PJKino Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Im 30 years old never been with a women and at this point it seems as if it will never happen.. I dont put myself out there much but the few times i did it didnt work out well so i just went into a shell.. My guess is after 30 years if no women has shown a slight interest in me and friends never tried to set me up like they have others around me or never asked why im not in a relationshp that im just undesirable to women and nobody expects me to be with one.. Plus there seems to be too much competition out there..Most women seem to have multiple options and better options then iam i dont feel like competing for a women knowing i wont finish first because i have little to offer aside from my heart.. Im now tothe point were imn apapthetic and i dont evne think in terms of beign with a owmen as ever being a relaity i rssigned myself to the fact it iwll enver happen.. Where in one way its probably good for self preservation in other way deep down i probably still want somebody even though i convince myself otherwise.. Dont really know why i wrote this im just blabbering/venting but i think im starting to get scared of my own apathy towards women but at the same time it helps keep me from being depressed about my situation..
tb24 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Im 30 years old never been with a women and at this point it seems as if it will never happen.. I dont put myself out there much but the few times i did it didnt work out well so i just went into a shell.. This is your biggest problem. How do you ever expect to find a woman if you're never meeting them? It's not just going to magically happen. No pain no gain as they say. You need to work towards it. Tried online dataing or anything? Plus there seems to be too much competition out there..Most women seem to have multiple options and better options then iam i dont feel like competing for a women knowing i wont finish first because i have little to offer aside from my heart.. Why won't you finish first? Do you have a steady job? would you treat a woman right? Sorry if this sounds crass but your problem seems to be your attitude. Are you apathetic because you've given up or because you're actually not interested? The fact that you're posting here implies the former. By giving up, it probably never will happen. Sounds like you're not going to let it.
Akherousia Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Of course everyone always wants to blame the guy and his attitude/confidence. just because someone vents on here, doesnt mean its a sign of how they act in person with women. I know its really really hard for many of you to understand this, but you love attacking that trait, because you dont have a real answer to give. I vent on here as well, but in person i treat women with respect and maturity. Anyone with half a brain knows that you cant cry over spilled milk when in person. Replying to this thread and giving advice isnt helping much without knowing specific details about the OP. Height, weight, complexion, hair style, living arrangements, job, etc are just a few of the major points that are needed before you can give advice. The points I listed are some of the key selling points as you cross over the 30 barrier. And it doesnt matter how many women post on here that " they arent like that ", a handful of your opinions means nothing in the reality of millions of women. Blanketing threads like this with, "Gee golly, just be happy buddy, and it gets better" is worthless. Advice needs to be specific to the situation. How do you attract fish? With a worm. How do you attract women? by being or becoming attractive. Can't grow taller? that's fine. Move to Spain; the average height is 5'8'' and in many more European Countries the height in men aren't seen by women as the holy grail - as you men seem to suggest that height = the golden city. Second, how about changing the tune? I don't know about you but I can feel when the guy is interested in me for me(even if that means he's only attracted to me, physically) and I can feel when he's with me because he just has to have a girlfriend. A have a friend who is average but he's working on his body. The problem is not his lack of height(he's 5'7'') or his average body(though he's bulding it up). His problem is how he approaches the dating world. He's not interested in Jane. He's interested in all women. He approaches and asks anyone in the hopes of one of them saying yes. What is this? Why would I want to be with a guy like that? I'm just a fish to him.
Mad Max Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 I've seen some of the ugliest, poorest people in relationships. There is someone for everyone. Let me put it this way: -300 million people in this country(figure approximately 150 million for each gender) -Even if you connect with only 2%, that's still 3 million people Out of 3 million people, there has to be at least 1 for you. And an FYI, the average height for men here in the states is 5'9" and change. Most people boost their height. Most guys that claim 6'0" are really 5'10"-5'11".
AD1980 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Im in the same boat dont listen to the fluff or cliches given to you like " it must be your attitude" like you actually go up to a women and say why dont women like me or something Changing your attitude will not make women attracted to you being attractive will help women be attracted to you Attraction is a veyr primal and superficial thing and some of us dont stack up
Mad Max Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Im in the same boat dont listen to the fluff or cliches given to you like " it must be your attitude" like you actually go up to a women and say why dont women like me or something Changing your attitude will not make women attracted to you being attractive will help women be attracted to you Attraction is a veyr primal and superficial thing and some of us dont stack up Everyone can stack up. Your parents stacked up, right?
AD1980 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Everyone can stack up. Your parents stacked up, right? It was a different time women felt they needed to get married and needed a man now that women are more indepedent they can hold out for the hottest guys they can find
TheWatcher Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Everyone can stack up. Your parents stacked up, right? Very different world 20-30 years ago.
