andyohyeah Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 recently just had a break up and its been about 3 weeks now. I was wondering why people act hot one minute (everything is fine and nice) then as soon as I leave becomes completely cold and distant. Why do people act in this manner... is it maturity? a defense mechanism? it just seems odd to me that sometimes people can't just end things normally. funny part is my ex thought I was going to be devastated with the break up when I was actually going to cut it off with her. I pretty much told her I needed to work on myself and this relationship wasn't working and I agree to the break. she was oh thats a great relief to know you will be OK, and talked about how many great memories we had blah blah blah. I think I might have made a dent on her ego. oh well anyones 2 cents would be nice! thx
Perplexed81 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Oh how I wish I had taken your route, but then again there is the "Its never too late" method and it does work wonders. What i've noticed is that there is actually a system to those panosh, suave kind of "acting" if you will. Most people either don't do enough, or do too much. The trick is learning to balance and knowing exactly when to play your cards and how. If only it were that easy though. During these breakups its more like trying to figure out who murdered who on "The First 48". You gotta make allies, tell them certain things, tell others certains and secretly get to the bottom of it without blowing your cover.
9Lives Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I can't tell u why some people act hot and cold but I will says you got yourself together and its refreshing. a lot of us on here are not that smooth. whatwver reason she got her hot and cold going, you should igmore her. when she feels like been hot or cold, you can be like ok and keep it moving. people are just strange and neg behavior is to be ignored not studied. next!
Am4Real Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 recently just had a break up and its been about 3 weeks now. I was wondering why people act hot one minute (everything is fine and nice) then as soon as I leave becomes completely cold and distant. Why do people act in this manner... is it maturity? a defense mechanism? it just seems odd to me that sometimes people can't just end things normally. funny part is my ex thought I was going to be devastated with the break up when I was actually going to cut it off with her. I pretty much told her I needed to work on myself and this relationship wasn't working and I agree to the break. she was oh thats a great relief to know you will be OK, and talked about how many great memories we had blah blah blah. I think I might have made a dent on her ego. oh well anyones 2 cents would be nice! thx You broke up and claim to not be overly concerned in agreeing to the break up and planning on working on yourself. Why do you care if she is hot or cold or anything else -- are you really not that concerned or perhaps acting that way to get a reaction from her which is apparently what has been happening from her? Help us (me) understand.
cerridwen Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I've run hot and cold in the past because of being conflicted about the relationship. Sometimes, I would go into denial about our problems and only see the good stuff. I'd be warm and loving toward him--and optimistic. Other times, usually after a period of time when I had a lot of time to think, I'd grow cold. I'd realize we had serious problems that couldn't be overcome--or weren't being acknowledged. Or, I'd realize I had serious doubts about a future with this person. Understandably, it was all very confusing to him.
Author andyohyeah Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 You broke up and claim to not be overly concerned in agreeing to the break up and planning on working on yourself. Why do you care if she is hot or cold or anything else -- are you really not that concerned or perhaps acting that way to get a reaction from her which is apparently what has been happening from her? Help us (me) understand. well I wanted to understand this behavior... it is odd to me if something is done and over why act and play games. I never have been a person to play games nor do I want to get back into a relationship anytime soon. If someone wants to end a relationship I believe they should be straightforward and honest... just end it. One party is more or less going to be hurt more. I guess I am trying to figure out why people do the things they do and maybe be able to recognize things like this in the future to better myself... does that make any sense?
Am4Real Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 well I wanted to understand this behavior... I think the poster above ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3094899&postcount=5 ) may have given you one perspective as I'm not sure I can answer that question. From my perspective if I really believe in myself and am accepting of the situation I tend to not be overly concerned with the way my EX lives their life, acts towards me (hot or cold or other) and tend to leave the caring of the relationship in the past in favor of myself and a new relationship in the present or the future. If you’re truly not over her yet then I understand the interest in her actions towards you or how she acts around you. However, if you totally distance yourself from her and remain out of contact then perhaps not only will her actions change, you’ll care not one bit about them. Best wishes, Am4Real
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