Author zig Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 This is pretty solid advice. Chasing her will just lower your perceived value and make you look needy/wussy. What have you done to make her invested in building a relationship with you? I invested a lot of time talking and listening to her. But tell me, how do I invest in building a relationship when she isn't willing to spend time with me? So that part I kinda disagree with you on. I had some ideas of fun dates that I thought she would like. Never really mentioned it to her because I can't trust her that if I set something up cool she won't "have something that came up". The best advice on this, and what the vast majority of posters said: is to simply move on altogether. If I simply misinterpreted the whole situation wrong, and if she likes me she'll call me. What I'll do if she calls me is anyones guess. Hopefully I'll be strong and wise enough just to tell her no thanks.
BS76 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I invested a lot of time talking and listening to her. But tell me, how do I invest in building a relationship when she isn't willing to spend time with me? So that part I kinda disagree with you on. I had some ideas of fun dates that I thought she would like. Never really mentioned it to her because I can't trust her that if I set something up cool she won't "have something that came up". The best advice on this, and what the vast majority of posters said: is to simply move on altogether. If I simply misinterpreted the whole situation wrong, and if she likes me she'll call me. What I'll do if she calls me is anyones guess. Hopefully I'll be strong and wise enough just to tell her no thanks. The person least invested holds all the power. Sometimes you just have to play ball and set something up and purposely flake on her to demonstrate absolutely you don't need her. People value what they have to work for, and you serving yourself up on a silver platter means she won't have to work to earn your attention. You've got to be a challenge or otherwise make her realize you've got options and if she wants your attention she'll have to work for it. And here's two solid ways of cutting down on your flake rate: A) When you make plans to meet somewhere, tell her to text/call you when she's on her way. You then make other plans and go do that. If she never calls then no problem because you've already got stuff going on. If she shows up and you're not there because she never called, then bad on her for not following simple directions. B) Call her about 10:30am the day you've got plans. Tell her you've got some errands to run really quick before meeting and you'll be 10 or 15 minutes late and ask if that's cool with her. If she's going to flake she'll latch on to this opportunity to break the date. I don't know about you, but my time is valuable to me, and both of the above techniques have saved me from wasting my night on some chick that's low quality like you're finding out. In fact I've found it's quite rare that women these days will have the common courtesy to be straight up with you so you don't waste your time. In fact some of them get off on it as some form of power trip.
SunsetRed Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Not returning phone calls and being "busy at work" are ways that both men and women gently turn the other one down. When I've told guys that I wasn'y interested, they would call me and pester me with reasons why I should be interested and how they'd changed and blah blah. Its just easier to ignore them until they go away.
Krytie TV Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 But tell me, how do I invest in building a relationship when she isn't willing to spend time with me? You don't. Whether she is sincere or not, she's a flake. Sounds like she either can't keep focus long enough to arrange her life, or she's not really interested in going out. Either way, the only one really invested is you. That should make you want to stop the facade, but you may need to play this game a little longer first before getting to that point.
Author zig Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 That should make you want to stop the facade, but you may need to play this game a little longer first before getting to that point. I'm playing the game a little longer by going no contact. I told her it doesn't seem things are working out and she gave the lame "I've just been busy" excuse. I guess it's over but I tried to leave the door cracked. Since then I haven't contacted..nor will I under any circumstances. Maybe she'll come back but I'm already moving on. If fact I have a date set up with a new girl on thursday
Author zig Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Not returning phone calls and being "busy at work" are ways that both men and women gently turn the other one down. When I've told guys that I wasn'y interested, they would call me and pester me with reasons why I should be interested and how they'd changed and blah blah. Its just easier to ignore them until they go away. I understand that completely but I bet you are a decent person and after you tell them you are "busy" to nicely get rid of them, you don't turn and call them a few days later and say, "hey I'd like to see you". That's exactly the kind of games that hurt people.
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