TouchedByViolet Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 I dont put myself out there much but the few times i did it didnt work out well so i just went into a shell.. Keep trying, and realize it is OK to fail. Learn from your errors when possible and improve your communication and flirting. Make a list of things you think are making it difficult for you to get dates and a gf. Then work on the ones that can be changed.
tb24 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 (edited) Im in the same boat dont listen to the fluff or cliches given to you like " it must be your attitude" like you actually go up to a women and say why dont women like me or something Changing your attitude will not make women attracted to you being attractive will help women be attracted to you When i mentioned attitude I meant his "I'm never gonna find anyone" attitude. Thinking like this will come across to women, probably as desperation or depressiveness. It will also cause a mental block for himself. He's saying to himself "It's never gonna work, so I'm not even gonna try". This is his problem. Changing this attitude WILL be a huge step to overcoming this, if only because he'll actually start trying Go out and talk to a hundred women, ask them out. I guarantee you'll get a number of dates. More if you don't come across as setting out to fail. Edited November 13, 2010 by tb24
Akherousia Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 When i mentioned attitude I meant his "I'm never gonna find anyone" attitude. Thinking like this will come across to women, probably as desperation. It will also cause a mental block for himself. He's saying to himself "It's never gonna work, so I'm not even gonna try". This is his problem. Changing this attitude WILL be a huge step to overcoming this, if only because he'll actually start trying Go out and talk to a hundred women, ask them out. I guarantee you'll get a number of dates. You know what his problem is? He wants a cute woman. But he said he's not attractive. Have you stopped to look at the average women around you? This "I can't get women because most women are shallow" is pretty much BS. I have a friend with a severe case of pectus excavatum, he's also short and skinny, he doesn't have much money, he's not famous and he doesn't use "game" and he always has a new girlfriend. No, he's not dating Angelina Jolie. He's dating average women, an action you lot should do. If he can get a woman, so can you so stop with the bitterness and get going.
Author PJKino Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 You know what his problem is? He wants a cute woman. But he said he's not attractive. Have you stopped to look at the average women around you? This "I can't get women because most women are shallow" is pretty much BS. . My standards arent high at all,yeah id like a cute women to me even without sucess i still need to feel an ounce of physical attraction to a women or id rather be alone but im not looking for knockouts by any stretch just someone who i like You say look for "average" women but what is average to some might not be to others People dont walk around with a sign on their head that says "hot" "cute" "average" While i know my mindset isnt great i also dont think its a great mindset to have to look at a women and say "you know what shes not attractive shes mediocre let me hit on her because she might say yes"
USCGAviator Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 You said you don't put yourself out there. And the truth is closed mouths don't get fed. Hit the gym or whatever it is you need to do to feel confident about yourself and go get what you want. When I was a young military man about 18 I used to go to the mall with a couple buddies and we would walk around and play this game. One friend would point out the hottest girl and the other friend would have to go talk to her and try and get her number. We learned 2 things doing that 1. rejection only hurts for a second 2. confidence
Mad Max Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 It was a different time women felt they needed to get married and needed a man now that women are more indepedent they can hold out for the hottest guys they can find Very different world 20-30 years ago. This type of attitude is unattractive. I've seen unattractive people marry and have kids. I'm not that old. I'm only 22.
sagetalk Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 All men struggle with this at points in their life with only a few exceptions (top 10% or so). You just have to realize that not all girls are the same. Do most girls like wide shoulders and bad/rebellious attitudes? I would say yes. But even most could only represent 51% of women. There are lots of girls who can't find a guy, the trick is finding them. How do you find them? Put yourself out there!
Cee Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Normally, I suggest therapy for stuff like this. But I think you need something a little more action oriented. I suggest a life coach who can help you set some goals. The coach can listen and motivate you and hold you accountable to taking steps. Life coaches can be online or by telephone and are less expensive than therapists. Sort of like a personal trainer, but in the love and dating department. It's just an idea. If you don't have the cash for that, maybe have a friend to be your support and hold you accountable to your goals. You could do a thread in Love Shack to post your progress.
Cracker Jack Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 You just have to keep at it, PJ. I also (Unfortunately) look at women as unattainable. And no, not referring to supermodels; simply all types of women--since my standards are nowhere near high at all. Do I want to change this flawed mindset? Yes. Truthfully, all of this talk will do nothing but make the hole even bigger for us. One week ago, after I saw this beautiful girl stare at me for about 20 mins or so off and on, she eventually left, and I just felt hopeless because I didn't bother to talk to her; couldn't even say something as easy as hi. Made me feel Then, when I see couples outside, it makes me want to experience companionship. I don't know how it feels to have a woman tell me she loves me (Thought I did, but that situation was totally rebound and utterly fake) and actually mean it. I'm not bitter at all, so that's not clouding my judgement. What I am, however, is confused and socially stupid. Can easily blame it on SA, but I'm 23 and know time goes by fast. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, PJ. But at some point, we have to create a path for ourselves, one way or another.
Content Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 I think people are putting too much pressure on themselves to find someone and burning themslves out Think of a women as a plus to add to your already great life dont look at it as something that must be accomplished to make life worth living
tb24 Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 You just have to keep at it, PJ. I also (Unfortunately) look at women as unattainable. And no, not referring to supermodels; simply all types of women--since my standards are nowhere near high at all. Do I want to change this flawed mindset? Yes. Truthfully, all of this talk will do nothing but make the hole even bigger for us. One week ago, after I saw this beautiful girl stare at me for about 20 mins or so off and on, she eventually left, and I just felt hopeless because I didn't bother to talk to her; couldn't even say something as easy as hi. Made me feel I used to be like this. Exactly like this. You quite likely made her feel bad, especially if you were giving her mixed signals. At best she thought you had a girlfriend so you had thought better of it. At worst she has a low opinion of herself and though you'd never be interested in her. What i will say is: Go for it. It seems hard i know. I've been there. I've struggled and struggled with approaching girls. I'm not a great looking guy i accept that, but that's not the point is it? The more I try the better I get.
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