We broke up, but I want him back!

[hkj887]

I was in a relationship with a really great guy up until about a few days ago and now I want him back. From day one the chemistry and connection that we shared was amazing! We both wanted the same things out of life and love and had so much in common so it was only natural when our friendship turned into more. Our relationship was so great, we were both truly happy with each other and enjoyed spending time together as well as talking all the time about things that happened throughout our day. He wanted us to be close so he would often tell me to open up about things that were bothering me and so I did. Only problem is that i can be quite critical which can come off as complaining which made him feel as though I wasn't happy when in actuality i was and only thought that by being honest I was helping us grow closer, but I wasn't. My critical nature caused him to feel as though I wasn't happy so he started to withdraw which only made me feel upset and sad because it was the last thing I wanted. But instead of giving him his space I made things worse by wanting to talk ALL the time about the issue and sending him long text messages about things and after two months of that it became too much for him, he started to stop caring as much which only hurt me more. We decided it would be best if we took a break but my emotions continued to get the best of me so now we have broken up. Of course I feel completely responsible for everything and just want him back. Thinking of how good things can be with us makes me upset knowing that it's not like that anymore. I know he still cares about me although not as strong as he used to, but now my question is will we ever get back together or has that much damage been done? And what should I do to make him want me back and remember all the great times we shared? PLEASE HELP!

[mysticmeg1]

i understand where your coming from my bf is forever telling me to open up a bit more but i tend to hold back as i can make things sound worse than they seem!! not intentionally but im not the best at explaining things..especially to a male!!

 

but to be honest i don't know why your bf reacted this way he asked YOU to open up ..most blokes get worried when girls are withdrawn and quiet and aren't out there with everything...but it all depends on what you told him????

 

the best advice i can give is let him alone for a few days the more you try contact him the worse it will get wipe out all contact...let him digest what has happened between you two...he knows you want to talk so your bit is done, the next move is on him! dont make yourself look desperate and needy by calling and texting or going out of your way to bump into him..if he wants to talk let him come to you... if you push this he will get even more withdrawn

 

if or when ye decide to meet again explain that there are certain things that should be kept to one's self you dont need to tell him every detail of your life and your past those details aren't needed to have a good relationship..and also tell him dont ask questions if your not prepared for the feedback!! goodluck

[Am4Real]

I was in a relationship with a really great guy up until about a few days ago and now I want him back.

 

My critical nature caused him to feel as though I wasn't happy so he started to withdraw which only made me feel upset and sad because it was the last thing I wanted. But instead of giving him his space I made things worse by wanting to talk ALL the time about the issue and sending him long text messages about things and after two months of that it became too much for him, he started to stop caring as much which only hurt me more. We decided it would be best if we took a break but my emotions continued to get the best of me so now we have broken up.

 

Dear hkj887,

 

I’m sorry to hear of your pain and anguish with this recent parting.

 

It seems you are well aware of the problem between you but may have waited far too long to realize it and be willing to do something about it, hence your significant other wished for a break from you. I hope it’s not too late.

 

In this your first post you tell us how happy you were with each other and then immediately change the opinion with a “but” statement about your critical nature. In his opinion he probably wasn’t that happy for a long time if this critical side of you is truly the underlying issue for this break.

 

As you go on to explain it, he (or you both) suggested a break from your emotions and you likely continued to explain things to him didn’t you? By the way long text messages or any text messages regarding nuances of a relationship do not work and leave all sorts of things unsaid, misinterpreted and sometimes falsely stated. They often cause more problems than not. Cease these electronic communications as once with this person and any other person you may be having difficulties with in the future. They really are a relationship killer other than for perky “love messages”.

 

Anyway back to you and your EX. Since you realize the issue (and assuming this is the only major issue and not something you alone are assuming) you have to be willing to fix yourself totally and I mean totally. Glossing over the underlying cause may appease the disagreement; however the consternation is very likely to resurface if you have not totally changed your ways and accepted other people for who they are.

 

Can you do that?

 

I know you’re pining now and will easily agree but you better think long and hard about whether you can really change this annoying critical nature you possess.

 

Assuming you can and will, then leave him alone. If he truly loves you he will come back. If he doesn’t come back you will have worked hard on your self-assessed faults and be in much better shape for the next great guy.

 

If he does come back let him do all the talking; let him state his intentions so you know exactly what you’re dealing with. Do not be too quick to apologize – it my come across rehearsed.

 

When you sense a lull in his conversation tell him first that you are very sorry and have learned a valuable lesson about yourself. Just like you told us here. And whatever you do, do not criticize a single word, event, timeline or anything. Simply state your sorry and you have realized of your ways and committed to changing. Period.

 

He may be suspicious or skeptical…telling him you will prove it to him or something else is almost a criticism in nature, so doesn’t go about defending yourself. Simply state you are very excited to be talking to him again and anxious to share the “new you”.

 

Best wishes,

 

Am4Real