Indiachecking Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I am of Indian origin and before I relate my story, just going to write a little background. To start, I am very same, modern person, an average jane like most of you but since the current state of my life has made it imperative to introspect and my natural inclination is to research, here is my take. Wouldn't you all agree, that the entire concept of cheating/infidelity and the following idea of betrayal/hurt is a victorian idea of morals that makes the society "civilized" ? What actually are we talking here, the idea thats so ingrained in us that we close our minds and souls to possibility of a spouse who errs or has a different way of thinking. For people who have had relationships or many partners, wouldnt you agree, that if its just sexs, isnt one body as good as another. Does it truly make any sense linking love to hold the physical act as the epitome of display of affection... To Bible quoters, I was raised a catholic so yes I am familiar with the verses, the chants, the moral and frankly I lost its true meaning.... I think we all need to ponder what's Godliness... are we confusing spirituality with religion ? Does God indeed train us to differentiate people, be uncharitable, unkind and prejudiced ? But I digress.... This also leads to those people who claim adultery as sin ; could you be really so fickle and fragile, that you cannot love (truly) love your spouse, understand and forgive him/her (if that floats your boat). Besides safety in health, I understand the whole concept of two parents family being a stable environment for the children and "well being" of the couple involved but what an extenuating circumstance exist to lead to its ultimate breakdown. And I bet most of you would come back and shout "infidelity". Hey, just few years back, i would have really cheered ya'll forward but now 5 years into marriage, not so enthusiastic, I am afraid. To be honest, I find that we in west are complicated and confused the very basic concept of human living, his/her emotions, desires, reaction and action. Intimacy in a relationship should have been given not begged for or a path to disillusionment/frustration. Similarly by marrying somebody, no one is doing a favor to the other nor should it be an excuse to let go of yourself or take the other person for granted. Shouldnt consideration, communication and understanding be the pillars of any intimate/emotional bond. It works both ways for a couple regardless of whether one or both cheats or not. Marriage takes work, very hard work, constant and consistant from both involved. And its extremely easy to blame one person as if you had no hand in it. There is something got to give for passivity or lazyness... I married a wonderful guy but found out quite later that he timed my ovulation time during our first year of marriage to "give" me a child because apparently I wouldn't shut up about the physical part of our relationship. Again, I reiterate, he is indeed a wonderful person but just not a good partner. After the baby, he has given up even the pretense of touching. You men out there who seem so quick to condemn a girl who finds intimacy outside, just be honest with me, would you like it if you were the only one who tried every single time to atleast burn a tea towel ? Would you like it if actively or innocuously contribute towards making you feel unloved and unworthy except for being the guy who brings the bacon. In mycase, we share our cost of bacon shopping. Isn't it a woman's choice and prerogative to have sexs with whomsoever she chooses. This is one aspect of live where I think most women take pleasure for oneself and the rest they give so much for their spouses, spouses family, children, friends and everyone else but themselves. Couldnt you be a tiny bit considerate to her needs and desires ? What if she does have a child in the process of an affair ? Why do you guys feel so inadequate that you would hurt both the women who you apparently claim to "love" and to hurt an innocent life. Obviously the unborn is probably not going to be acknowledged or accepted by the other guy but for all purposes does having the same blood makes the only criteria for you to be a father to him/her. Honestly why dont you give yourself a big shake and get off your high horse and acknowledge the woman is also a person of needs. And if you truly do indeed love her, then learn to understand and forgive her mistakes. She would probably do the same for you..... For the nosy folks, no I have not cheated.....yet! India
imagine Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 (edited) Hi India, Paraphrasing: your husband has neglected your physical needs. What now?... What was your promise between each other before you married? Edited November 14, 2010 by imagine
