vesper16 Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I'm 27 and never really had a gf before this year - part of it was because I was, literally, a "late bloomer" as my hormones did not really kick in until my late teens. I was socially awkward as a teenager, it's gradually gotten better since then but still found dating to be tough going and am hopeless at reading the signs. I started going out with a girl VERY casually earlier this year (she's 23) and for the most part it was ok. there have been gaps in between since we've both been really busy with work and study (she lives on the other side of town) and our schedules didn't mesh for a while, but we decided to try going out. I'm attracted to her physically, she's fun and easygoing and I think her personality is good for me, although we still haven't really found a "spark" yet. I'm not sure if it's because our interest levels are waning - she still wants to go out with me, but I think my inability to make a move is holding things back - on our last date there were a couple of times I sensed that she was waiting for me to kiss her, but I froze up and couldn't break the physical barrier. I don't know if she sensed my nervousness or not - she said that she had a good time, but I don't want to send mixed signals because it doesn't really do either of us any favours and will probably just make both of us more confused... any tips?? I thought about picking a more relaxed setting the next time I see her, like a leisurely coffee followed by a walk in the park - easier to have some alone time and less nerve-wracking for me? I think the window is still open, but things may fizzle out if I don't make some kind of move... I think I at least have to try to work out if we progress to a bf/gf relationship. Am I going about this the right way?
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Before you think about going for a kiss, you want to think about flirting with her and upping the physical side, such as holding her hand or putting your arm around her. The fact that you've said there is no "spark" is cause for concern. Usually if I'm dating someone and there's no spark, it's because interest level on one or both sides is inadequate. Really, you want the interest level to be very high because it's then that the physical side becomes quite easy. I was on a date yesterday with a woman that I find very attractive. From the time that I met her I was very keen on getting physical with her, due to the attraction, but I held off until after we'd played mini golf and we were wandering around town. We were walking together quite close and I simply reached for her hand and we locked fingers. From that point on all the other stuff came naturally. I waited until we'd move on to a couple of bars/pubs before I went in for the kiss. On the first attempt she turned away to look into her handbag just I went for her lips, so she didn't even notice! Anyway, when she turned round I went in again and she reciprocated. The thing is, I felt that the time was right to go for the kiss, because I'd already tested the water by holding her hand (we held hands as we walked around town, and we were holding hands in the pub). If a girl is prepared to hold your hand whenever you reach for it, you can probably kiss her too.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 You should change your thread title to " How you doing?" Remember Joey from " Friends"? Frankly, I don't expect all guys to be as slow-witted as Matt LeBlanc's character, but his charisma was what had gotten him a date on every episode. That's what you should do. Be confident and playful. Don't focus too much on being perfect because that will only make yourself end up feeling more nervous.
Mellisa Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I'm 27 and never really had a gf before this year - part of it was because I was, literally, a "late bloomer" as my hormones did not really kick in until my late teens. I was socially awkward as a teenager, it's gradually gotten better since then but still found dating to be tough going and am hopeless at reading the signs. I started going out with a girl VERY casually earlier this year (she's 23) and for the most part it was ok. there have been gaps in between since we've both been really busy with work and study (she lives on the other side of town) and our schedules didn't mesh for a while, but we decided to try going out. I'm attracted to her physically, she's fun and easygoing and I think her personality is good for me, although we still haven't really found a "spark" yet. I'm not sure if it's because our interest levels are waning - she still wants to go out with me, but I think my inability to make a move is holding things back - on our last date there were a couple of times I sensed that she was waiting for me to kiss her, but I froze up and couldn't break the physical barrier. I don't know if she sensed my nervousness or not - she said that she had a good time, but I don't want to send mixed signals because it doesn't really do either of us any favours and will probably just make both of us more confused... any tips?? I thought about picking a more relaxed setting the next time I see her, like a leisurely coffee followed by a walk in the park - easier to have some alone time and less nerve-wracking for me? I think the window is still open, but things may fizzle out if I don't make some kind of move... I think I at least have to try to work out if we progress to a bf/gf relationship. Am I going about this the right way? So your mission is to get a little physical with the girl to show that you are interested,say probably go for a kiss?How many girls have you kissed so far? You said there were a couple of times you sensed she was waiting for you to kiss her?You should those moments and just go for it! When you feel there is a tension like when you both stoped talking and were looking into each other's eyes ,that's when you go for it.It's the perfect timing and a kiss will be the only right thing to do.If you dont, the girl's gonna wonder if you like her or not... Or could it be that you are shy and reserved in public,consider you are a late bloomer?Just dont force or plan too hard, wait for the next right moment, and when it comes, just do it.
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