Should I try one more time or delete his number?

[OceanGirl]

I had a first date with this OKC guy on Wednesday. I wrote about him before.

 

I really liked him and felt more of a connection to him than any other guy I met through online dating (including the infamous politician guy). I felt both, the intellectual and physical attraction. He was also heaps of fun, we have tons of interests in common. He is not conventionally super attractive but I was very attracted to him.

 

I thought I got some solid signs of interest from him on the date, but it seems like I have been delusional. He told me that I am beautiful, he was attentive, he laughed extra hard when I said anything even remotely funny.

 

He asked to see me again this weekend but I explained in great detail that I had to work. He didn't seem bothered by that and we said "next week" but he didn't go into specifics.

 

He also kissed me and there were sparks. He texted me an hour after the date to tell me that I am the best kisser he ever had and that the kiss was "wow". So I know he felt it too.

 

Here is the problematic part. I didn't hear from him since so I decided to log in to OKC and send him a brief message. Something like that I really enjoyed meeting him and hope to see him next week and get to know him better. He has logged in to the site twice since then, it's been well over 24 hours now and he didn't respond.

 

I just feel....sad. For the first time this is not an ego thing for me. I genuinely enjoyed being around him and this is rare for me....I guess this means I am not going to see him again.

 

I am thinking of maybe waiting till Sunday and sending him a text asking him if he is free to catch up on a specific day (after all that's what we agreed on). I know that this is chasing.... I know that now that he is low interest...

 

Should I delete his number so that I am not tempted to do this?

[BrianK]

If you delete his number you will just feel more confused and hurt. Send a text and don't ask about another date, ask if he wants to talk sometime. If no reply, then at least you'll be able to move on with less bs and get over this quicker.

[colliejoanie]

I deleted a guy's number when I hadn't heard from him......just to protect myself. I'm glad I did, because he did contact me. And I was relieved that I hadn't reached out to him first. You made the last contact, I'd keep it at that.

[OceanGirl]

Yeah it's just so confusing. WTF. I would understand if he was just polite on the date but he seemed SO interested. And he texted me right afterwards. But with dating, you just never know I guess.

 

For some reason, I did get an intuitive sense that he is unreliable. I want to put this thing behind me ASAP. It would have been nice of him to just reply with saying something like "there is no chemistry" or whatever. He went on and on about how he is a nice guy before meeting and never leaves people hanging etc etc..

[OceanGirl]

I deleted a guy's number when I hadn't heard from him......just to protect myself. I'm glad I did, because he did contact me. And I was relieved that I hadn't reached out to him first. You made the last contact, I'd keep it at that.

 

Thanks, I am leaning towards this. I mean even if I ask him to hang out and he agrees, do I really want to hang out with a guy whose interest is so low?

 

There is only one logical train of thought: I contacted him last. I clearly stated that I am interested. If he is interested at all, he will find me. It's quite simple really.

[OceanGirl]

I seriously can't catch a break

 

Why can't I meet just one guy with a mutual interest there?

 

I had so many awkward online dates where I had to struggle for conversation and couldn't wait to get out of there. Most of those guys still ended up calling

[Star Gazer]

Did you even text him back when he sent you the "you're a great kisser" text??

[northern_sky]

Thanks, I am leaning towards this. I mean even if I ask him to hang out and he agrees, do I really want to hang out with a guy whose interest is so low?

 

There is only one logical train of thought: I contacted him last. I clearly stated that I am interested. If he is interested at all, he will find me. It's quite simple really.

 

I would delete his number. In fact, at this point I delete the number of any guy who I'm seeing and hasn't expressed desire to be in a relationship with me yet, even if I continue to see him. For example, deleted J's number awhile back. Having entry in my phone is a privilege that somebody has to earn. It works out because I can't reach him and if he ever wants to get in touch with me, his number is automatically readded again for enough time to us arrange to meet. Then it gets deleted.

Edited November 12, 2010 by northern_sky

[Banker Chick]

Being an online dater, I would let it go. There are a million possible reasons he's not contacting you. That's the disadvantage of online dating ... people are like kids in a candy store and the minute there's something else that catches their eye, they're gone. The problem being if that shiny new thing doesn't work out you're screwed with the person you back burnered. I know I've been guilty of it

 

You didn't imagine those sparks but he's either read one of those stupid books and is trying to play it cool or he's seen something he feels is a better deal.

