If someone cheats and you actually had to see it (literally in the act) can it.....

[wicar1]

Wow how did you managed to keep your cool?

 

Once I saw them, was so upset and angry. I had thoughts of hurting me, because she was everything to me, my world was around her. I even had thought of getting a kitchen kife and stabbing myself to death infront of her, coz she was doing the same thing, killing me. I wanted to show her what she was doing to me. (then again, why the f*** should I punnish myself for her actions)

 

But what I did was, I sticked to the basics. Usually when I am really upset I drink a glass of water. So I did that, after that I came down to real world. I could think with a calm head. Then I knew, I have some serious thinking to do and that's when I headed to the motel.

[Darth Vader]

Did you ever tell her what you saw

- No I never told her, infact after confronting I never spoke to her for more than 5 mins... Everytime I had to speak I was not alone, I had a friend with me. I wanted to make sure, she can never explain, cause it was done .. then and there on D-day, but later she got to know that I saw them together from a mutual friend. According to the PD the PA was going for around a month, may be more... Donno how long she had EA.

 

-How did you talk with her so calmly about going on a business trip after what you saw, hearing her voice and all knowing what she did?

lol.... I never heard her voice, when I phoned, it went to voicemail.

probably she was still busy banging him....

 

-I hope you took her ass to the cleaners, she needs to pay for hurting you like that, there's no reason or excuse for that!

Divorced her, told her family what she was doing.( Her family supported my decision to divorce her)

 

 

So what was her reaction that you saw them both together, somehow I don't think she cared. Yeah, there's no reason for her to try to explain ( aka. Blameshift it onto you, I mean, how could that be your fault? It ain't!)

 

I hope you didn't end up paying her for her crap, that's just insult to injury! I'm glad her family saw it your way, in any case, I'm sure they're shocked to know their daughter could do such a sucky horrible thing to another person! What a BITCH!

 

Get your self into Individual Counseling to help yourself, that's too much baggage for anyone! That's some sick S H I T!

 

All I hope is that you didn't have children with this piece of trash. I really feel for you MAN!

[wicar1]

So what was her reaction that you saw them both together, somehow I don't think she cared. Yeah, there's no reason for her to try to explain ( aka. Blameshift it onto you, I mean, how could that be your fault? It ain't!)

 

I hope you didn't end up paying her for her crap, that's just insult to injury! I'm glad her family saw it your way, in any case, I'm sure they're shocked to know their daughter could do such a sucky horrible thing to another person! What a BITCH!

 

Get your self into Individual Counseling to help yourself, that's too much baggage for anyone! That's some sick S H I T!

 

All I hope is that you didn't have children with this piece of trash. I really feel for you MAN!

 

I am not sure... but chances are high that she didnt give a**** about it.

She cried and cried .... ( may be for getting caught ..lol...) She kept on calling me and stalking me to give an explanation. On one of her voicemails she said she started it because she thought she was lonely, and I didnt support her, well it is not true.( wtf?? I changed city and changed my job just because she wanted a career in the city we were living when the cheating started.)

 

Nope, the divorce was smooth. She just agreed to leave after lots of crying, phone calls,. texts etc... (when I confronted, I warned her, that if she makes any troule with the divorce, then things could get nasty, especialy with the pics and videos of them together.) yes her parents and siblings were shocked. One of her sister, still doesnt talk to her.

 

Yes...if there were children involved, may be things would have been different, but I would have still divorced her

[Darth Vader]

I am not sure... but chances are high that she didnt give a**** about it.

She cried and cried .... ( may be for getting caught ..lol...) She kept on calling me and stalking me to give an explanation. On one of her voicemails she said she started it because she thought she was lonely, and I didnt support her, well it is not true.( wtf?? I changed city and changed my job just because she wanted a career in the city we were living when the cheating started.)

 

Nope, the divorce was smooth. She just agreed to leave after lots of crying, phone calls,. texts etc... (when I confronted, I warned her, that if she makes any troule with the divorce, then things could get nasty, especialy with the pics and videos of them together.) yes her parents and siblings were shocked. One of her sister, still doesnt talk to her.

 

Yes...if there were children involved, may be things would have been different, but I would have still divorced her

 

The bolded part, Yep, see, she's Blameshifting it onto you! Thank God you two didn't have children! I'm assuming that you got the house and most of the stuff and finances huh? Of course I would've sold the house Immediately, just to get rid of it after what I saw(if I were you). No point on her cashing in on her affair!

 

Her crying and crap was because she was sorry she got caught! Not because she hurt you!

[reservoirdog1]

this guy you are defending is no hero.

 

he cheated on her. her abusive behavior towards him does not excuse what he purposely chose to do. being a victim of her ill attitudes in the relationship does not give him leeway to cheat on her. if he felt her behavior was so "abysmal," why not have some self-respect and dignity and leave her? why continue to play the role of a victim and jump at the chance of turning the tables?

 

this relationship is unhealthy. it is one of those relationships where you are addicted to the drama and chose to remain in a cycle, alternatively victimizing one another. typical, really.

The bolded part is what it comes down to in my view, frankly. No, he shouldn't have cheated. And the images of the two of them would be bloody difficult, if not impossible, to erase.

 

And I agree that his best option wasn't to cheat -- it was to leave you, based on your behaviour as you describe it, which was abysmal.

 

So, my advice isn't simply to "dump his ass", which is pretty one sided. My advice is to end the relationship, let you both pursue the self-reflection and help you need (him with being a complete pushover, you for your issues that led to your behaviour in the relationship), and move on separately.

 

That relationship was toxic, and with the memories of him with the OW, basically pointless to continue.

 

Just my $0.02...