I just realized that the longest I've ever gone without sex is three weeks...

[northern_sky]

since I lost my virginity. And it's not as if I've been with the same guy. I also haven't slept with a lot of guys (none of these were one night stands), but I just seem to immediately replace one dude with another, as if I can't be alone.

 

I think this is why I'm so emotionally screwed up when it comes to men, or symptomatic of it. Maybe if I forced myself to go without for a long period I would eventually gain some clarity. A lot of this sex was subpar, like eating junk food. And most of the guys were lame or repulsive in retrospect. The only guy I've truly respected whom I've had sex with was the one I was seeing most recently, and he doesn't want a serious relationship. The rest I cringe when I think that I ever let them touch me because they all disappointed me in serious ways.

 

I think I'm going to take a long, long break from guys, from even thinking about them. Like a year. Maybe good things will happen if I do.

Edited November 12, 2010 by northern_sky

[Star Gazer]

You use sex as a replacement for love. It's not love.

[Stung]

I took a long time off from men at one point, to work on myself, to gain a new perspective. I do think it was really helpful, although the first few months were hard. Distance can give you valuable insight, Shadow/Sky. I think it might be a good idea for you.

[refurb]

Everything in moderation.

 

I was dating a girl this summer who told me she can't stand to be alone. Only lived alone for like 1 year of her life (she's 34 now). Always had roommates or lived with a bf. When she did live alone she'd always hang out with at someone else's apartment.

 

Not to say it's a hugely negative thing, but it does make me wonder why she can't stand to be alone. Uncomfortable with her own thoughts?

 

RF

[musemaj11]

You have some issues.

[utterer of lies]

but I just seem to immediately replace one dude with another, as if I can't be alone.

 

Not "as if".

[Sarah1977]

And most of the guys were lame or repulsive in retrospect. The only guy I've truly respected whom I've had sex with was the one I was seeing most recently, and he doesn't want a serious relationship. The rest I cringe when I think that I ever let them touch me because they all disappointed me in serious ways.

 

That's weird. I could have sworn in another thread that you said you've, for the most part, only been with quality men who treated you well.

[northern_sky]

That's weird. I could have sworn in another thread that you said you've, for the most part, only been with quality men who treated you well.

 

Well, objectively they were fine (although a couple were mistakes). I just have this tendency to devalue exes in retrospect. Probably my own issues.

[northern_sky]

Not "as if".

 

The snarky comments are unnecessary.

[utterer of lies]

The snarky comments are unnecessary.

 

You can't be alone. Obviously. So why do you use "as if" and not say it like it is?

[Kamille]

I think it's symptomatic of something deeper.

 

What strikes me the most about the pattern you describe is that it means you sleep with these guys really fast. Any idea why you would do that? Do you use sex as a ploy to keep guys interested?

 

 

ps: ignore snarky comments.

[9Lives]

You use sex as a replacement for love. It's not love.

 

that is such a true statement. a lot of people don't realize that. idont get me wrong. I love sex and I love sex but sex aint love. you can take that two ways but it should be associated with love but men have proven over and over again that...sex is not love.

 

then what is?

[collegeguy_24]

My most recent ex is the same way, she can't be alone. She denies it, but everyone, including her own family, has called her out on it. the only way to move and learn to be alone to seek professional help.

[Akherousia]

since I lost my virginity. And it's not as if I've been with the same guy. I also haven't slept with a lot of guys (none of these were one night stands), but I just seem to immediately replace one dude with another, as if I can't be alone.

 

I think this is why I'm so emotionally screwed up when it comes to men, or symptomatic of it. Maybe if I forced myself to go without for a long period I would eventually gain some clarity. A lot of this sex was subpar, like eating junk food. And most of the guys were lame or repulsive in retrospect. The only guy I've truly respected whom I've had sex with was the one I was seeing most recently, and he doesn't want a serious relationship. The rest I cringe when I think that I ever let them touch me because they all disappointed me in serious ways.

 

I think I'm going to take a long, long break from guys, from even thinking about them. Like a year. Maybe good things will happen if I do.

 

I'm not too sure about my judgment here, but I've noticed that you claim to have had many very good looking boyfriends. On the other hand, you've said that your standard of beauty is far different from what other enjoy by implying that brains and creativity is what makes you feel attracted to the guy.

 

However, you've turned and said that those guys had the brains and the looks so I'm a bit confused here.

 

And now you say that a lot of the guys you've been with were repulsive. I'm sure they'd love to know that they were there just to be used. Now I wonder. Since you seem to have a "back and on" idea of what is beautiful and not; were those guys simply average or skinny or short?

 

Or were those guys good looking but somehow they were repulsive to you?

 

And how were they repulsive? Physically? emotionally? Were you treated wrongly? That's what made you feel they were repulsive and subpar?

 

You know, I have a friend who is mentally ill. I'm not saying you're the same. But your extremely low self - esteem, your tendency to contradict everything you say, your ever constant change of moods and opinions, that need to dramatize every situation, and the fact that you've never been without sex for more than three weeks; I'm inclined to believe that you suffer from Histronic personality disorder.