alexandria35 Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I'm sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about. What exactly is your argument? Your words are kind of all over the place. It sounds like you think affairs are not wrong but at the same time you say the spouse should forgive an affair. What is there to forgive if there is no wrong in having an affair? How can I forgive someone for hurting me (hypothetically as I'm not married and haven't been cheated on) if they can't admit to having wronged me? Why would they even want my forgiveness if they felt right in their actions? You ask "Shouldnt consideration, communication and understanding be the pillars of any intimate/emotional bond?" Well of course these are important elements of any emotional/intimate bond, but don't you also agree that openess and honesty is also important in an intimate relationship? Are you arguing that it should be okay to lie and deceive your partner? Are you saying that if your partner really loves you they will accept your lies and deceit? I am against cheating only because it does involve lying and deceiving. If a married couple agrees to seek out sex with others then that is not cheating, it is an open marriage where everyone involved knows the score. You say "For people who have had relationships or many partners, wouldnt you agree, that if its just sexs, isnt one body as good as another. Does it truly make any sense linking love to hold the physical act as the epitome of display of affection..." These are your feelings. I've matured way past the point of using somebody's body as a sex toy. Again, people need to be honest with each other from the starting line. I don't expect everyone to feel the same as I do regarding sex and fidelity, but if someone doesn't believe in being sexually faithful then they should be honest enough to say so. What kind of a person promises faithfulness and fidelity when they don't even believe in such "victorian morals". Maybe they believed in fidelity when they promised it but then changed their mind? Fine! Then be a person of integrity and tell your partner of this new development. Let him/her weigh in with their opionion and see if you can come to some kind of agreement. You go on to say "Isn't it a woman's choice and prerogative to have sexs with whomsoever she chooses. This is one aspect of live where I think most women take pleasure for oneself and the rest they give so much for their spouses, spouses family, children, friends and everyone else but themselves. Couldnt you be a tiny bit considerate to her needs and desires ?" Ummm...what?!! Of course it's a woman's perogative to have sex with whomever she chooses, just as it's a man's perogative, but again, making a choice to have sex with someone isn't snynomous with lies and deceit! You think a man should be considerate of his wife's need to sleep around because she is so giving in all other areas? Haha...well okay, maybe he would be considerate of this but he needs to be told that this is the plan. Lastly you go into some weird discussion of how if a woman cheats and gets pregnant a husband shouldn't be so cruel as to hurt the woman and innocent child. Okay I don't know what you mean by hurt. Obviously I don't think the man should physically harm either the woman or the child, but I suspect you meant hurt by the man simply not accepting the child or wanting to keep his wife. What kind of crazy thinking is this? You expect the husband to accept and raise a child he didn't father and that was conceived in an affair but you don't have any expectation of the real biological father to step up and accept the child. Why would the betrayed husband be on the hook for the kid, but not the father? Why would a woman even want to have sex with a man who would impregnate her and then run off and not take responsibility for the child he created. If the woman cheats on her husband and risks getting pregnant then she is the one who made the choice to hurt an innocent child. If a woman cares so much about innocent children being hurt why the hell would she bring a child into such a situation? It sounds to me like you are looking to cheat on your husband and so you are reaching for every excuse and justification you can think of. I have no idea why you brought up the scenario of getting pregnant. Are you also planning to have unprotected sex with your future affair partner? You said that you used to think the same way about cheating as we do here, but after five years of marriage your feelings have changed. That a rather odd response to a bad marriage. Is it easier to toss aside your values rather then accept that you might have made a mistake in choosing a husband and considering a divorce?
U2RockZz Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 are you a woman's right activist....you talk about your upbringing...your M...infidelity....and some BS.....anyways what's your issue
Woggle Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I wonder what the gender divide in the reponses to this will be. Forgive us horrible evil men for not being happy when our women betray us.
jthorne Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I was going to write out a long post, but thanks to Alexandria, I don't. She hit the nail square on the head. Twist it all you want, but when you make a promise to someone, you keep that promise. If you intend to break that promise, you disclose that. That's not morality, that's common sense. By the way, I'm a woman not a bird. I don't have hackles.
