Guys with lots of friends that are girls

[wierdmunky]

Is that a red flag, weird, or just a rare thing and ok? I had this friend (used to date) who had mentioned he had a lot of friends that are girls, and wanted to "warn" me or something about it before hand, maybe "warn" isn't too good of a word for it but I can't find another one right now. His best friend was also a girl who was dating one his his close buddies also. I was just thinking about it, and trying to read more into him. Most people on here say that a lot of guys will be friends with a girl just to try to sleep with them, and girls who are in the reverse situation are red-flaggers or attention whores. I guess that's what fueled my question. I just wanted to know if it's a positive or a negative for a guy, or again another "red flag" situation I should know about.

[Green]

I personaly would not date a girl who lacked certain boundaries. First off her best friend that a boy MUST be ME!

 

Second, I don't want a gf/wife who has relationships with men that mimic romances/dates. That means NO "I'm going off to dinner with <JEFF> see you later we might go watch a movie afterward so don't wait up."

 

Third, of course the person I date can have friends that are guys just there have to be rules. Like if Carlos is a guy she works with then fine be his friend at work, go out with the guys from work and get a drink for work bonding.. but Carlos shouldn't be calling and talking about "life" or what ever on the weekend. Carlos and the gf/wife shouldn't be txting back and forth about silly **** at all hours of the day... And most IMPORTANTLY they shouldn't be hanging out alone... hanging out at work, or a work party, just friendly stuff fine... but a "friendly" private dinner, or "friendly" beer and sports watching at his place NO

 

Finaly the same boundaries apply to both parties. and if something "suposedly silly" makes you jelouse then your partner should take it seriously and not call you jelouse or ridiculous. Like friends with ex lovers... even ones that never had sex just kissed.... NOOOOOOO! Sure keep the pictures (put away not out and displayed) and sure stay in touch (like a facebook friend <maybe if they are not writing on eachothers walls or pics or something anoying>) but don't be in touch talk on some kind of regular basis friends with an Ex.

[Posshgal]

Is that a red flag, weird, or just a rare thing and ok? I had this friend (used to date) who had mentioned he had a lot of friends that are girls, and wanted to "warn" me or something about it before hand, maybe "warn" isn't too good of a word for it but I can't find another one right now. His best friend was also a girl who was dating one his his close buddies also. I was just thinking about it, and trying to read more into him. Most people on here say that a lot of guys will be friends with a girl just to try to sleep with them, and girls who are in the reverse situation are red-flaggers or attention whores. I guess that's what fueled my question. I just wanted to know if it's a positive or a negative for a guy, or again another "red flag" situation I should know about.

 

My boyfriend also has a lot of girl friends. I dont like it very much as i have read some of there messages (no all men are the same). However since we started a long dicstance relationship I told him the boundouries. I told him that I would trust him not to cheat when he ask what cheating was i said anything from a kiss onword and he said good cuz i cuddle my mate. I hate this as he sends them message asking for cuddles but not from me I dont think it is something to "red flag" just keep one eye open see what he is like around them.

[phineas]

The woman I kissed the other night has a lot of guy friends.

I was one of them for about a yr while going through my divorce.

 

I found her attractive but I just wasn't interested in her because I don't befriend women when my intent is to sleep with them.

Plus, I was going through divorce & just wanted to go out & have fun without having to answer to a chick.

 

as final paperwork for divorce went through I kinda got bored with all the flakes I was hanging out with & she wanted to hang out more & more. hmmm I wonder why. LOL!

 

She knows I don't care if she has guy friends however she also knows i won't tolerate a GF going to dinner & a movie with guys that want to sleep with her or any guys for that matter.

 

She agreed that if we ever got serious she wouldn't do that. She says she isn't interested in those guys but she got all ass-hurt the other night because I went to happy hour with a few women friends from work.

 

She tells me the reason those women asked me to happy hour is because one of them is interested in me. Really? She knows this how? LOL! I remind her she just wanted to be friends with me once & now wants to date me.

 

I told her i'm not interested in fishing off the company pier & if she expects me to be ok with her talking & texting guy friends & even going out with them alone i'm going to expect the same from her.

 

She then told me if she is with someone (sex) she doesn't go out with other guys alone because she thinks it's inappropriate & I told her I feel the same but right now we arn't "together" (having sex).

