Woggle Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Why is it that a man has to be afraid to show he is a human being in front of a woman? Women complain that they can't be strong without being looked at as manhating nags and that is true but there is also a flipside to that. Every time I see men let down their armor and show some sensitivity it's like he becomes unattractive in an instant to the woman in his life. She slowly starts to despise him. I saw my father get torn to shreds whenever he showed some weakness and my ex wife even lost attraction because I cried at a funeral of a best friend who was murdered. I was not even allowed to show weakness at that moment.Today I am terrifed of being vulnerable in front of my wife. People want to confide in her about my issues but I won't because the same cycle might happen. What do women here think when they see a man being vulnerable? Be honest.
Mad Max Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 It's a subconscious thing on the woman's part. They can't control it. Remember growing up as a boy if you cried or did something feminine and your dad would say "Stop being a sissy" or "That's not what men do"? There's a reason for that.
deebeechrisyo Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm taking the woman's side on this one. Sensitive men are frankly pussies. My friend once whined to me in the car for 5 minutes about how he won't ever get a girlfriend again, and I felt like punching him in the face. It was pathetic. Sensitive men let their emotions overpower logic. Imagine our president making a critical decision based on emotion rather than logic, that terrifies you doesn't it? It's a sign of weakness. Obviously there are exceptions, like in your case woggle during your friend's funeral it was perfectly ok to cry. Your ex must have been a demon.
Titania22 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Why is it that a man has to be afraid to show he is a human being in front of a woman? Women complain that they can't be strong without being looked at as manhating nags and that is true but there is also a flipside to that. Every time I see men let down their armor and show some sensitivity it's like he becomes unattractive in an instant to the woman in his life. She slowly starts to despise him. It's the social stereotypical programming at work. When I think about people as people and not gender, I am totally cool with people showing sensitivity and emotion. Therefore when i am in a public gathering where people are crying, no problem, i don't think anything about men crying, except maybe how cool it is they are expressing the emotion rather then bottling it up. As for that special person, the first time he breaks down and cries, it takes my a minute to accept it, because the latent programming is active, and the experience contradicts the programming. Once I get used to it it's cool. Of course if he starts getting all feminine to the point that he stops doing any of the stereotypical roles, and thus i am doing all the stereotypical males things, then i have a personal imbalance because i am really feminine. So basically, any person male or female with a good balance of stereotypically male and female behaviour is a win and being an extreme is a lose. (Besides if something like that does upset me in any way, then it shows me i have something to change, and i am always thankful for those heads up.)
Titania22 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 My friend once whined to me There is such a thing as being too whiney, but that's true of both men and women. Whineyness isn't attractive in anybody IMO
daphne Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm not stereotypical, but I don't mind when a guy shows vulnerability. As long as he cries a lot less than me. lol. I went to a friend's wedding and he choked up when they were saying their vows. I started crying. He was not a sissy. He was a man that was happy to have found his dream girl and she wanted him too. However, I can't stand when a guy screws up and cries to get out of it. THen he seriously is a p***. That doesn't work more than once!
SteveC80 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Women dont get turned on by Men with feminine traits like over sensitivity and too much compassion they respond to power strength and dominance Women also equate everyhting to the bedroom and feel if youre overly sensitive you wont ravage them in the bedroom stick their head in the toilet or whaetver they like done to be dominated in the bedroom Men have to be the strong minded rocks in a relationship if they start acting overemotional too then nothing will get done with two overly emotional weak minded people
daphne Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 You will never get the women that side with your topic to post on here, all you ever see on these threads is women saying " I'm not like that" No matter what you ask, 99% of the thread will only be replied to by women disagreeing with the post. Even though, they admit their actions, usually in a kind of side story, while replying to a post about something else. But when you post a direct question on here, you rarely hear from the women that do exactly what you ask to be talked about. That's nonsense. I never said I liked a crybaby. I just don't hold men to an inhuman level of supposed strength and lose attraction because he shows vulnerability. I can't stand a guy who thinks it's weakness to begin with. It's part and parcel of the idiot that thinks that if he ever admits he's wrong he's showing weakness and they do not make good relationship material.
