aeh Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Hello all Still reading at LS occasionally and have probably given updates here and there so this may be nothing new for anyone. But I did want to post an update anyway. As you might remember, my story is kind of like LadyDesigner's...BS who discovered her H's almost one year affair with co-worker. Hysterical bonding ensued. I had a 2-3 week revenge affair that my H knows about with an old BF (no feelings for me whatsoever), and had several more "opportunities". HB was still going on. Then, I did meet one guy who actually knocked me on my feet--on paper he was pretty close to my dream guy. I did have one glass of wine with him but then came home and told my H. What a terrible night that was. It really made me, rightfully so, question whether I should be married or not. (Ha, the answer should have been a big fat "NO".) How long was I going to "punish" my husband for his A, when was I REALLY going to forgive him, was forgiveness even possible, how far would I go down the self-destructive path, where was my sense of right and wrong, the list of questions I was asking myself went on and on. I was in a REALLY bad place--all the while going through the motions of life with two teenage kids, etc. Fast forward..here we are 18 months after D-Day and we are still having HB. Still have LOTS and LOTS of sex. Make out all the time (boy, we went years without making out..you know, pecks all the time, sometimes a "soft lip" kiss, but not "making out"). Anyway, we are still in that stage of oodles of sex and making out. We go to lunch several times a week, date nights every weekend. We go to the gym together during the week. Emotionally I have been able to reconcile what has happened to us, what he did to us and what I did to us. We are very open and honest with each other and have clear lines of communication. I would say that one of the issues that we had before was that was some repressed resentment on my part towards him for some issues regarding parenting. The resentment just continued to build as the issue bled over into other aspects of our life and it was a vicious cycle. I had tried to talk to him about it for so many years and he just seemed to ignore it or be too busy with work. We have dealt with this issue head on and have taken concrete steps in addressing it. If you would have asked me a year ago whether we would still have been together, I would have guessed we wouldn't have been. Anyway, just thought I would post a happy update. Thanks!
Spark1111 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I am so happy for you AEH! They say raising teens IS one of the most stressful stages in a marriage and that many marriages can implode then. I know we too experienced that stage, and my H's affair happened the year the baby went to college. I think resentments can build on both sides, and the key to every great relationship is having the proper tools of communication to express one's feelings in an open and direct manner. I am thrilled you guys are making out like teenagers again!:p:p
ladydesigner Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Hello all Still reading at LS occasionally and have probably given updates here and there so this may be nothing new for anyone. But I did want to post an update anyway. As you might remember, my story is kind of like LadyDesigner's...BS who discovered her H's almost one year affair with co-worker. Hysterical bonding ensued. I had a 2-3 week revenge affair that my H knows about with an old BF (no feelings for me whatsoever), and had several more "opportunities". HB was still going on. Then, I did meet one guy who actually knocked me on my feet--on paper he was pretty close to my dream guy. I did have one glass of wine with him but then came home and told my H. What a terrible night that was. It really made me, rightfully so, question whether I should be married or not. (Ha, the answer should have been a big fat "NO".) How long was I going to "punish" my husband for his A, when was I REALLY going to forgive him, was forgiveness even possible, how far would I go down the self-destructive path, where was my sense of right and wrong, the list of questions I was asking myself went on and on. I was in a REALLY bad place--all the while going through the motions of life with two teenage kids, etc. Fast forward..here we are 18 months after D-Day and we are still having HB. Still have LOTS and LOTS of sex. Make out all the time (boy, we went years without making out..you know, pecks all the time, sometimes a "soft lip" kiss, but not "making out"). Anyway, we are still in that stage of oodles of sex and making out. We go to lunch several times a week, date nights every weekend. We go to the gym together during the week. Emotionally I have been able to reconcile what has happened to us, what he did to us and what I did to us. We are very open and honest with each other and have clear lines of communication. I would say that one of the issues that we had before was that was some repressed resentment on my part towards him for some issues regarding parenting. The resentment just continued to build as the issue bled over into other aspects of our life and it was a vicious cycle. I had tried to talk to him about it for so many years and he just seemed to ignore it or be too busy with work. We have dealt with this issue head on and have taken concrete steps in addressing it. If you would have asked me a year ago whether we would still have been together, I would have guessed we wouldn't have been. Anyway, just thought I would post a happy update. Thanks! I am right there with you aeh the HB and all:laugh: It's funny our situations our so similar even down to the part of deep resentment about parenting. My H pre-A had not participated in any parenting just told me how I should be doing it:rolleyes:. I was like a single mother living in a empty M and then to top it off my H cheats on me. It's amazing we have both come around to this point. I hope your M continues to flourish as I hope mine does as well. There is life after an affair.
Fight4Me Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Thanks for this wonderful update, and for laying out your story with raw honesty. It shows that you two are really gonna make it, and I think this can bring hope to those who find themselves in similar circumstances. I'm tempted to call it a happy ending, but really it's a happy beginning.
imagine Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I love stories with a happy ending. Hope this inspires others!
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