Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Ok, so I met a seemingly great successful man off a dating website. We have been seeing each other for about 7 weeks and have spent quite alot of time together in the last 3 weeks. He treats me wonderfully, calls when he says he will and we do alot of fun things together. It took him 3 dates to even touch me and was a perfect gentleman. I'm the one that initated more. When we are not together he calls me every night like clock work. He is probably one of the nicest men I have ever met. Last week I spent 3 nights at his place. One morning I wasn't feeling all that great and he had to go to work so he insisted I stay at his place in bed as long as I wanted and he left me with a key to lock up. Not a key to keep but it made me feel good that he trusted me enough to be in his place alone. He is a little different being he is from Australia and we have some cultural differences. But I find him very interesting. He came here for work and has been here for 4 years and plans on being here long term. He travels frequently and has family in Australia and Great Britain. One night last week while we were at a restaurant he asked me if I had a passport (which I don't) but he asked me if I would get one if I had the opportunity to travel with him. And he said if I look into it, he would pay for it. That same night he showed me his workplace and introduced me to some coworkers. So he has been involving me in his everyday life. You would think I wouldn't have any complaints! Well I do now. Last weekend I discovered that he still has his dating profile up. Mine is still up but its "hidden" so its not accessible to get new messages. He is still using his. I did notice that he changed some info .. like his intent went from "looking for relationship" to "hang out". And in his "about me" section he changed "I'm looking for a relationship" to "looking to make new friends". I was complaining to my sister that even though he seemed to downgrade his info, he was still logging in. Well my sister took it upon herself make up a profile and email him. Her "fake" profile was made up of a woman from Australia looking to date. I was pretty angry that she did that even though she thought she was being "helpful" to me. I consider it entrapment. Well anyway she put up a photo of an attractive woman from Australia, that is now living in the US. She emailed him and asked if he would be interested in meeting sometime. He responded back with : "Sure I'm open to meeting you, but I have let you know up front that I'm only open to a friendship right now- I just started to date someone. I apologize that I should have mentioned this to you sooner... I got a little carried away by someone from my homeland." Well, if you're still interested in catching up for a beer/coffee - let me know. Otherwise I understand." "she" (my sister) than responded back to him with "I'm really not looking for a friendship at this point in my life. Guess I assumed most people on a dating site are looking for dates not friendships. I think I would not be here if I were dating someone" he didn't respond back to that but he did change his status from "single" to "not single/not looking". Even though I don't think my sister had a right to do what she did, I don't know if I should be upset with him or not. He was honest about seeing someone and did change his info but on the other hand he was open to meeting her. I understand we have not had the "exclusive" talk yet but it certainly seemed to be going in that direction. But now I almost feel like he is on the website keeping his options open while he is getting to know me. It just doesn't make sense to me that a man would be looking to make "friends" on a dating website. Opinions?
Author Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 I also want to say that when he talks about things to do in the future he often says "we". Like "we should check out that play in December". So he makes it known to me that he sees this going somewhere. I'm also currently in nursing school and next week I have to practice drawing blood on real people. I have the option to bring in someone I know to class. He offered right away to take a morning out of work so I could stick him! So its very hard to wrap my head around this profile thing when he has been nothing short of great to me.
Cracker Jack Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Well, if you guys haven't had the exclusive talk yet, you can't be too upset. It's clear he's really into you. I don't think he should be open to meeting others, tho, I'll admit. Maybe you need to just sit him down and talk to him about things. Just think you shouldn't be too upset.
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 But now I almost feel like he is on the website keeping his options open while he is getting to know me. It just doesn't make sense to me that a man would be looking to make "friends" on a dating website. Opinions? There is nothing wrong with this. He is treating you well. Giving you a lot of time and even admitted that he was not looking for a relationship. That is not enough so now you want him to take down his profile. Twenty years ago we kept our options open but you never knew about it because there was no internet like there is now. He can delete his profile and still have his options open. Would you just prefer he did it that way? Could he possibly want to know more people and make more friends in a foreign country? Seven weeks is nothing. Let the relationship continue to progress. Don't freak out on a profile that is working its way to the recycle bin judging from what you have posted.
Author Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Well, if you guys haven't had the exclusive talk yet, you can't be too upset. It's clear he's really into you. I don't think he should be open to meeting others, tho, I'll admit. Maybe you need to just sit him down and talk to him about things. Just think you shouldn't be too upset. We have not had the "talk" but he told me early on that he doesn't date more than one person at a time. Finding this out almost makes me want to reactivate my profile and keep my options open. Even though I'm not the type of person to date around while I'm trying to get to know someone. I just don't understand why he would change all of his info but still be looking to meet other women as "friends". I want to bring it up and tell him it offends me a little and maybe ask him how he would feel about me seeing other men.
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I want to bring it up and tell him it offends me a little and maybe ask him how he would feel about me seeing other men. Do that and watch his attraction for you plummet. I promise you. This will work against you.
