BrianK Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I've been on 4 dates with this girl with another on Friday in which she is planning / paying for. Texts me all day from when she wakes up until she goes to bed. We have slept together (date 3) and also says she wants me to take her out of the city on an upcoming weekend. Always lots of affection / kissing when we are together. So how long does it usually take you guys? I have another girl hounding me for a date..which I think would be healthy to do just for the sake of meeting other girls.
Philetus Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Given what you're describing (especially the going away for a weekend), 4 dates seems like enough. I think that's the number of times my and my gf went out before we became an item. We're still together four months later. I think it depends of if an exclusive relationship with her is what you want.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I've been on 4 dates with this girl with another on Friday in which she is planning / paying for. Texts me all day from when she wakes up until she goes to bed. We have slept together (date 3) and also says she wants me to take her out of the city on an upcoming weekend. Always lots of affection / kissing when we are together. So how long does it usually take you guys? I have another girl hounding me for a date..which I think would be healthy to do just for the sake of meeting other girls. Meh... I'd stick with what you've got. Going on a date with someone else could just mess up a good thing. If you do... I hope you plan to be honest about it.
mitchell Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Is there good chemistry between you two? You sound like you are still searching for something better. How was the sex? Fireworks or just meh?
Author BrianK Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 The sex was good...4 hours and we had to make a quick trip to buy lube in between sessions There is great chemistry, intelect, conversation, things in common etc tells me she's closer to me than her best friend of 10 years but that she is scared of getting her heart broken so we are taking things slow.
alexlakeman Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 If she needs lube at such a young age, it will probably be a PIA later on, keep that in mind... she should be self-lube... If you can afford it, go out with the other one, you never know.. Thank god I did that last year; I was dating one girl for about 4-6 weeks, got laid, she seemed long term material.. then went on a date with another lady and I just flipped heads over heals, a week later I dumped gf1 ... But then again, if you slept with her already, she probably feels you are in a committed relationship... Maybe just go have a drink with the other one; you never know. You know the 4 week gf would probably do the same if she was in your shoes and the day she wants to dump you she wont think too much about hurting you and just dump you.. so take advantage now that you have options to test out..
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 (edited) Don't bet on a damn thing until you have about 10 dates under your belt or she specifically inquires about being exclusive. Yes, I said 10! Things are just not stable enough before then. Get yourself to 10, then you can start toasting. A good way that men often screw up when it comes to the beginning stages of dating, is that they focus too much on one girl and cast every thing else to the side. A woman picks up on the extra attention and focus and this often does not turn into a guy's favor. Get those dates in before you burn your black book. You are not out of the woods. Edited November 11, 2010 by Sabali
GivenUp0083 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 you have about 70 more hoops to jump through before you're deemed acceptable enough to beg her for sex.
Author BrianK Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Don't bet on a damn thing until you have about 10 dates under your belt or she specifically inquires about being exclusive. Yes, I said 10! Things are just not stable enough before then. Get yourself to 10, then you can start toasting. A good way that men often screw up when it comes to the beginning stages of dating, is that they focus too much on one girl and cast every thing else to the side. A woman picks up on the extra attention and focus and this often does not turn into a guy's favor. Get those dates in before you burn your black book. You are not out of the woods. Thats what I was thinking...thanks for the words
that girl Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 You're sleeping together, you text all the time, she's paying for dates, you might go away together. We might already consider you exclusive. Whether or not that is fair of you, the relationship does not sound casual. Going out with another girl means risking this one. I think you'd be an idiot to go out with the other girl considering what you say about this one.
Lemontang Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I can't say you can really put a number on it. It all comes down to chemistry, communication & more importantly timing. I went on about 10 dates with one girl before we even took it to the next level earlier this year and then became an item only to break up 2 months later. The one I'm with now I went on 3 dates before we took it to the next level and are now an item. So take your time, pace yourself if need be, but you'll know when to become exclusive, because put simply that's when it'll feel right..
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Thats what I was thinking...thanks for the words If this is what you were thinking, continue to follow your instincts. Avoid the trap of moving too fast. It heavily obscures things. Get yourself past the honeymoon period before you start counting your chickens. By the way, long trips within that number is a sign of moving too fast. Crash and burn comes to mind.
