shanemike88 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 My ex and I broke up in july and we started to work things out about a month and a half ago. Things have been real up and down to the point where sometimes at night if she stays over or I stay over I can't sleep because I think about what the hell am I doing I tend to let it fade out though. I don't bring it up because I think maybe its me and not her. Well the other night we went out together for a few drinks and food at a local bar and everything was going fine then she brought up my mother. She said my Mother wasn't very "Mommy" like and the times she has been in my parents house she hasn't felt welcomed. I'm Irish and Italian the first thing we say in our house is would you like something to eat. This isn't the first time my family or mother has come up she has talked about my mom being divorced as well. My issue is she comes from a family where her mother has been on and off with alcohol since she was born. I don't judge I've gone over my girlfriends house while her mom has been intoxicated and just act like nothing happened because its not my place to comment and I've let her know if she needed to talk to me about anything I was always here. Anyway when she brought up my Mom the other night things just went off in my head like what are you doing enough is enough. We even talked about it a little more and as the conversation went on about my family it just got worse. She went on to say how she didn't even want to be apart of my family after she said that I couldn't help but think its time for me to go for good and I walked out. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I didn't want this to end like this but I don't think a relationship is based on defending your family especially when she has her own issues with family. Like why judge me or target me about my mom being divorced? I kept NC from that day which was sunday up until today and she blames this whole thing on me. I actually blocked her number which seems extreme to me but she does this all the time. Do I give up now?
Fern Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Yes. She can't speak about your family in a derogatory way. That's out of order. Until she apologises I'd stay NC.
Cratsky Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 She's obviously going through the stages of getting over this relationship, regardless of whether she's staying in touch. Sounds like she's feeling the anger of putting up with less than she deserved (in her mind anyway). She does not seem to appreciate cultural differences (another reason not to get back together). Just because an ex contacts you again does not mean they are looking for a second chance. What they are saying is, 'I miss a part of what you and I used to share, and I'd like to feel that again for a moment.' Unless you've had a solid 6 months apart to grow as individuals, the likelihood of successfully coming back together is like 0.05%. The same issues that lead to your break up, are still there. Don't lose sight of the objective here, and that is to love yourself. Does associating with her and hearing her disrespect your family/heritage/upbringing put a smile on your face? If not, then steer clear of her. You don't need negative people in your life.
Author shanemike88 Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 "Does associating with her and hearing her disrespect your family/heritage/upbringing put a smile on your face?" Of course it doesn't bring a smile to my face. It's even more shocking that she would say something about my family when she has always had family problems. Or just the simple fact that I've never been disrespected like that by somebody I was in a relationship with. There are even times when she has described me and my characteristics as a person how I would describe her.
brown03 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Looks to me like she has her own family problems and maybe doesn't have a great relationship with her mother or father. So in this case she is just trying to take over your family as her own and they are not letting her in as much as she would like. Also just because your mother says would you like something to eat doesn't mean that she is welcoming. My exs parents were really nice to me it was behind my back that they hated my guts. And when we broke up what kept us from getting back together. So if you really want to see if your parents are welcoming to her say you broke up cause you were arguing alot do NOT say because she didn't like your family just say something else and see how they react. DO they say move on or do they say well you can work it out you guys are a good couple. This will show you exactly what they think of her and if its bad then stop being a mommas boy and listen to your gf. Obviously there is a reason she is saying it. And please don't be like oh my mom doesn't like her I'm not going to get back with her because of that. Your a man you make your own decisions I could give one **** what my family thinks about who I date they are my family they should respect my decision and why I love them and not reject them because of there past or family or color of the skin.
Hhhh Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 If you guys were to reconcile wouldn't you want her to talk the issues shes having? Maybe you guys just sent compatible because family is a big part of a relationship in some cultures
Author shanemike88 Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 My parents don't know the full reason why we broke up again and also my parents support me in any decision I make and have never talked bad about her to my knowledge. We have talked about her problems and I have been very supportive with her. The last time we spoke she didn't want to reconcile all I was really looking for was an apology because of what she said about my family. I think it's just time to let it all go which is the hardest part.
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