sunshine2008 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I met a guy.... real charmer, back in August on a night out. I have had such rubbish luck with men and relationships at that point i wasnt looking for anything. I had just moved into my new home (bought by myself!! had a new car and was about to start back to work with a lovely pay rise! Things were good! He asked me for my number, i turned him down. He found me on facebook, and then we got chatting. He asked to take me out... i was a bit ify but i had no plans for the week so i agreed. He turned out to be very nice, funny respectful, goodlooking, good job. So i decided to see him again and from there we went on several dates. He took me away for the weekend and we ended up sleeping together. He has met my friends who really like him. I met his parents who were delightful and really warm towards me. We got into a relationship, and i have got to say for the first time in a long while i can say that i was 'happy.' We both have very busy lifestyles and have never been able to see much of eachother due to work and social commintments... but i prefer it that way. Then about three weeks ago, my best friend that got married in Aug this year went through a very rough time with her new husband. She has been involved in terrible domestic violence abuse. Like i am for all of my friends i have been by her side through it all. I took her away for a few days and she is now living with me... which means me and the bf dont get to spend hardly anytime with eachother. No sex in over a month!! The more i am away from him the less i want to see him. And i feel i am less attracted to him. Wanting my freedom and single life back, as i hate the guilty feeling of not being able to see him. He has asked me to go to Thailand for Christmas with him i have agreed, but since i dont know how i feel for him or what i want i am very unsure of what to do?? I want to go as i have never visited Thailand but im unsure if i want to spend the whole christmas holiday with him. Really dont know where things went wrong? He has no idea, only that i am a bit distant from him, and with long hours on both sides unable to see him much. What shall i do? Get my single life back with no stress, hassle or commitment? Or try and find the feelings and butterflys i had just a few weeks ago that have disappeared in tho nothing?? Can anyone help? Thanks xxx:love:
shayan Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 let your intuition guide you here. Visualize both scenarios you being single and you being with him. See which feels more satisfying go with that decision GL. whatever you do don't lead him on if you figure it out and use him as a plan b that's wrong.
Author sunshine2008 Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 yes thanks... thats why i feel guilty, beacuse i would want to be with someone that was unsure. People keep saying work at it and give it a go and see what happens... but i know something isnt right as im not bothered if i see him or not. Maybe im just selfish and need to be on my own. Or find that really special someone that i cant get out of my mind day and night! x
sumdude Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Obviously you have no business being in a relationship right now. How you can flip flop from "I've never been so happy!" to "I'm not attracted anymore." Through no fault of the man is telling. Do him a favor and set him free to find someone who actually wants to be in a mature relationship.
Kamille Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 yes thanks... thats why i feel guilty, beacuse i would want to be with someone that was unsure. People keep saying work at it and give it a go and see what happens... but i know something isnt right as im not bothered if i see him or not. Maybe im just selfish and need to be on my own. Or find that really special someone that i cant get out of my mind day and night! x Oh look multiple threads... Here is what I replied in the thread you posted on the general relationship forum. Clearly you read it but it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Fine, dump him if that's what you want. But why come here and ask for advice if you already know what you're going to do? Surprise! Sex builds intimacy. No sex = less intimacy. In your case, you stopped having as much time for your bf and also stopped having sex and yet, you somehow expected your feelings for him to stay strong? In what universe do relationships stay strong if you neglect them? Nope. That's not how long term relationships work. Long-term relationship work by making time for each other and making time to entertain your intimate connection, in and out of the bedroom. I'm sure you've heard the saying: relationship are hard work? Well, that's all people mean. Relationship don't flourish all on their own. You actually need to make the well-being of the relationship a priority for the connection to stay strong. And why did having your friend over mean no longer having sex? Does she sleep in your bedroom? You didn't make this man a priority. In your shoes, given that you say you were really happy with him when you actually had time for him, I would work on rebuilding the lost connection. Yes, that means saying yes to his most generous invitation to go Thailand together, but mostly it means making time for him a priority.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 What shall i do? Get my single life back with no stress, hassle or commitment? Or try and find the feelings and butterflys i had just a few weeks ago that have disappeared in tho nothing?? Can anyone help? Thanks xxx:love: Uh... If you don't care for him... why were you dating him? If you do love him... how can you fall out of love in 1 month? Just because you moved your friend in? You seem like a user. Don't go to Thailand with him at all. Yes he will push back... but just let him know that you don't have any feelings and that you have been just faking it thus far... or whatever the real situation is. Just tell him.
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