 

People with this disorder are usually able to function at a high level and can be successful socially and profegood social skills, but they tend to use these skills to manipulate other people and become the center of attention.[1] Furthermore, histrionic personality disorder may affect a person's social or romantic relationships or their ability to cope with losses or failures.

 

People with this disorder lack genuine empathy.[citation needed] They start relationships well but tend to falter when depth and durability are needed, alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. They may seek treatment for depression when romantic relationships end, although this is by no means a feature exclusive to this disorder.

 

They often fail to see their own personal situation realistically, instead tending to dramatize and exaggerate their difficulties. They may go through frequent job changes, as they become easily bored and have trouble dealing with frustration. Because they tend to crave novelty and excitement, they may place themselves in risky situations. All of these factors may lead to greater risk of developing depression.

 

 

Exhibitionist behavior.

 

Constant seeking of reassurance or approval.

 

Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotions, such as hugging someone they have just met or crying uncontrollably during a sad movie (Svrakie & Cloninger, 2005).

 

Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval.

 

Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior.

 

Excessive concern with physical appearance.

 

Somatic symptoms, and using these symptoms as a means of garnering attention.

 

A need to be the center of attention.

Low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification.

 

Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear superficial or exaggerated to others.

 

Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are.

Making rash decisions.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder#Characteristics

 

It's fine. Many young people have issues. Honestly If I was you I wouldn't only leave the boys alone. I'd seek out medical help, stick to it for as long as needed(or forever if need be) and I'd stay away from the guys.

 

On a more personal note: I grew up with a mother who seemed to have a Saint's mentality. I had to deal with people with mental disorders, poverty etc. If I was a guy, regardless of what I felt for you, despite the changes in you, I would love to know your personal past. Just to make sure I really know who I'm dealing with.

 

There's the chance of the guy dumping you. But you know. The highest show of caring for a person is giving that person the power to make a choice. So be honest about your past.

Edited November 12, 2010 by Akherousia

[Akherousia]

WTF, this thread isn't about how attractive my exes were. Keep your craziness out of my thread. You're the one who seems to be mentally ill.

 

See what I mean? My mentally ill friend also claims to be healthy. That the doctors around her are the people who are indeed mentally ill.

 

Girl, there's nothing wrong with having health issues. We all have some problems. But we deal with them. We don't visit a relationship forum to contradict ourselves ALL the time, whenever we write, to get attention and to play the victim's role.

 

Also, the lack of capacity to accept things as they are, they don't help your possible personality disorder.

 

Get off this forum and find yourself a doctor. Your problem is not of a romantic nature. Your problem is mental and until you get therapy and medication, you'll only confuse more and more young men(the guys you date/sleep with).

 

Please. Get help. There is no shame in asking for help; we're all human here.

 

Girl... first you mention how you were never off from sex.. then you reflect on your guy's level of beauty. So now they go from being very good looking to repulsive. Their intelligence also goes from being above average to "ugly."

 

Read what I wrote. You'll realize how many of those traits you have.

 

I know that people here are trying to help you but they can see what I can see and they too believe you have issues but they're too soft to answer truthfully.

 

Come on guys, let's help her out.

Edited November 12, 2010 by Akherousia

[TaurusTerp]

See what I mean? My mentally ill friend also claims to be healthy. That the doctors around her are the people who are indeed mentally ill.

 

Girl, there's nothing wrong with having health issues. We all have some problems. But we deal with them. We don't visit a relationship forum to contradict ourselves ALL the time, whenever we write, to get attention and to play the victim's role.

 

Also, the lack of capacity to accept things as they are, they don't help your possible personality disorder.

 

Get off this forum and find yourself a doctor. Your problem is not of a romantic nature. Your problem is mental and until you get therapy and medication, you'll only confuse more and more young men(the guys you date/sleep with).

 

Please. Get help. There is no shame in asking for help; we're all human here.

 

Girl... first you mention how you were never off from sex.. then you reflect on your guy's level of beauty. So now they go from being very good looking to repulsive. Their intelligence also goes from being above average to "ugly."

 

Read what I wrote. You'll realize how many of those traits you have.

 

I know that people here are trying to help you but they can see what I can see and they too believe you have issues but they're too soft to answer truthfully.

 

Come on guys, let's help her out.

 

The answer to your romantic problems is not therapy and medication - people seem to think that's a cure-all, and more often than not those things are just band-aids.

[Akherousia]

And I could say the same thing about you projecting your own issues onto me.

 

Why are you harping on whether my exes are attractive or not? That just makes you sound nuts since it has little to do with the content of my thread. Also you pretend to care about my self esteem, but bringing up crap like makes your maliciousness so transparent.

 

That you tried to diagnose me in your last post despite having no background in mental health further adds to your craziness. I don't care if your friend is mentally ill. That doesn't make you in any way qualified.