 

so looks like we are on the same page.

Edited November 12, 2010 by phineas

[D-Jam]

I'd only call it a red flag if he had NO guy friends at all.

 

Plus I'd be watchful if he doesn't introduce you as "girlfriend" and thus put it out there to all women that he's off the market.

 

 

Same goes for the women who have loads of guy friends.

[carhill]

I have a lot of female friends. They're *married* to my *male* friends.

 

A woman I would date would never be *warned* of my female friends; she would eventually be *introduced* to them as a part of the family of humans I love and value.

 

IMO, cross-gender hetero platonic relationships should revolve around *interests* and any LTR's/M's should be the obvious *priority* for the committed friend. The non-committed friend should be a supporter of the LTR/M and show that support and love like a friend naturally does.

 

OP, a good question to ask, when encountering such men, is, one, are the female friends single and, two, what interests do they share in common. An example of an interest I had for many years which I formed great female friendships through was auto racing. Some of my fellow drivers were female and we came together over the nuances of racing and the track. Some were single and some were married.

An example of a lack of platonic 'interest' would be 'hanging out', 'going to dinner', and 'seeing a movie', unless of course it was a group thing with those friend's SO's/spouses.

 

If you had a curiosity about my female friends, I'd simply invite them over for a BBQ, along with their husbands, and we'd have a great time. Simple as that. Apply to your current and future circumstances as appropriate. Good luck

[tigressA]

I think it's a big, bright red flag if a guy/girl has at least majority opposite-sex friends.

 

I said this before here and I'll say it again: I always remember my guy friend/ex-FWB, who has mostly female friends. He had hooked up with most of them.

[VeveCakes]

Never in a million years would I be ok with my man cuddling with a female friend,totally innapropriate!

[Akherousia]

Is that a red flag, weird, or just a rare thing and ok? I had this friend (used to date) who had mentioned he had a lot of friends that are girls, and wanted to "warn" me or something about it before hand, maybe "warn" isn't too good of a word for it but I can't find another one right now. His best friend was also a girl who was dating one his his close buddies also. I was just thinking about it, and trying to read more into him. Most people on here say that a lot of guys will be friends with a girl just to try to sleep with them, and girls who are in the reverse situation are red-flaggers or attention whores. I guess that's what fueled my question. I just wanted to know if it's a positive or a negative for a guy, or again another "red flag" situation I should know about.

 

 

Girls with a lot of guy friends. Is that dangerous? Girls with a lot of girlfriends? Will she turn into a lesbian?

 

People are friends because of one reason; lack of sexual appeal.

 

I would never befriend a guy I was lusting after. I've had guys trying to befriend me, while wanting to bed me. I told them high school was over a long time ago. I suppose feelings might appear over time. Nevertheless, the chances of that happening are very low.

 

Another funny side effect of a long term friendship is that, I have a childhood friend. He's 6'6'', very well built, blue eyes, and thick, dark hair. He looks very much like what Alain Delon looked when he was enjoying his prime.

 

To most of my girlfriends he's extremely attractive. To me? He's like a brother. I've been naked with him, I talk a lot about sex with him, his girlfriends know of me and are okay with it and I never had any sexual desire for him.

 

This might be possible for those long term friendships, I suppose.

 

And the same goes for guys. My brother grew up with this incredibly beautiful woman: 5'6'', 127 pounds, natural DD breasts, extremely long and dark hair, seductive legs and an amazing butt.

 

All of my brother's friends want to meet this girl. They also can't believe he hasn't slept with her because they're always together, hugging and being all cute for each other. Is my brother interested in her? No. Why not?

 

She's too much like a sister.

Edited November 12, 2010 by Akherousia

[quankanne]

two of my closest friends are guys I've known since our college days, 20-plus years ago. And they've made it a point to let the women they date know that I'm an important part of their lives. One's wife is totally cool with the fact that her husband is my best friend and that I'm his "big sister," and she gives us time alone to hang out because we don't see each other or talk very often.

 

other friend is the kind of guy who loves everything about women, and therefore, it seems most of the people he's around are chicks. Yes, some of them are exes, but all of them are friends that he does stuff with. He's told me that one of the litmus tests for the more serious relationships is me: If they cannot deal with the fact that I'm a girl, he drops them, because his thought is that if HE wants me in his life as a "little sister," then these gals need to be on board with it, too. Again, we don't see each other often, but the relationship is a very, very strong one.

