evrath mar Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Help me I don't know how to react.. am i wrong? My boyfriend and I have been off and on for quite sometime.. but now we're going strong and we seem to be more committed than ever. We're in a serious relationship now and Things are going perfectly, no doubt there were little arguments here and there but nothing really serious. I know he loves me dearly but recently he's been saying things probably unintentionally and hurting me. 1) he told me before i was the only one who could tease him and get away with it. That day.. i teased him.. he told me .. the same thing but this time.. he said .. only few people can get away with it. so i asked him who else? "he said why do you want to feel less special?" then i told him.. tell me anyways.. and then he told all the names.. every single one if it was girls.. his excuse was oh you know i cnt be mean to girls.. and i was like right......ok .. 2) We were arguing , i was complaining a little about they way he treats me at times but then to further rectify his doubts i told .. i am so happy with u honestly.. its just tht sometimes you tend to do things that makes me unhappy.. then i told him ..you are so perfect for me and he's my type of guy.. then my beloved bf told me... "honestly.. you're not even close to being my type of girl .. but i really love you.. and i cnt imagine life without you.. and i really need u..." I don't know if i'm suppose to be flattered or feel like crap... cause honestly.. i feel like a pile of crap 3) I was reading a magazine to him ... since he was bored i told him to listen to me anyways.. he agreed to it.. then i came across a article 'How to behave in front of your ex?' there were few columns .. i was reading everything to him .. then it came to this particular column <the one that got away> .. so basically its like.. one of you ex's that you wish to have had more time with or prolonged your relationship with but unfortunately couldn't. so he asked me.. do i have any ex that i consider the one tht got away.. i told him no.. i asked him... he said.. we don't have to talk about it. i kept asking.. then he said " can you handle it?" . I told him to go ahead.. and he listen down two girls and basically .. the first girl he mentioned.. my bf dumped her to be with me.. and the second girl .. well whn me and my bf were just dating .. this girl cm bck to his life.. but since he was with me.. things couldn't have taken place. Basically I feel really miserable right now .. but am i being ungrateful? is it my fault that i cnt accept it?.. or is it right for me to feel this way? I am so confused..
gabby898 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 He's definitely not treating you right. If he's honest about the things he says, then he doesn't seem to respect your feelings at all. Otherwise, he's just doing it on purpose to get back at you for something or simply because he's not such a great person... 1) When you say "tease" what exactly do you mean? Because any sort of flirting with others is unacceptable (IMO anyway). 2) well, if my bf told that to me, I'd feel like a pile of crap too... in all honesty, I do know that I'm not my bf's "perfect girl" when it comes to appearance, but he's never told me it directly like that. My bf is not the my "perfect" one either but I would never tell him! It's him that I love anyway, so I wouldn't dump him for someone better looking than himself and I would certainly NOT tell him that there are other people that I find more attractive or that I would prefer being with someone else. Because that's what that comment is implying. 3) Again, it's like he's saying to you that he wants to be with someone else... Talk to him about all these things and tell him to be honest with you. If he wants to break up with you, tell him to be a man about it and do it, rather than have you suffer like this...
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Basically I feel really miserable right now .. but am i being ungrateful? is it my fault that i cnt accept it?.. or is it right for me to feel this way? I am so confused.. He asked you several times if you could handle that info and you lied to his face. 1. Why does it matter if he can't be mean to other girls? 2. Your not his type, but he chose you anyways. That is a compliment. You feel like crap because you seem to always want to look at the negative side of things. 3. He chose you over those other girls. He wanted them... and he STILL CHOSE YOU. What the heck are you sad about? I'd take that as a huge positive. Are words more important to you than actions? If he cheats on you is it OK as long as he won't admit to it? The guy is saying he liked those girls... but was willing to give them up for you. And that makes you sad? He's definitely not treating you right. If he's honest about the things he says, then he doesn't seem to respect your feelings at all. Otherwise, he's just doing it on purpose to get back at you for something or simply because he's not such a great person... If this is all he does wrong.... she is just crazy insecure! Talk to him about all these things and tell him to be honest with you. If he wants to break up with you, tell him to be a man about it and do it, rather than have you suffer like this... On a side note. I really object to your use of this statement.
sagetalk Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Basically I feel really miserable right now .. but am i being ungrateful? is it my fault that i cnt accept it?.. or is it right for me to feel this way? I am so confused.. It sounds like you heard the words from a guys heart and not his head. Isn't that what you wanted? What did you want him to do, say what you wanted him to? Only liars and losers lie to women they care about. Even if I knew it may hurt them, I wouldn't want to lie to someone I was dating seriously. I think you just have low self esteem and a self defeating attitude. The world is hard enough on you without you stabbing yourself in the back. What I see here is honesty and openness with no intent to hurt, if you can't handle that you should not be dating right now.
ReturnToSender Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I dont quite understand why you keep digging him with questions you dont want the answer to? Unless you are the only woman hes ever dated or loved, its pretty unfair to expect him to give you answers that allude to it. Yeah he could lie to make you feel better, but he seems the brutally honest type, and in such, dont ask if you dont want to know. He had a life before you, what matters is that you are the one in his life now. Unless hes given you a reason to think hes having doubts about you, why go there?
gabby898 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 2. Your not his type, but he chose you anyways. That is a compliment. You feel like crap because you seem to always want to look at the negative side of things. It's never nice to hear something like that. There's always the implication of "I'd prefer to be with someone else". and especially after the 3rd point! When your gf asks you "do I look fat in this?", the answer should always be "No"! Even if she does look fat. It seems to me that it's like he's implying that there are other girls that he'd rather be with and things that he'd rather have done but couldn't. and he regrets that. in all honesty, that would make me feel like crap too. On a side note. I really object to your use of this statement. lol! I wasn't sure about using that statement either. by that I mean he has to have the guts to break up with her if that's what he wants. I sometimes use that phrase for girls too
ReturnToSender Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 It's never nice to hear something like that. There's always the implication of "I'd prefer to be with someone else". and especially after the 3rd point! When your gf asks you "do I look fat in this?", the answer should always be "No"! Even if she does look fat. It seems to me that it's like he's implying that there are other girls that he'd rather be with and things that he'd rather have done but couldn't. and he regrets that. in all honesty, that would make me feel like crap too. lol! I wasn't sure about using that statement either. by that I mean he has to have the guts to break up with her if that's what he wants. I sometimes use that phrase for girls too Maybe Im weird...Lol1 But if I asked my man what he thought of how I looked in something, Id ask because I wanna know and value his opinion, not for validation and to just lie to me. Aye! I just really think, if someone doesnt wanna know the answer dont ask the question. And if the answerer keeps saying "are you sure you awnt to know?" Be honest enough to say you dont, instead of saying yes, and then getting angry and offended that they were truthful...unless you want a relationship where your mate isnt allowed to be honest with you and knows youd prefer it if they lie to you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 It's never nice to hear something like that. There's always the implication of "I'd prefer to be with someone else". and especially after the 3rd point! When your gf asks you "do I look fat in this?", the answer should always be "No"! Even if she does look fat. It seems to me that it's like he's implying that there are other girls that he'd rather be with and things that he'd rather have done but couldn't. and he regrets that. in all honesty, that would make me feel like crap too. See, but if he actually did prefer to be with someone else... he could. He actually dumped one of those girls to be with OP. Your actually trying to make the argument that words mean more than actions? If the dress is actually making her look fat... then I'm going to tell her that the dress is bad. I'm trying to stop calling things "girly" and "gay" as insults.
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