H. Michele Posted March 7, 2004 Posted March 7, 2004 I'll try to keep this short. I've been dating thins guy for a couple of months. I felt strongly from the beginning that he was "the one". I been in several relationships (I'm in my thirties) and never felt life this about anyone before. But, I have been playing it really cool and just going with the flow of things. I didn't want to rush anything. We were taking things slowly which was great. But more and more I was developing feelings for him. The last few weeks we haven't gotten to spend any time together. Life has been hectic. Last week he promised that we would spend some time together, but all week things came up and his busy schedule didn't allow that to happen. But, at the same time, he still went out with some friends. Well, day by day I got more frustrated with the situation. I am normally very paitent, but for some reason, I wasn't this time. Maybe it is PMS- LOL! Anyway, I tried to call him and because he was busy he cut our conversation short. Up until now, he has given me signs that he was interested, so I seem to think that he wasn't trying to blow me off. He really does care about me. After the shortened conversation I decided to send him an e-mail to explain the reason I called because I didn't have a chance to on the phone. Well, this e-mail turned into a whilwind of everything I have been feeling. I told him I was feeling frustrated and then, to make matters worse, I told him how I felt about him. Including how I thought he was "the one" and that I was falling in love with him, ect. I KNOW it was way too early to confess all of that. Afterall, it has only been about 2 1/2 months. I'm kicking myself now! I don't want to scare him off, but I just couldn't hold it all inside any longer. I'm worried that I really messed things up by telling him all of that! My question is how should I proceed. Should I make an excuse for the way I acted? Should I apologize? I sent the e-mail on Friday and I haven't heard from him yet. I'm not going to contact him until I hear his reply. I know he probably need some time to let things settle. Help me guys! What would you do if you were in my shoes? This is driving me nuts. I really think I might have screwed up the best thing that has come along in years. Guys, if a girl confessed her love to you after a couple of months, how would you resond?? Any advice will be greatly appreciated!
Darkangelism Posted March 7, 2004 Posted March 7, 2004 A couple of months is fine. There are people on here that confess love days or weeks after, but a few moths isnt anything unreasoable.
Samson Posted March 7, 2004 Posted March 7, 2004 I KNOW it was way too early to confess all of that. Afterall, it has only been about 2 1/2 months. I get the feeling that the time limit is not the issue: Would 3 months have made a difference? Would three weeks? Three years be best? Without saying so, you imply that you, yourself are most uncomfortable with having written feelings into an email that really might not be all that true. This happens a lot with email. One of its curses. So what to do? Perhaps you could explain that you had one too many tequilla shots before sending email that night, cannot remember what you sent, and are wondering if he received anything really embarrassing from you? If so, would he please forgive you.
H. Michele Posted March 7, 2004 Posted March 7, 2004 Perhaps you could explain that you had one too many tequilla shots before sending email that night, cannot remember what you sent, and are wondering if he received anything really embarrassing from you? If so, would he please forgive you. I don't think that would work. I don't drink and it was pretty early in the evening. LOL About the time thing. It isn't the length of time, persay. It was about where we stood as far as dating was concerned. We weren't commited yet and we planned on taking things slowly. So, by me telling him how strongly I felt, probably wasn't appropiate at that point. It could easily be taken as if I was trying to push him into a relationship. That wasn't my intention, but after re-reading what I wrote it could sound that way especially since it was so sudden. I jsut don't know how to handle things with him now. If I don't hear from him soon, I almost feel like I should try to explain, but then I take the risk of seeming over-anxious or clingy. I'm so confused!
dolphinsunshyn Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 I would say wait a few days and if you still haven't heard from him, send a follow up e-mail and leave it at that. Although, if he doesn't reply I think it is cowadly and your probably better off. I know guys have a hard time communicating, but if he is willing to just ignore the situation completely, after you have poured out your heart, then he does seem like the type of guy that is capable of a healthy relationship now anyway. Ignoring you is an easy way out. Good luck and keep me posted. I, too, have recently contimplated telling someone how I feel. Maybe I'll wait to see what happens with your situation first. Best wishes to you. I hope everything works out for you.
Regulus Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 I wouldn't do anything but wait for his reply. If I got an e-mail like that, I would be concerned that things are moving too fast (if I didn't feel the same way), but it wouldn't scare me off. Can't ever remember being upset when a woman expressed that she loved me even if I didn't feel the same way. I think your handling things very well. As far as apologizing, explaining, or anything like that, don't say anything about it unless he brings it up. If he does bring it up, simply explain that your emotions got the best of you and you got carried away. period. The real issue here is your frustration with the relationship due to lack of time with him. That's what needs to be discussed. As a side note, if I were in you shoes, a big "proceed with caution" sign would be flashing in my mind. You have every right to be a little frustrated. Most people lead very busy lives and obviously there are going to be some weeks when things come up, but several weeks? If someone is interested, they will find time. Keep playing it cool.
