kizzlescizzle Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, I moved in with him after about 3 months of dating. He is 40 and I am 25. He also has a 9 year old daughter. In the beginning things were absolutely fantastic, which is expected due to the honeymoon phase. Something happened about 8 months into the relationship, which put a huge financial burden on him. It changed him completely. He went from sweet, loving, affectionate, and confident--to cold, emotionless, depressed and lazy (he used to be a body builder and was very proud of himself, for 18 years straight... then when this hit him he stopped working out completely) He still is very loving to his daughter, but he isn't to me. When we disagree about something, I try to talk to him and he shows no interest whatsoever. He will watch TV, play video games, use his iPhone, whatever it takes to not listen to what I am trying to say. I am highly emotional, I cry all the time. But I also love to laugh. It's gotten to the point where he tells me that I enjoy arguing, but that is farthest from the truth. However, when there is a problem and I try to be respectful and just sit and talk with him about it, I do expect him to do the same back. When he doesn't, it makes me very upset, I begin to cry. I tell him why I am crying and he ignores me and tells me I am an adult and I should learn to control my emotions and just let it go. He tells me I am controlling when I try to talk to him about what is bothering me and he says "I am done talking, stop trying to control me". Then I get angry and start saying things that I do not mean, which I know, I should learn to control but it is so hard. Also, his famous line is "I can't take this stress, I think we need to live separately". I feel he is causing his own stress by yelling and telling me to stop crying instead of just being a mature adult and talking through the problem, or give me a hug and tell me it is going to be okay. I love him with all my heart, I have grown very attached to him and his daughter and I feel as if we are a family. I have never been in this situation before and I don't know what to do. I want to stay and work things out with him, but when he shows no emotion, what am I suppose to do? When I say no emotion I am being 100% accurate. He doesn't even look at me when I talk to him, he completely ignores me and when he finally talks he says "you are giving me a headache, please stop". Should I keep my feelings inside and not talk to him about the problems we have? And how do I curve my overly emotional feelings to being more in the middle. When things cool down he tells me that he loves me, but I am the one that needs to change. And he is the King of his castle and even though what he does/says may not be right, that is how it is going to be because it is his house. I don't want him to be like me and be crying and act effeminate, I just want some sort of sign that he loves me and wants to be with me. Before anyone says just sit down and talk with him about how I feel, I have numerous times and again, it's the same vicious cycle. I have tried making the argument that he should treat me with the love and respect that he treats his daughter when she is upset, because that is how you treat someone that you love. I am not saying by any means to love me the same as he loves her, because kids are number one priority and I know that. But he tells me that I am an adult and he shouldn't have to explain anything to me. I could go on forever, just looking for advice or if anyone was ever in this type of situation...
Author kizzlescizzle Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 Thanks so much for your advice! The whole situation is just so hard because he even told me that if this financial hit happened, then he was going to be a totally different person... I thought I was being a good girlfriend and showing him that I loved him regardless of his money, but I just don't think he wants to the help... I mean if we have to take step back by me moving out, is there really any future for us? Words can't describe my love for this man, and I just wish I could give him all the money in the world to solve his problems... I work 65 to 70 hours a week to try and help him (while he works no overtime...) I hope things work out, I just am scared to take a step back.
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