Disasterpiece Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Heres the stroy, ill make it short. My ex broke up with me a month ago and immediately (2dayslater) began seeing another guy. I went no contact for about 3 1/2 weeks and just started talking to her again. She says that she misses me and loves me still and shes unsure where her life with him or us is going. She broke up with me because she said she was tired of me not achieving the goals i set for school and being a better person. She told me she would be really happy to start our daily communication that we had before we broke up, but says, quote her words " right now we can only be friends, its too fresh still to get back together and im staying with erick" " i want you to prove me wrong and make someone of yourself and leave your mark in this world" Her friends and family all agree hes a rebound and wont last long just cause he is also rebounding from a divorce 2 months old. I dont know what to think about all of this, but I know if she ever does decide to come back i would have to think long and hard before letting her back in. I just need some advice as to what the hell she's saying to me and wanting to do. Does she want to come back? Does she want to stay with him?
Mad Max Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 If she immediately started dating another guy, she doesn't love you. Move on and do not respond to any contact she initiates. Ignore her.
michaelhopes Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 It means youre not making enough money..... Make something of yourself and share it with some other woman.....
bestrong Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 It just means she doesn't want to be with you period. Move on.
DustySaltus Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I'm sure she was talking to this guy before you even broke up. She can say whatever she wants, if your happy with where you're heading in your own life, that's all that matters. She's being selfish and it's time for you to do the same, focus on yourself. I mean what's to say that down the line if you were "successful" (whatever her meaning of that is) and something happened where you weren't anymore, would she stick around or be on the first train out of town? Relationships are judged during the honeymoon period. They're judged when things are not going as planned and people either run for the hills or get closer....she ran for the hills, let her keep running.
paleblue Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Even if you get back together do you feel like you can trust her not to do it again? I doubt it. Im sorry to say this but you would do yourself a bigger favor by continuing no contact as you were, healing yourself and moving on to find someone else to will respect you and be loyal to you. This ex of yours is not loyal. She has already proven that buy going with another guy. If she really wanted to be with you, she would be. She wouldn’t be feeding you lines like “shes unsure where her life with him or us is going”. “right now we can only be friends, its too fresh still to get back together and im staying with erick" Dude, does anymore really need to be said? About the only thing you can do now is show her you are not a puss by drawing a line in the sand and sticking to it. Her telling you she wants you to prove yourself to her is the hugest line of baloney. Don’t think for one second anything is your fault. You are not the one who left. What she is doing is called blame shifting. She is trying to shift blame from herself onto you to relieve her guilty feelings. Don’t beat yourself up that one. Seriously. That is low her telling you that. It says to me, she is too immature to accept the blame. Don’t be this girls puppet. Boot her sorry a@@ to the curb and move on with your life. Yes she is playing you.
wicar1 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 I'm sure she was talking to this guy before you even broke up. She can say whatever she wants, if your happy with where you're heading in your own life, that's all that matters. She's being selfish and it's time for you to do the same, focus on yourself. I mean what's to say that down the line if you were "successful" (whatever her meaning of that is) and something happened where you weren't anymore, would she stick around or be on the first train out of town? Relationships are not judged during the honeymoon period. They're judged when things are not going as planned and people either run for the hills or get closer....she ran for the hills, let her keep running. well said. She's not someone who you wanna live with and from her actions it is pretty sure she started seeing that guy even before she left you. You should live with someone who will stay with you no matter you meet your goals or not, a good partner will never leave you because you dont meet your goals, they would put effort in helping you. Don't respond to her. Good for you... you found out who she really is before getting badly hurt. Good luck
SmileyGirl Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I am usually not one to disagree here as the LS community has done wonders on my mental health (even just as a lurker)... HOWEVER, I must disagree... My ex fiancee (of 5 years) and I broke up and I started dating someone three weeks after our break up... It didn't mean I wasn't hurting or wasn't upset about the break up and wasn't grieving... But you have to remember he was my best friend for those 5+ years and while losing a fiancee, I also lost my best friend (we went strictly no contact) and I found comfort in this other guy... While the relationship (with the rebound) didn't last I still have no regrets because if it weren't for that relationship I would have never come this far (it's been 14 months since our break) as I'm the type of person that I would live through he** to make the relationship work... that relationship gave me comfort and confidence that I didn't NEED him in my life.... but it was JUST that.. nothing more. As much as I believe in faith, miracles and second chances, when one partner "loses interest" it puts a MASSIVE strain on the relationship... you may not realize that now... but even if you were to try again, trust me, it would... you would always wonder "Am I doing this right, etc."... As I'm getting older I'm slowly but surely realizing yes, a relationship is hard work however you shouldn't EVER have to FORCE someone to be with you or want to be with you... Best of Luck to you as I hope your situation becomes easier!
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