dramaofmylife Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 My ex-husband and I were able to rekindle our love and are doing better than we ever have before. However, I have lost a lot of trust in him. He gets angry with me because I still cannot trust him. I feel that it should take however long it takes for me to trust him again but he does not seem to understand this. You see, the first reason for my mistrust in him is he left my daughter and I high and dry on three different occasions. The first time he left us when we were married and he moved in with his friends. While we were married, he would go to this couple's house and they would tell him that he should not listen to me when I told him not to spend all the money so that we could have groceries at the end of the month. I pleaded with him to get counseling with me and work things out, but nothing would do him but to live with this couple. I stayed in the state we were in at the time for about three months before leaving so that I could get the child support details worked out, I told him he could come to see our daughter any time he wanted and notified him that my mother would be coming from another state to get us in three months. However, only on one occasion did he request to see our daughter and it was under the condition that I brought her to their house. The rest of the time he spent with this couple and their children in addition to going to the couple's home state to visit family of theirs two weeks before our daughter and I were set to leave with him knowing it. My mother finally came from another state to get us and with him knowing there was only about three days left he never did come over. My daughter and I left to go to the other side of the country after the court procedings and this non-sense continued for about 4 years. He eventually moved to this couple's home state where he shacked up with them and their children. He would tend to their children by attending their birthdays, holidays and buying gifts. He would pay bills for this couple and also buy them gifts. Our daughter did not know her dad and he never would send her gifts for her birthday or Christmas. At one point my daughter and I had moved to back to my home state and he came to visit for a week, said he would move up there to start being a father. However, he returned to his friend's home state for his job and after the husband of this couple's brother passed away I got a dreaded phone call. My ex-husband called saying that he had changed his mind and he now had to stay with this couple because they had made him the god father of their kid due to this passing of a family member. About another year went by before we heard from him when he called again. He called saying that he wanted to come back to my home state to try once again. This time he would come to our apartment and take us out for dinner regularly. After our daughter was a sleep we had adult relations. I told him he could stay with us in our apartment, but he acted in a strange way and for some odd reason wanted to stay 45 minutes away. I later found out that the reason he wanted to stay so far away was because he had another woman and was living with her. I also found out that he had met her on craigslist before even coming back and setting foot on my home state's soil. Shortly after finding all of this out he started spending 95% of his time when home from work with this woman. Every once in a blue moon he would come to see our daughter, just enough to get her to watch out the window every day for him. He did this up until he broke up with his girlfriend, then he just disappeared entirely and went back to live with this couple again. Yet another year later, we started talking again. We worked through our differences and a year after getting back together we are doing better than we ever have before. There are some exceptions though, the fact that I don't know if I will ever trust him again. Before when he betrayed me he would lie and look just like he was telling the truth. He told me before that he did not have another woman and looked just like he was being honest. In addition to that he was so bent on kissing this couple's butts and tending to their kids like they were his family. And he literally would even refer to them as his family. I love my husband (and I do still call him my husband as he calls me his wife and wears his wedding ring) but I still feel so betrayed. I had to just about beat it into his head before he would even admit that him lying about this other woman was a big betrayal to me. He said it didn't count because we were not technically together. I wonder how he would have felt if the shoe was on the other foot. Every so often this couple rears their ugly heads and trys to make more trouble. They actually had the audacity to get mad about him moving a few states away from them to be here with us. They claimed that it wasn't fair that he wouldn't be paying their truck note anymore and that he should not be neglecting their children. He finally did tell them that he needed to work on his own family and could not continue a relationship with them, but not without making it sound like it was my fault. I love my husband, I do but I just don't know sometimes. Anyway, that is the end of my ramblings.
wicar1 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Just dump this guy, he's not worth a cent. he will probably do this forever. he will spoil you life and worse your daughter's life. Something tells me your husband might be the father of one or more of those couple's kids ...
Author dramaofmylife Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 (edited) I was suspicious of him being the father of one of their kids too for a while. However, when I saw the kids they looked just like the husband, ugly. My husband is asian and the husband of this couple is fair skinned and white. However, I always have felt that something weird was going on in this situation. Edited November 13, 2010 by dramaofmylife
BB07 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 A better question that you should ask yourself is why should you trust him???? And........what is there to love? He has shown you many times that there is nothing to trust. Save yourself future heartache and move on.
wicar1 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 I was suspicious of him being the father of one of their kids too for a while. However, when I saw the kids they looked just like the husband, ugly. My husband is asian and the husband of this couple is fair skinned and white. However, I always have felt that something weird was going on in this situation. Your husband's involvement with this family is highly suspious. Why should a guy neglect his wife and child and spend most of his time with another family, caring for their kids. Is it possible he married you for immigration purposes?
rowell2024 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 My ex-husband and I were able to rekindle our love and are doing better than we ever have before. However, I have lost a lot of trust in him. He gets angry with me because I still cannot trust him. I feel that it should take however long it takes for me to trust him again but he does not seem to understand this. I've read it takes between 2 to 5 years to get over betrayal. He is the one who broke trust and has no right to get angry about that. You take all the time that you feel you need to heal. Refer him to this site: http://m.wikihow.com/Rebuild-Your-Spouse%27s-Trust-After-an-Affair I especially like this part: Do not attempt to dictate the length of time the victim spouses recovery should take. You are the one who brought the outsider into the marriage, and therefore, are in no position to dictate when the victim spouse should be “over it”. The truth of the matter is, the victim spouse will never fully be “over it”, but may simply learn how to mentally move past the affair. When a person is hurting, they typically share their pain with the closest person to them. As their spouse, you are the one they will vent to, even though it is you that caused the pain. Additionally, you may feel as though since you’ve confessed, apologized and vowed to remain faithful, things should now return to normal. That is simply not the case. One of the worst things that can happen is for the adulterous spouse to begin acting as though it’s “business as usual”. Deciding to remain in a relationship after your spouse has cheated is a major decision and one which can be both humiliating and stressful. Do not downplay the magnitude of that decision by behaving as though nothing happened two weeks after getting caught cheating. FOR THE NEXT FEW YEARS, the adulterous spouse needs to periodically wrap their arms around their mate, kiss them, and thank them for another chance. Additionally, acknowledge how much you hurt your spouse, how difficult it must be for them to get over the pain, and vow to do whatever necessary to make things better…forever. Although it may seem as though such actions will revive the pain, that is simply not the case. Acknowledging the degree of pain you put your spouse through, and expressing appreciation for another chance, gives the victim spouse the impression that you not only are mindful of their pain, but that as long as you are aware of their struggle to overcome the ordeal, you will be less likely to make such choices in the future.
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