livbylove22 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Hey all, i broke up with my bf of 7 months due to a lot of trust issues in the relationship. He was lying, keeping secrets, and just started treating me badly. I told him if he doesn't change then i am leaving. He was very upset with me, he didn't take the break up well. He told me he has to SLEEP ON IT and he'll talk to me the next day. Well he never called. It has been 4 days. Im sure he is expecting me to come back and beg him back because im the weak one in the relationship. He feels he has too much pride for that. So last night at 3am he called my phone and it went to voicmail. I listen to the voicmail and it sounded like he sat on his phone and dialed me on mistake. At the end of the message he said "oh ****" and then hung up. Was that just a ploy to get me to call him?? I was the one who ended it only because he is hurting me so much. But i love him more than anything and want him to change. Will he come back???
cerridwen Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Why do you want him back?!?!?! He's treating you this badly after 7 months and it's only going to get worse since he's obviously not interested in being decent with you. You can get back together and spend more time enduring disrespect, suspicion, paranoia about his lies. Then try pulling away. It will only be harder--and you'll only be more broken down. You described yourself as the weaker one, but obviously not. You're standing up for yourself because you still have some self-respect. You were smart to end it. You're doing what I once did--putting up with a lot of crap for the few scraps of good treatment. Then those scraps got smaller and smaller. Don't fall into the trap of asking "Why aren't I good enough? Why doesn't he treat me better and love me like I love him?" It' so NOT about you. What you're seeing is saying loads about him and his selfishness. He has issues with how he treats people in relationships. He may have his good qualities but he is an untrustworthy liar. If you can be objective, imagine he's your friend's bf. What would you observe? What would you notice about this guy's issues that she can't? If she was torn up by his treatment of her, what would you tell her? You need to treat yourself like a close friend you're looking out for.
renogirl4 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 It could be a ploy to get you to call back or it could have been a mistake. Point is, leave him alone. You want to continue being in an unhappy relationship? At the end of the day you can say you love him, but he treats you like ****. ... 7 months is pretty much the beginning of when you start to see someone's true colors. Give or take... find someone else.. ignore the call and any future calls..
Banega100 Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 you did the right thing, amazingly, when a lot of women would have just taken the abuse. It's admirable. Now get out there and find the perfect person who will treat you right! 1
daphne Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 You shouldn't be thinking that by dumping him he'll change. Chances are he won't. Most people don't change at the core. Consider how your life would be like if you two settled down together and he treats you teh same way. It'll actually get worse. He'll think you'll never go anywhere so he'll do as he pleases. You need a backbone. Figure out why you want a guy like this back. Envision something that would make you happy and how you have to change to attract that in your life. Do not break down and call him. He will hold all of the cards then.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 It's clear he has all of the control in this-you said to him that you would dump him if he didn't change, his response? He needs to sleep on it. Does that sound like someone who cares about you or the relationship? To me, it sounds like someone who is 100% in the driving seat, and has the least commitment in it too. If he cared, he'd have been fighting for you, trying to work out ways to salvage the relationship, not sleeping on it. I don't know if it was a ploy, or a simple mistake, but that doesn't matter. You ought to find someone who treats you better than him, I really don't see why you want him back. What does he bring to your life that is so great that you're willing to overlook all of the bad stuff? He must be pretty amazing. The best suggestion I can make here is find someone who brings great things to your life, minus the crap.
Author livbylove22 Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 This is just very hard for me. He wasn't always like this. I guess its just a major dissapointment. I really love him.
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