counterman Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 The way my ex put it "you have to be the strong one...I'm meant to be the weak one". I got emotional at times. It was unattractive to her but, in hindsight, I would say that I probably could have had more self-control and kept my guard up, instead of letting things get to me. I could say that partly contributed to the break-up. I didn't enjoy it either, the fact that she had so much control over me. It seems that way, doesn't it? That a man cannot show some vulnerability. I have to be strong even during my weakest moments. Any vulnerability I do show, I can only show it to myself away from other people. However, I do agree that being sensitive and vulnerable all the time would be hard to deal with.
sweetjasmine Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 What do women here think when they see a man being vulnerable? Be honest. It helps me understand him better as a human being. It lets me see who he really is, and I take it as a positive sign that he's willing to let his guard down and let me in. It's honest. It takes strength, security, and comfort to admit you're not invincible and be okay with it. What's unattractive is constant whining, negativity, and deep insecurity, and those things are often accompanied by depression and other psychological problems. That's not the same as crying at a funeral or admitting you have some vulnerabilities and insecurities. Everyone has those, and I think it's a sign of weakness to cover them up around someone you truly love and who you're intimate with. My uncle cries at funerals - my father doesn't. I don't think less of either of them based on how they personally grieve.
PJKino Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Im not overly emotional but im more emotional as i get older.. I never cried much as a teenager or in my 20's but if i see a sick kid or if i see someone else cry or sufer i seem to get more emotional then i used to.. If a women would look down on me for that because she thinks each gender should be robots and act like the Man or Women handbook tells her then id want nothing more to do with the sociopath..
112233 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Honestly I don't know any women like the ones the OP is posting about, but I do see a shred of truth in the hyperbole.
PJKino Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 The way my ex put it "you have to be the strong one...I'm meant to be the weak one". I got emotional at times. It was unattractive to her but, in hindsight, I would say that I probably could have had more self-control and kept my guard up, instead of letting things get to me. I could say that partly contributed to the break-up. I didn't enjoy it either, the fact that she had so much control over me. It seems that way, doesn't it? That a man cannot show some vulnerability. I have to be strong even during my weakest moments. Any vulnerability I do show, I can only show it to myself away from other people. However, I do agree that being sensitive and vulnerable all the time would be hard to deal with. Id imagine the women who mock or look down on Men who show emotion either are a fan of the "bad boys" or are very strict about gender roles and how Men and Women should act a certain way to a tee..
theBrokenMuse Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I pity anyone, male or female that is so far removed from reality that they feel discomfort and negativity when another person displays a side of themselves that has some fragility...a side that everyone has. This of course is quite different then a chronic whiner or a person willfully wallowing in feelings of ineptness. Both of those are extremely unattractive to me.
TouchedByViolet Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 From what I have seen in life and read on LS recently it is practically a deal breaker for a man to show any sort of emotional weakness during the dating phase of a relationship. Women fall in love with the IMAGE a man puts out not the man himself. Having said that by the time one is married I believe you need to be comfortable enough and trust your partner enough to bring in the human element. Woogle, from what you have said about your wife she sounds like a true companion. Slowly, very slowly show your wife the more vulnerable sides. You may be very surprised at how very supportive she is.
SteveC80 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Id imagine the women who mock or look down on Men who show emotion either are a fan of the "bad boys" or are very strict about gender roles and how Men and Women should act a certain way to a tee.. Its simply that women are sexually attracted to masuclinity not feminine traits Womens whole existence is being in fear of life theyre surroundings etc Men are the protectors of them from the scary world,its why women love tall men and hate short Men the feeling of protection If a Man cries she feels hes vulenrable and she already feels vulnerable
LisaLee Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 (edited) You will never get the women that side with your topic to post on here, all you ever see on these threads is women saying " I'm not like that" No matter what you ask, 99% of the thread will only be replied to by women disagreeing with the post. Well, I hate to prove you right, but I am not like that and I can speak from experience. My boyfriend is extremely stoic to the point that many mistake him for being unemotional. He and I have had our ups and downs in our relationship, and at the moments when I really needed him to show some emotion he remained stone faced. Anyone who saw us at those times would say that my boyfriend was putting up a strong front, but I would have given anything for just one tear to show me that he cared as much as he was claiming. Id imagine the women who mock or look down on Men who show emotion either are a fan of the "bad boys" or are very strict about gender roles and how Men and Women should act a certain way to a tee.. I've complained before that women these days are hypersexualized, and on the opposite end of the spectrum I do believe there are huge expectations on men to be strong, unemotive, the bad boy. I actually don't think what Woggle is saying is too far off, but to be fair many men don't want to see other men emotional, either. It's an unfair demand placed on us by society. Edited November 11, 2010 by LisaLee
Author Woggle Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Id imagine the women who mock or look down on Men who show emotion either are a fan of the "bad boys" or are very strict about gender roles and how Men and Women should act a certain way to a tee.. They are strict about men's gender roles but ask them to play a woman's role and there is hell to pay.
