Girlfriend going for supper with other guys

[chuck89]

Hey everyone, so I have something that's been bothering me and I want to know if I'm just overreacting or whatever.

 

So here's the deal, my gf and I have been dating for 1 year and 2 months, and she has a student conference this saturday. She met a guy at a high school student conference in grade 9 or 10 or something from a different town and he has been facebook msging her to inform her that he's coming to this one and that they should meet up, and has referred to her as "hunnie" a few times.

 

So anyways, first of all, I have one issue with the fact that we have travelled to this dudes home town 3 or 4 times and not once have he and my girlfriend ever tried to meet up and catch up on the times. Secondly, I am extremely confident that they haven't even talked since grade 9 or 10 until now.

 

So, she's going out for supper with him and 3 of his guy friends on friday night, and then going for some drinks. When she first mentioned this she said I could come but I felt she discouraged me from doing so, saying stuff like "well you wont know them anyway, theyre doing my conference and youre not". I also called her on the fact that this guy ISNT HER FRIEND even though she keeps telling me he is. I dont know how hes a friend if they met once 6 years ago.

 

So, I'm bothered by the fact that she's going out for supper with this guy and 3 other guys regardless of if I go or not. Even if I do go, its me, her, and 4 other guys and this just seems odd to me. I'm a bit choked up from it honestly. She's going to see him/them all day saturday at this conference, why do they need to go out for supper the night before if it makes me uncomfortable, and also considering that they haven't tried to meet up any other time when we were in the same town?

 

Looking for a bit of insight here, maybe it's just my problem

[BS76]

Red flags galore. I suggest taking her up no the offer to go with her, it'll totally foil his plans to hook up with her and you'll be able to play gatekeeper to all the guys throwing attention in her direction. Here's some homework to prep for the event:

 

 

http://tinyurl.com/2uhynu6

 

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/10/14/reader-mailbag-poke-rape-edition/

 

http://tinyurl.com/339n8s3

 

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/09/21/curing-oneitis/

 

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/the-training-of-the-shrew/

[Green]

Hey everyone, so I have something that's been bothering me and I want to know if I'm just overreacting or whatever.

 

You should trust your gut and just be yourself and you can't go wrong.

 

So here's the deal' date=' my gf and I have been dating for 1 year and 2 months, and she has a student conference this saturday. She met a guy at a high school student conference in grade 9 or 10 or something from a different town and he has been facebook msging her to inform her that he's coming to this one and that they should meet up, and has referred to her as "hunnie" a few times. [/quote']

 

Perfectly harmless as long as you tell her that it wouldn't be right for her to meet up with him alone. And really feel free to just tell her not to.

 

So anyways' date=' first of all, I have one issue with the fact that we have travelled to this dudes home town 3 or 4 times and not once have he and my girlfriend ever tried to meet up and catch up on the times. Secondly, I am extremely confident that they haven't even talked since grade 9 or 10 until now. [/quote']

 

You had me at the title "gf going for supper with other guys" that just isn't cool. It's date like behavior. Whats the point of having an exclusive gf if she is out on date like activites with other guys. (it doesn't even matter if she cheats) She probably wouldn't like it if you were having dinners with other girls and even if she didn't care do you really want a relationship with so little boundaries. I suggest you put your foot down on this. As long as you arn't having dinners and one on one get togathers with girls then you have every right to demand the same from her. Really if she refuses a respectful request and explanationg for her not to have alone date like communication with other men you might as well dump her. No reason to get pissed at her just realize that if you ask her not to and explain why and then tell her how seriouse this is and how you want boundaries in a relationship you might as well dump her.

 

So' date=' she's going out for supper with him and 3 of his guy friends on friday night, and then going for some drinks. When she first mentioned this she said I could come but I felt she discouraged me from doing so, saying stuff like "well you wont know them anyway, theyre doing my conference and youre not". I also called her on the fact that this guy ISNT HER FRIEND even though she keeps telling me he is. I dont know how hes a friend if they met once 6 years ago.[/quote']

 

He's not a friend, he's some guy from 10th grade who probably wants to F her. At a minimum she enjoys making you jelouse and if not that enjoys having a mans one on one attention which is always sexual (if one on one). They might as well be going out just the two of them if its just her and him and some guys you don't know getting a drink. Unless this is seriously helping her career she shouldn't go. If this is for her career and its social with a bunch of other guys she has every reason to want you to go to keep it professional.

