Empty

[TigerCub]

In light of my new way of seeing xMM as the fog cleared, here's a lil somethin that I wrote....Enjoy

The stuff in bold is the stuff that I feel the most strongly about.

 

 

 

I hate that you're empty, that you have nothing to give

I hate that lying is the rule by which you live

You're a small hollow man that wishes he was big

The real you is disgusting and now just makes me sick

 

I tried to find a way to what might be good in you

But that part doesn't exist, that part is not true

 

You think you're so smart, that you have everyone fooled

But in the end its you, that you manage to delude

 

I almost pity the person that you were before

Because you can't fill his emptiness by always wanting more

 

You're an empty shell incapable of love

You look down on people like you're higher above

 

You're desperate for validation, desperate for something to prove

But you end up trapping yourself, till you can barely move

 

Do your masks get so heavy to the point you can't breathe?

Do you ever wish you could break from the webs that you weave?

 

Now with clarity I see what's behind the mask

I only have pity but no more questions to ask

 

Now I sit back and watch you as you put on your show

Acting like your lies are convincing and that no-one will know

 

You pretend to be a big noble man, who's words are fact

But all I see is a clown that can barely act

 

In time everyone will come to see what I see

The wasted life of a liar who was never really free.

[Kismetly]

Good poem Tiger Cub. I bet it felt good writing that.

 

It's cathartic to get creative with pain, hey?

[pureinheart]

Wow, TC, I know I don't know you very well, although if you would permit me to make a comment.

 

All I can say is this man, or some other man/person has hurt you deeply. Please think about what I'm saying and try not to dismiss the hurt and anger I hear in your poem. I know this is normal, although this is deep

 

Did he cause you to feel belittled? While I understand, does it help to belittle him?

 

Please, I know my advice may be unwanted, although I hope the anger and hatred (?) fades soon.

 

He can't hurt you now, he has no power over you except the anger...

 

I'm not trying to mess with you, just extremely concerned....

[maravilla]

I think it's normal to feel anger and hurt and to see them for who they really are: someone who needed you to make themselves feel better. This does make them small empty men! They are incapable of real love because they are just trying to get their own needs met and that's not real love. I didn't see anything abnormal in your poem TC and in fact I liked it. I agree it's cathartic to get creative with pain. It's a good way to deal with it.

[Fieldsofgold]

In light of my new way of seeing xMM as the fog cleared, here's a lil somethin that I wrote....Enjoy

The stuff in bold is the stuff that I feel the most strongly about.

 

 

 

I hate that you're empty, that you have nothing to give

I hate that lying is the rule by which you live

You're a small hollow man that wishes he was big

The real you is disgusting and now just makes me sick

 

I tried to find a way to what might be good in you

But that part doesn't exist, that part is not true

 

You think you're so smart, that you have everyone fooled

But in the end its you, that you manage to delude

 

I almost pity the person that you were before

Because you can't fill his emptiness by always wanting more

 

You're an empty shell incapable of love

You look down on people like you're higher above

 

You're desperate for validation, desperate for something to prove

But you end up trapping yourself, till you can barely move

 

Do your masks get so heavy to the point you can't breathe?

Do you ever wish you could break from the webs that you weave?

 

Now with clarity I see what's behind the mask

I only have pity but no more questions to ask

 

Now I sit back and watch you as you put on your show

Acting like your lies are convincing and that no-one will know

 

You pretend to be a big noble man, who's words are fact

But all I see is a clown that can barely act

 

In time everyone will come to see what I see

The wasted life of a liar who was never really free.

 

Wow! I really like your poem. It expresses what I thought/felt about my wreck of a relationship. You know, I'm on the downhill side of a year since I found out my BF/MM. I still don't know what's really behind his mask. I finally realized, though, that he wasn't worth wasting the time or emotional energy to try to figure out. Trying to figure him out kept me connected to him, in a way.

 

I think your feelings are very appropriate. It takes time and distance for the waves of anger/whatever to pass. Silverplanets said it so well in another post, something about healing in layers. Or cycles. Maybe it was cycles. And each time you pass through a layer or cycle of anger/hurt/whatever, it is a little less intense.

 

I still find myself going through cycles of anger. I typically don't think about him anymore, certainly not in an emotional way. But there are those moments when something reminds me - like the birthday present he had the gall to mail me recently. When I opened the package and realized who it was from, (what a shock, btw) I had the distinct urge to hurl the heavy glass orbs through his window - or even better - his head. I, who believe so strongly in forgiveness! But I just haven't gotten there yet. I will. But it takes time, and cycles, I think.

 

I think Pure is trying to say don't get stuck in anger. I don't think either of us will, it's just something we have to sort through.

 

Again, very fitting poem.

