ReturnToSender Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 For those who have been reading up, things with the ex were going really well, hes been incredibly sweet and yeah, just check my screensaver thread to see how I was swooning over this guy. Last night he had a show, I went with him and having a drink with him at the bar waiting for his band hit the stage. Everything was going great until the girl he had left me for, who he supposedly wanted nothing more to do with, walked in. To sum it up, all hell broke loose and I left. From the way he handled it, and the things he said to me when we talked on the phone afterwards, anything with him is over and done. Im not going into detail only because Ive already gone over it so much between the whole band calling me to make sure Im okay and I just dont feel like going over the details yet again. Suffice it to say I feel completely humiliated and like a complete idiot. I cant believe I fell for it. Again. But theres no coming back from this. Ever.
cozenedindigo Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Much, much, much strength and perspective to you. That sting you're feeling? It's humiliation. It's your honesty that is telling it has trusted, and been betrayed. It's your inner voice telling you not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results. It's jealousy that really just means he makes you feel like you're not good enough. None of this is love. There's no love in this kind of pain. He's wasted your precious time. Your love is not cheap. It can't be given to liars and cheats. You know all of this underneath. Don't let the short term jealousy and pain blind you to the realization that you are free. Then free yourself gently. Be good to yourself. Think of the people who love you. Think of those who are affected by your pain. Be good to you for 3 months, and revisit this scenario. You will laugh.
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 I really hope that I can. Im so completely out of my mind right now though. I keep flip flopping so much that its no small wonder no one really takes me seriously anymore and just considers me a lost cause. Apparently after I walked out, the whole bar (which was really very small...) was staring at my ex and he was standing there completely humiliated. They went to the back of the bar, they talked for a couple minutes, and then he disappeared...no one knows where he hid to, but they didnt see him til it was time to hit the stage. She tried to talk to some of the other band members (theyve all known each other for years) and when they all wanted nothing to do with her, she stood by herself for awhile then left. At this point I have a group of people, especially the band members and friends who were there last night to see the whole thing go down, telling me how much it hurt to see that happen to me, and that I need to forget about him altogether and completely move on. Then I have another group, mostly my family and his family both...telling me he has been putting in a real effort with me lately, he brought me there as his date, she showed up knowing I would be there with him, and she got just the reaction out of me that she wanted. And then there is him...he said that everything was going great until she walked through the door. He said he was sorry that it happened, and also for the things he said...he was angry at the situation not with me, that he cant apologize enough to me and the whole thing was a disaster. He also said that loves me and hopes that I will meet him tomorrow and talk to him. Friends say...tell him to shove his apologies, never talk to him again, family says that considering our track record, this isnt the worst that has happened, he didnt know this would happen, and I should meet with him and see if he continues proving himself to me...and also give him the chance to use this as an opportunity to tell her to back off. He promised to call me later tonight when he gets off work... Right now Im completely torn and feel so deflated. Things were going so well, things were on a total upswing again, I was so sure things were heading in a good direction for us...and then this happens.
sedgwick Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 i actually wrote a blog/recorded a video on how to get over an ex and it covers something that's really similar to what you're feeling here and talks about how to let go and accept that it's over once and for all. check it out, i think it might help you. STOP SPAMMING!!!!!!!!! You've been reported.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Well I understand you're upset, but I don't see how he could have prevented her from attending the show unless he actually owed the bar and had the bouncers on lookout. Did he personally invited her to the bar or was her appearance simply a matter of her showing up unexpectedly?
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 (edited) Well I understand you're upset, but I don't see how he could have prevented her from attending the show unless he actually owed the bar and had the bouncers on lookout. Did he personally invited her to the bar or was her appearance simply a matter of her showing up unexpectedly? I didnt explain what happened...lemme do that so you have the same info She walked in and he went up to her and said something to her, I dont know what. Then he said "oh yeah xxx, this is RTS you guys prolly remember each other" in a matter of fact way, and she gives me this huge smile and says hi. Then she stood on the other side of him, leaned up and they started talking to each other. It took me a couple of minutes to even process what happened...them sleeping together behind my back, this whole crazy drama over the past year, her cyber stalking me, her harassing him and his parents, him saying he broke things off with her and wanting nothing to do with her since her arrest, and here he is now intro'ing us like its no big deal and she having the nerve to smile in my face then lean up next to him. When I glanced up, the my friends and one of the girls in the band were looking at me completely shocked. The guys disappeared altogether, I found out afterwards that when they saw her walk through the door, they freaked out and hid behind one of my friends and when they saw her lean up on the other side of him, they all got pissed and one of the guys said wtf is wrong with him, he needs to tell her to go. . Anyway, after I left, no one wanted anything to do with either of them...he disappeared, and after she stood by herself for awhile she left. When they went up to play, even the guys in his band were giving him dirty looks...he couldnt look anyone in the face. They only played two songs then packed up and left...they were all so tense and mad at him plus stuff kept messing up with the sound system that they couldnt even play. So yeah, it was how he handled it that put him in the wrong...in that he didnt handle it at all. And I wasnt alone in feeling that way, so at least I know I wasnt being irrational about that..ahh! But yeah, at the same time, I could have handled it differently too and kept my emotions in check. I just wish that I didnt have to be in that situation at all.. I know he wishes it didnt happen either...but all that could have been avoided and he would have come out of this looking a lot better had he told her its probably not a good idea to be there, or at the least not act so friendly like shes perfectly welcome to be there and its okay for her to lean up on him. I know he didnt want her there either, and Im sure of it he was having a panic attack and freaking out while trying hard to play it overly-cool hoping that every0one would just be nice and friendly, but thats was a pretty unreasonable hope all things considered. Edited November 14, 2010 by ReturnToSender
YellowShark Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 ...them sleeping together behind my back, this whole crazy drama over the past year, her cyber stalking me, her harassing him and his parents, him saying he broke things off with her and wanting nothing to do with her since her arrest, and here he is now intro'ing us like its no big deal and she having the nerve to smile in my face then lean up next to him. Sounds like a guy who TOTALLY doesn't have your back. Therefore I personally could not get back with him since he's proven by his actions that his loyalty is still with this cyber-stalking felon whom he cheated with.
