cougey Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 sorry for the length, tried to give as much info as poss Hi, I was with my ex gf for 15 months. On our 1st date we ended up spending the whole weekend together and had been inseparable for months after. We were really good friends and had lots in common and I grew to believe she was “the one”. I would do absolutely everything to make her feel special, treated her well and was pretty much the boyfriend most girls would appreciate, and for the most part of the relationship, I felt as if she did. She’s was 25 when we met (I was 27) and is a bit of a party animal, to say the least. As the months went on she began to become wilder and had a group of friends that would use drugs regularly (every week). They would have parties every week that would last up to 4days at a time. She would often blow off our plans to attend these parties, which would infuriate me. It got to the stage were the only way I got to spend time with her was to go to these parties, which I resented and said nothing but would usually spill over after a few drinks, (8 months of which we rarely argued at all). After a few months I could see what this was doing to us mentally, emotionally and sexually, she would be “coming down” for days after feeling worthless and expecting me to just come running to her side. In the most part I did cause I loved her and wanted to keep the peace, but she would just be in a mood and have a go at me over anything and just lash out. I used to stand my ground, quite a bit, but it got to the stage were I just accepted it and was quiet cause everything I seemed to say or do irritated her. I told her that she couldn’t go on this way any longer, and she had limit to her partying lifestyle. I didn’t tell her she had to stop completely but just keep it in control as it would end up ruining her life if it continued on the level it had been at. And I didn’t want this to happen as I wanted to spend my life with her. This had no effect and if anything she did it more and put a great strain on our relationship and ultimately lead to argument after argument. Over the last few months of our relationship, we fought and argued and broke up on and off several times only to get back together days later. Over these break ups I was quite emotional at times and had cried in front of her/texted her constantly, basically doing everything I shouldn’t have done since reading advice pages online. Perhaps this is why I felt she had no respect for me and seemed to have this power over me. (doh!!) this was only my 2nd really serious relationship, and I just didn’t know what I was doing!!, I do now!! when we last broke up it was after one of her events, she dumped me by text, saying it wasn’t working and that I deserved to be in a loving relationship and she couldn’t give it to me, and that she hadn’t wanted to be in a relationship for a while. Considering what I did for her, and how I treated her it just felt as if I had been used. This time I didn’t make that much of effort and just went along with it. We texted for a few days after, and she said I would be missed me and still loved me. Once she came to get her belongings from me I told her to wait at the door and brought her things down. Gave them to her, stood in silence and she laughed and we had an awkward bum out hug and she went. I was so angry, she was so inconsiderate after all we had been through. Especially as only weeks before as we had often discussed she talked off living together, travelling, when we had kids, and general plans for the future. I must admit I had a few drinks and sent a couple of texts in desperation but got no reply. But after that I stayed strong and had NC for 5/6 weeks, then I sent her a text, saying I wasn’t gonna start hassling her, but I just wanted her to know she was the love of my life, and will always own a special piece of my heart. I told her I wanted her to be happy even if it was without me and to take care and look after herself. No reply. 2 days ago (2/3 weeks after my text) she text me, saying it was time she broke her silence, thanked me for the message it meant a lot, and was I ok and was uni going ok? I said I was ok, it had been a hard couple of months but was getting my drive back to do well. We text a few times just general chit chat about friends and family. She told me she has been signed off work with stress and depression, and said sorry for hurting me. She also said she had been going out a lot were I’m from but never seen me or my friends, did we still go out? She also said she’s taking a break from the drugs, and that she wants to be happy and fun again and that she just couldn’t see it when I was telling her how it was affecting her. She left it saying sorry I put you though that. Take care, and we’ll speak again soon x. (all messages ended with an x btw) I did mention in a text I think of her every day, but I was just getting on with things and we never talked directly about our relationship or went wrong. Think it’s too early for that. If she can clean her act up and treat me properly like she used to when we 1st went out, then I would happily take her back and spend my life with her, but at the moment I just want her to get well. does dhe love me still? Am I being soft? being there for her or am I going to end up feeling used again? Or does she still want me, or to be my friend? Should I do no contact again? But I don’t want to be cruel if she isn’t mentally right.............
dreamingoftigers Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 It isn't cruel to protect yourself. Be blunt that you still have feelings for her and if she has feelings for you that you would like to see if she has recovered a little more before taking a chance on anything. If she waffles and says "maybe" or "i dunno" then wish her well and move on.
PegNosePete Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (all messages ended with an x btw) This means nothing. I get messages from married (female!) friends all the time with an x. It does not mean to girls what guys think it does.
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