Seriously, For Real?

[zig]

Been talking to this girl for about a month. We've been on two dates in the first week. Everything thing has gone wonderful and we get along great. We text, talk on the phone, and chat online. Not everyday, but we keep in touch if you get my drift.

 

Please someone help. It's almost three weeks now and this girl can't find it in herself to set up a date and keep it. She's canceled over three times and is totally inept to keeping a commitment with me. Everything else about her is wonderful but finding time for me obviously isn't her priority. She works full time and is also going to school so I understand she is busy but is anyone really THAT busy?? Three WEEKS and she can't see me?

 

Now what do I do? I'm getting tired to the point where I feel it's a freaking burden for her to see me. She always says how much she likes me and wants to get together but it just isn't happening. I get the honey's and sweeties bla bla bla. We are both in our 30's and I understand that things might go slow and I should just be patient and so forth but seriously?

 

My question is: Am I being a complete idiot about this? What do I do? I don't feel like I can just break it off because as far as I'm concerned we are both in the "getting to know each other stage". But if she can't see me then how can we get to know each other?

 

I know everyone will tell me to launch. I understand that but my question is what is the right way to go about this?? Do I just avoid contact or talk to her and tell her how I feel? Gosh, I hate "the talk" early on in a relationship because it hasn't been earned.

[JungleLover]

Nothing's more annoying to a woman than a guy who can't take a hint.

[sugarmomma]

She's not interested. I wouldn't stop talking to her but I would stop initiating contact and suggesting dates. Just let it go and see if she comes your way.

[Akherousia]

Nothing's more annoying to a woman than a guy who can't take a hint.

 

To some degree. Though I prefer to give a clean answer to the guy. Wouldn't you be interested in being told the truth by some guy you wanted to date?

 

I have a girlfriend, she wasn't interested in a guy, so she avoided the phonecalls of the guy and avoided him whenever they had to spend time together. But my friend, she became interested in a guy and she would could him everyday, 2 times a day.

 

Despite his lack of interest. He turned his phone off just to keep himself from having to see her number on the screen. She didn't get the picture now that was funny .

 

I see a lot of guys and gals hoping the people they aren't interested in are going to get the hint ,but when it's time for them to be interested in someone, and that someone doesn't want anything to do with them; they are blind to the hints.

 

Gotta love the Human race .

[Akherousia]

And nothing more annoying to a man, than a c*nt that cant be honest and upfront.

 

That's exactly why I play stupid and keep rescheduling over and over, with b*tches like that.

 

They expect the guy to just "get the hint", so the almighty princess doesn't have to be a grownup and actually communicate with you.

 

Women hate getting their hands dirty. They dont want anyone to see them as the "bad" person, so they hope that the situation dissolves itself, with no interaction.

 

 

See, this is what keeps you guys from getting a date. The bitterness and the hate. You guys really don't like women. You might enjoy sex but even an animal can appreciate the pleasure of sex without respecting the female.

 

Women aren't bitches or skanks or sluts for not being interested. They also don't deserve to die from cancer because they didn't reply to your phone call or your text message.

 

You guys don't know what's it like to be surrounded by lust driven young men trying to get inside your pants ALL the time. It does get a little tiresome and we're more likely to quickly ignore a man instead of replying and coming up with something that will not hurt his feelings.

 

Also, we've been faced with situations where the man, after being turned down in a polite way, keeps going, or gets angry and calls us a bitch.

 

Please, show a little more respect for yourself and for women; a woman gave birth to you.

 

What do you think your mother would think of you if she knew her son was insulting women?

 

And please, leave behind the tendency to be armchair freuds. it's annoying.

[Akherousia]

Do you seriously think most women really care about his feelings, since she's not interested?

 

He is the plague. She would rather have him drop dead before she faces that situation.

 

The asinine subtle hints they use to get rid of him, are the same subtle hints they use to attract a guy.

 

Yes, we're secretly disgusted by every man we don't find attractive <-sarcasm. Look, friend, just because I don't want to sleep with you doesn't mean I don't see you as an human being. If the women you've met have treated you that way, maybe the problem has been with the woman itself not with the entire sex?