 

In the end unless this is career orientated she doesn't need to have some guy friend she goes out drinking with. Put your foot down and say no, talk about boundaries needed to make a relationship work (don't turn it into you acusing her of cheating if she takes it there just say relationships are about boundaries and i have some) If this really is a career thing which it doesn't sound like and you should call BS on that unless she convinces you then YOU SHOULD GO TOO.

 

Really she is just calling this guy a friend who she wants to have drinks with. This shows no respect to you and NO boundaries. Try to politely explain your views and talk her out of it. She will respect you more for trying and may completly cancel. But if she MUST do things like this I would dump her. You don't need this drama in your life. Do you one day want to have a wife who has all thes "friends" who she drinks with and goes to dinner with mimicing a romantic relationship whether or not she is actualy having one. you are not insecure for not liking this. You are insecure if you don't speak up for yourself.

 

So' date=' I'm bothered by the fact that she's going out for supper with this guy and 3 other guys regardless of if I go or not. Even if I do go, its me, her, and 4 other guys and this just seems odd to me. I'm a bit choked up from it honestly. She's going to see him/them all day saturday at this conference, why do they need to go out for supper the night before if it makes me uncomfortable, and also considering that they haven't tried to meet up any other time when we were in the same town? [/quote']

 

She's basicly making you feel like the third wheel if you do go out with them. NOT COOL. You know your feelings are valid so talk to her hopefuly she will be reasonable. Don't back down from the way you feel. Your relationship still might be fine but you are doing yourself a great diservice if you just try to be cool about things like this that are upsetting to anyone who actually cared. Only insecure people would allow their gf to just go and do this, that and some one who just didn't care because of being in a open relationship. You do care about her and you shouldn't give her up with out a fight. But if push comes to shove and you're only options are let her go alone or be treated and made to felt like a 3rd wheel with ur own gf then dump her.

 

Looking for a bit of insight here' date=' maybe it's just my problem [/quote']

 

Its sad you feel that way. I hope my advice helps. Stick up for yourself you're worth it.

[carhill]

So here's the deal, my gf and I have been dating for 1 year and 2 months

 

Unless you're celibate, that's not dating, that's a complete relationship. BF/GF. I presume you're sexually active and monogamous.

 

When she first mentioned this she said I could come but I felt she discouraged me from doing so, saying stuff like "well you wont know them anyway, theyre doing my conference and youre not".

 

It's a man's prerogative to change his mind

 

This is your home territory. Of course you attend social engagements like dinners with your SO. You're a couple. Express your regrets to the gentleman that he and his *girlfriend* have yet to enjoy your kind hospitality and that your door is always open for a friend of your SO's. Be proactive. Meet and greet. This is how a man establishes territory. Warm handshakes all around. Lots of eye contact. Males understand these things.

 

This presumes that you are sincerely interested in your relationship and 'care'. If other, disregard.

[sally4sara]

Its entirely possible that after having known of each other for 6 years and never making an attempt to meet IRL, having to be around each other again for shared interests, both she and the guy are trying to normalize their association by hanging out - you know- as people will do sometimes in life.

 

This isn't a one on one date style thing either. Its a group of people hanging out in a public place - you know - as people will do sometimes in life.

 

She invited you along. Now think back to the events as they unfolded. Did she tell you the plan to meet and you made disapproving face or remark? Did you respond disapprovingly and THEN she began to try to discourage you from coming so she doesn't have to worry about you making a scene or embarrassing her?

 

At what point did you express any kind of disapproval? I'm betting it was before she began to discourage you. It isn't a dig at you and you are no less a person with feelings if you responded negatively based on the fact that she is your GF and he is a guy and little else.

 

If you expressed disapproval right off the bat- you have to expect a reaction to that. She hasn't done anything to cause you to doubt her has she? So why would she enjoy having you disapprove of her being social in of itself?

 

Go with her. Be social too. Enjoy having her on your arm and try to be friendly within the group. What harm could it do when this guy has such limited access to her in her day to day?

But if you balk and pitch a fit, she might just go without you in retaliation. Young folks already have to assert their independence with their parents; it WILL be a natural response to anyone else trying to "tell them what to do".