Randomness Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I've been on 4 dates with this girl with another on Friday in which she is planning / paying for. Texts me all day from when she wakes up until she goes to bed. We have slept together (date 3) and also says she wants me to take her out of the city on an upcoming weekend. Always lots of affection / kissing when we are together. So how long does it usually take you guys? I have another girl hounding me for a date..which I think would be healthy to do just for the sake of meeting other girls. I don't understand this. Seems you like her and things are going well, so why do you feel the "need" to go out with someone else? I really don't get it.
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I don't understand this. Seems you like her and things are going well, so why do you feel the "need" to go out with someone else? I really don't get it. Because he knows stuff that we don't and is not willing to discuss them for fear of being open to criticism. So he will follow his instincts which is never a bad option. There are the "right" things to say in forums like these and there are the things that work. Stick with what works.
that girl Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Because he knows stuff that we don't and is not willing to discuss them for fear of being open to criticism. So he will follow his instincts which is never a bad option. There are the "right" things to say in forums like these and there are the things that work. Stick with what works. Sometimes people make mistakes following their instincts. A girl who is this into him is likely to be very upset if she ever found out he was seeing anyone else. Why risk blowing something that is working?
welikeincrowds Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Sometimes people make mistakes following their instincts. A girl who is this into him is likely to be very upset if she ever found out he was seeing anyone else. Why risk blowing something that is working? She doesn't have to find out. If he had to ask it within itself, then it's probably better that he went with it. The only way I could agree with total devotion on little evidence would be if there were no doubts to his conviction -- because how can you argue with that? But there are doubts. For this reason I see no harm in putting his relationship with her into context.
Sabali Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 (edited) Sometimes people make mistakes following their instincts. A girl who is this into him is likely to be very upset if she ever found out he was seeing anyone else. Why risk blowing something that is working? Sometimes people make mistake following a stranger's advice. Surprise! If a person will make a mistake, let it result from following their gut feeling you have about a situation rather than someone's else's advice... someone who does not have to deal with the consequences of making that mistake. Someone who is intimately knowledgeable about their own situation and has experienced their own situation has a lot more insight into their own situation compared to others on the outside trying to look in. Instinct is processing on the subconscious level. Information is processed and it gives you a "feeling"... A sense that something is right or wrong. The way someone talks, their body language, the tone of someone one's voice, past experiences... all of this information is mentally associated and connected to other experiences and ideas. You don't consciously think about these things because the processing of all of this information on a conscious level will overwhelm your mind. It would be like hearing what everyone is thinking around you. Nothing beats this. As far as your second question, I assume that they are not exclusive considering the title of this thread. When a relationship is not exclusive, you are free to date others. When a couple commits to one another, then they cannot date others. She is not his girlfriend. He is waiting for her to become his girlfriend. Meanwhile, they both are free to see other people. Up until then, see other people "until it is a done deal." Many people know when it is a done deal and those who don't will probably not make a thread like this. Men don't handle dating as well as women. Women are so much more keen and better at it. A big mistake men make all of the time is that they start dating one girl and within the first 1 - 2 dates, they forget about dating anyone else and they start engaging in unattractive behavior such as texting, calling all of the time, smothering a woman and sending insecure messages. My advice to the guys is to keep whatever you have going on with other dating prospects until that special woman becomes your girlfriend. Just as the OP suggested in his original post, this is healthy for you. Many times, the relationship has not reached a strong enough bond within a few dates so don't assume that you will walk away with her in the end. If you let every thing else go cold on your dating calendar, the risk of lost of interest in you in that fragile period of 4-5 dates is still too high and someone else can still walk away with her or she can just decide she doesn't like you. If this happens, you better pray that those other women you dropped out of your life can get back into you but as a thread made not to long on this site has taught us, with a lot of women, once the feelings and excitement has gone cold, it won't come back. So if you can get it up to several dates, then it is more likely that she will stick around for more. I consider this basic info for men in the dating world. Four dates is nothing. It's okay for you to disagree. I give you permission. Edited November 11, 2010 by Sabali
that girl Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 She doesn't have to find out. If he had to ask it within itself, then it's probably better that he went with it. The only way I could agree with total devotion on little evidence would be if there were no doubts to his conviction -- because how can you argue with that? But there are doubts. For this reason I see no harm in putting his relationship with her into context. You're right, if she doesn't find out it won't cause any problems. But as far as I can tell no one has mentioned seeing other people. And since they're sleeping together, texting daily, and talking about going away together, she might assume they are exclusive, just not serious. She could consider dating other people cheating and dump him if she finds out. At the very least I think he should try to find out when she stands on the seeing other people thing. Men don't handle dating as well as women. Women are so much more keen and better at it. Then shouldn't my advice count for more than yours A big mistake men make all of the time is that they start dating one girl and within the first 1 - 2 dates, they forget about dating anyone else and they start engaging in unattractive behavior such as texting, calling all of the time, smothering a woman and sending insecure messages. But this is four dates, sex, constant texting on both sides and she wants to go away with him. I don't think he has to worry about smothering her, he has to worry about losing her over some other girl.