Author Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Do that and watch his attraction for you plummet. I promise you. This will work against you. why? Is it supposed to be ok for him but not for me? Or maybe I should just make mine active again and not say anything. Maybe he will notice on his own. I'm pretty sure he checked to see if I was still on there and if he did he now knows I'm no longer active on it. But he didn't do the same.
Author Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Could he possibly want to know more people and make more friends in a foreign country? Isn't that what Facebook, Myspace, etc...are for?
D-Lish Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 When I first started online dating, I met a guy on lava life. We hit it off right away. It took him 2 months to take his profile down- and I kept mine up for about the same. I knew he was still on there, but I just chose to play it cool and not mention anything. I silently took my profile down shorly after becoming intimate- without discussing it with him. He follwowed suit soon after. It's not even at the 2 month mark for you, I wouldn't stress over it. Let him take his profile down when he is ready.
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 why? Is it supposed to be ok for him but not for me? Or maybe I should just make mine active again and not say anything. Maybe he will notice on his own. I'm pretty sure he checked to see if I was still on there and if he did he now knows I'm no longer active on it. But he didn't do the same. 7 weeks? You are still new and you two are not exclusive. Someone confronts another like that in that kind of situation will come of as insecure, controlling, and too demanding. Why can't it be okay for him? Go ahead and put your profile back up. You have your right just like he has his right. Personally, I don't get into trying to go tit-for-tat when it comes to dating. Relax. The profile is on its way to the recycling bin. Just relax and enjoy the "one of the nicest men" you have ever met.
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Isn't that what Facebook, Myspace, etc...are for? And dating sites. There is actually an option just to choose looking for friends. Myspace is for teenagers, from what I understand and Facebook is for connecting with already established friends, from what I understand. Dating sites can be used for several things including keeping your options open. If you continue to freak out over this like you are now even though he has past "your sister's" test, it seems keeping his options open would be justified. In a court of law, this case would be thrown out.
Author Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 When I first started online dating, I met a guy on lava life. We hit it off right away. It took him 2 months to take his profile down- and I kept mine up for about the same. I knew he was still on there, but I just chose to play it cool and not mention anything. I silently took my profile down shorly after becoming intimate- without discussing it with him. He follwowed suit soon after. It's not even at the 2 month mark for you, I wouldn't stress over it. Let him take his profile down when he is ready. I'm never "that" girl to stress about a man, Until now. Thank you for the example.
Author Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 And dating sites. There is actually an option just to choose looking for friends. Myspace is for teenagers, from what I understand and Facebook is for connecting with already established friends, from what I understand. Dating sites can be used for several things including keeping your options open. If you continue to freak out over this like you are now even though he has past "your sister's" test, it seems keeping his options open would be justified. In a court of law, this case would be thrown out. I would really rather not have known. I knew it was up but I didn't let it concern me until this.
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I would really rather not have known. I knew it was up but I didn't let it concern me until this. Don't be concerned. This one will work out in your favor if you keep your cool. You won't be able to keep your cool though and I can tell.
Author Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Don't be concerned. This one will work out in your favor if you keep your cool. You won't be able to keep your cool though and I can tell. Well I came here so I do keep my cool!
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Well I came here so I do keep my cool! Great! Well we can now put this thread to rest then and you go and fix that guy a ham sandwich! Read some other threads here. You are so lucky and you don't even know it.
befreckled Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 He is a little different being he is from Australia As someone who is somewhat foreign to the US, he might be still open to meeting new people to socialise with. You mentioned he introduced you to work friends so there's a good chance that he is still in search of regular friends (if that makes sense) I moved back to Asia 4-5 years ago (I was born here but lived overseas almost all my life) and for the most part, I'm still in search of new friends to hang out with. Work takes up most of my time and, it would be nice tomeet new people outside of work. Wouldn't you want someone who has a life with you and without you? You've set a trap for him by asking your sister to send him a message and he passed with flying colours. I would waiting for the other shoe to drop and trying to find a fault with someone who has been nothing but amazing. Just enjoy this time.
Author Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 As someone who is somewhat foreign to the US, he might be still open to meeting new people to socialise with. You mentioned he introduced you to work friends so there's a good chance that he is still in search of regular friends (if that makes sense) I moved back to Asia 4-5 years ago (I was born here but lived overseas almost all my life) and for the most part, I'm still in search of new friends to hang out with. Work takes up most of my time and, it would be nice tomeet new people outside of work. Wouldn't you want someone who has a life with you and without you? You've set a trap for him by asking your sister to send him a message and he passed with flying colours. I would waiting for the other shoe to drop and trying to find a fault with someone who has been nothing but amazing. Just enjoy this time. My sister took it upon herself to be sneaky and do that. I didn't know until afterward. I do want to enjoy it but I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't bother me that he was about to go meet another woman.
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