 

I don't assume all men are gay when I find a guy who isn't into me. I don't think he's only interested in 2% of women or 10% of women or what is, I simply accept the fact that he's not into him.

 

It's been working fine so far. I'm not bitter and everybody is happy. Go with the flow. Accept how things are(that you are not going to get that woman) and look for better luck in other women.

[Woggle]

People should not respected just because of their gender and some women should learn that respect is a two way street.

[Akherousia]

This is the problem.

 

Anytime this topic comes up, women say the same thing.

 

"Guys get mad because the woman isnt interested"

 

WRONG WRONG WRONG

 

Women ARE bitches because they dont know how to be honest and upfront when they dont feel its going to work.

 

Being interested has nothing to do with it. Guys get mad because women make a game of it, instead of just saying thanks but no thanks.

 

Its very easy, grow up.

 

 

Do you know what is like to be surrounded by creatures with far more strength than you? Do you know what it's like to walk the street with beings far taller than you? Are you going to approach Mike Tyson and call him a barbarian? Why not? Because he'd punch your nose in.

 

Same thing when a woman is concerned; we have to think of our safety.

 

What if the guy is a creep? What if he's going to stalk me? What if he's going to rape me? Am I saying that all men are bad? No. But you only need one bad apple to end up dead.

 

But many times we are "honest" as you say, and we still have to deal with persistent men. Maybe if you were a woman for a week and felt what's it like to be approached, what's it like to be in a bookstore and men are always looking at you, always seeing how easy you are, wether they'd have to date you before you put out.

 

It's very easy to talk when you have all the body mass and the height to walk around in safety while we have to keep our eyes on the floor lest some crazy guy thinks we want to kill his momma.

[Akherousia]

People should not respected just because of their gender and some women should learn that respect is a two way street.

 

 

And some men should learn that not all women are the Witch of Oz.

[Akherousia]

LOL another worthless excuse

 

"I dont want to hurt his feelings" so I lead him, or ignore him.

 

You cause more damage by LYING than you do by being honest

 

Women have been using this BS excuse for way too long.

 

Guess what, no one believes it either, we all know you hide behind it, so just stop it.

 

If the guy gets mad for you not being interested, than he's gonna get mad if you tell him its not going to work too. So just be the mature one and be upfront, if you think you are so righteous in your thought process.

 

Well, then do this: Stop dating. Stop thinking about women. Stop chasing women. Stop asking women out. Become a celibate. Pronto. No more skanks and sluts and bitches for you, and we women can walk home safe after a date knowing that one less potential Santino is staring at us across the street.

[Woggle]

And some men should learn that not all women are the Witch of Oz.

 

And some women need to learn that not all men are Ted Bundy or Tiger Woods.

[D-Lish]

The only thing you owe, is to show yourself some respect.

 

No matter how much you like another person, if they don't show interest in a way that you show interest for them, it's time to back off- plain and simple.

 

If someone is really interested, they are going to make time. If they don't- it's time to back off and pursue other interests.

[Akherousia]

And some women need to learn that not all men are Ted Bundy or Tiger Woods.

 

That's easy enough.

 

1) Don't be bitter.

 

2) Don't expect me to drop everything I'm doing to give the guy attention.

 

3) Don't expect me to act like a school girl on her first date.

 

4) Don't expect me to date you because you're a guy and I'm a gal.

 

5)Don't feel entitled to having sex with me because I went out on a date with you.

 

6) Don't tell me how all women are alike and how we all like bad boys and Brad Pitt and how we only go after tall, built men.

 

7) Don't whine.

 

8) Work on yourself.

 

9) Don't insist.

 

10) Don't expect me to stop being who I am, to please you.

 

always seeing how easy you are

 

Wondering*

[Akherousia]

Are all the women that read the guys posts on here suffering from selective sight?

 

We are specifically talking about the women that ignore/ lead guys on and thats it.

 

Women that do this are bitches, and the guys that do it are aholes.

 

No one is talking about the whole mass population of every female being on the planet.

 

Tell me, what would you do if you had dozens of women wanting to bang you and dump you? Maybe you'd filter their text messages? How do you know the intentions of the person? You wait. You examine. You take your time.