Author BrianK Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 If this is what you were thinking, continue to follow your instincts. Avoid the trap of moving too fast. It heavily obscures things. Get yourself past the honeymoon period before you start counting your chickens. By the way, long trips within that number is a sign of moving too fast. Crash and burn comes to mind. Oh I know, just because she wants to go away doesnt mean we are until after 15 dates LOL. Never take a woman anywhere like that until you own her heart. Last night I was talking to girl #2 on MSN (I had put it off forever, because I honestly didnt care = her increased e-mails and affectionate comments towards me lol) but I know girl #1 saw me on there hence her 2-3 text's last night "what are you doing now" as well an as obvious increase in attention, so it worked great. Date tomorrow with Girl #1 as well as another "overnighter" on Sunday which she asked me for this morning. Girl #2 still on the books incase G#1 falls through at the 11th hour. Thats the plan!
Jannah Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Girl #2 still on the books incase G#1 falls through at the 11th hour. Thats the plan! And herein lies the sole purpose of Girl #2 folks....
Sabali Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Oh I know, just because she wants to go away doesnt mean we are until after 15 dates LOL. Never take a woman anywhere like that until you own her heart. Last night I was talking to girl #2 on MSN (I had put it off forever, because I honestly didnt care = her increased e-mails and affectionate comments towards me lol) but I know girl #1 saw me on there hence her 2-3 text's last night "what are you doing now" as well an as obvious increase in attention, so it worked great. Date tomorrow with Girl #1 as well as another "overnighter" on Sunday which she asked me for this morning. Girl #2 still on the books incase G#1 falls through at the 11th hour. Thats the plan! There you go. Avoiding tunnel vision early on works very well. Just keep those options open for now. Once she commits to you then you can let girl#2 slide out of the picture. Don't fall into a fear of losing anything. You can't lose something you never had. You have neither of them at this point. Once enough time and heart has been invested in you, which takes time and enough quality time/dates, she won't be able to walk away too easy. Let's bump that number up to 30 now. Just kidding.
Sabali Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 And herein lies the sole purpose of Girl #2 folks.... I am sorry you had to learn about it this way, Jannah, but any man would be a fool not to make you girl#1.
Jannah Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I am sorry you had to learn about it this way, Jannah, but any man would be a fool not to make you girl#1. Oh I know it exists. But that's not what it's about. Things have been going well for the OP and this woman, so why introduce a second person into the mix?
Author BrianK Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 Don't fall into a fear of losing anything. You can't lose something you never had. Best advice I've read on this board yet! And thats also why the two girls Jannah (actually 3, 1 more in the rafters waiting to be enlisted). For all I know they each are playing 5 guys a piece.
that girl Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Oh I know, just because she wants to go away doesnt mean we are until after 15 dates LOL. Never take a woman anywhere like that until you own her heart. Last night I was talking to girl #2 on MSN (I had put it off forever, because I honestly didnt care = her increased e-mails and affectionate comments towards me lol) but I know girl #1 saw me on there hence her 2-3 text's last night "what are you doing now" as well an as obvious increase in attention, so it worked great. Date tomorrow with Girl #1 as well as another "overnighter" on Sunday which she asked me for this morning. Girl #2 still on the books incase G#1 falls through at the 11th hour. Thats the plan! Personally, I forsee you getting dumped. I don't think anyone should become obsessed, but you sound like a jerk and obviously girl #1 is starting to wonder about you.
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