irc333 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 When I was young, in college and appraoching my mid 20's, I actually had an itenerary of what my goals where when it came to my life after I graduate (or perhaps do while in college) Everyone around me was finishing up their degrees, getting engaged (I saw so many new engagement rings is was quite numerous) People dating, then their final semester, they schedule a wedding JUST around the same time they both graduated even....like they were syncing up their graduation around their marriage. 2 celebrations in one summer. I was at least hoping to meet a woman, and get married post-graduate...I was approaching my late 20's, and my plan was to meet a woman, get married and have a family. That never happened. lol I'm 38....and even though I'd like to get married....I'm not so sure about having children at this point in my life....figured I'm too old for that....and also I don't think I could financially support kids on my salary as it is, it's just enough to support me and that's it. But mostly, my desire to have kids has kind of waned, though I'm still "kinda" open to the idea....I figure "what's the point at this age" Any men here follow the same pattern?
Crusoe Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Similar age. Always wanted kids, it's what I wanted more than anything else and why I was so willing to quit my golf when I met my ex. It never happened. Kind of raised a boy as my own over the last 6 years. No Dad, Mum's a drunk, so I took him under my wing. He's off to Uni next year. It's been great fun but the thought of having teenage kids in the house when I am in my late 50's or 60's does not exactly thrill me. Looking forward to early retirement and getting back on the circuit again. So got to say, the urge to have kids has gone now.
somedude81 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Hmm, I'm wondering what age men actually get the desire to have kids. I really don't hear men talking about how they want to be a father. It just kind of happens because the wife wants a child, an the man wants to make his wife happy. Are there any men who wanted to be a father, before they had a kid?
carhill Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Are there any men who wanted to be a father, before they had a kid? Yes, and from what I understood, my feelings mirror those of my father, who waited six years (he was 43) until his only son (he had two daughters from a previous M) was born. At 51, the desire is still there, to mold a young mind, share the richness of life and send them on their way. YMMV
Art_Critic Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I had my little boy at the age of 45...and yes I wanted to be a Dad, I think the desire to give what I have inside me to another thru parenthood would never have gone away. The older I got though the more the reality of life kicked in and I was looking at the possibility of not having any kids (besides having a step daughter from a previous marriage) I don't think I would have had a child much later than 45-48+- though.. there just seems to be a point where your priorities just shift.
sumdude Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm slightly ambivalent about it at 42. When I married my ex at 37 I was ready. But she wasn't able to.. which turned out for the best since she left me suddenly and who knows how things would have gone if there was a child involved. At this point the situation has to come first. If by some chance the right woman comes along and it feels like the right thing then who knows. But I can't see getting too much older.. Honestly being 65 and having a 16 year old around just doesn't seem right.
Hopeful30 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I've never had the desire to have kids to begin with lol
D-Jam Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I've always been on the fence with it all. Most of the "have a family" thinking I felt was more society pushing on me to be a father, but in reality I don't see any parents I know living happy family lives. I just see diapers, gross stuff, crying, lack of free time, and a financial drain. Maybe my past love life before I met my girlfriend soured me on all of it. While I love the idea of being married, I don't even get excited about things like the wedding and reception...although I don't like wedding receptions in general. I've had some tell me I'm being immature and want to be a kid the rest of my life playing with "toys", but even at work I see the new dads working more hours...some because they need the money, but others because they've found work to be a happier place than home. They'll say how much they love their kids, but yet always toss in some comment that says they miss when they had no kids and fewer responsibilities. I'm still up in the air though...and I refuse to be pushed into something I don't want to do...hence why I avoided women I could see had the baby rabies and were desperate to have children quickly. I think for me I've gotten to the point where career and my own well-being have been so prioritized in my mind that I see a family as a hindrance to that, as opposed to a blessing.
Gold Pile Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Never wanted kids. Up till my early 20's I assumed I would because thats what society said we should all do. Then I started thinking for myself. Being a parent is hard work, expense, and worry. I've never missed a date, vacation, outing because I needed a sitter. Economic meltdowns come and go, but I've been consistantly comfortable my entire adult life. That wouldn't be the case if I had kids. I've seen plenty of good parents raise kids that grow up to be losers, for all the hard work, expense, and stress.... there is NO guarantee you'll mold a good person. Retirement (yes, it's still on track) will come early and be comfortable. I will spend more on a decent retirement and not worry about leaving anything to others. I admire good parents (I detest bad parents) they work SO hard and sacrifice SO much. They (mostly Moms) will get broken hearts several times by even decent kids. All that said, I know there are joys to parenting too, but I don't want to drift from the original topic.
Wink Tobasco Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm getting uo there, haven't had the urge for children. I do wonder if I'll want them when mid life crisis kicks in.
Stung Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Are there any men who wanted to be a father, before they had a kid? I know at least seven men who very seriously want to have kids, some of them are dating and have dumped women because they wouldn't make good mothers. I just see diapers, gross stuff, crying, lack of free time, and a financial drain. . Yeah, well, that is a big part of the package. Usually the happy family stuff happens behind and around and underneath all the poopy trappings.
GivenUp0083 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 We lose interest in having kids as soon as our other guy friends start having them and then our guy friends become boring because they have no social life now. THEN we realize we don't want kids.
Art_Critic Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 We lose interest in having kids as soon as our other guy friends start having them and then our guy friends become boring because they have no social life now. THEN we realize we don't want kids. Brilliant .. I guess it doesn't work that way for your friends though
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