counterman Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Today I was talking out of a train station and I saw a girl offer her hand bag for her guy to carry and the guy willingly took it off her, put it over his shoulder and carried it. She sort of unwinded her shoulders afterwards. I have seen this around... and I have mixed feelings about it. I have seen some women just shove their bag toward their boyfriends when they are shopping. The boyfriend is left carrying it whilst she shops around. What do you think of this?
EricaH329 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I don't carry women's purses Well, not regularly i'd hope, but not even under certain circumstances?
Feelin Frisky Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Well, not regularly i'd hope, but not even under certain circumstances? uh, no.
EricaH329 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 uh, no. May I ask, why? Out of pure curiosity
Green Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I've carried my gf's purse before when she needed her hands free. Really didn't bother me.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 May I ask, why? Out of pure curiosity I might hold a woman's purse or pocket book for a moment if she needed me to (with my fist and not over my shoulder or forearm), but I'm not some submissive who is going to let her shove her pocket book at me and have me carry it around like the OP indicated. I just won't have that kind of woman. This is to say nothing of it looking ghey on top of the pussy-whippedness of carrying her purse. It's my life and those are my rules.
Leandro Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I've carried my gf's purse before when she needed her hands free. Really didn't bother me. Same here.
EricaH329 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I might hold a woman's purse or pocket book for a moment if she needed me to (with my fist and not over my shoulder or forearm), but I'm not some submissive who is going to let her shove her pocket book at me and have me carry it around like the OP indicated. I just won't have that kind of woman. This is to say nothing of it looking ghey on top of the pussy-whippedness of carrying her purse. It's my life and those are my rules. Fair enough. No one is forcing you to. And I hope no one would try to force you to. But out of a kind gesture (even a small one) is still sweet
Stung Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 From the way I read the OP's mention of the woman 'unwinding her shoulders' it sounds like the bag was heavy/pulling on her shoulder uncomfortably and she asked her companion to carry it for her for a few minutes, and took the opportunity to try to release some tension in her shoulders. Not sure why that's a big deal.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 ... No one is forcing you to. ... You're darn tootin' they're not.
Author counterman Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 I should clarify that it wasn't so much asked as a favour, it was expected. She didn't open her mouth. That's what struck me. It was all smooth. She takes her handbag off her shoulders gives it to the guy who accepts and he carries it. He continued to hold her handbag until I couldn't see them anymore. If she needs her hands, fair enough. If it's too heavy, that's fine. But I have seen guys around carrying girls' handbags...
Els Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 So the issue here is that she didn't open her mouth and ask? I dunno, IMHO if two people have been together long enough, plenty of things don't need to be said anymore. If I needed my hands free I would just hand (not shove, of course) my bag to the bf and he would take it. Correspondingly, there have been situations where he just handed me something wordlessly and I took it as well, the most recent I can think of off the top of my head being the time we went to a barber for him and there was nowhere else to put his coat. I would probably think such behaviour iffy in the early stages of a R, of course. Much like burping in front of your loved one.
Stung Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 (edited) IDK, OP. Obviously this example won't translate for every couple you see out and about, but: The handbag I carry most frequently is quite large. In it, a few of my necessary items (wallet, keys), a few things my husband picked up and thought were interesting and had no place to carry himself, and a crapload of our kid's stuff. Diapers, wipes, change of clothes, sippy cup, toddler snacks, crayons, toy cars, bandaids, sweater, etc. It's heavy, I tend towards backaches and my husband has the strong back of an ox, and yeah, I hand that bag over to my husband all the time, we take turns with it. The other alternative would be for him to carry around his own big damn bag full of baby stuff, but he seems to prefer this method. Also, he sometimes carries a messenger bag with a laptop in it. If his hands are full, I carry both bags. Partnership. Packing more than you can carry and just expecting a guy to carry your crap around for no reason other than that you are a pretty princess is obviously negative and lame--but in my experience the bag handover often/usually occurs because a woman needs her hands, or the bag is heavy, or half of the stuff in it is actually his, and the male partner is usually considerate enough to not mind holding his female partner's bag temporarily. And if a couple has been together for a while, they often have a physical shorthand, maybe a quick gesture of the bag and a lifted brow, that substitutes for verbally asking, 'Hey, will you take this for a few minutes?' Most couples have non-verbal shorthand for a really wide range of things. Edited November 11, 2010 by Stung
Els Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 And if a couple has been together for a while, they often have a physical shorthand, maybe a quick gesture of the bag and a lifted brow, that substitutes for verbally asking, 'Hey, will you take this for a few minutes?' Most couples have non-verbal shorthand for a really wide range of things. Yup, this.
