Tips for less painful NC and smart LC

[iamawesome]

NC can be extremeley difficult and painful leaving your drained, demoralized, and stressed. It doesn't have to be this way. I wanted to share my personal tips on how to make NC a little more smoother so that time can heal.

 

1. Plan ahead. This is essential. If you fail to plan ahead then you will have a hard time staying busy and the gaps in your schedule will expose you to "weak moments". Organize your mp3 collect, schedule work outs, laundry, study, etc. Also schedule in "down-time". This is essentially an hour everynight that allows you to reflect and analyze your relationship. It should be the very last thing you do. This will allow to stay productive during the day. When you think about your loss, you can convice yourself to think about it at the time you already have scheduled. During my "down-time" I write down my thoughts to get them out so they stay out. Make sure to keep to your schedule and you do not dwell on down-time.

 

The act of scheduling and planning ahead will put you in a furture oriented mindset that is essential. The act of planning will also keep you busy . Very handy.

 

2. Set goals. Set a date when you want to be "fully healed". Set milestones around major events in your life, maybe even weekly milestones.

 

3. Reward yourself for achieving milestones. For example, I reward myself with a nice steak dinner after my first day of NC, which is usually the hardest for me. After that, I have weekly milestones. I reward myself with a new shirt, gadget, etc when I hit those milestones. This will make it easier to stick to NC becuase you can internalize the progress.

 

4. Focus on new, get rid of old. The usualy advice here. Pick up new hobbies and interests to pack your schedule with. Get rid of reminders and triggers of your ex, delete her from fb, etc.

 

Pretty simple tips, but I feel many people go rough NC which makes it harder on yourself.

 

 

What if you are the dumper and limited contact is better than NC becuase you took her for granted? Here are some tips for "chasing" without going overboard or killing yourself. Sure distance makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes out of sight, out of mind applies.

 

1. Find a contact peg. A contact peg should be someone new that you don't know very well. In order to "earn" contact with your ex you have to contact your peg and recieve a response first. This will keep your contact habits in check. While blowing up your ex's cell may make you feel better, you will easily identify when you go overboard contacting your peg. Essentially this will remove the contact bias with your ex by mimicing contact habits to and from a neutral party.

 

2. Do not engage in any contact unless you are healed. In order to successfully chase, you have to be able to deal with the consequences of rejection. If you chase while you are still emotionally attached, you will get burned. You have to have the mindset of a single guy. You know how a single guy can hit on a girl and bounce right back after he gets turned down, like that.

 

3. Contact short be short, consise and positive.

 

4. Do not always intiate contact. If you are not getting responses or she dosn't intiate at all, that is usually a hint to stop.

 

5. Never focus on yourself, always focus on her. Things like "How was your day", etc. Avoid relationship talk.

 

Hope that helps!

[cerridwen]

Excellent advise--especially the Plan Ahead tip. I've had NC for only 3 days now while the official breakup happened 2 weeks ago. What I've noticed is adding Balance back into my life helps a lot. All my time was consumed by the relationship. I was so focused on the drama for so long, I neglected nearly everything else. I'm slowly adding small things back (emailing old friends more, playing the piano again, cooking) and this shift has helped. It reminds me *I*existed before him and will continue to exist (happily) without him.

[heartbrokengal]

Thanks for sharing, these are great tips