eminembnja Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Long story short, she has always wrestled with attraction to other guys, but knew that she wanted to spend her life with me. We recently were forced into a LTR (possibly for 2 years) and after a month she said she couldn't handle it. She was always crying and misses me so much it hurt. At the same time, she felt guilty because she would flirt with other guys. We broke up. (full story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252484/) We've been broken up for a week and she can't leave me alone. I doubt this is because she tried and failed with other guys, she could easily have other guys if she wanted them. I've explained to her that I won't get back together with her until she loves herself enough to not need validation from other men. However, she now wants us to be together while she sees a therapist to work on these issues. This is because she's terrified of losing me. The way I feel is that I want to be with her, but only if she can work through her issues. She's a great person but has a troubled past that I think contributes to her need for attention from men. I don't think we should be together while she works on her issues (after all, it might never work out) but at the same time I know it'll take a long long time. I'm sure that I'll be able to move on before she is finally able to be with me. Any suggestions? I'm open to other relationships, but I've never been very good at pursuing them.
wicar1 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 (edited) Long story short, she has always wrestled with attraction to other guys, but knew that she wanted to spend her life with me. We recently were forced into a LTR (possibly for 2 years) and after a month she said she couldn't handle it. She was always crying and misses me so much it hurt. At the same time, she felt guilty because she would flirt with other guys. We broke up. (full story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252484/) We've been broken up for a week and she can't leave me alone. I doubt this is because she tried and failed with other guys, she could easily have other guys if she wanted them. I've explained to her that I won't get back together with her until she loves herself enough to not need validation from other men. However, she now wants us to be together while she sees a therapist to work on these issues. This is because she's terrified of losing me. The way I feel is that I want to be with her, but only if she can work through her issues. She's a great person but has a troubled past that I think contributes to her need for attention from men. I don't think we should be together while she works on her issues (after all, it might never work out) but at the same time I know it'll take a long long time. I'm sure that I'll be able to move on before she is finally able to be with me. Any suggestions? I'm open to other relationships, but I've never been very good at pursuing them. She's trouble...leave her before she cause you real pain. You will find someone who really cares about you. good luck Edited November 13, 2010 by wicar1
SmileyGirl Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Your post saddens me. I also have some issues of my own due to growing up with a constantly cheating father. It brought a lot of unhealthy habits and a lot of anger and jealousy issues into my previous relationship. Sometimes someone needs to have someone they love and care about tremendously walk away from them to realize how important it is to get help (not only for them but for the relationships in their lives). I must say, I give your ex A LOT of credit for finally realizing she needs help and getting it. That in itself takes a lot of strength and courage and it is NOT an easy task. I guess what you decide to do is based on how vested you are in the relationship. If this is a person you could see spending the rest of your life with I would say stand by her and help her get through this. It won't be an easy road at all but I can promise you it would bring you closer together and it would allow her to see you would be there for her through good and bad. If you say this is not the person I want to be with I would encourage you to go no contact. She is going to be going down a long road of emotional recovery and if you were to lead her on or give her the false impression your going to be with her someday and stick around as a "friend", DONT. This will hurt her more in the long run. If you decide you do not want to go through this with her (as your post sounds like) I encourage you to be honest and move on. Simple as that. Just always remember this saying- "If you can't accept me at my worst, you most certainly don't deserve me at my best" Good Luck to you.
Woggle Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Just cut her off. Why waste your time with a woman who will just do it again?
skydiveaddict Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Woggle is right. she will just do it again. And I wouldn't believe her about not being with other guys
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