 

And that puts her in a situation with a group of guys she doesn't know well who might not be such nice folks. Think ahead about the big picture and not just about your pride and insecurities. You have your whole life to deal with those prickly personal issues, but if worse comes to worse while she is out alone with a group of guys she doesn't know well - there won't be much to do in the way of prevention after the fact.

[chuck89]

Carhill, are you saying I should go with them? Even if I feel like the third wheel and not wanted there? I still have to admit that it is extremely awkward going out to supper with a stranger, let alone 4 male strangers that are even strangers to my girlfriend. Sitting there knowing that they want her. So are you politely saying that this is not an issue, and maybe a problem that I have inside my own self? I'm open to any negativity or positivity, doesn't matter. I just want to be a good boyfriend and a good person. Just to clarify, its not one on one but her and 4 other guys going to the same supper, just the 5 of them.

 

And yes it is a relationship, we are bf/gf.

 

BS76 and Green thanks for your well written reply. You said a lot of the things that I'm currently thinking, and there is without a doubt that this conference will in no way, shape, or form, have any impact on her future career. She doesn't even have to attend the conference at all because she's already done it before. I have no problem with her conversing with whoever she wants at the conference, just not a big fan of the night before plans.

[Green]

Carhill, are you saying I should go with them? Even if I feel like the third wheel and not wanted there? I still have to admit that it is extremely awkward going out to supper with a stranger, let alone 4 male strangers that are even strangers to my girlfriend. Sitting there knowing that they want her. So are you politely saying that this is not an issue, and maybe a problem that I have inside my own self? I'm open to any negativity or positivity, doesn't matter. I just want to be a good boyfriend and a good person. Just to clarify, its not one on one but her and 4 other guys going to the same supper, just the 5 of them.

 

And yes it is a relationship, we are bf/gf.

 

BS76 and Green thanks for your well written reply. You said a lot of the things that I'm currently thinking, and there is without a doubt that this conference will in no way, shape, or form, have any impact on her future career. She doesn't even have to attend the conference at all because she's already done it before. I have no problem with her conversing with whoever she wants at the conference, just not a big fan of the night before plans.

 

I respectfuly disagree with carhils advice. It's one thing to go to a dinner or party with REAL friends. But it's just drama that she is trying to reconect with some guy she knew in HS. Sure talk to him at the conference have a good time become fb friends or what ever... but she shouldn't be putting you through this crap. If my gf ever made me feel like the 3rd wheel I would try to reason with her but it really could come to the end of this relationship.

 

This isn't some after work drink with a group of guys she works with. This isn't a drink with a friend. It is a drink with strange men she's going to a conference with. Paint it for what it is.

[carhill]

I'm saying you have a *choice*. You're completely in charge of how you act and react here.

 

You've already explored one path. How did that go? Did it help to build and further intimacy in your relationship? What is your goal?

 

IMO, you must accept that you have no control over your GF at all. She can and will abrogate the boundaries of your relationship if she chooses, and she may do it without any guilt or remorse. *Accept that*

 

I feel your best response is a mature one. This dynamic of four men on one woman, your woman, for an evening causes you concern and discomfort. Own that. Additionally, you feel that this 'friend' calling your GF 'hunnie' is inappropriate. Own that. What do you think the mature response is?

 

Myself, I'd tell my SO straight up that I'm uncomfortable with another, strange (to me) man referring to her with otherwise terms of endearment. I'd ask her how she feels about that. If the answer serves to foster building of intimacy between us, I'd reinforce it by escorting her to dinner. If other, I'd have to process the answer and decide what it means to me wrt our relationship, then proceed. That might mean declining to attend; it might mean attending; it might mean strongly suggesting she not attend. It's impossible to predict all outcomes in advance.

 

What do you do about it? Your choice. Hope it works out

 

 

Green, I need to ask you right now.... have you *ever* made friends with any males who were/are friends of your wife/gf/SO? Or is this, and will always be, 'us or them' thing with you? I'm a bit older than you and understand that spouses and SO's don't 'own' each other and there are social conventions to adhere to. Ultimatums, IME, rarely work. I've been on the receiving and giving ends of them many times.

 

We can agree to disagree but I think, over time, in life, you'll find a middle ground to be a healthier choice.

Edited November 10, 2010 by carhill

[chuck89]

told her politely that i was uncomfortable but that i wasnt asking her not to go, she flipped. makes me feel like these things are more important to her than our relationship sometimes

[carhill]

I think we need more information than 'flipped'. Understanding a woman's emotional response is helpful to resolving the issues.

