GF of 3 years, cheated on me and is now in a relationship with this guy! WTF

[evilmonkey2008]

Hi There,

 

This is my first break up and jesus does it suck!

 

My GF and I were together for 3 years, we had great times but we also argued like any couple. She recently went to uni this did put a strain on our relationship, i did tell her i think this would put a strain on us. But she begged me to try and i said ok because i still love her. I see every weekend, however a month ago exactly i see her during the weekend and all is fine. Then during the week she texts me to come up and i told i cant just leave work (had a big project on) then she says she wants a break over text. Im texting and calling her asking what is wrong - no reply. That whole week i couldnt eat or sleep i didnt know what went wrong. Then the following weekend i go and see my mates, on the same day my car got broken into she told me she has selpt with another guy! im crushed! ofcourse i do all the things shouldnt do and just keep calling her and texting her and pleading etc.

 

OF course this is the worst thing to do but I love her, anyway she tells me a week ago she has moved on and is in a relationship with this guy. I'm like wtf already we were together for 3 years and then she drops me just like that.

 

I havent made contact since but why do i feel like a loser and why do i want her back so badly. I dont know what happened its all happened so fast, one week all is fine the next im the worst thing to happen to her. Can some one really get over someone that quickly.

 

help please anyone:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

[bl22]

Going through the exact same thing here. was with her for 2 years though. Its sickening aint it. All we can do is go NC and work on ourselves, if your relationship was a good 1 then I have faith they will come crawling back apoligising eventually, and by then youll be in charge not her.

 

Its hard i know how you feel, dont make anything worse by trying to convince her, doesnt work.

[jer021]

You aren't alone...My GF of over 4 years broke up with me telling me she had cheated on me with her ex of over 5 years ago. Same situation as you as far as it being completely out of the blue. Everything was fine then suddenly my world was turned upside down.

 

I can tell you this...I'm at about 6 weeks NC and I definitely know how you feel and even though I'm still in utter shock, I have a broader view of the whole relationship. I can now see that she had been disconnecting herself for some time. She would tell me she wasn't herself because of her new job and was adjusting to life after college. I've learned, and so many others here have explained, that especially women disconnect themselves emotionally from a relationship for weeks, months, even years before the break up and just look for the right opportunity to escape (like someone else). They replace the pain of the break up with someone else that brings them feelings of happiness that new relationships tend to have.

 

I don't know if that helps much but the one thing I've started to learn is that you CAN'T ask why. You may never know the answer as to why she did it and ended it like that but you can find comfort knowing that at least you realized who she truly was now instead of later in the future.

 

What brings comfort to me is knowing that the person whom I loved and loved me no longer exists. They are dead and have become someone we can no longer understand. They didn't have the ability to unconditionally love.

 

As time goes on things will become more clear as to why this is happening.

 

Take care.

[jer021]

BTW my first serious relationship and break up. It sucks BIG time.

[Lemontang]

Totally feel for you guys. Jer021, you couldn't have worded that any better.

 

I'm in the same boat with an ex of mine who did the same (add she's also an abusive alcoholic in the mix). I too look at her as someone who's simply dead to me and who she is now is not the girl I fell in love with.

I also take comfort in the fact that I was unconditional in my devotion to her, having even brought a ring and was 2 weeks away from asking her to marry me before her drinking and abuse all got too much....That ring is now a Kawasaki ZZR250 and I've moved on and met some great girls since, with me now in the middle of a solid relationship with someone without all these issues.

 

...and I'll tell you, I ride the F'n sh@t out of that bike!

[evilmonkey2008]

cheers guys for the advice, if we all lived in the same country i would buy you all a drink.

 

I know there is no chance, as I punched the new guy she is with, i know i shouldnt of done it. Seocndly i spoke to her mum, and ehr mum said i was the worst thing to happen to her, and i was like cheers!

 

But then if i was that bad why stick with me for 3 years!]

 

meh its all so confusing!!!

[Coolsbreeze]

Man i feel for you, this same thing happened with me but not to this extent. She didn't cheat on me but she did start a new relationship with another guy, that she met while she was with me, a week after ending things with me. It hurts like hell knowing that someone you loved and thought the world of would just pick up and leave and cut off the bond that was shared. The only thing that one can do in this situation is just go NC until you feel healthy and just hope that you'll meet someone who truly cares about you.

[wonderwhy1]

Well I'm not the guy who was with my girl for 3 years-I'm the guy who's girl was with someone for 3 years and they broke up 5 months ago and got with me right away. So I'm the new guy-they guy all of you probably hate!!!! Let me tell you THERE ARE PROBLEMS!!!!! If you read the only thread I have it will give you plenty of perspective from the other side of the fence. Her ex stopped talking to her (I guess what you call NC) and I just found out recently that she's back in touch with him -and it's not going in my favor at all!!!! He just seems to play everything so calm and cool with her after not talking with her for a couple of months-and it's getting to her head I think and I'm the one on the outs

[bl22]

Well I'm not the guy who was with my girl for 3 years-I'm the guy who's girl was with someone for 3 years and they broke up 5 months ago and got with me right away. So I'm the new guy-they guy all of you probably hate!!!! Let me tell you THERE ARE PROBLEMS!!!!! If you read the only thread I have it will give you plenty of perspective from the other side of the fence. Her ex stopped talking to her (I guess what you call NC) and I just found out recently that she's back in touch with him -and it's not going in my favor at all!!!! He just seems to play everything so calm and cool with her after not talking with her for a couple of months-and it's getting to her head I think and I'm the one on the outs

 

good, next time you'll know better then

[wonderwhy1]

I'm just going to try to help you guys because everyone here was so good about giving me advice. From what I can see if you drop out of their sight if you had been together that long she'll be back in contact with you. My girl (I guess) just started sending all of these crazy sexting emails and texts and I love you miss you texts. It's all because I think she got tired of the novelty of me and really started to miss him-or so I've gathered

[evilmonkey2008]

no offence to "wonderwhy", you seem like a nice guy, but i would punch you! not saying violence is the answer, but im glad i punched my ex's new bloke, one of the best things i've done! but then at the end of the day if this guy can make her happy, then I have no business in her life anymore! meh i dont know i have so many mixed emotions! damn women! i can see why some men go gay!

