I been in an LDR for 10 hours now. Hate it already.

[Taucher]

I started a few threads to say I was going to be in an LDR when my GF leaves. The advice on them was to enjoy the rest of the time we had together. I did that and havent been back here.

 

This morning though, she left from Heathrow to New York. She is visiting family all over USA for a month before going to Colombia on December 18th - she hasnt seen her family for 2 years. She is due to land in New York in 30 minutes.

 

And I hate it. This morning was so hard. And now, it hurts. It's like I can feel every mile that is between us. It is similar to when my ex-gf walked out on me (how I first found LS) - I cant eat and feel weird and lonely. She stayed at my flat for the last month and we spent last six months together all the time and now...she's gone. She left some stuff at mine which is strangely making me feel sad.

 

So, I am new on an LDR journey. We will make it, I am sure. I just didnt realise how hard it would be. Is this the hardest time, just when she has gone? Will it get easier?

 

Thanks everyone.

 

T

Edited November 10, 2010 by Taucher

[Els]

The time just after they leave is the hardest. Stay strong.

[folieadeux]

The time right after is most definitely the hardest, but what's always helped me is planning the next visit. Even if it's just something tentative...working towards something always makes me feel better.

 

Hang in there, we all know all too well what you're going through.

[aerogurl87]

My only advise is to try and stay strong and keep in constant contact with each other. And I hate to say it, but nope it doesn't get any easier as time goes on. My three week trip to my boyfriend ends in two days and we both agreed that this time will be harder than the first to say goodbye. You get so used to always being together and then when your SO is gone, it's like a void is left in your heart. But we have some pretty supportive people here on LS.

[Taucher]

Thanks everyone.

 

My only advise is to try and stay strong and keep in constant contact with each other. And I hate to say it, but nope it doesn't get any easier as time goes on. My three week trip to my boyfriend ends in two days and we both agreed that this time will be harder than the first to say goodbye. You get so used to always being together and then when your SO is gone, it's like a void is left in your heart. But we have some pretty supportive people here on LS.

 

Unfortunately, we cant be in contact much at the moment. She is staying in New York with a family friend who is an old lady. There is no internet. On Sunday she is off to her Uncle, Aunt and cousin's house in Jacksonville, Florida, for 2 weeks. She can Skype everyday from there.

 

The bit about the void in your heart when they have gone is so true. I knew it would be hard, but this is ridiculous. When she went through to airport security this morning was the hardest thing ever. I feel too distraught. I cant eat and I know I wont sleep tonight. And this is not a break up, she loves me, but it feels like one. Hope you enjoy the rest of your time with your SO.

 

Thing is, I just cant mentally process how hard this is. She is in New York which is 3459.34 MILES away from me. I found that on a website. Why I looked, I dont know. It's a form of self-torture. But that distance is obscene. We spent nearly all our spare time together over six months.

 

The time right after is most definitely the hardest, but what's always helped me is planning the next visit. Even if it's just something tentative...working towards something always makes me feel better.

 

Hang in there, we all know all too well what you're going through.

 

Thank you. It really helps.

 

We are sort of planning the next visit. She sat a TOEFL English test. If she gets a score of 90 or higher, she can come back to London in January to do her masters degree. The results will be sent to my address in a week or so. If she does not pass, she might not be able to come back until September. I cant think about that.

 

T

Edited November 10, 2010 by Taucher

[HeavenOrHell]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad I hope you will see her in January, maybe you'll feel better once you know for sure when you'll next see her. I see my partner every 6-8 weeks for 3 days at a time, I would find longer than 2 months really hard, but I'd do it as he is worth it and we do have a future to work towards.

Hang in there, I started a thread for those of us in LDR's to use when we're missing our partners, I'll bump it up so you can see it

[folieadeux]

Thank you. It really helps.

 

We are sort of planning the next visit. She sat a TOEFL English test. If she gets a score of 90 or higher, she can come back to London in January to do her masters degree. The results will be sent to my address in a week or so. If she does not pass, she might not be able to come back until September. I cant think about that.

 

T

 

Is your SO taking any prep courses for the exam? Those really help if she can find the time to fit it in.

[lala82]

I lived a similar situation in January. I know that is very hard to say good bye to the person, that we love in an airport.

 

You must feel lonely, sad and have plenty of memories of her. However, you should visit some friends and try to do some activities together. Stay in your flat, will make things harder. When, my ex bf moved to the Middle East. I stay in our flat in London alone. I did not want to eat and cried a lot. However, stay in touch with my friends, help me a lot.