[BB07]

Wow! I really like your poem. It expresses what I thought/felt about my wreck of a relationship. You know, I'm on the downhill side of a year since I found out my BF/MM. I still don't know what's really behind his mask. I finally realized, though, that he wasn't worth wasting the time or emotional energy to try to figure out. Trying to figure him out kept me connected to him, in a way.

 

I think your feelings are very appropriate. It takes time and distance for the waves of anger/whatever to pass. Silverplanets said it so well in another post, something about healing in layers. Or cycles. Maybe it was cycles. And each time you pass through a layer or cycle of anger/hurt/whatever, it is a little less intense.

 

I still find myself going through cycles of anger. I typically don't think about him anymore, certainly not in an emotional way. But there are those moments when something reminds me - like the birthday present he had the gall to mail me recently. When I opened the package and realized who it was from, (what a shock, btw) I had the distinct urge to hurl the heavy glass orbs through his window - or even better - his head. I, who believe so strongly in forgiveness! But I just haven't gotten there yet. I will. But it takes time, and cycles, I think.

 

I think Pure is trying to say don't get stuck in anger. I don't think either of us will, it's just something we have to sort through.

 

Again, very fitting poem.

 

I loved your post Fields and you are so right about the cycles and it does wane as time goes on. I still find myself incredibly angry at times but it passes. Sometimes I want revenge and it's not pretty thoughts, but it's just a day here and there.

 

Some day soon I hope to be completely indifferent.

[Fieldsofgold]

I loved your post Fields and you are so right about the cycles and it does wane as time goes on. I still find myself incredibly angry at times but it passes. Sometimes I want revenge and it's not pretty thoughts, but it's just a day here and there.

 

Some day soon I hope to be completely indifferent.

 

Honey, after what that man put you through - *I* want revenge for you! LOL! I really don't think anyone can skip the anger phase. After all, that's one of the stages of grief, and we do, to varying degrees, grieve the relationship, or the person, or the crushed dreams, or our vulnerability, or our loss of dignity, or our trampled trust. Lots of stuff to grieve when you've been through it!

 

I still think the best revenge for all of us who have suffered a the hands of these clods, is to have a wonderful life, where we involve ourselves only with people who treat us with respect, dignity, and esteem! For me, that goes a long way further than good sex with someone who leaves us, as another poster stated on another thread - "feeling like a piece of junk."

 

We are not junk. We are valuable and worthwhile people, probably too tolerant and "understanding" for our own good, who deserve a better life. If women would remember that, most probably wouldn't have gotten into an affair in the first place.

 

I am always happy to see women get to the point where they write poems like this one! To me, it's a sign that they have turned onto the road leading to a much better place. As long as we keep moving toward that good life, and don't park in the middle of the anger and hurt, we will reach a point of acceptance and peace, and with some valuable lessons learned.

 

I'm just wishing peace and healing for everyone on these boards today, who are struggling with disappointment, pain and disillusion.

[TigerCub]

Good poem Tiger Cub. I bet it felt good writing that.

 

It's cathartic to get creative with pain, hey?

Thanks Kismetly

It totally is!

I've always expressed my deepest emotions by writing.

Its funny, I wrote so many love poems when I was in that Phase with him, and now its just ... oh so different

[TigerCub]

Wow, TC, I know I don't know you very well, although if you would permit me to make a comment.

 

All I can say is this man, or some other man/person has hurt you deeply. Please think about what I'm saying and try not to dismiss the hurt and anger I hear in your poem. I know this is normal, although this is deep

 

hey Pure,

Honestly, I know that my poem shows some anger, I just didn't think it was soooooooo much to cause concern.

Althought I do appreciate it

I express my deepest emotions through my poems, and I find that doing that actually helps me acknowledge these feelings and move past them.

 

Did he cause you to feel belittled? While I understand, does it help to belittle him?

I think him pretending to be something that he's not, pretending to feel things that he didn't of course hurt me.

 

I always fall for the "broken" people, maybe because I feel sorry for them, maybe because I feel broken at times and can relate to them.

What hurts me the most about what happened with him, is that he picked up on that - and he milked it for all it was worth. That's not cool in my books.

 

As far as belitteling him, well, this is just an outlet for me to get my feelings out, its not like I sent him the poem.

 

And I honestly didn't think that my anger towards him was so massive - espiecally since we are still "friends" at work. There is no hostility between us, and although I don't like what happened between us and how he played the whole things, I don't hate him, I just don't think much of him.

 

 

Thanks for you concern Pure, I appreciate it

[TigerCub]

I think it's normal to feel anger and hurt and to see them for who they really are: someone who needed you to make themselves feel better. This does make them small empty men! They are incapable of real love because they are just trying to get their own needs met and that's not real love. I didn't see anything abnormal in your poem TC and in fact I liked it. I agree it's cathartic to get creative with pain. It's a good way to deal with it.