H. Michele Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 If someone is interested, they will find time. That is exactly what I told him. And said that was the reason why I was feeling the frustration becuase he was sending me mixed signals. After that, I basically confessed that I was falling in love with him, ect. and didn't want to be hurt and that I was feeling confused. I really expected a reply by now. We have been hones and upfront about things from the beginning and I didn't say anything that was "bitchy" nor did I actually say "I love you". So, I thought at the time he would be flattered if anything else. Guess not. In the meantime, I'm going nuts trying not to think about it. How long should I give him to reply? Things were going very well up until this last week so I just can't let it end like this. I will need closure. So, after how long should I wait until it is appropriate to send a follow up e-mail?
jenny Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 o, baby, i feel for you. this one is a doozy. you really only can wait it out, and prepare yourself for the worst. when and if you do see him again, just don't mention it, at all, until he does. you could downplay it by claiming to be in love with frankly ludicrous things - e.g. i am falling in love with that atkins sandwhich at subway - but that would be sort of lame. just stick it through. if he can't handle it, he was not right for you anyway.
H. Michele Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 LOL Jenny! What did I get myself into to?!? My debate now is how long do I wait it out? I know I just can't move on and just never talk to him ever again if he doesn't reply back. So, how long would it be appopriate to wait for his reply before I contact him with another e-mail explaining things/and to close things? A few days, a week, a month? I don't want to appear like I'm chasing him, but I also just can't leave thing unsettled. Anybody have an opinion on this?
jenny Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 first: you didn't make any mistakes. you felt something, you shared it. at some point in life, some cool guy will be able to handle that. as for this guy, however, i'd give him a week (not two! you'll go mad!!) and then write him a curt brief note that gives *you* closure. something along the lines of: it's unfortunate that you were not able to pay me the respect of answering my email. at this time, i would like to be with a man with manners and the ability to express himself in a courageous and mature way. you are clearly not a man such as this. i wish you a great deal of luck - best, *** or, you know, something much less victorian. my last break up letter in one of these situations was brutal; it was something like: i've never considered myself the sort of female who chases. clearly, you are interested in constructing me as such, but i have grown bored. i do not consider the reward of your company worth the weariness of the wait. thank you very much for the tacos you cooked on our final date. he called about 11 times after that, but i was just done. sometimes, you have to give yourself firm, fun, closure. feel free to update! i love seeing other peoples' break-up letters. (kind of prurient, i know ) if it does work out for you, great! give him some time, in case he is just a little freaked out, but then give yourself the power to end things! cheers!
swtbonita Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 I don't think it was too early.. i remember my bf told me all of that about 1 1/2 weeks into the relationship.. when we met we knew there was somthing there.. and we're still together for over two years now.. but some guys aren't ready for commitment.. thats why i think you should wait for guys to give you the first go ahead on saying those kinds of things.. Also i think you should talk to him.. don't let it wait because it may drive you two apart.. you should email him and just tell him you want to talk to him and that you don't want to push him.. That any pace is fine for you..
NEONINK Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 It's not like you are 20 again. You said 30's. I know one couple that just knew their first date they would marry. I know others that date for one year, then decided whether to even see each other again. I think I know the first month. Call me crazy. But eventually you just know yourself. What takes a while is verifying your intuition about the person. Either your gut was right or it was way off. You may have lost this fish. Don't worry though, it just means your bait is good!
