gallowspagey Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Hey all I'm new to this site. Just found it today! So, me and my boyfriend met online last November. He flew here to meet me in September and it was AMAZING. The best time ever. Now I'm flying over to him for thanksgiving. I'm so excited. We are moving in together in December/January and are going to school together. My head keeps filling with silly What if's about everything. It's my first time living away from home and the first time living with someone I love. Now, he's had some bad relationships before this one. I keep thinking "What if I end up like you and ___" "What if when we start to live together everything will fall apart?" "What if when you live with me, you'll stop loving me?" Is this normal? I know it's so silly, but I guess I just love him so much, that I keep thinking of the worst possible things that could happen and it scares me. Anyone feel this way ever? Anyone have any tips to stop feeling this way? I also think that when we ACTUALLY start living together, that I won't have these thoughts at all. It's like a mixture of what if fears and missing him so much that it hurts. Anyways, any feedback would be greatly appreciated! -Scatter brained
aerogurl87 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Question, has he done anything to make you think any of these bad thoughts could occur? Secondly, is there anything in his previous relationships that he did that still continue to rub you the wrong way (ex. cheating)?
Author gallowspagey Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 He hasn't done anything to make these bad thoughts occur. He is the most understanding and loyal person and I to him. He was always the one being cheated on in 3 of his past relationships. If anything HE should be feeling this way about me, so I think I need to just calm down and stop letting my mind wander in circles. I also have a bad case of anxiety and slight OCD so I think that is also triggering these thoughts as well.
folieadeux Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I know it's easier said than done, but it's not worth driving yourself crazy over all the what ifs in life (relationship related and not). Nothing is guaranteed and anything can happen. Although it's good to be cautious, worrying yourself over things you can't control is no good either. From the limited information I have about your relationship, you guys seem to have a good thing going and I think this is just the normal "jittery" phase everyone falls into before embarking on something new and exciting. It'll most likely pass once you both settle into your routine together.
Author gallowspagey Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Thanks so much for your help. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he also made me feel much better. It's days I get like this and then there's days where I'm so excited I can't wait to start my life with him! It's so odd. All of these thoughts ACTUALLY started bothering me today. I have had thoughts once or twice like "oh boy what if he gets annoyed with the things I do..." and confronted him about it and it was done. I think I'm just anxious about meeting his family and extended family for Thanksgiving in 2 weeks. It's finally getting closer and I haven't thought much about it until today. I also have never flown on a plane before and hes all the way at the other end of the country, so I have a 6 hour flight ahead of me. Even though I'm nervous, I'm also excited. Thanks again.
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