 

You might want to do a bit more research on abnormal psychology, because with all of your obsessive posts and delusional pronouncements, you seem like you have a personality disorder or two yourself.

 

 

My brother dated a woman with your symptoms. She was attractive yet she thought of herself as very ugly. She was exotic yet she believed herself to be as plain looking as her girlfriends.

 

She had an amazing body and she was very intelligent and creative. She broke my brother's heart when she dumped him for some other guy. Then she dump that guy for the very same reason.

 

First, people with that disorder, idealize the partner. Soon after the "love" object" or the "lust object" does something that turns the mentally ill person off.

 

Like, my brother's ex girlfriend would stress out everytime he took some time to respond to her text messages. My brother worked as a bouncer at a local nightlcub. He didn't have the time to stop and answer the text messages but his girlfriend, everytime she failed to receive a text message, would head to the night club to accuse my brother of cheating on her.

 

It was very remarkable how she went from a very sweet girl, seemed to care about my brother to this complete mess.

 

I'm sorry, but you do suffer from Histronic personality disorder. The "you don't know me or my background" is very common in people with histronic disorder.

Edited November 12, 2010 by Akherousia

[Sarah1977]

We don't visit a relationship forum to contradict ourselves ALL the time, whenever we write, to get attention and to play the victim's role.

 

 

OK, I see his point here. You do do this. In fact, sometimes your posts are so contradictory in nature, I feel like I'm reading posts from different people. I don't think you lie maliciously. I do think you switch your stories around, depending on the subject of the thread, in order to gain more attention or to force people to see you in a different light. It's frankly very odd and sad.

[LisaLee]

The answer to your romantic problems is not therapy and medication - people seem to think that's a cure-all, and more often than not those things are just band-aids.

 

Medicine in conjunction with therapy can be very effective, but more often than not most doctors will just prescribe medication. The majority of my clients are on some sort of mood altering medication and not one of them-- not a single one!-- is going to counseling. In my experience prescription is what is used as the band aid, but having a good counselor/therapist can be very healing for people.

[Star Gazer]

OK, I see his point here. You do do this. In fact, sometimes your posts are so contradictory in nature, I feel like I'm reading posts from different people. I don't think you lie maliciously. I do think you switch your stories around, depending on the subject of the thread, in order to gain more attention or to force people to see you in a different light. It's frankly very odd and sad.

 

I agree with this.

 

Shadow/Sky has also impliedly agreed, admitting that she has a tendency to manipulate people. Manipulating LS is no different.

[musemaj11]

Lol, the mental illness jabs are jacked up and funny at the same time.

 

 

But to tell the truth, there is indeed quite a few of people who obviously possess mental illness of varying degrees on this forum.

[Content]

How did they repulse you? In what way?

[Cee]

I was in the exact same situation as the OP. I was a serial monogamist and went from boyfriend to boyfriend with barely a break in between.

 

I decided to break the habit. I made a solemn vow that I would be alone for at least a year. And guess what... 90 days later I had a new boyfriend.

 

I admitted that I had a real problem, a relationship addiction, and got help. I ended it with the boyfriend, who was supportive. We dated for 4 months and then we went NC...forever.

 

I'm not saying you have as deep rooted problem as me, but I see a ton of women who seem to have the same issue. I like to speak out because few women ever seek help. Or they get treatment for other issues: depression, eating disorders, alcoholism, but don't look at their dependency on men. And besides it's not like drug addiction- people don't seeing being "in love" as bad.

 

I got therapy and entered a 12 step program for love addiction. I finally discovered the roots of my addiction, which are from persistent emotional and physical abuse from childhood.

 

I have stayed out of a relationship for several years now. The hard part about being whole and relatively healed is I don't desire relationships anymore. I kind of swung the other way and I'm too independent. I need to find balance.

 

You can read up on this stuff on the web. Do some Googling and you'll find it. There are a ton of books on this topic. Patrick Carnes one of the pioneers in this work is pretty good, but his stuff focuses more on men and sex addiction, but a lot of the stuff applies. Charlotte Kasl wrote "Women, Sex, Addiction: A Search for Love and Power" Kasl's book is monumental. I can't recommend it highly enough.

 

Good luck and keep me posted on your progress.

[northern_sky]

How did they repulse you? In what way?

 

It was their personalities, not their physical appearance...and they all disappointed me in different ways. My first boyfriend was actually wonderful, and I have no regrets about being physical with him. We're still friends. One boyfriend was an OK guy in public (smart and outgoing), but a dick to me -- he had inherited a touch of bipolar from his mother and would take his moods out on me. Another guy I had a brief fling with was cute and smart but morally bankrupt. Another guy that I trusted broke my heart out of the blue. Etc., etc.

[NorthBound]

You are the perfect example of the women I can't stand... have zero respect for... and quite literally am replused by.

 

I suggest some intense counseling or atleast an evaluation. The longer you try to replace happiness, self-worth, and especially love with sex the more F**ked up you're going to get.

 

The only men that are interested in you are the ones looking for meaningless sex... they can read you like a book lol.