 

it might take one hour. It might take a week. Rome wasn't built in a day. It took more than 500 years for the Empire to come forth.

 

See what I mean? Accusing women again of something. Now it's selective reading. Seriously, this is not the way to go.

[zig]

The only thing you owe, is to show yourself some respect.

 

No matter how much you like another person, if they don't show interest in a way that you show interest for them, it's time to back off- plain and simple.

 

If someone is really interested, they are going to make time. If they don't- it's time to back off and pursue other interests.

 

She does show interest and thats the problem. In fact a couple of days ago SHE brought up that it's been awhile since we've seen each other and wanted to see me. Guess what, nothing. But we did get the days mixed up but that's another story.

 

I feel like this isn't fair to me. Awhile back I came strait out and asked her if I was supposed to be taking a "hint" after getting canceled on. She said not at all and promised if she wasn't interested she would tell me.... it's that her life was so crazy at the time.

 

I guess it comes down to this: most times a girl just doesn't have the guts to tell a guy she isn't interested or be honest that it won't go any farther than "just friends".

 

So how do I escape this situation and keep my dignity? I think going no contact is the best way but I've tried that already and after a couple of days she calls or texts me. I've actually become the one who wants to break this thing off and move on. I'm tried of being strung along.

[utterer of lies]

"Guys get mad because the woman isnt interested"

 

WRONG WRONG WRONG

 

Women ARE bitches because they dont know how to be honest and upfront when they dont feel its going to work.

 

Being interested has nothing to do with it. Guys get mad because women make a game of it, instead of just saying thanks but no thanks.

 

I'm a man and this is bull****. Seriously, I completely understand why most women rather evade than say no. Some people just can't deal with rejection very well.

[phineas]

She does show interest and thats the problem. In fact a couple of days ago SHE brought up that it's been awhile since we've seen each other and wanted to see me. Guess what, nothing. But we did get the days mixed up but that's another story.

 

I feel like this isn't fair to me. Awhile back I came strait out and asked her if I was supposed to be taking a "hint" after getting canceled on. She said not at all and promised if she wasn't interested she would tell me.... it's that her life was so crazy at the time.

 

I guess it comes down to this: most times a girl just doesn't have the guts to tell a guy she isn't interested or be honest that it won't go any farther than "just friends".

 

So how do I escape this situation and keep my dignity? I think going no contact is the best way but I've tried that already and after a couple of days she calls or texts me. I've actually become the one who wants to break this thing off and move on. I'm tried of being strung along.

 

I had a similar situation with a woman. She showed a lot of interest initially.

Then out came the excuses of "busy" ok I took the hint & left her alone.

But she'd keep calling or texting telling me she wanted to do something "soon"

 

I'd try to make a date but she would be "busy".

So I asked her to a specific event. She was "busy"

I asked another woman who wasn't busy.

 

"busy" girl called me up a week later & asked me about the event & which one of my friends I wound up going with.

 

I gave her a woman's name. silence.

she was all ass-hurt i took another woman because she was "busy" I simply told her you don't want to make time for me so I found someone who does.

 

I told her she either wants to date or she doesn't. If she is too busy to date me once a week then she is to busy for a relationship & I no longer see a point in continuing this because I am looking for a relationship.

 

Never heard from her again.

 

 

My take on why women get "busy"? they have multiple options & you have been back-burner-ed.

They only call or text to make sure you are still on the hook.

 

I'd try dating other women if anything to get this one off your mind.

Women that WANT to see you do.

 

back off, ignore her for a week. If she keeps calling just tell her you want to date & she is obviously to busy to date so you don't think it's going to work out. Be nice about it also.

 

She will either make time on the spot or you will not have to deal with her again.

[zig]

back off, ignore her for a week. If she keeps calling just tell her you want to date & she is obviously to busy to date so you don't think it's going to work out. Be nice about it also.

 

My thoughts exactly. But when you say ignore her what do you mean? Just don't contact her at all? I can do that no problem. But I can't for instance not return phone calls or texts. I can keep the texts short and show no interest, not a big deal. Outright ignoring is just plain mean IMO. Plus, she's never done that to me.

