rainman1974 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 A brief history.. We broke up in February.. We continued seeing each other and sleeping with each other until September.. She met a new guy, didn't tell me this until October. Then completely dropped me from her life. In my mind she basically used me until someone BETTER came along. The main problem i have is that we work together. Not on different floors but on the same desk. She sits two seats down from me and i can hear and see her constantly. She is a very attractive girl and is now flirting with a colleague that sits next to her. I get to hear this!! I go through daily roller coaster rides. Sometimes we email each other, sometimes she reminds me that she has a boyfriend so can not be too inappropiate. I get very very upset and hurt and the emails turn nasty. It bloody hurts me that she chose someone else. I sit there every day and she chose someone else. I have to deal with her every day and she chose someone else. She is always happy and loud and i find myself in a dark place. I put headphones on to block out the sound of her stories but it makes me very antisocial. I am bloody miserable. I can't leave my job as i'm paid very well. I asked my boss if i can move and he has said 'NO' as he needs the team together. I'm on holiday now, in sunny spain but i have to go back to work tomorrow. i'm waking up early every day and my first thought is of her and her new guy. I'm jealous, upset and down right miserable. i am trying to continue with my life but am not so cool that picking up a new girl is easy. I seem to want her and only her. I have done 5 days NC, whilst on holiday.. But tomorrow i have to see her again. I have to begin this vicious cycle of knowing what she has been up to and what she is going to do at the weekend. It brings me down. It ruins my weekend. I arrive back home tonight and am supposed to go to a work function. I can't go because she is going. But when i get home i will be sitting there on my own thinking about what she is getting up to with the guys from work. I am dreading going in to work tomorrow. I am scared and am fed up being the sad git who can't get over his ex. Please help me.. It's really really doing my head in..
Oscar Wilde Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Hi Rainmain, I hope you've enjoyed your holidays in Spain, as you con see in my profile I'm from there. I'm sad to read your story, your ex used you for emotinal support while in search for someone else. Things like this are very common. First of all you need time to heal yourself and NC is the best way to follow, in your situation is going to be a difficult as you see her every day. I advise you to be polite with her, and at the same time try to not appear sad. Bests reagards, Oscar
TaraMaiden Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 A brief history.. We broke up in February.. We continued seeing each other and sleeping with each other until September.. Big mistake. Big. HUGE. This is the second biggest mistake, you ever made. Dating someone form work, was the first. She met a new guy, didn't tell me this until October. Then completely dropped me from her life. In my mind she basically used me until someone BETTER came along. So you broke up - carried on seeing each other - slept together - but you were broken up....You didn't get this at the time? if you're broken up, sex becomes a gap-filler..... not meaningful. if you break up - stay broken up! The main problem i have is that we work together. Not on different floors but on the same desk. She sits two seats down from me and i can hear and see her constantly. She is a very attractive girl and is now flirting with a colleague that sits next to her. I get to hear this!! So she's seeing another guy -didn't tell him you'd broken up in february, but that she carried on using you for sex until october, did she?... and now she's flirting with yet another guy next to her? Bit of a loose cannon, isn't she? She sounds as if she has commitment or fidelity issues.... I go through daily roller coaster rides. Sometimes we email each other, STOP THIS. Do not exchange e-mails, or reply to hers, you idiot!! The roller coaster ride is one you put yourself on, voluntarily!! sometimes she reminds me that she has a boyfriend so can not be too inappropiate. so miss flirty-pants chats and giggles with other guys but you're off her limits? Boy, she sure is a user! What an Ego she must have! I get very very upset and hurt and the emails turn nasty.So tell me.... why do you keep doing this to yourself? It's easy to prevent it. JUST STOP repeating dumb behaviour!! It bloody hurts me that she chose someone else. I sit there every day and she chose someone else. I have to deal with her every day and she chose someone else. Yup yup and yup. Do you think this 'someone else' has a good deal? You think her flirting with other guys is healthy for her, and this 'someone else'? You think this 'someone else' is going to last for any time? Hell, she doesn't care! And she sure doesn't care about you, so why give her your head space? She is always happy and loud and i find myself in a dark place. I put headphones on to block out the sound of her stories but it makes me very antisocial. I am bloody miserable. You have to cultivate indifference. She has every right to act the way she wants to. You have every right to refuse to let it get to you. Ultimately, it's your choice. I can't leave my job as i'm paid very well. I asked my boss if i can move and he has said 'NO' as he needs the team together. Don't confuse or mix the emotional with the professional. At work, keep it professional. Discuss NOTHING with her, but work-related situations. Do not ever hint, mention, discuss or venture into the personal. I'm on holiday now, in sunny spain but i have to go back to work tomorrow. i'm waking up early every day and my first thought is of her and her new guy. I'm jealous, upset and down right miserable. You're choosing this. you should look in the mirror, tell yourself to Man up and start moving on. It's the only way. The pain you feel now, is self-inflicted. i am trying to continue with my life but am not so cool that picking up a new girl is easy. I seem to want her and only her. This is just limiting thinking. You're looking for an emotional replacement, but in your current state and frame of mind, all you'd be doing is using a girl to get over her, and that would be completely wrong and unfair. You need to get this: Your emotional security and happiness is not - and never should be - dependent on the presence of another person. if you're unhappy, it's you that is making you unhappy, and she's the catalyst. but the cause is you, refusing to take responsibility for your own thoughts, and taking control of them. I have done 5 days NC, whilst on holiday.. But tomorrow i have to see her again. I have to begin this vicious cycle of knowing what she has been up to and what she is going to do at the weekend. It brings me down. It ruins my weekend. You bring you down. You ruin your weekend. Who's actually MAKING you think this way? You!! I arrive back home tonight and am supposed to go to a work function. I can't go because she is going. But when i get home i will be sitting there on my own thinking about what she is getting up to with the guys from work. You can go, you just don't think you can. But you're wrong. you need to look the part and act the cool, calm, confident, self-assured guy. Even if you ARE smashing up inside. She sees the outer shell, and she will begin wondering what's making you this way, instead of the what she remembers of you last time she saw you. I am dreading going in to work tomorrow. I am scared and am fed up being the sad git who can't get over his ex. well then stop it. It's all up to you. Seize back your control, and be master of your own mind. Please help me.. It's really really doing my head in.. YOU'RE doing your head in. A thought is only a passing thought. Don't let it snowball. Change it! Read caliguy's no contact guide in my signature. He worked with his ex- too... had her running around in circles like a demented chicken in no time. He just refused to let her get to him. At first it was play-acting. But the more successful it was, the less acting it became. In the end, he was driving her nuts, because frankly, he didn't care, and meant it.
havehope Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 hey im sorry you have to work with her daily - I cant imagine how hard that is. Weekends are hard for me too. I know its hard but try not to focus on her being. Try to act happy at work, even if you aren't - eventually over time acting will stop and you'll be happy. Forget her and what she's doing; focus on you and your happiness and turn all the love and attention you gave her towards the person that matters most - yourself! You deserve way better. Its gunna suck at first, but in the long run you'll feel better. Its going to be baby steps but LS is here for you.
Author rainman1974 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Thanks for the response guys. I am going to be honest and say that i am dreading going to work today.. I didn't go last night either which is a shame but i think it was for the best. I'm sure today we will just ignore each other but there is nothing i can do about that. Fake happiness here i come.. Wish me luck ..
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