. Until then, no.
daphne Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 As another poster said, not in the early stages of dating. I'm a female and it's a huge turn off when the guy does it. Makes him look like a coward or that his interest level is low.
zengirl Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 It depends a lot on the personalities and ages of the people. When my boyfriend and I started dating, we rarely called each other---almost all texts and many dates were set up via text. We talk more on the phone now actually (if for some reason we can't get together for more than a day or two, he usually gives me a call). It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I find texting more convenient because I can check my calendar or whatnot first, and it's just easier than playing phone tag. Then again, my voicemail says, "Please don't leave me a voicemail if you can send me a text." However, it bothers many girls, so if you aren't sure, I'd say: Call.
Confusedalways Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 My boyfriend asked me out in text all the time, we didn't even speak on the phone until we were "official." It really doesn't bother me. In fact, i don't think it bothers any of my friends. I never knew it was such an issue until this website. Then again, we're in our young - mid 20's so we live and die by our phones.
Mad Max Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 NOOOO. If a girl asked me out through text or Facebook, I would not go out with her.
Arabella Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I'm very attached to my phone and I make plans with friends via text constantly, but if a guy were to ask me out ANY other way than in person or phone call, I'd say no. The way I see it, if he is the kind of guy that can't even muster the courage to ask me out properly, I'm not interested in him. After we've been dating for a while, it would be perfectly fine though.
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 If I liked a guy, I would not care if he asked me out via a pigeon courier. I also hate talking on the phone so I would prefer a text.
tigressA Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Definitely not in the early stages, but once you're exclusive/official, then I don't see a problem with it. If a guy asked me out, particularly on what would be a first date, I would think his interest was low.
counterman Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I was actually considering this the other day... but I think calling is better. It's more personal and sometimes texting comes across as though you're not that interested. Even in the later stages, I would personally prefer to call, even if texting is alright.
Mellisa Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 The reason I ask is because I've been hanging out with someone recently whom I'm really interested in. She's a friend of a friend and we've only spent time together in a group. We've been communicating a lot thru text messages, so I was just wondering, is it ok to ask her out via text message, or would that be considered weak on my part and poor dating etiquette? Is calling someone to set up a date always the best way to go? I'd prefer text earlier on.Calling seems too offical...What if you dont really have anything else to say on the phone?Texting is a good way to avoid that possible awkwardness and is less intruding
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I'd prefer text earlier on.Calling seems too offical...What if you dont really have anything else to say on the phone?Texting is a good way to avoid that possible awkwardness and is less intruding Pfft. If you can't even talk over the phone, what's the point in going on a date? No wonder people seem to be lacking in interpersonal skills these days.
Mellisa Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Pfft. If you can't even talk over the phone, what's the point in going on a date? No wonder people seem to be lacking in interpersonal skills these days. Well,some people are just not big with talking on phone. i dont really want them to impress me with their interpersonal skills in this case nor would i try to impress anyone doing things i dont normally do..To me, talking on phone is just a format.Dont we have enough rules to live by in most other areas in life?Why should you bring these rules on yourself to show you are interested?You are only getting to know each other.I'd say if you are the type of person who text to make arrangement most of the time, then text.
Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Is calling someone to set up a date always the best way to go? Yes it is always the best way to go.. You should always call to set up a date with someone..
Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 (edited) Well,some people are just not big with talking on phone. i dont really want them to impress me with their interpersonal skills in this case nor would i try to impress anyone doing things i dont normally do..To me, talking on phone is just a format.Dont we have enough rules to live by in most other areas in life?Why should you bring these rules on yourself to show you are interested?You are only getting to know each other.I'd say if you are the type of person who text to make arrangement most of the time, then text. Would you text someone in the business world to setup a lunch to show them your products ? Then why in the world of interpersonal relationships would you think it is okay to text someone who you have an interest in dating to setup the date ? In dating you should be putting your best foot forward.. Edited November 15, 2010 by Art_Critic
Mellisa Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Would you text someone in the business world to setup a lunch to show them your products ? Then why in the world of interpersonal relationships would you think it is okay to text someone who you have an interest in dating to setup the date ? In dating you should be putting your best foot forward.. Exactly my point,why should dating be so business like?Why should i feel obligated to put my best foot forward?It's not like i have to close that deal.It's not like i have to get them to like me.You simply go out,get to know that person,be yourself and see if it works.
Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Exactly my point,why should dating be so business like?Why should i feel obligated to put my best foot forward?It's not like i have to close that deal.It's not like i have to get them to like me.You simply go out,get to know that person,be yourself and see if it works. While you aren't trying to "get" them to like you you certainly don't want to give them a reason to dislike you though.. Texting is informal and asking a person out on a date is more formal.. When I was single and dating if a girl asked me out by text I would have just ignored it or at the very least picked the phone up at that point and used words to put my best foot forward.
green_tea Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 If I liked a guy, I would not care if he asked me out via a pigeon courier. I also hate talking on the phone so I would prefer a text. This. I would just want the guy to show his interest any way he felt comfortable. Who am I to judge how he does it? People judge too much and too quickly. I don't tolerate bad manners, but there is far far worse than an invitation by text or email. I mean they are asking to spend time with you, not insulting you.
utterer of lies Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 NOOOO. If a girl asked me out through text or Facebook, I would not go out with her. Bull****. I fixed it for you: NOOOO. If a girl asked me out through text or Facebook, I would not go out with her unless she was really hot.
zengirl Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Would you text someone in the business world to setup a lunch to show them your products ? Then why in the world of interpersonal relationships would you think it is okay to text someone who you have an interest in dating to setup the date ? In dating you should be putting your best foot forward.. Eh. . . the analogy falls down a bit for me. I don't disagree that calling is "safer" in general, but comparing a date to a sales pitch strikes me as uneven. (Though I've set up sales meetings via text AND email and that was years ago, before everyone had SmartPhones. . . I bet it happens tons now.) In a date, both sides are mutually interested in something similar. In a sales call, both sides may be mutually interested (at best), but it's generally in different things. And there's an aura of mistrust to overcome. Approaching dating that way seems a bad idea to me. Pfft. If you can't even talk over the phone, what's the point in going on a date? No wonder people seem to be lacking in interpersonal skills these days. Talking on the phone is much different from talking in person. At any rate, I wouldn't say it's healthy to set up a date via text if you're doing it BECAUSE you're too scared to call, but there are a myriad other reasons. Texts allows for a lot of cutting to the chase. Not great for building the relationship, sure, but excellent for scheduling things, so it comes down to: Are you someone who uses the phone to build the relationship directly and enjoys speaking on it, or are you someone who uses it primarily for scheduling, organizational, and functional purposes and would prefer to build the relationship in person? I think the phone can be used for relationship maintenance (though so can texts, to a lesser degree), but I don't build relationships over the phone any more than I would via text. So, to me, there is no difference. That's not true for everyone, but it seems fairly common in my social circle/generation/etc. Of course, in general, I'd always recommend calling unless you know the girl/fella feels the same because people get so silly about this topic, like a text is somehow less intimate or something (as though a phone call is intimate?).
befreckled Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I agree with the other poster - If I liked a guy, I don't care which method he asked me out with. Do what's comfortable for you. If it's easier for you to feel more confident with a text message, then do that. Or you could do it both ways - Ask her out via a text msg with something casual. If she agrees, make sure you call her with the details.
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