Is it possible to have contact with the person who broke your heart

[watshername]

I need to know. We didn't end badly. I am really upset of course but have come to realise we aren't right and deep down it's not what I want. He isn't at a point in his life where he can love me like I need. I recently asked for NC and now i'm feeling bad. In short we broke up as he is very very depressed and pushed me away amongst other things. I worry about him and really want to know if he is ok. But I don't want to break NC to just feel bad again. He's spoken about ending his life before and know he is so depressed it breaks my heart. Am I being selfish by saying NC. I feel like he really needs me to be his friend. He doesn't really have any good friends, we were best friends. Advice?

[NorthBound]

I've been in his position and it really sucks... Not too sure about the actual relationship or how it ended but I can tell you that NC(No Contact) is an absolute must. Trying to be his friend or contacting him to see how he's doing only makes things worse for both of you. He's doing terrible and is quite aware of it... so are you.

As for him possibly ending his life... That is some serious **** and if he's already talked to you about this previously, it means he has underlying issues that don't involve you.

All around it's a shi**y situation, it's sad to hear people going through it. Remember you have seperate lives to live and if you depend on his happiness, you'll never find it yourself.

Hope you feel better...

[Ajax]

Tough situation, as all NC is hard, but even in this case I think it would do more harm than good to talk to him. Contacting him would open up his wounds (and yours) and prolong the healing process for both of you.

[skydiveaddict]

I need to know. We didn't end badly. I am really upset of course but have come to realise we aren't right and deep down it's not what I want. He isn't at a point in his life where he can love me like I need. I recently asked for NC and now i'm feeling bad. In short we broke up as he is very very depressed and pushed me away amongst other things. I worry about him and really want to know if he is ok. But I don't want to break NC to just feel bad again. He's spoken about ending his life before and know he is so depressed it breaks my heart. Am I being selfish by saying NC. I feel like he really needs me to be his friend. He doesn't really have any good friends, we were best friends. Advice?

 

 

Leave him alone. contacting him will only make it worse. Believe me the last thing he needs is you for a friend. He needs time, probably a lot of time, to heal. Time away from you.

[ReturnToSender]

Especially in this case, I think NC will help force him to concentrate on himself, which is something he seriously needs to do, instead of on you and your relationship. Personally, the end of my relationship made me feel like such a failure, and every contact with my ex reminded me of the huge failure I felt like.

 

I already made a stupid mistake during my marriage, and thats really the only thing that kept me from going to a dark corner like that after this relationship...the reminder of all the things I would have missed...thats what kept me strong a few times there. It took months and after he stopped trying to be friends and I stopped believing we could do that, that I was able to shift my focus.

 

In trying to ease the blow of our breakup, he made it worse. Plus a lot of that was how he felt, in trying to make himself feel better cause he felt bad...it was for selfish reasons that he kept in contact, not for me. If how I felt really mattered, he would have let me have the time I needed to pull myself together...anything else was false hope.