[phineas]

My thoughts exactly. But when you say ignore her what do you mean? Just don't contact her at all? I can do that no problem. But I can't for instance not return phone calls or texts. I can keep the texts short and show no interest, not a big deal. Outright ignoring is just plain mean IMO. Plus, she's never done that to me.

 

ok, if she hasn't ignored you then don't call her back for a few hrs. take your time texting back & keep them short.

 

she will notice the lack of effort on your part & either fade away or ask what the dealis. Then you can tell her.

 

she knows what she is doing.

 

I mean i'm in the middle of finishing my basement for a kids play room & just blew my transmission & need to tear my old one out & put the new one in.

I got my kids almost every night of the week.

 

But, if I wanted to see a woman, i'd find time for her at least once a week.

Edited November 13, 2010 by phineas

[dispatch3d]

guys get pissed because they put up with the bull**** women do to them.

 

Like making 3 dates and having her reschedule on you. Would you stay friends with someone who did that? Well if you wouldn't put up with a friend doing, I have no idea why you are putting up with it from a woman.

 

Girls will often get really high anxiety over this anyways. I think the best approach is to not have them defined as dates but as something else. That way the girl doesn't have to get so damn anxious about the whole thing. Scheduling it as not a date is the tricky part.

[renogirl4]

OP, does she call you at all? Or are you doing all the calling ?

[Woggle]

She does show interest and thats the problem. In fact a couple of days ago SHE brought up that it's been awhile since we've seen each other and wanted to see me. Guess what, nothing. But we did get the days mixed up but that's another story.

 

I feel like this isn't fair to me. Awhile back I came strait out and asked her if I was supposed to be taking a "hint" after getting canceled on. She said not at all and promised if she wasn't interested she would tell me.... it's that her life was so crazy at the time.

 

I guess it comes down to this: most times a girl just doesn't have the guts to tell a guy she isn't interested or be honest that it won't go any farther than "just friends".

 

So how do I escape this situation and keep my dignity? I think going no contact is the best way but I've tried that already and after a couple of days she calls or texts me. I've actually become the one who wants to break this thing off and move on. I'm tried of being strung along.

 

I would just beat her to it and cut her off. Don't keep women like this in your life and if she gets hurt over it then tough.

[zig]

OP, does she call you at all? Or are you doing all the calling ?

 

Yes she calls me. Earlier this week we talked three days in a row. She called once, told me to call her tomorrow so I did (second time). Third day I also called and is when she said she wanted to see me. We set up a day but it got messed up because of something (neither of our faults). We also both initiate texts. On average we talk or text every other day. But getting face time with this girl has been impossible. 2 dates and 4 cancellations in one month. And that doesn't include about 3 other times I asked and she said she couldn't.

[kdark]

Yes she calls me. Earlier this week we talked three days in a row. She called once, told me to call her tomorrow so I did (second time). Third day I also called and is when she said she wanted to see me. We set up a day but it got messed up because of something (neither of our faults). We also both initiate texts. On average we talk or text every other day. But getting face time with this girl has been impossible. 2 dates and 4 cancellations in one month. And that doesn't include about 3 other times I asked and she said she couldn't.

 

I would just straight up ask her when she is available during the week. If she said she didn't know, I would then tell her to call me when she found the time to see me. Throw the ball in her court.

[zig]

I would just straight up ask her when she is available during the week. If she said she didn't know, I would then tell her to call me when she found the time to see me. Throw the ball in her court.

 

Did that already in the past. She came back with setting something up but didn't follow through.

 

My options are as follows. Just ask her where she is at and if she wants to continue. I think it's a little early in the relationship for her to know if she likes me but she should at least know if she wants to continue it. I can just be honest and tell her I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from her. I never voiced my concern about it because I didn't want to come off as whining.

 

Option two, I can just go no contact. That might be a little brash.

 

Here is the thing. If anything I have underplayed my hand vs. overplayed. I've taken the whole experience casual and slow. It's possible that I'm not being aggressive enough with her but I've been waiting and waiting for another date to make my moves. Haven't had the opportunity.