youaretheone Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 We have some mutual attraction with this girl, I have her number but we could not date yet because we are always going to the same parties every week and when I want to arrange a date, there is always an event where we can meet even if we don't want to. That's another issue I am trying to handle. As you can guess, it is not very likely that I will get to know her in such settings because there are always other people around. We held hands, hugged, flirting but not a single chance to get to know her better. Yesterday, there was this another party and she acted distant. As I was leaving, I told her that we should have a coffee sometimes and she says "You know I'm not the girl you can take home, right?" and I reply "Do I look like I'm the guy who wants to take girls home?" and she says smiling "I don't know.". I guess she thinks that I am only interested in her physically and I really need to erase this thought off her mind and trust me on that. Your opinions will be appreciated.
welikeincrowds Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 No, you don't need to erase that thought from her head. Let her wonder about that. You only need concern yourself with asking her out.
Author youaretheone Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 So are you saying that I should spend some alone time with her and let that thoughts go off naturally? Anything specific you would advise me to do on the date?
Author youaretheone Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Any other advice is appreciated.
Str8noChaser Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Someone you can't take home ='s "not relationship material" in my book. Sounds like she is telling you who she really is. Listen to her.
Mad Max Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 This is code for "I'm only good for sex". If that's what you're looking for, go for it. Otherwise, run.
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 So are you saying that I should spend some alone time with her and let that thoughts go off naturally? Anything specific you would advise me to do on the date? He is telling you to not be concerned with erasing any thoughts from her head on what your intentions are whether it is just to be physical with her or to marry her in the future and make babies. All you need to be concerned for is asking her out and showing her a great time. That is all you should be concerned about for right now.
Author youaretheone Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 This is code for "I'm only good for sex". If that's what you're looking for, go for it. Otherwise, run. I was thinking that it is just the opposite.
Mad Max Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I was thinking that it is just the opposite. Reverse psychology? In this case, doubt it.
D-Jam Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Eh...those words either tell me she's got a very low opinion of herself or she's trying to make some excuse in the hope you'll move on (because she might not be into you). I'd probably tell you to take a chance, but don't go in with expectations. Chances are she might be a basketcase and suddenly will get all flaky and insecure when a guy treats her well...but will gladly latch on to a jerk.
LexiB Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Depending on the context of the quote, she either meant ''home'' as in, home to bed - i.e., ''I'm not a girl you can just use for sex'', or ''home'' as in home to your mother - i.e., ''I'm just looking for a good time/nothing serious.''
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Yesterday, there was this another party and she acted distant. As I was leaving, I told her that we should have a coffee sometimes and she says "You know I'm not the girl you can take home, right?" and I reply "Do I look like I'm the guy who wants to take girls home?" and she says smiling "I don't know.". I guess she thinks that I am only interested in her physically and I really need to erase this thought off her mind and trust me on that. Your opinions will be appreciated. I took this to mean she prefers you take her to a hotel. How did you miss that?
that girl Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 What you wrote is kind of vague. I think we need more context. It could either be "I'm not the girl who just goes home with guys" = I don't sleep around and I don't sleep around. Or "I'm not the girl you take home to mom" = I am not a relationship girl.
Mad Max Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 What you wrote is kind of vague. I think we need more context. It could either be "I'm not the girl who just goes home with guys" = I don't sleep around and I don't sleep around. Or "I'm not the girl you take home to mom" = I am not a relationship girl. Either way, it's not a good sign. With the former, she'd be creating a false image that she doesn't sleep around. The latter would be more blunt.
that girl Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Either way, it's not a good sign. With the former, she'd be creating a false image that she doesn't sleep around. The latter would be more blunt. Uh, why couldn't she just not sleep around? All they've done is hold hands.
Mad Max Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Uh, why couldn't she just not sleep around? All they've done is hold hands. That doesn't mean anything. Them holding hands has nothing to do with what she's like and what she did in the past. There was no reason for her to say what she said. She either 1)Is telling him she won't be going home with him for sex when she does with other guys, or 2)Is being honest and is not relationship material.
that girl Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 That doesn't mean anything. Them holding hands has nothing to do with what she's like and what she did in the past. There was no reason for her to say what she said. She either 1)Is telling him she won't be going home with him for sex when she does with other guys, or 2)Is being honest and is not relationship material. Max, there really is a third option- that she was trying to make it clear that he shouldn't assume there would be sex. Not every woman sleeps around.
Mad Max Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Max, there really is a third option- that she was trying to make it clear that he shouldn't assume there would be sex. Not every woman sleeps around. I never said that, nor did I even suggest that. You brought it up first and I have no idea why. Why would she say that she's not the type that has sex early? What's the point in saying that? There's plenty of women that say that same thing, yet go home with someone that sweet talks them. IMO, this girl is creating a false image that she doesn't sleep around. If she truly doesn't sleep around, there's no point in making such a comment. Actions speak louder than words.
Author youaretheone Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 Thank you all for the advice. They help me a lot. Before you guys told me about the "girl not to take to your mother" option, I never thought about that. It is always to good to see other opinions. What I was guessing is: we could never get to know each other by sitting down and talking because both of our so called "dates" were meeting at a party with loud music where there were lots of friends around, no kissing but only physical contact like caressing, holding hands, etc which might have given her the image that I am only interested in her physically. As you have also mentioned, the best idea seems to ask her out on a date without a party and let actions speak. Please say if you have any other thing to add.
BentSpine Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 The guys are spot on here: She doesn't have her head screwed on straight, and therefore she's isn't relationship worthy. If a woman says something along that they're ''not like that'', run for the hills! The right kind of woman will be sweet in general, even when she rejects sex, and will never be confrontational about your manly biological desires.
BentSpine Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 IMO, this girl is creating a false image that she doesn't sleep around. If she truly doesn't sleep around, there's no point in making such a comment. Actions speak louder than words.Best post today. Send the head case girl away so she can reflect and later come back sweeter and calmer.
that girl Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 If she truly doesn't sleep around, there's no point in making such a comment. Actually there is if she thinks he is a player or only interested in sex. It could be an attempt to avoid the awkward moment of having to push off a guy who has the wrong expectations.
Mad Max Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Actually there is if she thinks he is a player or only interested in sex. It could be an attempt to avoid the awkward moment of having to push off a guy who has the wrong expectations. No, because she can show it through actions. Any man that is successful with women knows to never take what a woman says seriously and to always look at actions.
welikeincrowds Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Any man that is successful with women knows to never take what a woman says seriously and to always look at actions. Then wouldn't it be inappropriate to dismiss this girl based on her words? When she could have said them for literally any reason, including just to sound cool?
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