bentnotbroken Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I am of Indian origin and before I relate my story, just going to write a little background. To start, I am very same, modern person, an average jane like most of you but since the current state of my life has made it imperative to introspect and my natural inclination is to research, here is my take. Wouldn't you all agree, that the entire concept of cheating/infidelity and the following idea of betrayal/hurt is a victorian idea of morals that makes the society "civilized" ? What actually are we talking here, the idea thats so ingrained in us that we close our minds and souls to possibility of a spouse who errs or has a different way of thinking. For people who have had relationships or many partners, wouldnt you agree, that if its just sexs, isnt one body as good as another. Does it truly make any sense linking love to hold the physical act as the epitome of display of affection... To Bible quoters, I was raised a catholic so yes I am familiar with the versDoes God indeed train us to differentiate people, be uncharitable, unkind and prejudiced ?es, the chants, the moral and frankly I lost its true meaning.... I think we all need to ponder what's Godliness... are we confusing spirituality with religion ? But I digress.... This also leads to those people who claim adultery as sin ; could you be really so fickle and fragile, that you cannot love (truly) love your spouse, understand and forgive him/her (if that floats your boat). Besides safety in health, I understand the whole concept of two parents family being a stable environment for the children and "well being" of the couple involved but what an extenuating circumstance exist to lead to its ultimate breakdown. And I bet most of you would come back and shout "infidelity". Hey, just few years back, i would have really cheered ya'll forward but now 5 years into marriage, not so enthusiastic, I am afraid. To be honest, I find that we in west are complicated and confused the very basic concept of human living, his/her emotions, desires, reaction and action. Intimacy in a relationship should have been given not begged for or a path to disillusionment/frustration. Similarly by marrying somebody, no one is doing a favor to the other nor should it be an excuse to let go of yourself or take the other person for granted. Shouldnt consideration, communication and understanding be the pillars of any intimate/emotional bond. It works both ways for a couple regardless of whether one or both cheats or not. Marriage takes work, very hard work, constant and consistant from both involved. And its extremely easy to blame one person as if you had no hand in it. There is something got to give for passivity or lazyness... I married a wonderful guy but found out quite later that he timed my ovulation time during our first year of marriage to "give" me a child because apparently I wouldn't shut up about the physical part of our relationship. Again, I reiterate, he is indeed a wonderful person but just not a good partner. After the baby, he has given up even the pretense of touching. You men out there who seem so quick to condemn a girl who finds intimacy outside, just be honest with me, would you like it if you were the only one who tried every single time to atleast burn a tea towel ? Would you like it if actively or innocuously contribute towards making you feel unloved and unworthy except for being the guy who brings the bacon. In mycase, we share our cost of bacon shopping. Isn't it a woman's choice and prerogative to have sexs with whomsoever she chooses. This is one aspect of live where I think most women take pleasure for oneself and the rest they give so much for their spouses, spouses family, children, friends and everyone else but themselves. Couldnt you be a tiny bit considerate to her needs and desires ? What if she does have a child in the process of an affair ? Why do you guys feel so inadequate that you would hurt both the women who you apparently claim to "love" and to hurt an innocent life. Obviously the unborn is probably not going to be acknowledged or accepted by the other guy but for all purposes does having the same blood makes the only criteria for you to be a father to him/her. Honestly why dont you give yourself a big shake and get off your high horse and acknowledge the woman is also a person of needs. And if you truly do indeed love her, then learn to understand and forgive her mistakes. She would probably do the same for you..... For the nosy folks, no I have not cheated.....yet! India The first bolded quote made me :lmao:unkind and uncharitable huh? The second bolded...forgive mistakes, cheating is not a mistake. And no man should be forced to be raise a child or deal with any mess some cheating woman wants to make. Probably do the same for you...not likely. Lastly, this is justification posts. It isn't about women's rights, it's about wanting to screw around and using flowery words as smoke screen to having no consideration for anyone other than one's self.
jwi71 Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Must have gotten bored under the bridge.... next...
Darth Vader Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 (edited) OK, guys, I'll sum it all up here for you. Notice how she said "no I haven't cheated yet!" TRANSLATION: Ok, that tells you right there that she's trying to justify any possible future cheating that she may/will be about to do! Also, she's looking for anyone to help support her in her choice to cheat. BTW, if the roles were reversed she'd want her hubby to remain faithful to her while she went and rode other men and had an orgasmic good time! Um, Sounds about right to you guys, RIGHT?! BTW, don't expect her to come back here and answer the follow up posts, OH, NO! Too logical! It doesn't suit her needs! Edited November 14, 2010 by Darth Vader
