EricaH329 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 What the hell is going on?! I thought i'd never have to post in this section again (as long as I didn't have the desire to date). I've been doing so well! I didn't have to convince myself that I was over this situation, I just knew I was. I've been the happiest i've ever been in my life, all by myself. I've made so much progress!! So WHAT the hell is going on!! I'm not too sure how i'm going to explain this, please bare with me. Someone hacked into an account of mine on a social networking site, and in order for me to change my password (which I had long since forgotten), I had to get on my old e-mail account. Didn't think twice about it. Until, I got an IM from my ex. My heart started pounding really fast, it felt as though all progress has been completely wiped away (it hasn't, really, just felt like it at the moment). Didn't know what to do, was stunned for a moment. Seeing his entire name on my screen. I know what i'm about to say I am going to get bashed for, and I am fully ready for the repercussions. Him and I had a conversation, for the first time in what seems like ages. It brought back a lot of old feelings. Not necessarily memories, but feelings. He kept saying how he doesn't understand why we can't be a part of eachothers lives. I didn't try to convince him, I just simply told him exactly how I was feeling, and that's the reason why. Regardless of what was said, i'm pissed off at myself. How could I allow these emotions that I was so positive had left, come back? Why did I have to explain myself to him, for the millionth time, *again*?! And why do I feel as though i've cheated myself out of the great progress i've been doing?! Small setback. Just a bit shocked/confused/angry, and feeling pretty stupid right about now.
chloe56 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Hey, Think about it, YOU know what you want and even though you had to repeat yourself, and are upset about it right now, you have made progress. You have stated your reasons clearly. Of course you will have feelings, there is no way you will not have this rush of feelings after speaking to an ex, while still healing. Don't be so hard on yourself, you did great.
Author EricaH329 Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 Hey, Think about it, YOU know what you want and even though you had to repeat yourself, and are upset about it right now, you have made progress. You have stated your reasons clearly. Of course you will have feelings, there is no way you will not have this rush of feelings after speaking to an ex, while still healing. Don't be so hard on yourself, you did great. Thank you for your kind words. I'm so torn right now. I'm very angry with myself for allowing this to happen. I didn't have to talk to him, I haven't in awhile and there was a reason for that. I could have just left it at seeing his IM, and quickly closing it out. I don't know what prompted me to respond, but whatever it was i'm pissed about. I had gotten to a point where I was no longer thinking about him. And when something would remind me of him, it didn't bring back any feelings at all. I was so proud, I thought I had actually accomplished what I set out for. Total and complete freedom from him. But, for some reason, something inside of me reached out to him. I'm mad at that part of me. Why?! It took *such* incredible strength to get to where I am today, and for what? My own self, the one who has pushed myself this far, to crumble? The conversation itself didn't have much impact on me. Or, maybe it did? All I really learned from the conversation itself was that he is just as confused about this whole process as I am. The thought of him didn't do anything to me. Actually speaking with him, however, did. It feels good to get it all out, but the anger still resides.
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