 

have never really asked my husband outright what he thinks about two of my three closest friends being male, but he's been very accepting of those relationships, most probably because he understands that R & N are the brothers I wish I had, but didn't get.

 

so in a roundabout way, I guess I'm saying that someone who is comfortable with having chick friends isn't necessarily someone who wants to hook up with them sexually, just someone who can look past biology and hormones when considering a relationship with a female.

[purpleplanet]

I think it's a good sign that a man can maintain friendships with women. Of course there are exceptions, but it generally means that the man can see women as people, not just sex objects. He genuinely likes women. Why should anyone cut their friendship prospects in half, just because of gender?

[quankanne]

She's too much like a sister. EXACTLY!!!! It doesn't matter how attractive that person is, when it feels like family, that person *becomes* family ...

[phillyfan]

Dunno but I used to be that guy and I had loadsa girls as friends as it was a good way of having a potential dating pool but not having to admit to the girl I was seein thats that was the situation. Like an options open thing. I am more of a good guy now, but he could be a playa-its an ego trip for a lot of guys, like, look how many pretty girls wanna know me (LOL). Or maybe he is gay, or hey mayb a good guy just girls think hes a gent or somethin.

[phillyfan]

I've been naked with him, I talk a lot about sex with him, his girlfriends know of me and are okay with it and I never had any sexual desire for him.

 

LOL this dude is seriously good, Id buy that dude a drink.

[Akherousia]

LOL this dude is seriously good, Id buy that dude a drink.

 

 

You'd feel intimidated.

[irc333]

I had situations where women I didn't want to be friends with, WANTED to be my friend anyhow....some were like "So,why do you have a hard time being friends with a woman?"

 

We'd hang out and stuff and do things together...this one woman, acquired a boyfriend....we went to nightschool together, and had l unch together after class.....then the boyfriend moved in with her.

 

Things changed, she asked that I not call her at the apartment...and just chat with her online...then one day her b/f caught us chatting (shoulder surfing) and went ballistic. LOL

 

He even threatened me.

 

And another woman, she admitted she just liked my attention after I stopped giving it to her since she "friendzoned" me....one time she tried to get me to go to a clube with her and nother friend (almost begged me) and I thought since we were friends it wasn't appropriate (since I had a crush on her)

 

Eventually she got married, and she stopped staying in touch anyhow.....<shrug> which is to be expected.

 

At a couple of social events, she asked I kind of "stay away" from her at the events, because she didn't want it to look like to OTHER single men that we were a couple, and they'd never approach...that was a major let down.

 

 

I have a lot of female friends. They're *married* to my *male* friends.

 

A woman I would date would never be *warned* of my female friends; she would eventually be *introduced* to them as a part of the family of humans I love and value.

 

IMO, cross-gender hetero platonic relationships should revolve around *interests* and any LTR's/M's should be the obvious *priority* for the committed friend. The non-committed friend should be a supporter of the LTR/M and show that support and love like a friend naturally does.

 

OP, a good question to ask, when encountering such men, is, one, are the female friends single and, two, what interests do they share in common. An example of an interest I had for many years which I formed great female friendships through was auto racing. Some of my fellow drivers were female and we came together over the nuances of racing and the track. Some were single and some were married.

An example of a lack of platonic 'interest' would be 'hanging out', 'going to dinner', and 'seeing a movie', unless of course it was a group thing with those friend's SO's/spouses.

 

If you had a curiosity about my female friends, I'd simply invite them over for a BBQ, along with their husbands, and we'd have a great time. Simple as that. Apply to your current and future circumstances as appropriate. Good luck

[carhill]

I had situations where women I didn't want to be friends with, WANTED to be my friend anyhow....some were like "So,why do you have a hard time being friends with a woman?"

 

We'd hang out and stuff and do things together...this one woman, acquired a boyfriend....we went to nightschool together, and had l unch together after class.....then the boyfriend moved in with her.

 

Things changed, she asked that I not call her at the apartment...and just chat with her online...then one day her b/f caught us chatting (shoulder surfing) and went ballistic. LOL

Here's a tip about people (in your case a woman) who aren't transparent in their friendships....

