Deivu1221 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm so sick of one of my friends... it's gotten to the point where I told him I need a long time to myself, he told me he "understands", and he STILL texts me wanting SOMETHING. I feel stupid and weak for ever even befriending him; he's a clingy, obsessive, paranoid, nosy pathological liar who is more annoying and invasive than a crazy high school girlfriend. He feels like just because I'm his "friend", he's entitled to everything I do and everything he asks from me (if he even asks, that is.) All I really am to him is a money machine and taxi service too; his sense of entitlement really REALLY sickens me. He's a copycat poseur too (heck, I don't even like calling people poseurs) who will do certain things/dress a certain way/listen to certain music just because others do it. Spending time with him literally feels like a chore to me; I feel like I should be punching a timeclock every time I visit him or talk to him on the phone. I have no problem with doing favors for people from time to time, but with him, it always turns into self-sacrifice. He has the GALL to whine and cry about his "messed up" family when his dad (and uncle) gives him a couch to sleep on FOR FREE and he doesn't even TRY to go out and get a job; the only things his life revolves around is smoking weed, drinking, and thinking he's an invincible gangsta or some sort of computer prodigy... all while I BUST MY BUTT for what little peanut pay I get at my crappy, thankless, soulless job so I can keep living at my mother's house. He's like an unholy alliance of Brad from "Malibu's Most Wanted", Jim Carrey's "Cable Guy", and Superbad's "Fogul". We literally have NOTHING in common and he still wants me to be there for him 24/7. He even talks about how he wants me and him to get an apartment together and I'd rather be stuck a broke virgin at my mom's house for the rest of my life than do that. I even told my mom I'd almost rather get a girl pregnant and take care of the kid than be his friend. I have more than enough problems in my own life and am a closet suicidal who can't even find his OWN happiness and piece of mind, and yet jerks like him (he could be a closet homosexual, who knows?) still expect ME to give them theirs through their guilt trips and pity parties. I wish I could just ignore him, but being that he's obsessive and nosy, it just doesn't work; he'll call or text me EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN DAY. Plus, some of his cousins (and their friends) are gangsters who wear colors, so if I break off the friendship, it could mean me or someone I love/care about could get hurt. Another thing making it hard is he's a manipulator who has a speech impediment and like I said is a pathological liar, so it'd be very easy for him to turn a lot of the same people we know against me. This has been going on for years, and he is manipulative enough to find ways to pry back into my life... I don't need anyone to tell me that it was stupid of me to do. I haven't been happy in a looooong time, and spending time with him literally is driving me insane. I'm at a loss, and am practically on edge... I don't know how much more of this crap I can take.
TaraMaiden Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 This is gonna hurt, but you began playing in to this - and have continued to do so - because of some deep need on your part, and an aspect of you that needs validation. Now, it's beginning to hurt. He's an emotional leech. Leeches are dangerous to remove with force, it risks inflammation and infection. you either need to prise them off gently, or let them eat their fill and drop off naturally. The latter seems to be an unhealthy option for you, because you actually find yourself depleted and lacking in energy through giving so much, so you need to prise this leech off slowly..... You can detach. You can become neutral, say 'no' more often, be unavailable, and make yourself inconvenient. Don't give him lifts, make alternative arrangements, and change your number or 'phone. His insidious influence has taken time to penetrate so deeply. it may well take half as long again to get rid of him completely. But little by little, all you need to do is to withdraw, withhold favours and be less and less responsive. In order to protect yourself, you need to build your armour up gradually. But the more it works, the more empowered you will feel.
Author Deivu1221 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 (edited) I know that... I know it's all my fault because I let my guard down after a lot of misery. I should have never even spoken to that looney toon in the first place! I continued to do so because of some subconscious need to be charitable or some subconscious loneliness that I suffer from. You don't need to blame me for this as I've already taken it. He sure is a leech... but a manipulative one that can turn others against others very easily because he LOOKS stupid. He LOOKS and SOUNDS like a charity case, but is a very cunning and consistent one who is able to make friends with a lot of people very easily. This is just a no-win situation where ignoring him doesn't work then again forcing him away from me doesn't work either. It does sound like logical advice to simply play the ignoring game, but not with a guy like him who is connected to gangsters. Now, I don't give two craps if they come to my house and kill me, but I don't want anyone to get caught in the crossfire. If I change my number as well, he'll simply find it out some other way because of how nosy he is, and at the same time, I'm afraid if I try to tell him that I don't want to be his friend anymore, he might go over the deep end and do something rash to himself or others and turn everyone against me. It's one of those catch 22 situations where I suffer either way... part of me thinks I just have to bite my lip and tell him the truth as calmly and maturely as possible... except if I do that, it may end badly for me. However, when I try and just be his friend as a charity, he won't goddamn leave me alone... NOT EVEN ON CHRISTMAS EVE OR DAY WHEN IM SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY! I feel like I may as well been born a mute because almost nobody ever even listens to me. They just want me to be seen but not heard, just existing for their own selfish purposes. I don't know; I just have no clue as to how this is gonna end, but it has to end sooner or later. I'm trying to find a way end this as calmly and maturely as possible, but knowing him, I dunno if that's a probable outcome. Edited November 11, 2010 by Deivu1221
TaraMaiden Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I'm not trying to be humorous, but why don't you go onto a spiritual retreat? I'm not kidding. Look for Buddhist monasteries in your area, and find out whether you can go on one. I kid you not, it will give you deeper clarity and peace of mind, and give you a sense of purpose. I'm really not trying to proselytise here - actually, for most Buddhists, that's a definite 'no-no' - but I'm trying to think of safe, logical, reasonable and constructive options for you to explore. You don't have to be Buddhist. You don't even have to want to be a Buddhist. you don't even have to have an interest in Buddhism. All you need is the desire to practice taming the Mind. I would send you a PM giving you more info, but you're too new a member, and PMs are off-limits both to and from you. Google it. If you think it might be an option, that is. Talk about going No Contact!
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