EmmaLou Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I love it when my boyfriend shows emotion, I don't think he's less of a man, I'm happy he's not bottling things up because of a fear of what anyone might think of him. This doesn't make him a sissy, he is very much a strong man. We recently found an abandoned dog in our garden and kept her for two days whilst we found a home for her.. We got very attached! The night before she was leaving, I walked into the lounge to find her asleep on his lap and he was crying whilst stroking her and I loved comforting him... The next day, I had a little cry as the woman was taking her away, he comforted me, then once we were back inside he started crying again and we cuddled. I would never ever want a man who couldn't show his emotions.
Stung Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I more often hear women complaining that their boyfriends/husbands don't open up enough to them, wishing the men in their lives would be more expressive of their emotions. My own experience, having been good friends with/or in serious relationships with several men over the years, is that these men would invariably come to me to talk about their big problems/decisions because they couldn't talk to their male friends without being called a p*ssy. This is also true of my husband--and yes, I have seen my husband cry just as he has seen me cry. When his family member died he didn't even tell most of his guy friends, but we spent many weeks talking about and dealing with it in our partnership. I'm not attracted to weaklings and whiners, but I am attracted to multifaceted human beings with normal human strengths and weaknesses.
Author Woggle Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 If you ask me if men can't even cry at a funeral without being called a wimp then I see nothing wrong with a man who rejects a woman because she is too educated and too ambitious. If I have to adhere to strict gender roles then a woman should have to as well. You can't be hypocrites about equality.
Titania22 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Its simply that women are sexually attracted to masuclinity not feminine traits The world is changing, although this is most likely true for most women alive today, the ratio between women who likely manly men and women who like more effeminate men is changing. Last week when i went to the club and met that guy I posted about, what i didn't say was on the dance floor with his mates, they were all very touchy feel with each other. One of his friends actually licked his neck while we were dancing together. I watched the male interractions with quiet fascination. It wasn't like watching classic male interaction, it was more like how 2 girlfriends would interact (except for the neck licking part). It didn't turn me off him, as you know if you remember the threads. In fact if he had replied to my text message, I totally would have had sex with him at the first opportunity. Now I know that story is not about crying vunerability, but for a guy to have that level of comfort to show physical intimacy in a public place without getting weird about it, that wasn't a turnoff. And yeah, I know I don't know how much alcohol (and or drugs) were involved, but the point is my reaction to the event, not the event itself.
LisaLee Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 If you ask me if men can't even cry at a funeral without being called a wimp then I see nothing wrong with a man who rejects a woman because she is too educated and too ambitious. No one said that! If anything, from my impression men crying at funerals is NOT looked down upon at all, and probably one of the areas in life where a man crying is acceptable. Your ex wife was a psycho bitch don't project her onto all women.
Jannah Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 (edited) Why is it that a man has to be afraid to show he is a human being in front of a woman? Women complain that they can't be strong without being looked at as manhating nags and that is true but there is also a flipside to that. Every time I see men let down their armor and show some sensitivity it's like he becomes unattractive in an instant to the woman in his life. She slowly starts to despise him. I saw my father get torn to shreds whenever he showed some weakness and my ex wife even lost attraction because I cried at a funeral of a best friend who was murdered. I was not even allowed to show weakness at that moment.Today I am terrifed of being vulnerable in front of my wife. People want to confide in her about my issues but I won't because the same cycle might happen. What do women here think when they see a man being vulnerable? Be honest. Your ex wife was a jerk, she is no woman to be measured by. Edited November 11, 2010 by Jannah
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