 

Also, when she'll have internet, try to stay in touch with her. Organize the time that you are going to spend online. It is not easy, but if you really love each other your relationship will be ok. If she cannot go back to London in January, you should come to Colombia. It is not expensive and you can have a nice holidays with her while she'll back to London

[LittleTiger]

This is tough Taucher. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Unfortunately, most of us understand only too well.

 

It is horrible saying goodbye and I'd like to say it gets easier but I really don't think it does. Not for me anyway.

 

The trick is to find coping strategies that work for you, whether it's spending more time with friends and family, taking up a new hobby, writing your girlfriend a letter or posting on LS. We all have different ways of dealing with these feelings and getting through the time apart.

 

It's not unusual to feel that 'further and further apart' feeling either when you know they're on a plane flying away from you - I feel that way every time and so does my SO. I did the online check on distance too though for me it's not that difficult to work out as it's half the circumference of the planet.

 

You are right that it is a grieving process. Any loss involves grief and you have lost your gf in physical terms even if she is still there emotionally.

 

You will get through this, we all do somehow. Don't think about how long she'll be away until you know for sure. She's probably done really well in her exam and January isn't that far away.

 

Keep posting here, we're all in it together and it's a great place when you need support.

[Els]

Thanks everyone.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, we cant be in contact much at the moment. She is staying in New York with a family friend who is an old lady. There is no internet. On Sunday she is off to her Uncle, Aunt and cousin's house in Jacksonville, Florida, for 2 weeks. She can Skype everyday from there.

 

The bit about the void in your heart when they have gone is so true. I knew it would be hard, but this is ridiculous. When she went through to airport security this morning was the hardest thing ever. I feel too distraught. I cant eat and I know I wont sleep tonight. And this is not a break up, she loves me, but it feels like one. Hope you enjoy the rest of your time with your SO.

 

Thing is, I just cant mentally process how hard this is. She is in New York which is 3459.34 MILES away from me. I found that on a website. Why I looked, I dont know. It's a form of self-torture. But that distance is obscene. We spent nearly all our spare time together over six months.

 

 

 

Thank you. It really helps.

 

We are sort of planning the next visit. She sat a TOEFL English test. If she gets a score of 90 or higher, she can come back to London in January to do her masters degree. The results will be sent to my address in a week or so. If she does not pass, she might not be able to come back until September. I cant think about that.

 

T

 

How's her English like, generally?

 

I've sat the TOEFL before, and I found 90 marks very very easy to attain. If she has a decent command of English I really wouldn't worry too much about it. If she doesn't though, like folie said, prep courses will help. Either way, definitely try to get sample papers so she can practice and have a better idea of what to do in the real exam.

 

Edit: Eek, I just realized that you mentioned she'd already sat it. In that case, best of luck! I'm not sure about the rules there but here it's possible to re-sit if you don't get the marks you want, so you may not have to wait all the way til September anyhow.

[Taucher]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad I hope you will see her in January, maybe you'll feel better once you know for sure when you'll next see her. I see my partner every 6-8 weeks for 3 days at a time, I would find longer than 2 months really hard, but I'd do it as he is worth it and we do have a future to work towards.

Hang in there, I started a thread for those of us in LDR's to use when we're missing our partners, I'll bump it up so you can see it

 

Yes, I will definitly feel better when I know what is happening. I am nervous as her test result is being sent to my house. Due in the next week. If she cant come in January, we will make alternative plans.

 

Sorry you cant be with your SO more often.

 

Is your SO taking any prep courses for the exam? Those really help if she can find the time to fit it in.

 

She did use them but she only had the official TOEFL Book/dvd for 2 weeks before the exam.

 

You must feel lonely, sad and have plenty of memories of her. However, you should visit some friends and try to do some activities together. Stay in your flat, will make things harder. When, my ex bf moved to the Middle East. I stay in our flat in London alone. I did not want to eat and cried a lot. However, stay in touch with my friends, help me a lot.

 

Also, when she'll have internet, try to stay in touch with her. Organize the time that you are going to spend online. It is not easy, but if you really love each other your relationship will be ok. If she cannot go back to London in January, you should come to Colombia. It is not expensive and you can have a nice holidays with her while she'll back to London

 

Yes, you are right. She has emailed me quite a lot since I started this thread. She has been going to Internet Cafes in New York to do this, which is such a nice thing to do.

