tb24 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I ended it with a girl I love because in the end it's best for both of us (Logical/practical reasons). She knows it too and even reluctantly agrees. We both still really love one another. I cannot stop thinking about her. I love her so much. I've talked to her very briefly once on the phone since we broke up. As I said bye she said "i love you". I was able to restrain myself. We've also had a couple of texts about picking up my stuff from hers. She wants to meet up on monday because "there's some things she wants to say that she hasn't said before because of pride". I don't know what to do/think. Should I go over? Part of me really wants to see her, but it's probably no good for me.
stopthemadness Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Call me crazy But I think from what youve said that you guys Still love eachother. Why cant you make it work? How long were you together? Does it really have to be over? Cause if I could fix what I had or what I thought I had I would ya know? Sorry all you Loveshackers but I would. Wouldnt we all?
tobydog Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 yes, I agree. if you love her and her you and you can't stop thinking about her, then what logical reasons could there be for not trying to make it work? True love can always find a way......Go on
thatsonlyme Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 If you guys really love each other there should be nothing getting in your way. The only "logical" reason I could possibly see is if one or both of you want to pursue certain career or something like that. Is that really worth it? I'm not saying give up on your goals because of her, but find a way to do both. I don't want to go into details about my case, but my ex girlfriend and I went above and beyond imaginable to stay together. Entire world, countries, borders, laws, money issues, families couldn't stop us from being together and I'm not exaggerating. We got into so much trouble, even ended up in jail but we stayed together. Unfortunately, the pressure was too hard for her and that's where we failed, but I don't regret a thing and if I could go back in time I would do the same again! It was so worth it even if in the end we are not together anymore. Then again, who says it's the end? I'm not having too much hope but who knows. What I'm saying is, if you love a person, don't give up on her just like that. Any logical reason is not gonna matter in the future if you never find real love. Money, fame, career, it's all good but nothing compares to the most amazing feeling in the world: LOVE!
Author tb24 Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 (edited) Heh, "it's complicated". But i'll expand on that. I left her because really it's in both of our best interests. We were together nearly 3 years. There are several things about her which I just can't live with, she has no job, she smokes and she's slightly disabled (she cant stand up for a long time or walk for more than 10-15 minutes without taking a break). I know i'm shallow, but I can mostly deal with this, but she doesn't even want to get a job or quit smoking as much as I ask her. I'm also scared that her condition will get worse (Which is more than likely) but I'm sure I could deal with that, if it's all it was, the job+smoking thing just kills me. If we got married i'd have to financially support her, and I just don't have enough money to do that. Secondly and more importantly, we want different things in life. She wants children within the next few years (She'd have children now if she thought she could talk me into it!). It's the biggest ambition of her life. I am just not there! I'm not ready to be a father! I'm only 24. I know what will happen. In a year or 2 she'll want kids. Either i'll reluctantly agree or i'll talk her out of it. One of us will be unhappy and I *know* it will probably end the relationship. I'd rather let her find someone that can give her what she wants. At least if she finds someone now she'll be able to get what she wants fairly soon. If i leave it a couple of years it'll be even longer until she can have children. I left her because i want her to be happy. Heh, stupid as it is, we can't be together because I love her and don't want to feel like i'm stringing her along. Basically it's me not being able to cope that means we can't be together. As much as I love her, I can't see myself happily growing old with her which is why I ended it now... even though I still love her and she loves me. Complicated yes? Wrong thing to do? Possibly, possibly not. I honestly don't know. It's head vs heart and my head won. Edited November 13, 2010 by tb24
thatsonlyme Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 I admit I was wrong and I don't blame you for what you did. You guys had compatibility issues that could have been easily solved if she wanted to. Let me elaborate: I don't think any person should change his or her way of life because of someone else, but when it comes to relationship it's all about compromise. If she cared about you enough she'd quit smoking. It's not impossible, I was a smoker myself, but I quit when I met my ex, without her even having to ask. I was always more like a social smoker, I smoked when everyone else around me was a smoker. Nobody likes working, but expecting someone else to support you is just wrong! She's just lazy, I wouldn't stay with such person myself. I have back issues and can't stand up for very long time (8 hour shift is very painful) but I still work, that's not an excuse! Kids can be a huge issue as well, but that's where she should compromise as well. You said you wanted kinds in the future but she wants them now, it's not like you said you NEVER want kids. It's easy to compromise she just doesn't want to. I'm totally on your side man, you did the right thing.
