deuces Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I decided to just post here in hopes it will prevent me from contacting her on her birthday. I am sitting here thinking of her and distraught with all kinds of conflicting feelings. It has been 36 days since we last spoke and the last words we exchanged were not very good ones. I got a bit of strength back in the time we hadn't talked but today feels like I am right back where I started. I just don't know. All these emotions are stressing me out to the point that I have excruciating headaches all the time. There is one part of me that still worries about her every single day. I hope that she is genuinely happy and enjoying her special day. I hope that she isn't feeling lonely or sad and that she is having a blast. Then the other part of me wants her to be as miserable as I am without her. I want her to miss me as much as I miss her. All I keep thinking about is one year today, I threw her a surprise birthday party and we were together and happy. Now I have no idea where she is, how she is, and I can't even make a simple call to greet her for so many reasons. It is such a surreal feeling to have someone you love so dearly just vanish just like that. And the way things were left were so open ended and so ugly. I'm wondering if i'll ever hear from her again. She lives in another country so sometimes I think the chances are more slim. This is all so damn painful. I have cried like 4 times today
SithLord Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Don't contact her for her birthday biggest mistake ever. Move on bro, it's hard I know! Don't dEsire her to miss you, let things be and move forward with yourself and emotions.
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