 

Just brush it off and move on. I know, it sucks because I'm just like you that I'd say 99% if the time I'm not interested and they pursue me like crazy and the other 1% I like them and it doesn't pan out.

[Cracker Jack]

I seriously can't catch a break

 

Why can't I meet just one guy with a mutual interest there?

 

I had so many awkward online dates where I had to struggle for conversation and couldn't wait to get out of there. Most of those guys still ended up calling

 

I think you need to stop going into every dating situation and placing your eggs all in one basket. People keep giving you advice on not to do it, yet you continue with it regardless. Not trying to be mean, since I know finding someone can be tough. I mean, didn't you say you "weren't going to allow yourself to be bothered" by dating woes anymore? Or along those lines at least?

 

I feel as though many people here want you to do well, but you bring a lot of this intense stress on yourself sometimes.

[Star Gazer]

I would delete his number. In fact, at this point I delete the number of any guy who I'm seeing and hasn't expressed desire to be in a relationship with me yet, even if I continue to see him.

 

Woah, girl! Slow down!! It's been ONE date. No one should be expressing a desire to be in a relationship with her yet.

[OceanGirl]

I think you need to stop going into every dating situation and placing your eggs all in one basket. People keep giving you advice on not to do it, yet you continue with it regardless. Not trying to be mean, since I know finding someone can be tough. I mean, didn't you say you "weren't going to allow yourself to be bothered" by dating woes anymore? Or along those lines at least?

 

I feel as though many people here want you to do well, but you bring a lot of this intense stress on yourself sometimes.

 

WTF are you talking about? I multi-date all the time. I don't place all my eggs in the same basket. But even if I am dating 5 people at the time, I will most likely only feel a connection to 1 or none.

 

My goal is not too be bothered. And I am not as bothered as I once was. But obviously if someone you like rejects you it will always sting.

[SilentVoice]

Sorry you are dealing with this. If you decide to delete his number.

 

This is how I work out guys numbers in my phone. If it comes to a point I feel like I have to delete a guys number. I will store his number under a generic name -- I use "don't answer" . I have several people under this name. I recieve text and calls from "don't answer"'s ever so often, but I do just that and don't answer.Why I do this , because I don't want to have them calling and texting me and I have to see their number -- So I don't end up remembering it. lol I don't know it works for me.

 

Please don't sit around waiting around for nobody. Just forget about him. If he comes around -- good. If he doesn't -- Oh well.

 

All the best

-Silent

[OceanGirl]

BTW I am inclined to think that something better came along in between our date and now. Or another option of his that he didn't think will pan out actually did. Something like that probably.

 

I deleted his contact number just now. I have learned from my past mistakes and never added him to IM or Facebook thank gawd.

[welikeincrowds]

I deleted his contact number just now. I have learned from my past mistakes and never added him to IM or Facebook thank gawd.

 

There we go! Facebook/IM is relationship-level ****. Stay mysterious.

 

You know, it's OK to be disappointed! Everyone gets excited, everyone gets let down.

 

Here's what happened: you got excited, and then let down. Ideally, you'll want to pace yourself a little more smoothly. For example, if he calls you again, seeing his number is going to whip you into a small whirlwind of emotions, whereas for him, it will be a mostly routine call to see when you're available. That's not the end of the world, but it does needlessly complicate things for you. Nothing is stopping you from keeping your expectations in check, save for your willingness to indulge. Which is fine, but it doesn't have to happen quite this much, just after the first date, when you can't be certain that he's going to call again.

 

 

For example, deleted J's number awhile back. Having entry in my phone is a privilege that somebody has to earn. It works out because I can't reach him and if he ever wants to get in touch with me, his number is automatically readded again for enough time to us arrange to meet. Then it gets deleted.

 

You know SP, you've got some really strange ideas about dating.

[Cracker Jack]

WTF are you talking about? I multi-date all the time. I don't place all my eggs in the same basket. But even if I am dating 5 people at the time, I will most likely only feel a connection to 1 or none.

 

Which...really wasn't the point. The point is you're expecting every guy you like to to comply with your mutual attraction rules or whatever, then happen to get sad every time one doesn't respond how you want them to respond. Obviously the multi-dating thing ain't working if you get so hung up on every other guy you go on a date with, and happen to "find a connection" with.