 

'Sometimes, and this is one time, I feel like I'm not a priority'

 

The goal here is to accurately communicate how you feel and what you want. This doesn't make you 'weak', even though an angry and emotional woman might try to paint you that way. *Accept* her response as who she is and how she feels and that it is in no way binding upon yourself. Super critical lesson I got from MC.

 

This ain't over yet

[chuck89]

Said I was ridiculous. That being uncomfortable about that is ridiculous. Get over your insecurities, "come if you're not gonna be whiny" etc. Also laughed in my face, disgust looks etc etc

Edited November 10, 2010 by chuck89

[carhill]

I would seriously consider whether or not you should continue to invest your time and emotions into someone who would call you to your face 'ridiculous' and 'whiny' and to 'get over your insecurities'.

 

Her perspective is valid but communicated poorly and hurtfully and with complete disrespect of the value of your relationship.

 

Your level of tolerance is your own, but I'd be gone.

[BS76]

I would seriously consider whether or not you should continue to invest your time and emotions into someone who would call you to your face 'ridiculous' and 'whiny' and to 'get over your insecurities'.

 

Her perspective is valid but communicated poorly and hurtfully and with complete disrespect of the value of your relationship.

 

Your level of tolerance is your own, but I'd be gone.

 

Indeed. It comes down to having standards and expectations of behavior, of what he considers inappropriate and such, as well as articulating what happens if she fails to measure up. Her saying that was basically her saying I don't measure up to your standards. Now he needs to put his foot down and explain what comes next, which is him walking away if she doesn't shape up.

 

And boy oh boy do women respond to a man who's willing to walk way because he's a good catch and has options.

[chuck89]

yes and carhill it's not the first time. i get in a rut sometimes because i want to say stuff thats bothering me but i cant, due to the fact that i know what her reaction is going to be. But its hard because when i dont say anything, she knows theres something bothering me so she gets angry with the fact that theres something on my mind. Now, im not saying that I complain 24/7 but without going into too much detail i do strongly believe that these "insecurities" she says I have are partially if not fully because of her past actions. She never has and probably never will own up to her actions.

 

I feel extremely guilty at the moment, maybe its not a big deal that she goes for supper for 4 guys but at the end of the day two of the girls she invited to go with her chose not to go because theyre in relationships and they dont see a need to go out with 4 random dudes.

 

maybe i shouldnt have said anything to her, but then again itd probably be on my mind the rest of the week.

 

BS76 i believe what you say. but the thing is, i dont think she thinks for one that i would ever walk away from her, and secondly i dont think she thinks i could get anyone else, which sucks because ive been told im attractive, im definitely athletic, and i do well in school.

 

it just sucks that the only option she gives me is to basically dump her cause her communication is god awful

[Green]

yes and carhill it's not the first time. i get in a rut sometimes because i want to say stuff thats bothering me but i cant, due to the fact that i know what her reaction is going to be. But its hard because when i dont say anything, she knows theres something bothering me so she gets angry with the fact that theres something on my mind. Now, im not saying that I complain 24/7 but without going into too much detail i do strongly believe that these "insecurities" she says I have are partially if not fully because of her past actions. She never has and probably never will own up to her actions.

 

I feel extremely guilty at the moment, maybe its not a big deal that she goes for supper for 4 guys but at the end of the day two of the girls she invited to go with her chose not to go because theyre in relationships and they dont see a need to go out with 4 random dudes.

 

maybe i shouldnt have said anything to her, but then again itd probably be on my mind the rest of the week.

 

BS76 i believe what you say. but the thing is, i dont think she thinks for one that i would ever walk away from her, and secondly i dont think she thinks i could get anyone else, which sucks because ive been told im attractive, im definitely athletic, and i do well in school.

 

it just sucks that the only option she gives me is to basically dump her cause her communication is god awful

 

You need to respect yourself a little more. There is nothing wrong with you other then the fact that you sit here wishing you hadn't even brought it up. The truth is women love a man who is willing and does walk away from disrespect and people (women included) sh*t on a person who has no respect for themselves and is willing to let anything be done to them.