fooled once Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I am of Indian origin and before I relate my story, just going to write a little background. To start, I am very same, modern person, an average jane like most of you but since the current state of my life has made it imperative to introspect and my natural inclination is to research, here is my take. Wouldn't you all agree, that the entire concept of cheating/infidelity and the following idea of betrayal/hurt is a victorian idea of morals that makes the society "civilized" ? What actually are we talking here, the idea thats so ingrained in us that we close our minds and souls to possibility of a spouse who errs or has a different way of thinking. For people who have had relationships or many partners, wouldnt you agree, that if its just sexs, isnt one body as good as another. Does it truly make any sense linking love to hold the physical act as the epitome of display of affection... To Bible quoters, I was raised a catholic so yes I am familiar with the verses, the chants, the moral and frankly I lost its true meaning.... I think we all need to ponder what's Godliness... are we confusing spirituality with religion ? Does God indeed train us to differentiate people, be uncharitable, unkind and prejudiced ? But I digress.... This also leads to those people who claim adultery as sin ; could you be really so fickle and fragile, that you cannot love (truly) love your spouse, understand and forgive him/her (if that floats your boat). Besides safety in health, I understand the whole concept of two parents family being a stable environment for the children and "well being" of the couple involved but what an extenuating circumstance exist to lead to its ultimate breakdown. And I bet most of you would come back and shout "infidelity". Hey, just few years back, i would have really cheered ya'll forward but now 5 years into marriage, not so enthusiastic, I am afraid. To be honest, I find that we in west are complicated and confused the very basic concept of human living, his/her emotions, desires, reaction and action. Intimacy in a relationship should have been given not begged for or a path to disillusionment/frustration. Similarly by marrying somebody, no one is doing a favor to the other nor should it be an excuse to let go of yourself or take the other person for granted. Shouldnt consideration, communication and understanding be the pillars of any intimate/emotional bond. It works both ways for a couple regardless of whether one or both cheats or not. Marriage takes work, very hard work, constant and consistant from both involved. And its extremely easy to blame one person as if you had no hand in it. There is something got to give for passivity or lazyness... I married a wonderful guy but found out quite later that he timed my ovulation time during our first year of marriage to "give" me a child because apparently I wouldn't shut up about the physical part of our relationship. Again, I reiterate, he is indeed a wonderful person but just not a good partner. After the baby, he has given up even the pretense of touching. You men out there who seem so quick to condemn a girl who finds intimacy outside, just be honest with me, would you like it if you were the only one who tried every single time to atleast burn a tea towel ? Would you like it if actively or innocuously contribute towards making you feel unloved and unworthy except for being the guy who brings the bacon. In mycase, we share our cost of bacon shopping. Isn't it a woman's choice and prerogative to have sexs with whomsoever she chooses. This is one aspect of live where I think most women take pleasure for oneself and the rest they give so much for their spouses, spouses family, children, friends and everyone else but themselves. Couldnt you be a tiny bit considerate to her needs and desires ? What if she does have a child in the process of an affair ? Why do you guys feel so inadequate that you would hurt both the women who you apparently claim to "love" and to hurt an innocent life. Obviously the unborn is probably not going to be acknowledged or accepted by the other guy but for all purposes does having the same blood makes the only criteria for you to be a father to him/her. Honestly why dont you give yourself a big shake and get off your high horse and acknowledge the woman is also a person of needs. And if you truly do indeed love her, then learn to understand and forgive her mistakes. She would probably do the same for you..... For the nosy folks, no I have not cheated.....yet! India Actually, my views on marriage, fidelity and love are totally different than yours. I am not a selfish woman, in or out of the bed. I give as good as I get, which in case you are wondering, it is heavenly I have no desire to have sex with any other man than my spouse. IF I ever came to that conclusion, I would talk with my spouse about what I am feeling. To me, marriage and love go together. I made the choice to love my spouse for the rest of my life. I have no problems honoring that commitment. That to me is what it all boils down to - commitment. Too many people are selfish, self centered and have egos the size of the moon. They are all about themselves and not concerned about anyone else. In my first marriage, when I realized I could no longer be happy, safe or felt love towards my spouse, I chose divorce. I chose to raise my child as a single parent than to continue a sham of a marriage. I tried everything possible to not divorce, but that became my only option -- the only option for my child. So while you can poo-poo marriage, fidelity and trust, I will cheerlead for it. I will honor the promise I made, I will respect my spouse and communicate to him when I am feeling neglected, and he has made the same promise to me. If we cannot work it out, we will part ways. But we won't cheat - because we aren't cheaters. It is just who we are.