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 Sounds like a guy who TOTALLY doesn't have your back. Therefore I personally could not get back with him since he's proven by his actions that his loyalty is still with this cyber-stalking felon whom he cheated with. When you put it like that... Yeah.
YellowShark Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 (edited) When you put it like that... Yeah. I mean really.... As it is, I get butterflies just thinking of when we're officially a couple again... So you're almost "officially a couple again" and your almost-boyfriend did this? I didnt explain what happened...lemme do that so you have the same info She walked in and he went up to her and said something to her, I dont know what. Then he said "oh yeah xxx, this is RTS you guys prolly remember each other" in a matter of fact way, and she gives me this huge smile and says hi. Then she stood on the other side of him, leaned up and they started talking to each other. He totally threw you under a bus and was chatting up the woman he was cheating with? In front of you and everyone else in the bar? DAYM. That's really "f"'d up. It doesn't take a rocket scientist for him to know that is a huge slap in the face. That's why I feel like he really doesn't have your back, and he is obviously not very bright either. But do what ya gotta do. I'm just posting my 2 cents. Edited November 14, 2010 by YellowShark spelling
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 What you're saying makes perfect sense... more than 2c worth I think Not sure if it wouldve been better to just go silent on him but I just sent this message: I will always love you, but yeah its true, we're not together, just friends. I had no idea you and xxx worked things out and were friendly again, but it shouldnt matter anyway. Its my own fault that I saw the other nite as a date, or saw it like we were together Fri night. Wishful thinking :-) But yeah, gotta just get to the point where maybe we can just be around each other as friends no matter who we choose to have in our lives. Disappointing its not you, but I realized I was being gaga again holding out for your call and making any plans for today. I just gotta pull myself together and keep moving on instead of embarressing myself again. hah! Enjoy what's left of the weekend...we'll be in touch I try so hard not to be passive-aggressive, and I think I did it anyway....I dont know. But yeah, I guess this is a good a time as any to just go NC. Id rather just remove myself from the picture than be in a situation like Fri night again. Plus he never did call me about meeting me for lunch today, and here it is 2p so I will consider myself blown off and move on from here.
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 He just "replied" to my message... magic quotes cause as usual, he completely ignored anything I said. Hey RTS, just getting the day started with lunch finally. So what are you getting into today now? Im not going to reply but...WTF? I dont get him...I dont get it... I dont understand.
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 Okay....I replied. Ugh me. "RTS I love you very much and always will I promise. I can call later maybe we can see each other for lunch tomorrow or something" I had to double check that yup, you did say this! Yeah, for whatever reason your interest in calling or setting plans to see me dropped and I think its better to just leave it at that. And yeah, while youre working things out with xxx and want her to be a part of your life we dont need to see each other anyway. Ok, hope everything is good w you, we'll be in touch eventually Ok, Im promising myself, no more messages, not going to reply to any more of his. I gotta do this...
Eternity001 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 (edited) Reply and I will come over there and have some stern words to say to you. It won't be pretty. understood!? Did I not say you would be dealing with the same situation or something similar within a week or so. Everytime you roll over, you WILL get hurt. Edited November 15, 2010 by Eternity001
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Reply an I will come over there and have some stern words to say to you. It won't be pretty. understood!? You must have ESP... I was about to not text him, but call him. I had the phone in my hand and was actually waiting for commercial break (watching Harry Potter movies on tv) hah! Ahh! omg. Thank you. How come its so easy for him to ignore me, and I cant for the life of me stand it and keep feeling compelled to say something? LIke...okay, if I say *this* maybe then he'll respond. Ok, that didnt work, lemme say *this* Okay, now hes just being mean, and Im gonna let him know it... etc etc etc... The only time it comes easy for me to ignore someone is when I truly couldnt care less if I ever hear from them again... thats when I can look at my phone, go ugh!! hit delete and a minute later Ive practically forgotten them again. How is it so easy for him to do that to me? How could I be that insignificant one moment, and then in the next he loves and adores me and cant imagine me not in his life the next? Whats the point in that?? Ugh..thanks, seriously. Its commercial break now and I would have been dialing his number by now, and feeling like a total fool, cause im sure he wouldnt pick up and he still wouldnt care to respond or acknowledge me...and Id be back to where I am now anyway.
