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What are her intentions or motives?

J Wool

By J Wool
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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J Wool Member

J Wool

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My ex broke up with me earlier this yr. We were living together up to 3 months after she ended it. When I moved out I keep the contact going for 2 weeks to make sure she is OK (it is her 1st time living alone), then I disappear off her radar (NC).

 

Before disappearing she deleted me from her Facebook frenz and blocked me on msn. Within 2 weeks of NC she emailed me asking if I'm Ok, I responded like 2 days after.

 

Anyway there were no more contact until my BD she send me greetings, I did the same when it was hers, then it was back to NC.

 

After 4 months elapsed after moving she emailed stating (in some sort of a way) the type of person I am, she didn't like the way I handled the relationship, that she have started dating and that she is adding me back as a friend on FB and she hope I accept. I was shocked to receive this kind of email considering that I did not question her or anybody about her whereabouts. To my understanding on FB she is posting what a wonderful guy this person is and when she had a goodnight or not. I also learnt that in a single day she posted more than 10 things...either love songs or quotes (99% of the time no 1 responded to her post and she does have alot of frenz).

 

To her email about dating again I answered and told her congratulations.

 

My question is why would she email to say that she have finally started dating and what's up with posting over and over again about this new person on facebook?

 

P.S. We were 2gether 4 over 3 years and I was her 1st.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

I don't mean to be dismissive at all and really do empathize, but I have to ask:

 

Who cares?

 

People do what they do for their own reasons and through the vagaries of their own psychology.

 

Ex'es are ex'es for a reason. Own your reasons, accept hers and move on. Fugetabout figuring what she thinks, why she thinks it, why she does something or what her actions mean or how she feels. Did I cover all of the possibilities? This time is better used on someone who *cares* about *you* and on things which *improve* your life.

 

This is something I learned from a decade long marriage. Invaluable lesson.

 

Good luck and welcome to LS :)

poorguy Established Member

poorguy

Posted
Posted

I would have to say to make you jealous. So if she announced to you that that she's dating out of the blue and putting all of that on FB it's because she really wants the opposite of what's she's telling you-So that means she wants you

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J Wool Member

J Wool

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't mean to be dismissive at all and really do empathize, but I have to ask:

 

Who cares?

 

People do what they do for their own reasons and through the vagaries of their own psychology.

 

Ex'es are ex'es for a reason. Own your reasons, accept hers and move on. Fugetabout figuring what she thinks, why she thinks it, why she does something or what her actions mean or how she feels. Did I cover all of the possibilities? This time is better used on someone who *cares* about *you* and on things which *improve* your life.

 

This is something I learned from a decade long marriage. Invaluable lesson.

 

Good luck and welcome to LS :)

 

Carhill...thx for the welcome. And I have accepted her decision by way of leaving her alone. I haven't gone to her work or home to spy on her and I've stated earlier I haven't even contacted anybody close to her about her doings.

 

I know exes are exes for a reason, this is not my 1st bk but I had 2 ask becoz the others did not rubbed it into my face...I simply did not hear from them.

 

I thought by leaving her to her decisions would earn me some respect

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J Wool Member

J Wool

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poorguy.. I c what u mean I've heard it b4 and if it is not that then she is trying to prove that she had made the right choice in ending it with me.

 

In some way she thouhgt I would have reacted with jealousy becoz while we were living together she mentioned once that she was going on a date and I reacted in a jealous way then went silent on her again.

 

This time she is saying that in late last yr she saw signs, signs that if she had acted upon she would have been a happier person now. But she was in love and she gave her all and her choices killed her.

poorguy Established Member

poorguy

Posted
Posted

I'm telling you when anyone goes out of their way to make you lealous in this type of situation it's because they still have feelings and just want to beat you to the punch....I mean really think about it-if you fell in love with someone else and really were you wouldn't even think about doing anything like that

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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Is someone who purposely attempts to make someone else jealous healthy for a mature adult relationship?

poorguy Established Member

poorguy

Posted
Posted

Ideally no they aren't. The reality though is when people are hurt they don't always say things the way they should or how they should. So instead they go about it in another way. That's the thing on here I read a lot about people saying that an ex is acting immature or spiteful and why would you want to be in a relationship with them? It's not necasarilly a true indication of who they are if there is still feelings involved

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Perhaps, if the feelings are true, and time and reflection has mutated them to a healthy state, they can then act on them in a mature way and enjoy the potential for a healthy relationship with that party or someone else.

 

I will also add that, IMO, FB is satan's notebook. How people utilize it and other social networking venues gives important clues about their psychology and compatibility. It's good information :)

bassplayertn Member

bassplayertn

Posted
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I don't think she is trying to make you jealous. I think she might feel regret and to get past that, she might be trying to make you a "sudo-friend" so she feels better bout herself.

 

Just a thought

tobydog Established Member

tobydog

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Sorry to jump in....poorguy, you seems to understand things about FB and stuff, is there any way we can chat so as not to hijack this thread? I could do with your input x

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J Wool Member

J Wool

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She is seeking validation. She is trying to make you jealous by doing such things. Continue NC and as hard as it may feel, do not write her anything. FB is one of the greatest website if not the only site that contributes to broken relationships. Go cold turkey on her but this time stick with it. As you gain your power back she will get weaker. As she gets weaker, love and forgive her but don't go back....at least not too soon. Once you feel your power returning it is a great feeling. She took your power and is running like a bat out of hell with it by flaunting it before you. No respect seems like. So-

 

YES, SHE SUCKED HIS COCK AND HAD SEX WITH HIM !

 

This is what I did, get off FB (becoz we have mutual frenz) and disappear from her radar

cerridwen Established Member

cerridwen

Posted
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I agree with the poster who said she's simply trying to reinstate you as a sorta-friend. I think she felt like there were things she still wanted to say about how things went down. So, she had her say in email then decided to grace you with the title of Friend again. :rolleyes:

 

She's excited about her new relationship and it's common for people to obsessively post about it on FB. It's pretty annoying so if it bothers you, or messes with your head in any way, unfriend her and rejoice in one less hassle in your life.

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J Wool Member

J Wool

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Posted (edited)

There was no need to email stating wht went down becoz 4 3 the months that we lived together was all she talked about. Initially she was blaming me for everything, then she changed and says she is no longer blaming me becoz she 2 is at fault.

 

But this email was entirely about my faults...the blaming game starts again.

Edited by J Wool
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J Wool Member

J Wool

Posted
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I agree with the poster who said she's simply trying to reinstate you as a sorta-friend. I think she felt like there were things she still wanted to say about how things went down. So, she had her say in email then decided to grace you with the title of Friend again. :rolleyes:

 

She's excited about her new relationship and it's common for people to obsessively post about it on FB. It's pretty annoying so if it bothers you, or messes with your head in any way, unfriend her and rejoice in one less hassle in your life.

 

Should some1 be so excited...on a social network, after all some of the persons in her frenz list know that we were engaged. It's more like rubbing it in.

 

More over 3 days b4 I get somewhere (to live) she said she is not over me becoz she haven't gotten the time to miss me. Then within 2 months of me moving she started dating. Man I would love to know her secret :)

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