daphne Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I recently met a guy online that I seemed to have some common interests with. However, he is a Very. Pushy. Person. He asked me 9 times to come see me before our scheduled first date the previous night at my regular poker game. I was looking terrible and there was a fight breaking out and he wouldn't take no for an answer. He even called me after asking me 9 times! I wasn't impressed, but I went on the date anyway. I actually liked him a lot. He smiled a lot, was sweet and funny and a lot like me in certain ways. But in others... Lord no. He told me immediately he's not interested in multi dating (good thing), wants to be in a relationship (immediately??) and take his profile down and starts trying to make plans for other things. Since then he texts and calls every single day. I don't like the lack of breathing room. I have to dip my toe in teh pool. Every other day is perfect. Until we've been out on at least, I don't know 2 dates? Multiple times he has been pushy about getting what he wants. Wants me to change my thanksgiving plans to do it his way (how did he get invited anyway?), and won't let me say no. I told him he seemed to have an issue with boundaries. He sort of seemed to get the hint but continues to do it. I'm so screwed. Either they think the grass is greener, or they know you're a good thing and totally overwhelm you in the Shock and Awe dating program. WTF??? Are there any normal guys who move organically into a real relationship without blowing it thinking there's possibly something better?
zig Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Why can't I meet any girls that are like you? I'm normal, not pushy, I don't lie, cheat, and I'm not clingy. Lot's of luck I had with that!
tb24 Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Why can't I meet any girls that are like you? I'm normal, not pushy, I don't lie, cheat, and I'm not clingy. Lot's of luck I had with that! Exactly this. daphne, honestly you sound like a nice girl. If this is how he is before the first date I can only imagine him being an incredibly possessive boyfriend. I'm not saying don't give him a chance, but be wary.
V4Vanna Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Daphne...you seem to be in the same situation I'm in (read Too clingy or too picky?). I'd say the guys use to being in charge and that's what he wants to do. He's set his sight on a woman and you happen to have fallen into place. But since he's overwhelmingly clingy and you're feeling claustrophic, I'd say book it and fast. Change plans for T-day and leave him out of it...I booked it today and am still happy with my decision. I may or may not get the 'clingy' texts afterwards but if I do, I plan to ignore. It's just not worth it...and I have to believe that there is really some nice, normal, single guys still out there for girls like us. Best of luck!
Author daphne Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 zig, Because there aren't many like me. How old are you? Do you have good social skills and are you motivated, attractive? These variables come into play for guys, I find. Especially if you're younger I think it's harder.
Author daphne Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 Exactly this. daphne, honestly you sound like a nice girl. If this is how he is before the first date I can only imagine him being an incredibly possessive boyfriend. I'm not saying don't give him a chance, but be wary. That's sweet. Thanks. Part of me wants to give him a chance, but it's hard not to be turned off by someone who shows that what he wants is more important than what I want.
Author daphne Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 Daphne...you seem to be in the same situation I'm in (read Too clingy or too picky?). I'd say the guys use to being in charge and that's what he wants to do. He's set his sight on a woman and you happen to have fallen into place. But since he's overwhelmingly clingy and you're feeling claustrophic, I'd say book it and fast. Change plans for T-day and leave him out of it...I booked it today and am still happy with my decision. I may or may not get the 'clingy' texts afterwards but if I do, I plan to ignore. It's just not worth it...and I have to believe that there is really some nice, normal, single guys still out there for girls like us. Best of luck! Lol. I thought it was just the guys I keep attracting. I thought I'd love a guy tht was refreshingly honest about wanting to be in a relationship and not looking for greener grass. He brought this up. I was like gimme some of that!! Then I realized that there's a price tag. My ability to make my own decisions. He is not the first guy that was controlling. It seems most guys my age that are successful are. And I am very successful and whereas I don't push guys around, I do NOT enjoy being treated like a 12 year old. One guy talked to me like he talked to his kids. Very annoying. Btw, what if there aren't any nice normal guys out there except a guy named Zig in cyber land?? What do we do then?
V4Vanna Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Btw, what if there aren't any nice normal guys out there except a guy named Zig in cyber land?? What do we do then? We wait. After today, and this guy, I've realized I've been pushing myself too hard to find 'a guy' or 'the guy.' I'm not a total believer of 'it'll happen when you least expect it,' but at this point I'll give it a try. I've made a decision to focus on myself, and only myself till the new year. IE excercise, hang out with friends, get the holidays with family and friends, and worry about the guys and how to meet them till the new year. The effort is just not that worth it. I, like you, was searching online and am quite frankly burnt out by it for a while.
Author daphne Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 how old are you if you don't mind me asking? Old enough to know better than to answer that question.
Author daphne Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 We wait. After today, and this guy, I've realized I've been pushing myself too hard to find 'a guy' or 'the guy.' I'm not a total believer of 'it'll happen when you least expect it,' but at this point I'll give it a try. I've made a decision to focus on myself, and only myself till the new year. IE excercise, hang out with friends, get the holidays with family and friends, and worry about the guys and how to meet them till the new year. The effort is just not that worth it. I, like you, was searching online and am quite frankly burnt out by it for a while. I don't believe in it'll happen... You have to be out there meeting people and having fun. But nothing wrong with focusing on yourself for a while and taking a break. How long did you do the online thing? I have been so busy that I've only really done a few weeks out of my 3 month subscription. It's a lot of work to weed through them!
zengirl Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 That's not commitment----that's unhealthy. If it's bothering you, then it's an issue, and it's fairly normal to be bothered by that sort of behavior.
Author daphne Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 That's not commitment----that's unhealthy. If it's bothering you, then it's an issue, and it's fairly normal to be bothered by that sort of behavior. There's definitely something wrong there. A friend of mine suggested borderline. I don't know what that is, exactly but it doesn't sound good.
sanskrit Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 This is a common type met online, have met several. Avoid them like the plague no matter how charming they seem.
tigressA Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 This is a common type met online, have met several. Avoid them like the plague no matter how charming they seem. I agree. You should run now, not later. The fact that he's taken it upon himself to try to change your Thanksgiving plans is super-duper creepy.
Author daphne Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 This is a common type met online, have met several. Avoid them like the plague no matter how charming they seem. Really guys? I haven't had a lot of experience so I don't know what it's all about. Perhaps it's some sort of game or just an issue. I don't know. I guess I'll have to find a way to let him down easy. He said he already misses me after one date.
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