Eternity001 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 It is easy for him to ignore you because history tells him that you will roll over in the end. Like at the end of his last text message when he ended it with, "we will be in touch eventually" to me is just a condescending and smart arse way of saying. You'll cave eventually, because in all fairness you care and from what you've said, you usually do. Now I know how you feel in this because if I care about someone I have zero willpower for ignorance but in some situations like this, you don't get the responses you want and the more contact you make the more hurt you get. Just ask yourself one thing, for what purpose do you need answers to certain questions? what will it achieve and what will it change? I mean really. The ultimate question is, how much more **** are you prepared to take!? Turn your phone off and put it somehwere that you can't see it. Do something with it where it's out of your hand and out of sight. Do it!
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 (edited) yeah his part of the text was in quotes, the rest about not being part of his life if this other girl is and seeing him eventually was mine. Very good to know though that it came off condescending, cause thats what I was hoping for hah! Ive told him I felt like our whole relationship was one big "eventually" that was never actually going to happen, so I wanted to end it on that note... He just sent me a message saying he woke up late, saw my message saying I made other plans so he went to lunch and went about his day figuring we wouldnt do anything together anyway...and then asked me what Im up to tonight. Hes flipping blame on me as to say, we didnt see each other cause I made other plans, when in fact its cause though we were supposed to meet for lunch, he never called me last nite to set any plans, and waiting til 2p with no response from him was more than long enough. And I know hes not asking me what Im up to tonight cause he wants to see me...its just something he says...since I didnt respond, he'll come back to me saying he was hoping Id be free so we could see each other and grab a bite or something...only to try and make me feel guilty for not replying to him, cause hes never in all the time Ive known him ever asked me what Im up to because he wanted to know if Im free to see him...whenever I have relied saying Im free he'll either come back saying he wishes we could try and see each other but hes so tired, or just not respond at all. Holding strong, not gonna reply. Edited November 15, 2010 by ReturnToSender grammar and spelling, and I probably still missed a few...
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Woke up to another message from him asking me to please at least tell him how my day went. Still totally ignoring it that he blew me off, the messages I sent, everything.
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Okay... I ended up replying. Pretty much said the nerve of him saying I made other plans and thats why we didnt see each other, when fact is he was too tired and couldnt be bothered to set plans...just kept me waiting waiting. Plus he ignored my messages going from disappointed to upset to done...us not meeting was not my fault...I waited around for him long enough and now Im done. I said its a good thing he blew off our call and didnt set plans to see me cause we need the break anyway. I know hes going to come back with some other random thing that has nothing to do with anything, like asking me how my day went or how things are going or some other lame "Im just going to forget anyting happened" response he has for me. Im so annoyed, both with him and with myself. So annoyed.
Eternity001 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I don't mean to be rude or anything but this guy has had it his own way for a long time now by the sound of it. There is no way he's going to take you seriously for awhile when you say things like we need a break. If he continues to badger you with text messages, he knows you will eventually reply because you can't help yourself and history says you will. If your serious about a break then you have to be a ball breaker and mean it. I know it's hard for you and I can appreciate that because like I said I find ignorance difficult too. For your own sake you MUST get tough, no more bull****, make a decision and stick to it. I think the decision is easy but you must commit to it. Stop setting yourself up to be let down or else I WILL come over there and put you under house arrest with no phone. Do we understand each other!
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 LoL! I think I could stand to be grounded from my phone!!! But yeah, I he texted me today, something that had nothing to do with anything, and didnt really need a reply and I didnt respond. But yeah, youre not being mean, youre totally right. Im sure that in his minds eye...Ive said Im done oh I dont know...probably a good 20-30 times in the past year, no exaggeration...and I never really was, so Im sure he feels pretty secure that Im going through one of my phases again and everything will be back to normal soon enough. But Im not happy with what has become normal for us...and just thinking about how smug that assumption is that Ill eventually break down and talk to him again anyway makes me wanna do it even more.
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Yeah...he sent me another text inviting me out to dinner tonight. Not replying. Im beginning to hate text messages anyway and want to go on text strike. On an aside...Ive noticed Ive started saying yeah a lot...Im beginning to annoy myself lol
Author ReturnToSender Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 ...and another text just now saying, "alight sorry, I guess nevermind..." Am I really that predictable, that he figured within the hour of asking me Id jump on it and go out with him, after telling him just a few hours ago that Im done? I must be. If it wasnt for writing out my thoughts here instead of to him, I would have. I honestly cant think of any time he was at work, thought of me, and asked me if Id like to meet him after he gets out. And the few times he did ask in advance if Id like to meet him after work, he usually developed a migraine or "too tired" and cancelled. So I know that if I hadnt stopped responding to him, he wouldnt have asked me out to begin with...he would still be ignoring my messages. The irony eh?
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