fooled once Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I'm sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about. What exactly is your argument? Your words are kind of all over the place. It sounds like you think affairs are not wrong but at the same time you say the spouse should forgive an affair. What is there to forgive if there is no wrong in having an affair? How can I forgive someone for hurting me (hypothetically as I'm not married and haven't been cheated on) if they can't admit to having wronged me? Why would they even want my forgiveness if they felt right in their actions? You ask "Shouldnt consideration, communication and understanding be the pillars of any intimate/emotional bond?" Well of course these are important elements of any emotional/intimate bond, but don't you also agree that openess and honesty is also important in an intimate relationship? Are you arguing that it should be okay to lie and deceive your partner? Are you saying that if your partner really loves you they will accept your lies and deceit? I am against cheating only because it does involve lying and deceiving. If a married couple agrees to seek out sex with others then that is not cheating, it is an open marriage where everyone involved knows the score. You say "For people who have had relationships or many partners, wouldnt you agree, that if its just sexs, isnt one body as good as another. Does it truly make any sense linking love to hold the physical act as the epitome of display of affection..." These are your feelings. I've matured way past the point of using somebody's body as a sex toy. Again, people need to be honest with each other from the starting line. I don't expect everyone to feel the same as I do regarding sex and fidelity, but if someone doesn't believe in being sexually faithful then they should be honest enough to say so. What kind of a person promises faithfulness and fidelity when they don't even believe in such "victorian morals". Maybe they believed in fidelity when they promised it but then changed their mind? Fine! Then be a person of integrity and tell your partner of this new development. Let him/her weigh in with their opionion and see if you can come to some kind of agreement. You go on to say "Isn't it a woman's choice and prerogative to have sexs with whomsoever she chooses. This is one aspect of live where I think most women take pleasure for oneself and the rest they give so much for their spouses, spouses family, children, friends and everyone else but themselves. Couldnt you be a tiny bit considerate to her needs and desires ?" Ummm...what?!! Of course it's a woman's perogative to have sex with whomever she chooses, just as it's a man's perogative, but again, making a choice to have sex with someone isn't snynomous with lies and deceit! You think a man should be considerate of his wife's need to sleep around because she is so giving in all other areas? Haha...well okay, maybe he would be considerate of this but he needs to be told that this is the plan. Lastly you go into some weird discussion of how if a woman cheats and gets pregnant a husband shouldn't be so cruel as to hurt the woman and innocent child. Okay I don't know what you mean by hurt. Obviously I don't think the man should physically harm either the woman or the child, but I suspect you meant hurt by the man simply not accepting the child or wanting to keep his wife. What kind of crazy thinking is this? You expect the husband to accept and raise a child he didn't father and that was conceived in an affair but you don't have any expectation of the real biological father to step up and accept the child. Why would the betrayed husband be on the hook for the kid, but not the father? Why would a woman even want to have sex with a man who would impregnate her and then run off and not take responsibility for the child he created. If the woman cheats on her husband and risks getting pregnant then she is the one who made the choice to hurt an innocent child. If a woman cares so much about innocent children being hurt why the hell would she bring a child into such a situation? It sounds to me like you are looking to cheat on your husband and so you are reaching for every excuse and justification you can think of. I have no idea why you brought up the scenario of getting pregnant. Are you also planning to have unprotected sex with your future affair partner? You said that you used to think the same way about cheating as we do here, but after five years of marriage your feelings have changed. That a rather odd response to a bad marriage. Is it easier to toss aside your values rather then accept that you might have made a mistake in choosing a husband and considering a divorce? Dang, should have read the whole post first and then could have just said "DITTO" to what alexandria wrote. Great post!
Darth Vader Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Dang, should have read the whole post first and then could have just said "DITTO" to what alexandria wrote. Great post! Or, if you want the short, short version, read mine.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 So you think that a woman has a right to sleep with whomever she wants to meet her needs. I agree, until you get married. Then you have earned the right to work on your partnership until it is unlivable until you can sleep with someone other then your partner. Infidelity is extremely traumatic for the betrayed spouse, Victorian or not, moral or not, it is traumatic. This means is does them serious psychological HARM. And you have NO right to do that. If you are unhappy with your sex life, talk to your spouse, read some books, see a sex therapist. You got married, that means you take the risks that go with that. Getting pregnant with another man's baby!? What in the hell are you thinking, how disgustingly unfair for everyone involved. Especially the child.