Author tb24 Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 Actually she wants to compromise by having kids in a few years and not now Anyway, I know I did the right thing but I still love her. The disability thing alone I could deal with, it's who she is and we can work around it. It's the other stuff that gets to me and even if i can ignore it for now I know eventually I'll snap. I have talked to her about smoking several times and she just says "I'm not ready to quit". She occasionally mentions looking for work but then uses her disability as an excuse and doesn't even get around to looking. On the other hand she's the most wonderful, kind, generous girl I've ever met who shares a lot of my interests, she treats me with respect, gives me space when I need it and loves me for who I am which is what makes it so difficult Oh well...
stopthemadness Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Actually she wants to compromise by having kids in a few years and not now Anyway, I know I did the right thing but I still love her. The disability thing alone I could deal with, it's who she is and we can work around it. It's the other stuff that gets to me and even if i can ignore it for now I know eventually I'll snap. I have talked to her about smoking several times and she just says "I'm not ready to quit". She occasionally mentions looking for work but then uses her disability as an excuse and doesn't even get around to looking. On the other hand she's the most wonderful, kind, generous girl I've ever met who shares a lot of my interests, she treats me with respect, gives me space when I need it and loves me for who I am which is what makes it so difficult Oh well... Wow ..to me you did the right thing. Because to leave someone who youve been with for years and you knew that were sick and to all of a sudden use it as one of the reasons for the break up, Makes you an ass!! I too have some medical issues. And he never came out and said it, but am pretty sure its one of the reasons he left me. Well Ive made a new friend and hes ok with everything. Soo guess what bat man? Shes better off without you.if you ask me. Am just saying!!!
Author tb24 Posted November 14, 2010 Author Posted November 14, 2010 heh if you'd read what I actually put I said I could deal with the disability if that's all it was.
ARISthess Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I ended it with a girl I love because in the end it's best for both of us (Logical/practical reasons). She knows it too and even reluctantly agrees. We both still really love one another. I cannot stop thinking about her. I love her so much. I've talked to her very briefly once on the phone since we broke up. As I said bye she said "i love you". I was able to restrain myself. We've also had a couple of texts about picking up my stuff from hers. She wants to meet up on monday because "there's some things she wants to say that she hasn't said before because of pride". I don't know what to do/think. Should I go over? Part of me really wants to see her, but it's probably no good for me. Stick with your decision, you love her but your reasons are legitimate. Meet up with her and let her get whatever off her chest. It will give her some closure, and she deserves it.
Author tb24 Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 So I went over. She understands it's over between us. She did think she could try and win me back. I basically told her that if she want to get back together she needs to quit smoking and get a job. She didn't even want to TRY! Either she's stubborn (Yes, she is.) or she doesn't value our relationship as much as smoking. We are staying friends... but we managed to drift into FWB territory... I might have to go NC because we both love each other, she wants me back. I know every time we meet up we'll end up having sex. Although fun, I need to be able to move on and FWB really isn't going to help me with that.
lululucy Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 She didn't even want to TRY! Either she's stubborn (Yes, she is.) or she doesn't value our relationship as much as smoking. Exactly. You definitely did the right thing -- it's harder when the love is still there. I don't think FWB is going to do either of you any good, especially if she is trying (albeit poorly) to win you back. You need time to get over her, NC, and get your head back on right. I wish you luck; you deserve to find someone as mature and commited as you are. There are many jobs she could get that don't involve standing, and quitting smoking would be an even simpler way to show you her love.. and she can't be bothered.
Author tb24 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Thank you, the posts here telling me i'm doing the right thing have really helped reassure me. I kept questioning myself thinking love should be enough.
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