sandman1875 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Ive been with my girlfriend for over 5 years now and I love her but Im not 'in love' with her if that makes any sense, I see her more as my best friend now and have done for quite a while now and to be honest Im pretty miserable at the moment. I have come to the realisation that I need to end the relationship but I am really struggling to build up the courage to do it, and also Im really worried about how it will affect her as although Ive been trying to give her the cold treatment I dont think she sees this coming. Does anyone have any advice for how I can build up the courage to do it? and also how should I let her down with as little hurt as possible?
shiftedblue Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 You should tell her how you're feeling. Be honest, and tell her you're not in love anymore. Then you need to walk away and leave her be. Do not call her or anything. Even if you want to be friends in the future, you can't be right away if you break her heart.
Tincup Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I agree with the above post...If you are giving her the cold shoulder now to try to get her to see this coming then you are a coward. Just be honest with her like you would want someone to be honest with you. Playing games with her will hurt her much more than just being honest.
dng Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I would also do some serious soul searching before you pull the trigger on this one. Seems like after 5 years you two must know each other pretty well. Are you sure its not just a bad phase in the relationship? If you leave her, you can't come back in 2 months when you notice there isnt that many people out there that really get you and what you are. Chances are she'll turn you around. I know I did.
Ingenue Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 This rings reminiscent of my own situation, though from the perspective of the dumpee. My ex of 5 years loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore, citing that he felt we were more like close friends than lovers. At that time, he was seeing another woman before breaking up with me and chose to do so over email. Seven or eight months later, he rang me up again lamenting about all of the things he missed from our relationship. He missed me and loved me, he told me. I didn't give him the time of day, given the nature of the break up and the manner in which he did it. We are no longer in contact and he is not a part of my life, nor will he ever be given the level of disrespect he showed me. Regardless of what you decide, please have a dialogue with your girlfriend and treat her respectfully. You've spent five years with her and judging by your writing, you care for her deeply and wish not to hurt her. The problem is that giving her the cold shoulder is not the answer nor is it the best approach. From the perspective of a dumpee who has gone through your situation, I would suggest you simply be honest and tell her your feelings have changed. Don't ambush her over email or a telephone conversation. You owe her a face-to-face conversation. Just be prepared that even a face-to-face conversation will feel like it's coming out of nowhere for her. She will be hurt regardless of how gentle and tender you think you are. She isn't going to expect it. If you've already decided to do it, do it sooner rather than later. The longer you drag this out, the harder it will be for you to break up with her respectfully. Don't take her out for a nice dinner and then do it. Simply sit her down one day and speak your mind. Be honest and tell her that your feelings have changed and why. Don't be vague, don't use euphemisms and excuses. Just be honest. She will come to appreciate that honesty in the future and perhaps because you were honest and respected the relationship and her, you have the possibility of forming a future friendship. Be kind, be firm, be real to yourself and what you want.
qinboxmail Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Ive been with my girlfriend for over 5 years now and I love her but Im not 'in love' with her if that makes any sense, I see her more as my best friend now and have done for quite a while now and to be honest Im pretty miserable at the moment. I have come to the realisation that I need to end the relationship but I am really struggling to build up the courage to do it, and also Im really worried about how it will affect her as although Ive been trying to give her the cold treatment I dont think she sees this coming. Does anyone have any advice for how I can build up the courage to do it? and also how should I let her down with as little hurt as possible? Wow you really know how to waste someone time huh ? Do you know there love doesn't last forever ? After love it's commitment. You should have ended like 3 months after you've met her instead of dragging it for like "5 years" and now you say you're not in love with her ?
renogirl4 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 5 years is definately a long time to be with someone. But as painful as it is the heart doesn't always grow fonder. A lot of time people do fall out of love especially when you have been with that person for so long. But every relationship goes through its ups and down moments. Just have to learn how to stick it out, and communicate. Especially since you are stating that you still love her. The relationship isn't worth fixing? Sorry to tell you my friend but their is no way to let someone down as little hurt as possible. Its a tough call because if you play the cold shoulder she will begin to question herself which in turn can damage her self esteem and constantly question her self. Which still will hurt because she is going to wonder why you are acting so cruel to her. And if you tell her flat out , without her seeing that the relationship is in jeopardy and not giving her time to try and fix it, then guess what! You are about to create a scorn woman! When you do decide to do it. Don't play the blame game. Expect a lot of emotions. And be ready to handle them. Don't try to befriend her afterwards. And don't be an a hole. Yes, she's going to hurt. But don't keep leading the poor girl on
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