Mimolicious Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Because they find "AMAZING" people who are willing and able to join the party. If OM/OW simply said NO and kept out of other people's R, then there wouldn't be much of a choice. But everyone wants to be a hero...
Mimolicious Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 We've heard "it takes two to make a marriage". and three to FACK it all up...
TheLoveAdvisor Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 People cheat for many reasons... It is because they lack something somewhere..That can include maturity, self esteem,ego, abuse,sex, selfishness,attention,communication, on and on and on....
blizzard Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 [/b] Owl, till the day I die, I will dispute that there "must have been something wrong in the marriage," or "I didn't meet his needs," or "we were unhappy with each other." It sucks for vulnerable OW/OM who all hope it is true and that they have a chance. Most therapist will tell you that there is a problem within the cheater, because few acts can cause more familial destruction than an affair. I knew my h was forming a very close relationship with a co-worker, but he mentioned him by a title that allowed me to assume it was a man. I was happy he seemed to have a mentor on the new job who called his cell all the time. I thought, okay, I'm happy for him, because maybe that will make him happy. Ahhhhh....Love is blind..... Actually, my psychologist says that the problem lies from within the marriage...in every case she's seen.
greengoddess Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Actually, my psychologist says that the problem lies from within the marriage...in every case she's seen. Your psychologist is probably a cheater or an ow/om.
PandorasBox Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Just my 2 cents and I can't speak for anyone on here, but the ppl I know that did cheat, were not happy. I haven't come across any yet (not saying there aren't any) just saying I haven't come across any who cheated that were really happy.
Spark1111 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Actually, my psychologist says that the problem lies from within the marriage...in every case she's seen. Well, in theory, it's always about NOT meeting each other's needs in the marriage. My needs were not being met, yet I did not choose to cheat while having loads of overtures to do so. I also begged him to join me in counseling, which he refused to, way before he crashed into his AP. So, in reality, with those counselors who specialize in infidelity, and be very careful here, because they all claim to while very few do, it has to do with poor coping skills, low self-esteem, and the need for external validation. There is a pre-disposition to having the vulnerability to even engage in an affair. Think about it. If 50% of all couples experience infidelity, what are the other 50% doing? What are the SO of the cheating 50% doing, if both are in the same "supposedly" loveless marriage? I will only entertain MC with a counselor who has A) personally experienced infidelity, or b) convinces me they have been gloriously, passionately married for more than 20 years. Otherwise, I can do my own reading and research on the internet and keep my money in my pocket.
PhoenixRise Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Actually, my psychologist says that the problem lies from within the marriage...in every case she's seen. Your psychologist is probably a cheater or an ow/om. Or telling people what they want to hear to keep their cash cow pumpin' out the milk. An Unhappy person who is married might cheat. That doesn't mean that the source of their unhappiness is the marriage or the spouse. An unhappy person might even create problems in what had been a previously happy marriage. They blame the marriage for the unhappiness they themselves bring into it.
Spark1111 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 An Unhappy person who is married might cheat. That doesn't mean that the source of their unhappiness is the marriage or the spouse. An unhappy person might even create problems in what had been a previously happy marriage. They blame the marriage for the unhappiness they themselves bring into it. AMEN to this! My fWS learned two points in IC within the first month of DDAY: Why did you blame Spark for (fill-in-the-blank)? that even my H found it rediculous and skewed. And, it wasn't that HE was not getting enough from the marriage, but rather HE was not GIVING enough to our marriage.
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