 

Thanks Maravilla.

I honestly didn't think that my poem was so hate filled.

As far as that line about them being incapable of love - I wrote that with regards to me, and his baby momma.

I have my doubts that he ever loved me

but as for her, whatever love he feels for her, can't be REAL love considering how often he's cheated on her (before I came along).

 

I dunno, I do like the "broken" ones, but this one, was perhaps way beyond fixing kinda broken.

 

Thanks again

[TigerCub]

Wow! I really like your poem. It expresses what I thought/felt about my wreck of a relationship. You know, I'm on the downhill side of a year since I found out my BF/MM. I still don't know what's really behind his mask. I finally realized, though, that he wasn't worth wasting the time or emotional energy to try to figure out. Trying to figure him out kept me connected to him, in a way.

Thanks Fields

I'm sorry for what you've had to go through.

You are right though, that trying to figure out what's behind their mask is a waste of time.

xMM liked to play a LOT of roles and I sometimes couldn't figure what was real and what wasn't, but sooner or later, with time, the REAL person does come thru the masks.

 

I think your feelings are very appropriate. It takes time and distance for the waves of anger/whatever to pass. Silverplanets said it so well in another post, something about healing in layers. Or cycles. Maybe it was cycles. And each time you pass through a layer or cycle of anger/hurt/whatever, it is a little less intense.

Thank you, I honestly didn't think I was so out of line by feeling what I feel. I'm not about to censor my own feelings

There is a bit of anger there, but its not a ridiculous amount.

 

I think that you're very correct about the layers/cycles of emotions we go through, and I hope that it does make things heal in time and that at least the hurt/anger are significantly less intense.

 

I know that in my case, my hurt over him is so much less than it used to be. Before I saw him "clearly" I was constantly sad and heartbroken that I couldn't have him, I was always crying. And now, I'm so happy to say that its been over a month that I haven't shed a single tear over him. I'm so glad for that, because he really isn't worth all that pain, he doesn't deserve my tears.

 

 

I still find myself going through cycles of anger. I typically don't think about him anymore, certainly not in an emotional way. But there are those moments when something reminds me - like the birthday present he had the gall to mail me recently. When I opened the package and realized who it was from, (what a shock, btw) I had the distinct urge to hurl the heavy glass orbs through his window - or even better - his head.

HAHA - I completely understand

 

I think that you should be proud of yourself for every step you make forward, no matter how small it may seem.

I'm proud of you for no longer thinking of him in an emotional way. I'm also proud of you for going through your cycles, and dealing with whatever that cycle brings, whether its anger, sadness, whatever... you're doing good

 

 

I think Pure is trying to say don't get stuck in anger. I don't think either of us will, it's just something we have to sort through.

 

Again, very fitting poem.

 

I understand what Pure is saying, and yeah, I dont intend on getting stuck on angry mode. I, like you, don't think either of will.

 

Thanks so much for you support Fields

[Fieldsofgold]

Thanks Fields

I'm sorry for what you've had to go through.

You are right though, that trying to figure out what's behind their mask is a waste of time.

xMM liked to play a LOT of roles and I sometimes couldn't figure what was real and what wasn't, but sooner or later, with time, the REAL person does come thru the masks.

 

 

Thank you, I honestly didn't think I was so out of line by feeling what I feel. I'm not about to censor my own feelings

There is a bit of anger there, but its not a ridiculous amount.

 

I think that you're very correct about the layers/cycles of emotions we go through, and I hope that it does make things heal in time and that at least the hurt/anger are significantly less intense.

 

I know that in my case, my hurt over him is so much less than it used to be. Before I saw him "clearly" I was constantly sad and heartbroken that I couldn't have him, I was always crying. And now, I'm so happy to say that its been over a month that I haven't shed a single tear over him. I'm so glad for that, because he really isn't worth all that pain, he doesn't deserve my tears.

 

HAHA - I completely understand

 

I think that you should be proud of yourself for every step you make forward, no matter how small it may seem.

I'm proud of you for no longer thinking of him in an emotional way. I'm also proud of you for going through your cycles, and dealing with whatever that cycle brings, whether its anger, sadness, whatever... you're doing good

 

I understand what Pure is saying, and yeah, I dont intend on getting stuck on angry mode. I, like you, don't think either of will.

 

Thanks so much for you support Fields

 

And thanks for your support and encouragement! And your poem - you actually did add some clarity to some of the things I'd wondered about the x. (mine)

[TigerCub]

And thanks for your support and encouragement! And your poem - you actually did add some clarity to some of the things I'd wondered about the x. (mine)

 

Its my pleasure

We're all in the same boat, I'm glad that our moments of clarity and our insights can help one another