 

Do you live with this girl or have kids with her. if the answer is no to both then it will be very easy to dump her. Plus you arn't actualy dumping her you are just tell her that you want respect and for her to respect boundaries. If she goes out then you never talk to her again and you'll find a new girl who you will find prettier and sexier and she wil have boundaries and will not laugh at and ridicule you when you bring up the fact you are unhappy she is going out drinking with a guy she barely knows and other guys she doesn't know at all.

 

Respect yourself enough to walk away from some one like this. I'm sure that if you told us the stories of her other disrespect we'd be shocked you value yourself so litte that you would still date her.

 

There are men and women in this world who treat their significant others like crap worse then strangers... that is what it appears your gf is. Maybe she will straighten out at the thought of losing you... but if she doesn't you aren't losing much. You'll feel bet in a few weeks better then you ever have in a over year

[Seamless74]

From the way you write your post... I dont really think its that big a deal.. Her and 3 other guy friends i dunno i mean trust me i could see how your pissed but nowadays I think the friend thing is kind of in.. u know the BF/GF that thinks its perfectly ok to hang out with members of the opposite sex without their SO around...

 

Personally i think its more of a Generation Y thing... anyone over 30 prolly has different feelings about the issue but alot of people are doing it nowadays.. I know a girl at work who goes to basketball games and lunch with a guy from work by themselves even though she has a live in boyfriend... Are they secretly having sex... I dunno... Heres one thing i can tell you though the guy definately wants too..

 

So if anything just know that women for some reason think its ok to do those things nowadays.. And from what ive seen some try desperately to keep it strictly platonic.. But as we all know the guy is only doing it because at some point he thinks he might get laid..

 

If anything id just be kind of upset that shed even put you in the situation but she probably thinks she isnt doing anything wrong..

[Green]

From the way you write your post... I dont really think its that big a deal.. Her and 3 other guy friends i dunno i mean trust me i could see how your pissed but nowadays I think the friend thing is kind of in.. u know the BF/GF that thinks its perfectly ok to hang out with members of the opposite sex without their SO around...

 

Personally i think its more of a Generation Y thing... anyone over 30 prolly has different feelings about the issue but alot of people are doing it nowadays.. I know a girl at work who goes to basketball games and lunch with a guy from work by themselves even though she has a live in boyfriend... Are they secretly having sex... I dunno... Heres one thing i can tell you though the guy definately wants too..

 

So if anything just know that women for some reason think its ok to do those things nowadays.. And from what ive seen some try desperately to keep it strictly platonic.. But as we all know the guy is only doing it because at some point he thinks he might get laid..

 

If anything id just be kind of upset that shed even put you in the situation but she probably thinks she isnt doing anything wrong..

 

The so called "friend" is writing stuff on her Facebook wall about how he is excited to "cum" (come) to town and he calls her Honey and sweetie and **** and she's cool with it.

 

I'm in my twenties and would not be cool with a girl hanging out with 4 strange men alone when it wasn't work related and she claimed some stranger was a "friend" and then to take the cake she INSULTS me when I tell her not too. DUMP HER

[chuck89]

seamless I get what you mean, but the thing is it isn't 3 guy friends. THere's 4 guys and 1 she claims is her friend is not really even her friend, just some guy she met years ago and haven't kept in contact with when they easily could have.

 

she hasn't spoken a word to me since the freak out, and she went and got drunk last night and uninvited me obviously after this all happened.

 

basically the thing i'm feeling guilty about is this:

 

after she discouraged me from going etc etc she did ask a couple of girls to go with her, one of the girls said no because shes in a relationship and has no desire to go out with 4 random dudes for supper, so all along it was just my gf and 4 guys going out for supper, then she tells me at the last minute (after she freaked out and called me ridiculous etc.) that another single girl is gonna join her.

 

So, i feel guilty because you guys are right, its not just her going one on one with another guy. HOwever, I still think that my needs should come before these people and if I say it makes me uncomfortable, she should atleast RESPECT that. All she had to say was she didn't agree with how I felt but that I should come along for myself and see that it isn't a big deal or something.

ANyway, like I said... still haven't spoken a word to me since which is odd for us.

 

edit: I'm also not supposed to know that he calls her hunnie, etc., I just see it in her texts when I'd be standing next to her and she'd be reading her facebook msgs on her phone, its not on her wall. and from my experience with her if I don't break the silence then it won't be broken at all, I always have to go back to her

Edited November 11, 2010 by chuck89

[carhill]

IMO, you should not feel guilty for communicating and enforcing your boundaries. Shaming words are an attempt to guilt you into submission and supplication. It's OK if you *choose* to compromise, but being manipulated and guilted into it is unhealthy.