wicar1 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 (edited) -Does it truly make any sense linking love to hold the physical act as the epitome of display of affection... Yes it does, to understand it you must have truly loved someone. -This also leads to those people who claim adultery as sin ; could you be really so fickle and fragile, that you cannot love (truly) love your spouse, understand and forgive him/her (if that floats your boat). Forgive what?? You can forgive a mistake but not a decision. Cheating is a decision, a choice. - Forgive for putting the family’s existence at risk - Forgive for putting the future of the kids at risk - Forgive for setting and example for the kids - Forgive for trying to give the partner STD - Forgive for probably giving birth to OM child and putting that child’s life into trouble Hell No..... No forgiving -safety in health, I understand the whole concept of two parents family being a stable environment for the children and "well being" of the couple involved but what an extenuating circumstance exist to lead to its ultimate breakdown. And I bet most of you would come back and shout "infidelity". Hey, just few years back, i would have really cheered ya'll forward but now 5 years into marriage, not so enthusiastic, I am afraid. Sorry your marriage sux. It doesn’t mean you can cheat on your spouse or tell others cheating is an option. -Intimacy in a relationship should have been given not begged for or a path to disillusionment/frustration. True you beg for intimacy only when you try to get it from a stranger. Cheating !!! You lose your dignity, selfrespect etc etc, it’s like you walk with your pants down. Of course you can ask for more intimacy withn your marriage, by talking to your spouse. If you come to the situation where you have to beg for intimacy in your marriage, then it is a sign for you to leave the marriage. Divorce the spouse. If it isn’t working. - Similarly by marrying somebody, no one is doing a favor to the other Yes They are doing favours to each other and without their knowledge. When you fall he helps you rise and you do the same for him. Why do you think your parents got married? You got married? - nor should it be an excuse to let go of yourself or take the other person for granted. Yes this is correct, when you cheat on your spouse you take them for granted -It works both ways for a couple regardless of whether one or both cheats or not. Nope not when is screwing someone behind the partner’s back. -Marriage takes work, very hard work, constant and consistant from both involved. True but where does cheating come here. - And its extremely easy to blame one person as if you had no hand in i Yes the cheater is to be blamed. He/she is the one who decided to do the cowardly, selfish act. After finding something’s lacking in marriage he/she should try to fix it. If there’s no fix then should leave the marriage. Cheating is not an option -I married a wonderful guy but found out quite later that he timed my ovulation time during our first year of marriage to "give" me a child because apparently I wouldn't shut up about the physical part of our relationship. Again, I reiterate, he is indeed a wonderful person but just not a good partner. After the baby, he has given up even the pretense of touching. You men out there who seem so quick to condemn a girl who finds intimacy outside I feel for you sorry your marriage sux. Every man is different. Don’t think we are all the same as your H. Anyway, you should talk to him about it, may be with your family. May be he has some physical or mental issues. Have you tried to find him medical help. This is what you should do right now. If you think there is no fix and you better leave him, get a divorce. Instead what you are doing is trying to justify your desire to cheat. That is the selfish, cowards way (All cheaters do). No offense. I hope you ll do the right thing. , just be honest with me, would you like it if you were the only one who tried every single time to atleast burn a tea towel ? Would you like it if actively or innocuously contribute towards making you feel unloved and unworthy except for being the guy who brings the bacon. In mycase, we share our cost of bacon shopping. Again sorry your marriage sux. That does not mean you can find the easy way out that is cheating. Cheating has it’s painful consequences. Trust me you don’t want yourself or your family to suffer. -Isn't it a woman's choice and prerogative to have sexs with whomsoever she chooses. Yes, Thats when you are not involved in a relationship. You cannot have a family with one guy and f*** some other guy’s. May be with your husbands consent yes. Still it is gonna put your family in jeopardy sooner or later. The best thing you c an do in such a time is divorce. - This is one aspect of live where I think most women take pleasure for oneself and the rest they give so much for their spouses, spouses family, children, friends and everyone else but themselves. Couldnt you be a tiny bit considerate to her needs and desires ? What about men?? Are they made out of metal and stone??? Again, you think everyman thinks the same way as your H. Nope they don’t. And yes men too give so much, but we don’t go on boasting??? Do you know how many men raise their children as single parents?? -What if she does have a child in the process of an affair ? Why do you guys feel so inadequate that you would hurt both the women who you apparently claim to "love" and to hurt an innocent life. The child is innocent, but not the wife or OM May be you should read this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=252301&page=15 Well the child is innocent, she is not. Anyway No guy’s hurting anyone. It’s the cheating wife who hurts the guy and the family. Of course they love their wives. But it doesn’t mean the wives could have a f*** fest and come to them pregnant with OM child. I find it hard to imagine that you are expecting a guy to raise OM child.