lizzardj Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 im 21, working 60 hours a week, 2 jobs, have a clean and organized life, great with money, good credit, and have a lot to show for. my boyfriend of 5 years on the other hand is 2 years older than me, works 17 hours a week, has the messiest room i have ever seen (yet he has all the time in the world to clean it), horrible with finances, terrible credit, and a total dreamer who thinks opportunities just magically appears. when is enough, enough? i have kind of desensitized myself to the thought of a future with him. i mean, i see him in my life, he's good company, we have a lot in common, he loves me to pieces (very romantic), but i never picture him taking the right steps to be with me or getting his life on track any time soon. i sometimes find myself degrading him. he laughs about it, but it's like...hello you're 23, start doing something with your life. or at least clean up your current life. i dont want to feel like his mother. or more accomplished them him ALL the time. I'd love to be able to lean on someone for once. I've been independent all my life. we've talked about it, and ive pretty much just said "hey i want a future with you but things have to change, you need to find a second job, get yourself more organized and start planning out a future." and he just says "i know, i know, i know." So what happens now? I've already taken the proper steps to not baby him or spoil him (i used to buy all his clothes, groceries and toiletries but i stopped)....and I stopped stressing out trying to plan his school schedule and bill paying strategies. What type of ultimatum should I choose? Should there be a deadline? I love him to death, he was my high school sweetheart. I just need us to be on the same level in order to grow together.
durkadurka Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 im 21, working 60 hours a week, 2 jobs, have a clean and organized life, great with money, good credit, and have a lot to show for. my boyfriend of 5 years on the other hand is 2 years older than me, works 17 hours a week, has the messiest room i have ever seen (yet he has all the time in the world to clean it), horrible with finances, terrible credit, and a total dreamer who thinks opportunities just magically appears. when is enough, enough? i have kind of desensitized myself to the thought of a future with him. i mean, i see him in my life, he's good company, we have a lot in common, he loves me to pieces (very romantic), but i never picture him taking the right steps to be with me or getting his life on track any time soon. i sometimes find myself degrading him. he laughs about it, but it's like...hello you're 23, start doing something with your life. or at least clean up your current life. i dont want to feel like his mother. or more accomplished them him ALL the time. I'd love to be able to lean on someone for once. I've been independent all my life. we've talked about it, and ive pretty much just said "hey i want a future with you but things have to change, you need to find a second job, get yourself more organized and start planning out a future." and he just says "i know, i know, i know." So what happens now? I've already taken the proper steps to not baby him or spoil him (i used to buy all his clothes, groceries and toiletries but i stopped)....and I stopped stressing out trying to plan his school schedule and bill paying strategies. What type of ultimatum should I choose? Should there be a deadline? I love him to death, he was my high school sweetheart. I just need us to be on the same level in order to grow together. Ultimatums, unfortunately, don't really work.
Rak Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 You need to somehow convey to him that you're serious about the situation. Praise sandwich to begin with: Praise Criticism Praise And then if he's still shrugging it off, say something like, 'You do know that things will start to go downhill if you can't make a few adjustments. I'm not threatening you, but you have to respect how much this is affecting me.'
ARISthess Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Unfortunately, he won't really understand the significance these changes have on your relationship until he actually loses you. By then you will probably be so fed up (having given him so many chances) that maybe you won't want him back even if he did make changes.
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