sunshine2008 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I met a guy.... real charmer, back in August on a night out. I have had such rubbish luck with men and relationships at that point i wasnt looking for anything. I had just moved into my new home (bought by myself!! had a new car and was about to start back to work with a lovely pay rise! Things were good! He asked me for my number, i turned him down. He found me on facebook, and then we got chatting. He asked to take me out... i was a bit ify but i had no plans for the week so i agreed. He turned out to be very nice, funny respectful, goodlooking, good job. So i decided to see him again and from there we went on several dates. He took me away for the weekend and we ended up sleeping together. He has met my friends who really like him. I met his parents who were delightful and really warm towards me. We got into a relationship, and i have got to say for the first time in a long while i can say that i was 'happy.' We both have very busy lifestyles and have never been able to see much of eachother due to work and social commintments... but i prefer it that way. Then about three weeks ago, my best friend that got married in Aug this year went through a very rough time with her new husband. She has been involved in terrible domestic violence abuse. Like i am for all of my friends i have been by her side through it all. I took her away for a few days and she is now living with me... which means me and the bf dont get to spend hardly anytime with eachother. No sex in over a month!! The more i am away from him the less i want to see him. And i feel i am less attracted to him. Wanting my freedom and single life back, as i hate the guilty feeling of not being able to see him. He has asked me to go to Thailand for Christmas with him i have agreed, but since i dont know how i feel for him or what i want i am very unsure of what to do?? I want to go as i have never visited Thailand but im unsure if i want to spend the whole christmas holiday with him. Really dont know where things went wrong? He has no idea, only that i am a bit distant from him, and with long hours on both sides unable to see him much. What shall i do? Get my single life back with no stress, hassle or commitment? Or try and find the feelings and butterflys i had just a few weeks ago that have disappeared in tho nothing?? Can anyone help? Thanks xxx:love:
saxon2901 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I don't think you're being very fair to him - I know it's hard when you see a horrible break-up with your friend like that but he didn't do - it's not his fault! If your feelings have genuinly changed towards him then you really need to let him know and not go on a holiday with him just because you want to go there (and not really want to be with him) Is he paying for this holiday? Either way not fair and what a horrible time over christmas that could turn out to be! For both of you! However if you think that it's just that you're putting the feelings of your friends breakup on him then don't just throw away everything you have - as at some point you could end up regretting it and then it'll be too late. If you're really not sure then you need to make some time for the two of you. I know you want to be there for her but she also has to understand that you need things too and part of that is allowing you time with your man to work on your relationship! Talk to him about your fears - communication is only ever how you're going to make it work! And just a thought when you're friend finally picks herself up for her break -up and she's ready to move on will she give you a second thought that maybe you're still single - don't do this just to be single with her! Think hard about what you really want!
Kamille Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 (edited) I I took her away for a few days and she is now living with me... which means me and the bf dont get to spend hardly anytime with eachother. No sex in over a month!! The more i am away from him the less i want to see him. And i feel i am less attracted to him. Wanting my freedom and single life back, as i hate the guilty feeling of not being able to see him. Surprise! Sex builds intimacy. No sex = less intimacy. In your case, you stopped having as much time for your bf and also stopped having sex and yet, you somehow expected your feelings for him to stay strong? In what universe do relationships stay strong if you neglect them? Nope. That's not how long term relationships work. Long-term relationship work by making time for each other and making time to entertain your intimate connection, in and out of the bedroom. I'm sure you've heard the saying: relationship are hard work? Well, that's all people mean. Relationship don't flourish all on their own. You actually need to make the well-being of the relationship a priority for the connection to stay strong. And why did having your friend over mean no longer having sex? Does she sleep in your bedroom? You didn't make this man a priority. In your shoes, given that you say you were really happy with him when you actually had time for him, I would work on rebuilding the lost connection. Yes, that means saying yes to his most generous invitation to go Thailand together, but mostly it means making time for him a priority. Edited November 10, 2010 by Kamille
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