 

They use others as 'tools' to get what they want or to satisfy their needs of the moment. The clearest indicator is when they cut contact or place 'restrictions' on contact once they 'meet' someone. Yes, friendships change and new relationships affect the flow of the friendship but the differences should be similar to that of a same-sex friendship. IOW, in your example, did the lady tell her female friends to not call the apartment? If not, she's just a user and fed her ego with you and used you as a tool until she had her BF hooked up. Having another man in the picture is a time-honored tool of *some* women to solidify interest by their targeted man. The other man, the 'friend', is then relegated to the scrap pile once she's done with him.

 

Sound familiar?

[sally4sara]

I think as long as there is a balance to their friends rather than a girl having mostly guy friends and maaaaybe one or two female friends - she might have issues.

 

Or if a guy has mostly female friends and maaaybe one or two guy friends - he might have issues.

 

I get that some people would worry about the what ifs and think it means there is a greater chance of cheating.

 

All I know is the three men that cheated on me - all had mostly guy friends. That says to me that the gender of their friends isn't a reliable indicator of anything in of itself.

 

What I look for instead is:

 

Am I being asked to not come along a whole lot more than I'm being given the option of going along?

When I say I'm coming along, do the plans they had fall through immediately after I say I was coming too?

When I go along, does the female friend avoid looking me in the eye? Avoids making conversation with me? Seems disappointed that I came along? Says crappy things or things that could be taken as an insult but are not outright insults? Are there subjects brought up that she says "I'll tell you later" over (preferring to not talk about it around me)?

Do they ever come over to our house to hang out? Or do we keep inviting her and she keeps coming up with excuses to not come?

If I try to invite her to something with me and other female friends - does she get all weird and not want to go?

Is my guy always on his phone with this person and starts never leaving the phone laying around?

Do I wake up in the middle of the night either because his phone went off at 2am or to find him chatting to her in the wee hours on IM?

How am I being treated otherwise - as well as always or with less interest and care?

 

And the cherry; some of these things ARE going on and when I try to talk to my partner about it, I get told I'm being (silly, stupid, ridiculous, suspicious, jealous, etc.).

Also, and this one has never failed me. Its when the girl only meets me once, avoids meeting me again and when I point that out, my guy says something like "she even said she thinks you're real pretty!"

I don't know why, but that has always proceeded said girl trying to make a play.

 

I'll go see a movie, catch a meal, go shopping or to some event with a friend either with or without my partner coming along. I don't know why it would suddenly be a wrong thing to do if the friend has different plumbing than myself. If I were of the mind to cheat, I wouldn't need to make a platonic friend to do it.

[irc333]

Well, her boyfriend was the serious jealous type....when he saw me in public, he threatened me...no joke. So obviously I had to cut ties. Ticked me off she was there, and didn't do jack about it.

 

 

 

Here's a tip about people (in your case a woman) who aren't transparent in their friendships....

 

They use others as 'tools' to get what they want or to satisfy their needs of the moment. The clearest indicator is when they cut contact or place 'restrictions' on contact once they 'meet' someone. Yes, friendships change and new relationships affect the flow of the friendship but the differences should be similar to that of a same-sex friendship. IOW, in your example, did the lady tell her female friends to not call the apartment? If not, she's just a user and fed her ego with you and used you as a tool until she had her BF hooked up. Having another man in the picture is a time-honored tool of *some* women to solidify interest by their targeted man. The other man, the 'friend', is then relegated to the scrap pile once she's done with him.

 

Sound familiar?

[carhill]

Well, her boyfriend was the serious jealous type....when he saw me in public, he threatened me...no joke. So obviously I had to cut ties. Ticked me off she was there, and didn't do jack about it.

Yep, she smiled, if only inside. Mission accomplished

[Green]

My boyfriend also has a lot of girl friends. I dont like it very much as i have read some of there messages (no all men are the same). However since we started a long dicstance relationship I told him the boundouries. I told him that I would trust him not to cheat when he ask what cheating was i said anything from a kiss onword and he said good cuz i cuddle my mate. I hate this as he sends them message asking for cuddles but not from me I dont think it is something to "red flag" just keep one eye open see what he is like around them.

 

If your bf cuddles with other girls most people would consider that CHEATING... sounds like an Emotional and Phsyical affair.