[PegNosePete]

What did the new guy do wrong? Unless he knew that she had a BF when he f**ked her, then he did nothing wrong, and doesn't deserve any kind of mistreatment form you.

[bl22]

the other guy in my relationship actively persued her at work for around 6 months, she was so considerate for my feelings for 5 of them months but then he got his own way. Sometimes I wish id gone down there and punched him myself, but people say that would only make things worse...probably me going to prison.

 

Hopefully she'll bore of him and I'll have the last laugh.

[wonderwhy1]

I agree-it wasn't his fault he's just the new guy and he'll end up getting f-ed over not you. If you stop punching people (major mistake if you want her back) and drop out of site for awhile you'd be suprised what will happen in her head. Right now the new guy is perfect- but he's not and she'll realize it sooner than later if you go away. Then I think what happens in hteir head is they begin to remember all the good things about their ex-like the ex will start looking like a god to them-I'm telling you my girl's ex is starting to impress me....Now I'm the guy who was perfect 5 months ago to the douche bag with a temper---or so she told him

[evilmonkey2008]

guys, guys, im not a violent person, i only did it once and I have not made contact since!

 

but i dont think i ever get her back, i stuffed up way to many times! just going to have to deal with the regret i guess. But still even i didnt deserve to be treated like that, everything was fine, and then bam im the worst thing that happened to her.

 

but should i still send her b-day card?

[tobydog]

No, def not

[Fern]

guys, guys, im not a violent person, i only did it once and I have not made contact since!

 

but i dont think i ever get her back, i stuffed up way to many times! just going to have to deal with the regret i guess. But still even i didnt deserve to be treated like that, everything was fine, and then bam im the worst thing that happened to her.

 

but should i still send her b-day card?

 

NO! Do not send her anything!

[evilmonkey2008]

oh but i really want her back i know the nc rule, but its not going to get her back. we had three years, she only had a few weeks with this guy, i got to be able to win! havent i???

[GorillaTheater]

i got to be able to win! havent i???

 

What's the prize if you do win? Her? Seriously?

 

You've already clocked him. Score it as a "win" already and move on.

[jerbear]

oh but i really want her back i know the nc rule, but its not going to get her back. we had three years, she only had a few weeks with this guy, i got to be able to win! havent i???

 

hmmm... in your mind you thought you won. In reality, where is she NOW. I say just move on and do your thing.

[iamawesome]

evilmonkey,

 

I'm going through the same thing. 3 year relationship. In my case, I was the dumper. Although my ex responds to my calls and text, I decided to NC her because it was visibly confusing and hurting her. It just wasn't right to keep in contact after I broke it off. Plus, she has a rebound, but I feel that puts us more on "equal footing" more than anything else .

 

I really want to give her a second chance and not only do I love her, but I know she's a great partner in life and we are a great fit for each other. I feel like we are both a victim of bad circumstances and timing.

 

I've decided to stick to NC because I need to "internalize" my mistakes and know I can live with the consequences without regret. I need to accept my loss and the reality that she is gone. I want to leave opportunity with her open in the future and for that to happen, we must both heal so we can put the damage behind us.

 

I think you should stick to NC for the same reasons. Don't worry about the other guy. If it is meant to be after you both move on the interest will still be there. Love is not a competition. Let her do her thing and you do yours. Let time heal your wounds and see if there is still something between you two.

[evilmonkey2008]

guys, thanks for the advice, it really means alot.

 

I just dont know its happened all so quickly, but personally her just dating someone after a 3 year relationship is not the right thing, i think she is confusing her emotions.

 

Me persoannly I cant date some one yet, wouldnt seem right! i want to look after myself, train myself to be better, just this suff really does hurt.

 

so basically give it time, if its meant to be then she will commuinicate me, yeah?

[jer021]

guys, thanks for the advice, it really means alot.

 

I just dont know its happened all so quickly, but personally her just dating someone after a 3 year relationship is not the right thing, i think she is confusing her emotions.

 

Me persoannly I cant date some one yet, wouldnt seem right! i want to look after myself, train myself to be better, just this suff really does hurt.

 

so basically give it time, if its meant to be then she will commuinicate me, yeah?

 

I know how you feel as far as NC and that being the only chance she'll come back but that's a dangerous line. Don't go NC in hopes she'll realize the mistake she's made and come crawling back, do it for yourself. I've realized that NC is for me and I have to be completely comfortable knowing that in fact I might not ever hear or see from her again. You have to completely let go.

 

As difficult as it was to tell myself I have realized that maybe the guy she left me for and her are better for each other. Maybe they'll live happily ever after. That's not for any of us to judge.

 

You have to just move forward and NEVER look back.

[iamawesome]

Give it time and see if you're even still interested in her. Don't think about who contacts who. Just get out with a clear head. Once you have a clear head it will be much easier to determine an appropriate course of action. Without a clear head, you are crippled in judgment and not at the top of your game.

[112233]

so basically give it time, if its meant to be then she will commuinicate me, yeah?

 

No. Stop acting like a 14 year old girl and go out and get a date.