 

Yes if she doesnt come back in January the plan is for me to go to Bogota for 3 weeks (or maybe up to 3 months if I can) in April next year. It feels like a long time away but at least I will have something to plan.

 

It's not unusual to feel that 'further and further apart' feeling either when you know they're on a plane flying away from you - I feel that way every time and so does my SO. I did the online check on distance too though for me it's not that difficult to work out as it's half the circumference of the planet.

 

You are right that it is a grieving process. Any loss involves grief and you have lost your gf in physical terms even if she is still there emotionally.

 

Thank you very much. The distance feeling is horrible. It still feels bizarre that she is so far away.

 

But, you are so right, I have lost her physically but not emotionally, and that is actually a really positive thought. I would rather have a SO who is emotionally with me and physically far away then the other way around!

 

How's her English like, generally?

 

I've sat the TOEFL before, and I found 90 marks very very easy to attain. If she has a decent command of English I really wouldn't worry too much about it. If she doesn't though, like folie said, prep courses will help. Either way, definitely try to get sample papers so she can practice and have a better idea of what to do in the real exam.

 

Edit: Eek, I just realized that you mentioned she'd already sat it. In that case, best of luck! I'm not sure about the rules there but here it's possible to re-sit if you don't get the marks you want, so you may not have to wait all the way til September anyhow.

 

Generally, her English is OK. But she is not confident. When we went out with my English friends she would always look at me when talking english, like she wasnt confident. Also, she makes mistakes when speaking but when you point them out, she realises and corrects it perfectly. She sat the IELTS test in July and was just short of the required standard so hopefully this is better.

 

I am not surprised you got over 90, your English is perfect.

[Taucher]

Well, over 24 hours since she left. But today I feel much more positive. Maybe the first day is hardest. I was very upset yesterday, but then at 10:30 last night she emailed me. She also changed her FB picture to one of me and her and it made all the difference. She has emailed me quite a lot - by going to Internet Cafes in New York which isnt necessary but very cute of her. Going to bed on my own was hard though, and she made the bed in the morning before we left for the airport and I felt quite sad when I saw the bed she had tidied...stupid eh?

 

Anyway, as was pointed out to me in this post above, she is with me emotionally if not physically. I love that.

[hadess07]

I started a few threads to say I was going to be in an LDR when my GF leaves. The advice on them was to enjoy the rest of the time we had together. I did that and havent been back here.

 

This morning though, she left from Heathrow to New York. She is visiting family all over USA for a month before going to Colombia on December 18th - she hasnt seen her family for 2 years. She is due to land in New York in 30 minutes.

 

And I hate it. This morning was so hard. And now, it hurts. It's like I can feel every mile that is between us. It is similar to when my ex-gf walked out on me (how I first found LS) - I cant eat and feel weird and lonely. She stayed at my flat for the last month and we spent last six months together all the time and now...she's gone. She left some stuff at mine which is strangely making me feel sad.

 

So, I am new on an LDR journey. We will make it, I am sure. I just didnt realise how hard it would be. Is this the hardest time, just when she has gone? Will it get easier?

 

Thanks everyone.

 

T

 

being in a long distance relationship is hard and can be very challenging.many of it will not work out because of the distance and loneliness. However, we can takes some simple steps to help preserve and maintain the relationship sweet even from distance apart.

 

check out some of the tips HERE

[lala82]

I am from Colombia as well. Two years when I before study my Msc in The UK. I did the IELTS test, which is more difficult than TOELF. I scored only 5.5 and I needed 6.5 for my Msc.

 

In the worst case that she wont score 90 in the TOELF. She can still apply to different universities in the UK. Universities give the option to international students to improve their English through a Pre-sessional English Course during the summer. I did this course before my MSC and helped me a lot with my English. It is an intessive course for 3 months (aprox) and the lectures are from 9 pm to 4pm weekdays. The course costs in average £2000 to £3000.

 

Keep positive and wish you all the best on the results!!!

[HeavenOrHell]

Good to hear you're feeling more positive today. And no it's not stupid to feel sad when you saw the bed she had tidied, totally understandable

It's great she has emailed you a lot, and it's sweet about the fb pic, the littlest things can make such a difference

 

 

 

Well, over 24 hours since she left. But today I feel much more positive. Maybe the first day is hardest. I was very upset yesterday, but then at 10:30 last night she emailed me. She also changed her FB picture to one of me and her and it made all the difference. She has emailed me quite a lot - by going to Internet Cafes in New York which isnt necessary but very cute of her. Going to bed on my own was hard though, and she made the bed in the morning before we left for the airport and I felt quite sad when I saw the bed she had tidied...stupid eh?