 

I have a lot of female friends. They're *married* to my *male* friends.

 

A woman I would date would never be *warned* of my female friends; she would eventually be *introduced* to them as a part of the family of humans I love and value.

 

IMO, cross-gender hetero platonic relationships should revolve around *interests* and any LTR's/M's should be the obvious *priority* for the committed friend. The non-committed friend should be a supporter of the LTR/M and show that support and love like a friend naturally does.

 

OP, a good question to ask, when encountering such men, is, one, are the female friends single and, two, what interests do they share in common. An example of an interest I had for many years which I formed great female friendships through was auto racing. Some of my fellow drivers were female and we came together over the nuances of racing and the track. Some were single and some were married.

An example of a lack of platonic 'interest' would be 'hanging out', 'going to dinner', and 'seeing a movie', unless of course it was a group thing with those friend's SO's/spouses.

 

If you had a curiosity about my female friends, I'd simply invite them over for a BBQ, along with their husbands, and we'd have a great time. Simple as that. Apply to your current and future circumstances as appropriate. Good luck

 

THis sounds like the proper way to have female friends. Like I'm friends with my gf's friends who are female but its not like its my special alone time friend or anything. Its a friend of the couple.

 

Girls with a lot of guy friends. Is that dangerous? Girls with a lot of girlfriends? Will she turn into a lesbian?

 

People are friends because of one reason; lack of sexual appeal.

 

I would never befriend a guy I was lusting after. I've had guys trying to befriend me, while wanting to bed me. I told them high school was over a long time ago. I suppose feelings might appear over time. Nevertheless, the chances of that happening are very low.

 

Another funny side effect of a long term friendship is that, I have a childhood friend. He's 6'6'', very well built, blue eyes, and thick, dark hair. He looks very much like what Alain Delon looked when he was enjoying his prime.

 

To most of my girlfriends he's extremely attractive. To me? He's like a brother. I've been naked with him, I talk a lot about sex with him, his girlfriends know of me and are okay with it and I never had any sexual desire for him.

 

This might be possible for those long term friendships, I suppose.

 

And the same goes for guys. My brother grew up with this incredibly beautiful woman: 5'6'', 127 pounds, natural DD breasts, extremely long and dark hair, seductive legs and an amazing butt.

 

All of my brother's friends want to meet this girl. They also can't believe he hasn't slept with her because they're always together, hugging and being all cute for each other. Is my brother interested in her? No. Why not?

 

She's too much like a sister.

 

People are friends for one reason "lack of sexual apeal" YEAH RIGHT! People have been using friendship as a presure free way to get to know some one they are romanticly interested in for ever.

 

You know who's like a sister to me. MY SISTER we were raised togather, hell we bathed naked infront of eachother in the same bath as young children and most importantly their is a massive social stigma that would be involved with the pain I would cause my family not to mention the humilation I would face if I had such a relationship. Really a lot of negatives and disincentives (yet some sister and brothers still hook up)

 

The point is its all well and good to say some pretty girl you met in college or HS or what ever is like a sister to you but it means nothing.

[abouttoloseit]

The point is its all well and good to say some pretty girl you met in college or HS or what ever is like a sister to you but it means nothing.

 

 

Nail. On. Head.

 

 

People are friends because of one reason; lack of sexual appeal.

 

[/Quote]

 

No.

[wierdmunky]

So many great responses

 

If your bf cuddles with other girls most people would consider that CHEATING... sounds like an Emotional and Phsyical affair.

 

People are friends for one reason "lack of sexual apeal" YEAH RIGHT! People have been using friendship as a presure free way to get to know some one they are romanticly interested in for ever.

 

You know who's like a sister to me. MY SISTER we were raised togather, hell we bathed naked infront of eachother in the same bath as young children and most importantly their is a massive social stigma that would be involved with the pain I would cause my family not to mention the humilation I would face if I had such a relationship. Really a lot of negatives and disincentives (yet some sister and brothers still hook up)

 

The point is its all well and good to say some pretty girl you met in college or HS or what ever is like a sister to you but it means nothing.