denise_xo Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 It's kind of hard to tell from the OP's example what was actually going on there. I'd never expect a man to carry my stuff 'because he is a man' (although my partner is actually of that opinion, so we frequently argue about who should carry things along the lines of 'no, I'll take it' - 'no, I'll take it', etc But in general what it works out as is that if either of us has something that is particularly heavy, we'll take turns carry it. I do take care of my own hand bag, my H won't touch it beyond holding for a few seconds if needed Otherwise, I'd second this: And if a couple has been together for a while, they often have a physical shorthand, maybe a quick gesture of the bag and a lifted brow, that substitutes for verbally asking, 'Hey, will you take this for a few minutes?' Most couples have non-verbal shorthand for a really wide range of things.
hoping2heal Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I might hold a woman's purse or pocket book for a moment if she needed me to (with my fist and not over my shoulder or forearm), but I'm not some submissive who is going to let her shove her pocket book at me and have me carry it around like the OP indicated. I just won't have that kind of woman. This is to say nothing of it looking ghey on top of the pussy-whippedness of carrying her purse. It's my life and those are my rules. You sound like a male version of a feminist. Only she would be saying "Well, I may let him open the door for me, but I will NOT let him pay for the whole dinner or pull out my chair." People do nice gestures for one another in relationships. Neither the man or the woman should be all give or all take, but this is really no big deal.
denise_xo Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 You sound like a male version of a feminist. My kind of man More generally, though, there are two different phenomena being discussed in this thread: i) couples who help each other out and share responsibilities for carrying whatever one has to be carrying for whatever reason - *thumbs up* ii) women who assume by default that the man is always there to carry whatever they're carrying and view that as an entitlement - *thumbs down* Stung illustrated that distinction very nicely. IMO, you can't really tell from the info available in the OP which one was actually going on there.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 senario 1 Her: honey, hold my bag for a minute while I squueeze the Charmin? Me: Sure, babe. No prob. senario 2 Her: Carry my bag for a while, I'm tired. Me: get phuct.
that girl Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I don't think this is a big deal. She gave signs that she was struggling with the bag and pressumably did ask with either actual words you didn't hear or with a look. Unless she threw it at him, I don't see what the big deal is. People should help each other. A guy who is freaked out to hold a purse is probably freaked out to buy tampons.
Els Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I don't think this is a big deal. She gave signs that she was struggling with the bag and pressumably did ask with either actual words you didn't hear or with a look. Unless she threw it at him, I don't see what the big deal is. People should help each other. A guy who is freaked out to hold a purse is probably freaked out to buy tampons. Yup. They also tend to be the ones insecure in their own manliness, to allow such a thing to affect them.
LittleTiger Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I don't think we can read anything into the situation observed by the OP because we have no prior knowledge of the couple. I agree with Stung that non-verbal shorthand is very common in LTRs. In my own relationship it's likely to go something like this: Scenario 1 Me: Looking a bit distracted cos I'm trying to do something and don't have enough hands Him: Takes bag off me (either without a word or 'give me your bag') Scenario 2 Him: Hey , let me take that bag for you, it's heavy Me: Oh great, thanks, my shoulder's a bit sore
caloygwafo Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 well yes!men's do what the girl wants him to do..for example! girl go in shopping w/her boyfriend and girl buy too much groceries..of course he help the girl carried there groceries..!!
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