( I meant a child from a affair, not a child from a previous relationship or marriage.) Some guys are kind enough to raise the child. Most men, the child is not a problem, people love children, but the problem is the cheating wife and her filthy, selfish acts. The child will be a reminder of her betrayal. It reminds him, while he was working hard for the family and kids, his wife was f**** some other guy. And yes it is impossible to get this thought out of the mind. Besides why should a guy spend time, energy and money, to raise the child, of his selfish, lowlife wife and some other man. Well if you ask most men they would rather happy to raise the child and kick out the cheating wife. And when the OC grows and he finds about the acts of his mother, in most cases he shows hatred towards her. I ve seen it happening. - Obviously the unborn is probably not going to be acknowledged or accepted by the other guy Yes and it’s because the OM only wanted to use cheating wife as his f*** toy. Looking for intimacy outside sux isn’t it ??? of course the OM tell all sorts of things troubled wives need to here cause they just want to get in their pants. Yes and some of them donno they are sleeping with a married women cause women tend to hide it. Anyhow, you cannot expect much from a guy who tries to sneak into the pants of a married woman, knowing she’s married. He’s gonna be a one hell of a father ...wtf?? OM/OW who knowingly starts affairs with married people are nothing better than the cheating spouse. LOW lives. Still I would say the cheating spouse is worse. but for all purposes does having the same blood makes the only criteria for you to be a father to him/her. Not at all. It’s not about the child or the blood. It’s about the wife who betrayed. If what you say is true then why do you think men raise their partner’s kids’s from previous relationships. - Honestly why dont you give yourself a big shake and get off your high horse and acknowledge the woman is also a person of needs. Yes she is, so does men. But it doesn’t mean you are allowed to meet your needs outside of marriage. That’s selfish and sick. - And if you truly do indeed love her, then learn to understand and forgive her mistakes. She would probably do the same for you..... Talking of understanding and love, would a wife who understood her husband’s cheat on him? Had she loved him truly would she cheat on him. Of course her mistakes should be forgiven, but CHEATING IS NOT A MISTAKE !! (If only I can get a $ when someone says cheating is a mistake:laugh:) It is a decision, your choice. Lets assume your gonna cheat on your husband, do yo you mean to say your making a mistake. Hell NO.... You know all the consequences of cheating, you know it causes pain still if you cheat would you agree it is a selfish choice. So no Cheating Cannot be forgiven, at least not by me. -For the nosy folks, no I have not cheated.....yet! Anyway I am sure you don’t wanna make that choice and put your marriage and family in trauma. It’s your choice you have the right way which might look hard but will give you the better results. And you also have the easy, selfish way, which will make you suffer sooner or later. No offense, When a person cheats he/she puts all their dignity, self respect, trust, value for family, ethics, love into jeopardy. If someone says they cheat and they still love their spouse then I would assume it’s a retard’s statement. When you know that your doing something wrong, your action it will have bad consequences, it’s immoral, it will put your family down ...knowing all this if you still go ahead and cheat just for some f**** then you are nothing better than an animal who would mate with any other. Edited November 15, 2010 by wicar1
wicar1 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 (edited) Fooled once, Well said. Edited November 15, 2010 by wicar1
blueroses10 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Am I the only person who doesn't know what "burn a tea towel" means?
wheelwright Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) That to me is what it all boils down to - commitment. Too many people are selfish, self centered and have egos the size of the moon. They are all about themselves and not concerned about anyone else. In my first marriage, when I realized I could no longer be happy, safe or felt love towards my spouse, I chose divorce. I chose to raise my child as a single parent than to continue a sham of a marriage. I tried everything possible to not divorce, but that became my only option -- the only option for my child. So while you can poo-poo marriage, fidelity and trust, I will cheerlead for it. I will honor the promise I made, I will respect my spouse and communicate to him when I am feeling neglected, and he has made the same promise to me. If we cannot work it out, we will part ways. But we won't cheat - because we aren't cheaters. It is just who we are. I get the morality point you are cheering for here FO. I like it even. But there is a circular argument, that if you like this then you ought to do this and if you don't like it you are unloving/ungenerous etc. I think there was some tongue in cheek in the OP. Let's agree with the poster for a minute and see where it takes a different moral mindset: We should both spread our love and seed as far and wide as poss. We should enjoy deep and meaningful sex with other people, and if we marry someone whom this is not possible with, it is our duty to have As. Especially in a culture where D is difficult/forbidden. We should do this as a small part of showing we love life, which is more important than loving cultural designs. Anyway, what I mean is, and perhaps the OP too, is that our moral take on fidelity is either cultural or biblical. Or personal moral/amoral. Most A stories on LS I have read involve love (or fog?!) Why is love less important than M for you? Just a simple morality Q that many APs encounter and eventually decide on. Edited November 17, 2010 by wheelwright