 

I can't label it "cheating" but it's borderline cheating to me which is almost like the same thing. It's close enough isn't it? I wouldn't be that ok with a female getting that close to my bf (if I had one so I'm just saying it's my pov right now..) It would only take a "moment" to create sexual tension in that situation, and then it's so easy access from there. I also wouldn't be that close to my siblings though. We didn't really hang out like that! We would do more active stuff or talk, share secrets, go out, not snuggle in bed. If we were in bed it's because we were talking and tired not sharing body heat. We did take showers and stuff when we were little but that stuff is for kids.

 

LOL this dude is seriously good, Id buy that dude a drink.

 

This is what my guys friends would say lol

 

 

so in a roundabout way, I guess I'm saying that someone who is comfortable with having chick friends isn't necessarily someone who wants to hook up with them sexually, just someone who can look past biology and hormones when considering a relationship with a female.

 

I guess it's party how you handled relationships while growing up? It's just hard to KNOW what is really going on. People can hide their intentions and then get into situations that they don't want to be in, or screw up friendships because of conflicting perspectives. I liked to play with the boys when I was a kid because I was hyper kid, so it's easy to look past biology and get to talking about certain things with they guys, it's a litttttle different with girls, but I DO have a lot of girl friends. I mostly attract girls that are LIKE me, unless it's work. If your friendly it doesn't really matter right? you'll mostly likely have 50/50 guy/girl friends unless the that ratio is different for the population of the world or your location or whatever. It was when I noticed or felt that sexual tension that changed that relationship with guys. I will always know that that is there and things can happen no matter what because the men are equipped with that! But I noticed some guys who can play the game will act like they have similar interests too. So guys to me that just have THAT much in common with women and a majority of women friends, like to be in the 'inside' to get a curve, are metro, are insecure with their own gender for whatever reason, or like the company of women and try not to cross boundaries. There is unlimited possibility of hooking up here if we're all single! I also know guys who live with lots of women who are family that like to get away because it's just too much estrogen for them

[Akherousia]

So many great responses

 

 

 

I can't label it "cheating" but it's borderline cheating to me which is almost like the same thing. It's close enough isn't it? I wouldn't be that ok with a female getting that close to my bf (if I had one so I'm just saying it's my pov right now..) It would only take a "moment" to create sexual tension in that situation, and then it's so easy access from there. I also wouldn't be that close to my siblings though. We didn't really hang out like that! We would do more active stuff or talk, share secrets, go out, not snuggle in bed. If we were in bed it's because we were talking and tired not sharing body heat. We did take showers and stuff when we were little but that stuff is for kids.

 

 

 

This is what my guys friends would say lol

 

 

 

I guess it's party how you handled relationships while growing up? It's just hard to KNOW what is really going on. People can hide their intentions and then get into situations that they don't want to be in, or screw up friendships because of conflicting perspectives. I liked to play with the boys when I was a kid because I was hyper kid, so it's easy to look past biology and get to talking about certain things with they guys, it's a litttttle different with girls, but I DO have a lot of girl friends. I mostly attract girls that are LIKE me, unless it's work. If your friendly it doesn't really matter right? you'll mostly likely have 50/50 guy/girl friends unless the that ratio is different for the population of the world or your location or whatever. It was when I noticed or felt that sexual tension that changed that relationship with guys. I will always know that that is there and things can happen no matter what because the men are equipped with that! But I noticed some guys who can play the game will act like they have similar interests too. So guys to me that just have THAT much in common with women and a majority of women friends, like to be in the 'inside' to get a curve, are metro, are insecure with their own gender for whatever reason, or like the company of women and try not to cross boundaries. There is unlimited possibility of hooking up here if we're all single! I also know guys who live with lots of women who are family that like to get away because it's just too much estrogen for them

 

 

I know, this might sound weird: I don't want to jump of every guy I find attractive.

 

Does he have a girlfriend? He's off limits. Is he single and finds me attractive? He's doable. Men and women can control themselves. We aren't animals prone to mating with each other as soon as a hint of attraction is there.

 

Haven't you ever had an attractive male friend but never acted on it because of some reason or because of a lack of feelings?

[Akherousia]

Cue "Dueling Banjos."

 

 

Christ. Guys, instead of wanting to bang everything with a pair of breasts, try to control that libido. It might just get you some beneficts. Say, you befriend an attractive woman and she introduces you to an equally good looking woman who just might be interested in you.

 

Don't ruin friendships or potential relationships because you can't control the taco bell.