H. Michele Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 Jenny: Thanks for the letter...That is really good! You have a talent! LOL I'll start composing one soon. maybe it will keep me busy and/or change my outlook. I still have a lot of time to wait until the week is up! swtbonita: I told him I didn't want to push him and that I was in no rush, ect. That is why I should have said everything that I did because it looks as if I am cintradicting myself now. He may take it as I am trying to rush things. I'm gonna to try to give him some time, but I will eventually contact him. Thanks for the advice. NEONICK: I did know soon that he was the one and I think he did too. He always gave me the signs and would say thing that lead me to believe that we eventually had a future together. However, we agreed to take it very slowly because we both had issues to straighten out in our own lives. That way when we are ready we can give the relationship our all without any of the distractions of previous relationships, financial troubles, ect. Or at least I thought. But, the last couple of weeks he has been busy and then went out with the guys a few times, ect. I didn't mind him going out or anything like that. I want him to have his own life, but I started to feel somewhat neglected becuase he wasn't making time for me too. Hence, writing the e-mail. Once I started expressing my feelings, I just let it all out. So I think I may have scared him off. Plus, it looks as if I contradicted myself and/or went against the "plan" that we had to wait a little bit. I really want to try to save this. He is everything I have ever been looking for. He is the Price Charming that I have been dreaming about my whole life. I have dated and dated, and even been married. None of the others hold a candle to this guy. I just wish I could crawl into his head to know exactly what he is thinking so I know how to proceed. But, I'll have to leave it up to fate at this point. I really got myself into a mess this time! LOL
monkey00 Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 i would not apologize to him, you did nothing wrong by sharing your feelings with him. altho i think that was a rash move you did, it may have irreversable effects on the both of you. for one thing he may be the type that takes things slowly, but u just blew his mind away when you exploded "i love you" so soon. Hell i know i'd be blown away and speechless if it was someone i only knew for 2 1/2 months. i'd probably need time to think it through and let things calm down. so give the guy some time, dont rush him into things. what probably happened was that you havent seem him for awhile and just could not stop thinking about him. then you immediately wanted to secure him to you, thinking that saying you love him would do that and attach him unto you. but it backfired.
H. Michele Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Originally posted by monkey00 for one thing he may be the type that takes things slowly, but u just blew his mind away when you exploded "i love you" so soon. Monkey: in my defense, I didn't actually say "I love you" to him. But, rather, I just let him know that I was falling for him and that I felt a strong connection between us. Although, I did say that I thought he was "the one" and felt like fate brought us together. I know, it is was probably a lot, but if I didn't feel like he was feeling the same way (at least a little bit) I wouldn't have said so much. At the time, I didn't think it was going to be that bad. But now, the lack of his response leads me to believe he was pretty shocked by it. I just hope it doesn't do too much damage. Let me ask you this, If you had feelings for a girl (bordering on strong like, maybe more) would you be THAT shocked by her confession of strong like (turning into more) for you? -OR- would it only be a shock if you didn't have those feelings for her as well? I don't know exactly how he was feeling, but I do know he was feeling something. I mean, this is something we can get past, right? I hope so.
NEONINK Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Keep us updated. I'm interested in how this turns out for you. I hope he takes it like a man, and not a boy. If he is ready for a relationship, as you appear to be, then he will step up to the plate. Good luck.
H. Michele Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Ya'all are going to yell at me!! I was driving myself crazy wondering if he even got the e-mail or not, so I decided to call him to find out. First he answered the phone, so that is a good sign. He has caller ID so he knew it was me. It is a bit a relief that he wasn't trying to avoid me. I asked him if he has checked his e-mail. I was going to tell him if he hadn't checked it yet to just delete the last e-mail from me without reading it. I was pretty lighthearted about it. He said he had gotten it, but didn't know how to reply. I told him I wanted to give him some time and apologized for calling, but I just needed to know if he got it or not. He did apologize that we didn't spend any time together and said that he wanted to see me but he was busy and on the road all week. However, he didn't mention anything about my "confession of love". I apologized for sending the e-mail and told him I should have waited to talk to him. I did say that that "I'm not sorry for feeling the way I do, But I do apologize for hitting him with it so soon and all at once". I laughed it off and said it was just hormones, but then said that I didn't have an excuse and I shouldn't have been so presumptious. He didn't really say much at all. Mostly just listened. I also told him that I didn't want things to be awkward between us now. And that I would give him some time to figure things out. I ended the conversation by saying if he wants to talk or hang out, he knows where to find me. That was the jist of things other than some casual conversation about the weekend he stayed pretty quiet and didn't really say much. I KNOW I probably shouldn't have called him, but I do feel a little better now that I was able to explain the e-mail a little bit. Since the intintal awkwardness has been broken by calling him, how long should I give him to reply? I think that it would be out of repect that he eventually shares what he is feeling at this point. Although, I know for a guy that is a lot to ask. Any insight? Do you think I messed things up more by calling? The conversation wasn't bad, but he was a little quiet. I don't know how to read that.
Fedup&givingup Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 I know it's hard, and I've been what you are going through. It's agonizing, but just WAIT. If this guy isn't planning on blowing you off, you might end up scaring him away. As hard as it is, let HIM make the next move. Let him be the one to call you or e-mail you. BTW, Jenny, your break up was a classic!!!!!
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