 

My goal is not too be bothered. And I am not as bothered as I once was. But obviously if someone you like rejects you it will always sting.

He didn't even reject you. But you deleted his #, so it doesn't matter.

[northern_sky]

 

 

 

You know SP, you've got some really strange ideas about dating.

 

What's strange about that? I don't want the temptation to call somebody who is going to hurt me. I also don't need to be reminded of them every time I click on my contacts and see their name. I only include people on my phone who are important in my life or people I expect to see regularly in the future.

Edited November 12, 2010 by northern_sky

[sugarmomma]

Always tell the guy before the end of the date that you had a great time. Leave it up to him to make the first contact.

 

You may have appeared too eager for him.

 

Did you ask him if he leaves people hanging? How did that even come up?? If I'm not being too nosey what kinds of questions did you ask him? Sometimes if a guy gets asked intrusive questions it can be a turn off. During first dates you should stick to questions about siblings, where they grew up, what they were like as a kid and other fun stuff to talk about.

Edited November 13, 2010 by sugarmomma

[OceanGirl]

TBH I don't think any self-respecting man who has options would put up with your drama for more than two seconds.

 

I think you must send out some kind of body language or signals that is driving guys away.

 

There was no drama. It was a normal date where we made small talk.

 

I did ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong on the date.

 

I don't drive guys away on the first date. Most of the online guys have in fact asked me for a second date.

[OceanGirl]

Always tell the guy before the end of the date that you had a great time. Leave it up to him to make the first contact.

 

You may have appeared too eager for him.

 

Did you ask him if he leaves people hanging? How did that even come up?? If I'm not being too nosey what kinds of questions did you ask him? Sometimes if a guy gets asked intrusive questions it can be a turn off. During first dates you should stick to questions about siblings, where they grew up, what they were like as a kid and other fun stuff to talk about.

 

Of course I didn't ask him if he leaves people hanging WTF he volunteered that over messages before we ever met up.

 

I know very well what questions I should stick with. I didn't ask him anything beyond the questions you outlined. He asked me if I have ever been married and told me briefly that he was.

 

and no sugarmamma I wasn't too eager in any way. In fact, I stood up and said that I had to go after just under 3 hours of the date. He insisted on walking me home. He asked to see me that weekend and I said I had to work. How is any of that too eager??

[Star Gazer]

I know very well what questions I should stick with. I didn't ask him anything beyond the questions you outlined. He asked me if I have ever been married and told me briefly that he was.

 

and no sugarmamma I wasn't too eager in any way. In fact, I stood up and said that I had to go after just under 3 hours of the date. He insisted on walking me home. He asked to see me that weekend and I said I had to work. How is any of that too eager??

 

The way you describe that doesn't sound like a pleasant experience. Maybe that's why he hasn't called?

[OceanGirl]

Sometimes you have a fabulous date and the guy doesn't call. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

 

I repeat: I did NOTHING wrong. Posting on here is really making me feel down. Why do you have to drag my history into it? Why do you have to fill in your own gaps with "the crazy things" I did that are all in your head?

 

This is all on him. He asked to see me again mid-date. He texted to tell me how well I kiss 1-hour after the date. Then he dropped off the face of earth. Why is any of this my fault?

[Star Gazer]

This is all on him. He asked to see me again mid-date. He texted to tell me how well I kiss 1-hour after the date. Then he dropped off the face of earth. Why is any of this my fault?

 

DID YOU RESPOND to his text? Because you already turned him down for the second date when you told him you were busy. What's he supposed to do?? Beg???

[sugarmomma]

and no sugarmamma I wasn't too eager in any way. In fact, I stood up and said that I had to go after just under 3 hours of the date. He insisted on walking me home. He asked to see me that weekend and I said I had to work. How is any of that too eager??

 

 

I think the message on OKC could have been perceived by him as a bit much. I just think guys like to do a lil work after the first date.

 

Of course I may be wrong. Either way its the weekend and he may be busy so I wouldn't write him off just yet. Now if he doesn't call after a week I would next him. Its only been a day or so. Give him a chance.

[colliejoanie]

Geez! People are brutal, eh?

 

Keep your head up. DONT CALL!!!!

 

That's all that's important. Do not call him.