 

Remember, you control you. You don't have to feel guilty. Guilty can be a slippery slope to doormat, if you're not careful. Hope it works out

[phineas]

For the OP, i'd consider the possibility that she has in fact had contact with this man. Regular contact.

 

I'd be surprised if his 3 friends even exist.

It sounds like she is a master manipulator & probably a cheater.

 

She invites you to throw off suspicion then does everything she can to casually dissuade you from going by telling you that you wouldn't have any fun.

 

If she doesn't know this guy or her friends (since she hasn't supposedly been in contact with him) she is as much a stranger to him as you are.

 

My take?

Go to dinner with her or dump her because something shady is going on.

[chuck89]

Thanks carhill, what you said is exactly how i'm feeling. I'd like to "compromise" because of the fact that I'm feeling guilty and whatnot, but I know that this will make her feel like I'm a pushover, which she probably already thinks anyway. So, I told myself I was gonna sit back and let her come to me... but she's not... and she probably won't. I'm guessing that by sitting back my headaches are going to get worse.

 

Phineas,

"She invites you to throw off suspicion then does everything she can to casually dissuade you from going by telling you that you wouldn't have any fun.

 

If she doesn't know this guy or her friends (since she hasn't supposedly been in contact with him) she is as much a stranger to him as you are."

 

... that is so true. She'll invite me to come along just so she can say she did, and these guys are definitely strangers to her and I'm not gonna sit aside while she's forming 4 new male friend relationships with god knows who. I think the boyfriend(me) should be the priority in this, she shouldn't be losing anything by not going for supper with them.

 

Also, the chances of me going for supper with them tomorrow night are probably now slim to none. She told me if I didn't tell her what was bothering me, which I did yesterday (told her about how it made me uncomfortable) that we weren't gonna have any plans together for a long while. So even after I tell her, I'm still stuck with having no plans with her.

 

I'm most likely uninvited for supper and even if I went at this point after not talking to her for 2 days it'd probably be a disaster anyhow

[Green]

Hey I suggest that if your gf never comunicates you if you don't comunicate her then you should just break up like that. Thats how I broke up with a flakey girl once. She started contacting me a YEAR later wanting to get back togather .... BUT I HAD REALLY MOVED ON BY THEN

 

IMO, you should not feel guilty for communicating

and enforcing your boundaries. Shaming words are an attempt to guilt you into submission and supplication. It's OK if you *choose* to compromise, but being manipulated and guilted into it is unhealthy.

 

Remember, you control you. You don't have to feel guilty. Guilty can be a slippery slope to doormat, if you're not careful. Hope it works out

 

He already sounds like a doormat.

 

Chuck:

 

Your gf wants to have the secks with other men.

 

She doesn't even have enough respect for you to do it behind your back.

 

In a sick way she would almost have more respect if she thought she had to do it behind your back (hide it lie about it). If you're gf wanted to cheat on you she could just be like I'm going to dinner with my "friend" you don't know him so its best just him and I and his 3 male friends. She doesn't even have to make up stories.

 

In the end even if this is magicaly inocent drinks with some random guy at night that you arn't welcome too... that is still CRAP and I wouldn't want it. DUMP HER

 

 

For the OP, i'd consider the possibility that she has in fact had contact with this man. Regular contact.

 

I'd be surprised if his 3 friends even exist.

It sounds like she is a master manipulator & probably a cheater.

 

She invites you to throw off suspicion then does everything she can to casually dissuade you from going by telling you that you wouldn't have any fun.

 

If she doesn't know this guy or her friends (since she hasn't supposedly been in contact with him) she is as much a stranger to him as you are.

 

My take?

Go to dinner with her or dump her because something shady is going on.

 

If you don't have the balls to dump her now maybe going to dinner and drinks with her and being treated like a 3rd wheel while you watch ur gf and her "friend" interact will anger you enough to dump her.

 

She's not going to make it easy for you to go at this point she really has no respect for you and obviously doesn't want you there.

 

Just DUMP her and get it over with, you'll see that she barely cares. She might cry and get upset but thats only because it hurt her ego to be dumped and she wanted to do it to you.