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Isn't it a woman's choice and prerogative to have sexs with whomsoever she chooses. This is one aspect of live where I think most women take pleasure for oneself and the rest they give so much for their spouses, spouses family, children, friends and everyone else but themselves. Couldnt you be a tiny bit considerate to her needs and desires ? so you are saying that as a married woman, that she should be allowed to have sex with other men? Sure, it is everyone's choice to have sex with whomever they choose. But if that is your view of it, then don't get married or committed. What if she does have a child in the process of an affair ? Why do you guys feel so inadequate that you would hurt both the women who you apparently claim to "love" and to hurt an innocent life. Obviously the unborn is probably not going to be acknowledged or accepted by the other guy but for all purposes does having the same blood makes the only criteria for you to be a father to him/her. no, some men will still want to be part of a child's life that was conceived to a worthless huss of a mother. its real simple, if a woman CHOOSES to screw around, then she shouldn't expect a man who isn't the father to take care of her. She can expect that the biological father should pony up, and if he doesn't then too bad for her. But then again, she can take him to court for child support. if a woman chooses to screw around, then she also chooses to take the consequences of her actions. Honestly why dont you give yourself a big shake and get off your high horse and acknowledge the woman is also a person of needs. And if you truly do indeed love her, then learn to understand and forgive her mistakes. cheating isn't a mistake She would probably do the same for you..... For the nosy folks, no I have not cheated.....yet! I think this is nothing but a troll post designed to stir the s##t amongst those that cause pain to others in real life, and those, like yourself, that have the same mindset. Bottom line, if you choose to cause pain to people in the form of betrayal, then you are not worthy of the loyalty of a good man. and if you want to cheat or want to eff many men, it is your choice....but don't get married...simple as that. Marriage is not for the weak, the selfish or the immature.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Hi India, Paraphrasing: your husband has neglected your physical needs. What now?... I don't think that was her message at all. I think her message was that one of her "needs" was the right to choose having sex with whomever she wants...married or not. I think the implied "neglect" is that he would more than likely not sanction her going out and filling the need of having sex with as many different men as she would like, and has nothing to do with the level of affection at home.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 if i was married to a woman like this, I'd put her on the street faster than you can say Buddha.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 To Bible quoters, I was raised a catholic so yes I am familiar with the verses, the chants, the moral and frankly I lost its true meaning.... I think we all need to ponder what's Godliness... are we confusing spirituality with religion ? Does God indeed train us to differentiate people, be uncharitable, unkind and prejudiced ? Just because you were raised catholic doesn't mean you come with an automatic understanding of scripture. Actually... I think your interpretation is off. Here is how this works. Cheating is a pretty bad thing to do... it's the emotional equivalent of physical abuse. When you do that you hurt your spouse and you hurt God. God will forgive you provided you repent, and so should your spouse. Forgiveness does not mean no consequences. You will still be required to pay for the evil and hurt you do to others. Is that uncharitable, unkind, and prejudiced? I think not. I think we need to accept the consequences for the actions we take. I married a wonderful guy but found out quite later that he timed my ovulation time during our first year of marriage to "give" me a child because apparently I wouldn't shut up about the physical part of our relationship. Again, I reiterate, he is indeed a wonderful person but just not a good partner. After the baby, he has given up even the pretense of touching. You men out there who seem so quick to condemn a girl who finds intimacy outside, just be honest with me, would you like it if you were the only one who tried every single time to atleast burn a tea towel ? Would you like it if actively or innocuously contribute towards making you feel unloved and unworthy except for being the guy who brings the bacon. In mycase, we share our cost of bacon shopping. Ok... here is the crux of your problem. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? It sounds like he has a serious issue with intimacy. What he does may seem cruel and capricious, but I think he does it because he is damaged. If possible get him into counseling.
Throbbinhood Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 People will always have affairs,cheat or whatever you want to call it? Im single 37yr old man and have had several relationships with married/attached women over the last few years. Why? because i enjoy it. As for why the women concerned do it? well there are various reasons. some are just simply bored, others arent satisfied sexually by there partner and they are just two of the most common reasons amongst many.
wicar1 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 People will always have affairs,cheat or whatever you want to call it? Im single 37yr old man and have had several relationships with married/attached women over the last few years. Why? because i enjoy it. As for why the women concerned do it? well there are various reasons. some are just simply bored, others arent satisfied sexually by there partner and they are just two of the most common reasons amongst many. - Im single 37yr old man and have had several relationships with married/attached women over the last few years. Why? because i enjoy it And you are proud about it... wtf?????
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