 

Anyway, as was pointed out to me in this post above, she is with me emotionally if not physically. I love that.

[atypicalG]

Well, over 24 hours since she left. But today I feel much more positive. Maybe the first day is hardest. I was very upset yesterday, but then at 10:30 last night she emailed me. She also changed her FB picture to one of me and her and it made all the difference. She has emailed me quite a lot - by going to Internet Cafes in New York which isnt necessary but very cute of her. Going to bed on my own was hard though, and she made the bed in the morning before we left for the airport and I felt quite sad when I saw the bed she had tidied...stupid eh?

 

Anyway, as was pointed out to me in this post above, she is with me emotionally if not physically. I love that.

 

That's not stupid at all. Seriously. I feel the same away about how hard it is when they leave, and missing the little things. However, it doesn't get easier. For me, it gets harder . It's been almost 4 weeks now, and I feel like it's harder every day, even though I know I'll see her soon. Work and school are just so stressful here, and I just haven't quite developed a super close ring of friends yet.

 

I miss her.

[Citizen Erased]

I think it depends on the person and our different circumstances. For me, it gets easier as I adjust to not having him around...eventually. But then the longest I've spent with him at one time is 3 weeks, yours is different.

[Els]

 

 

Generally, her English is OK. But she is not confident. When we went out with my English friends she would always look at me when talking english, like she wasnt confident. Also, she makes mistakes when speaking but when you point them out, she realises and corrects it perfectly. She sat the IELTS test in July and was just short of the required standard so hopefully this is better.

 

I am not surprised you got over 90, your English is perfect.

 

If she comes just short of the standard again, she really should sign herself up for some preparatory courses and then try again ASAP. Even language test scores can be increased by sheer practice and knowing the exam well.

[dark_circles]

I completely felt what you've felt when my gf left. That day was so tough and coming back from the airport to an apartment that felt empty without her spirit and least of all, without her things, was gut wrenching.

 

Going to bed and waking up next to a warm naked body was a fantastic feeling that I can't describe how much I'll miss but the situation is what it is. It's been a week for me and no it hasn't got easier. I've had good days and bad days.

 

I've had good times in bad days and bad times during the good days but I'm really trying to cope.

 

i still have some things she left behind out in the open and it makes me sad to see them but I don't want to clean them up or take them away. I love the reminder of her, not that I need it, but it's nice.

 

Hang in there and good luck. Your positive outlook seems great!

[Taucher]

I am from Colombia as well. Two years when I before study my Msc in The UK. I did the IELTS test, which is more difficult than TOELF. I scored only 5.5 and I needed 6.5 for my Msc.

 

In the worst case that she wont score 90 in the TOELF. She can still apply to different universities in the UK. Universities give the option to international students to improve their English through a Pre-sessional English Course during the summer. I did this course before my MSC and helped me a lot with my English. It is an intessive course for 3 months (aprox) and the lectures are from 9 pm to 4pm weekdays. The course costs in average £2000 to £3000.

 

Keep positive and wish you all the best on the results!!!

 

Thanks. She did the IELTS in July and got 6.0. She also needed 6.5. We heard that TOEFL was a bit easier which is why she did it. We have looked at the pre-masters course. She is supported financially by her parents - hey have paid for her to do 2 years English lessons in London...not cheap, and not they will only pay for her to do a masters. They are keen for her to do a masters though and have said they will pay for that...but nothing else, which is fair enough really. I cant really afford to pay for her to do pre-masters course but I am looking into it.

 

I completely felt what you've felt when my gf left. That day was so tough and coming back from the airport to an apartment that felt empty without her spirit and least of all, without her things, was gut wrenching.

 

Going to bed and waking up next to a warm naked body was a fantastic feeling that I can't describe how much I'll miss but the situation is what it is. It's been a week for me and no it hasn't got easier. I've had good days and bad days.

 

I've had good times in bad days and bad times during the good days but I'm really trying to cope.

 

i still have some things she left behind out in the open and it makes me sad to see them but I don't want to clean them up or take them away. I love the reminder of her, not that I need it, but it's nice.

 

Hang in there and good luck. Your positive outlook seems great!

 

You have described it perfectly. My GF also left loads of stuff...my room has loads of her clothes, shoes, boots, jackets...all sorts. She says she needs it all when she gets back.

 

Gut wrenching is right. Kind of like my insides have been taken out and put back in the wrong places.