 

Like I worked a job once that I planned to quit in a few months but if I had been fired before I had decided to quit that would have been upsetting. (thats how she probably views you so don't be fooled if she acts upset when you dump her)

 

In you're next relationship you need to put your foot down on stuff like this early to avoid waisting a lot of time with a girl that has ZERO boundaries and ZERO respect for relationships.

[sally4sara]

... that is so true. She'll invite me to come along just so she can say she did, and these guys are definitely strangers to her and I'm not gonna sit aside while she's forming 4 new male friend relationships with god knows who.

 

You sitting aside and not being social too is your choice of how to participate if you go.

You could go and get to know them too; in fact it would be weird if you just sat their a scowled silently. That you might handle it this way could be the entire reason why she is now discouraging you.

 

Do you not bring your guy friends around her? How do you know they DON'T think about effing her? She doesn't have to even talk to a guy for one to look at her and think about her sexually. Happens all day long most likely.

 

I agree she is being a brat by insulting you when you're feeling sensitive and trying to share your feelings, but you still haven't shared if she only began dissuading you AFTER you voiced a disapproval of this meet up or not.

[chuck89]

yes I understand its my choice for how I react at the dinner. Just saying I'd never want to go out for dinner with her and four guys if we're on bad terms. She won't even talk to me now as it is anyway.

 

She dissuaded me before I voiced disapproval, just the same way shes been dissuading me from drinking with her and going to bars with her lately too.

[Green]

Also, the chances of me going for supper with them tomorrow night are probably now slim to none. She told me if I didn't tell her what was bothering me, which I did yesterday (told her about how it made me uncomfortable) that we weren't gonna have any plans together for a long while. So even after I tell her, I'm still stuck with having no plans with her.

 

I'm most likely uninvited for supper and even if I went at this point after not talking to her for 2 days it'd probably be a disaster anyhow

 

Just dump her. She is cheating on you and even if she isn't she's treating you like a place holder why she flirts and looks for othermen.

 

She doesn't care about or respect you. By respecting yourself and having boudnaries you would A) find a girl who is good for you B) by doing this early on it sets the tone for the relationship C) Its a good way to eliminate and dump girls like this EARLY on.

 

You sitting aside and not being social too is your choice of how to participate if you go.

You could go and get to know them too; in fact it would be weird if you just sat their a scowled silently. That you might handle it this way could be the entire reason why she is now discouraging you.

 

He has every right to want a gf who doesn't go out drinking with 4 guys she barely knows.

 

Do you not bring your guy friends around her? How do you know they DON'T think about effing her? She doesn't have to even talk to a guy for one to look at her and think about her sexually. Happens all day long most likely.

 

Ahh the slippery slope argument. "you have guy friends right? Men see her every day and might find her hott right? Then whats the difference if she goes out drinking without you with 4 guys she doesn't really know???" BIG DIFFERENCE I shouldn't have to explain this to some one your age but I will.

 

A) Bringing GUY FRIENDS around is his business and his pleasure and not something that UPSETS HIM. I'm sure if his gf want to go out drinking with his Friends and he was being made to felt like a 3rd wheel he'd have a problem with that too. Also his friends being HIS friend have more incentive not to develop or ACT on feelings for his GF because it is his gf their FRIENDS gf as opposed to some strangers GF.

 

B)Yeah she doesn't have to talk to a guy for a guy to see her and think she looks hot or what ever. But their is a difference between a stranger finding her hot from a distance and that stranger finding her hot and going out to drinks at night alone with her...

 

I agree she is being a brat by insulting you when you're feeling sensitive and trying to share your feelings' date=' but you still haven't shared if she only began dissuading you [u']AFTER[/u] you voiced a disapproval of this meet up or not.

 

What does it matter. Seriously if I was on here posting about how I was going out for drinks with a girl I knew in High School and her female friends. And that when my gf said she didn't like the idea I laughed at her and told her she was "RIDICULOUSE" and then stopped talking to her and was just going to go... you'd probably say I'm being a dick and really wouldn't need to know whether this was before or after I half assed invited her.

 

Look if she half assed 3rd wheel "you don't really need to come" invited him before he voiced his concern she is WRONG. and if she only half ass invited him after he voied concern she is still WRONG.

 

Bottom line she has no respect there for doesn't even see it as a big deal to just go out on date like activites with other men and do WHAT EVER she feel like with no regaurds to his feelings

 

DUMP HER